Do we tend ot be loners?

[Anonymous]

I wonder…….maybe we (like other folks) tend to fall across all lines of social interaction??? From isolation to social butterflys??? Myself I like interaction. I enjoy talking with people (controlled chatterbox) I find folks endlessly interesting and entertaining. I like to laugh and kibitz with people, stranger too, maybe too much. I tend to chat waitress(s) in the restaurant, tellers at the store, anybody I have to interact with, and generally I am very outgoing. My kids are ADDers too and are very similar in nature. You see, that is what they grew up seeing and experiencing, it is what they were accustom to, it is natural for them. Nurture???? Nature???

On the other hand….I am also very comfortable with being on my own, and do not get lonely easily. I so many interests that I can spend long periods of time on my own with my creative outlets, days as a matter of fact. I am one of those focused people, if interested I can stay on task for months!!!! Go figure!!!

Also….I am just fine in crowds depending on what the crowd is gathered for!!! If the crowd is assembled say hmmmm…around one of my interests like hot-rodding, I’m fine with it. If it was just a crowd for no purpose….who cares?? It has no bearing on me,unless i end up in a long line for the bathroom….hahahahaha.

I could go on and on I guess, but the point is made I think?? So like I said, I wonder if there are not elements of both nature and nurture at work. I don’t know, I just wonder. As I read other posts…away from this one, I find outgoing clowns, humorous people, who look for that social kick. They appear to like nothing more than to be yaking it up and joking around socially. This certainly is no judgment on either perspective I just find it interesting. Look at Robin Williams…that is ADHD in action!!!!

Anyway, I thought it was important to post an alternative view or alternative characteristics….so maybe…. folks can understand that there are other characteristics out there. I don’t know…..maybe when we poll a group with a post or question we end up with like minded people responding and it tends to weight the thinking. That is why I posted a view from another position.

Anyway please don’t take this as judging one way or the other, it is just a response and….it appears to be an alternative one.

So…..”to do we tend to be loners”…….some maybe others….maybe not.

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[walkwithfarmgirl]

Ed2020 I like your idea of a convention–or maybe just a gathering of sorts–it would be interesting to say the least!!

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[vikki9]

Yes – absolutely a loner… all my life. I have a few close friends that I’ve known for years which is wonderful. I can make new friends if those folks make the effort – I usually don’t have the confidence.

Coupled with my recent ADD diagnosis is narcolepsy. This is a combination to keep one to oneSelf! I’ve found mySelf in social situations (that I was not successful in talking mySelf out of, or did not have a choice to attend) barely able to chit-chat and keeping a distance from the activities… if I sit down… and I’m by mySelf… I’m asleep. A nightmare if ever there was one. Being a loner is much, much preferred over falling asleep in public all the time… ALL the time.

Another result of this odd behavior is the lack of invitations I receive. Odd indeed. Because of the ADD and narcolepsy, historically I accept very few invitations out of fear that chit-chat will not flow and I may/will fall asleep. Then, as I sit home, my sad little Self wonders why I never get invited anywhere. I must then remind mySelf that when I do receive an invitation, I don’t accept it – Duh. It doesn’t take too many ‘No thank yous’ to stop the invitations.

Now I am on medication and the ADD is managed as well as the narcolepsy. I still do not have a great deal of confidence when it comes to social situations. Maybe that will change over time. If not, there are worse fates than being a loner. Loner should not be confused with lonely – I’m rarely lonely.

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[Anonymous]

Dear God, I’m not alone!

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[Anonymous]

Good point vikki9 there is a difference between beeing lonely and a loner it will be a great day when you feel free enough to socially interact again; I can not imagine what narcolepsy is like.

I wonder what an ADD/ADHD convention would be like I’m sure it would be fun!

Kazuo

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[Anonymous]

Hey all, one more thought. For me the issue is more the feeling of social pressure to fit myself into a box that didn’t fit. Most of the lessons I learned about my actions was that I was doing things wrong, too slow, not paying attention, leaving things unfinished were all my fault and I was wrong for doing these things. I wasn’t doing these things intentionally, with ill intent, but impulse control, being over the top in social situations, behaving, staying focused were constraints I had to focus on to be normal in those situations. This caused me to be nervous and frustrated. Not very a very “balanced” way to be. But knowing you have a problem is only half the battle, understanding it and dealing with it is the other 50% and I feel like I have that now.

Cheers and Merry Christmas.

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

Is it also that we need time to recharge? That when we’re out of juice the prospect of a simple conversation seems daunting.

I can go like a rocket but when I run out of ‘fuel’ I burn out like a rocket.

Total fatigue.

For a long time I considered myself a ‘loner’ but part of it was, as people are suggesting, being weird, different and not fitting in to the mold and therefore struggling a bit in social situations. (Dr. J talks about how ADDers find small talk boring.) And yet, I loved being in social situations and onstage in front of large groups, which of course is very structured and I’m in charge.

And there’s a difference between cherishing some quiet time and being a loner.

The fact that we’re all reaching out to each other here suggests we don’t want to be alone, doesn’t it?

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[vikki9]

I think that we don’t want to be alone, but connecting in cyberspace or connecting at a social event are two different things to me. You, Rick, have given us w/ ADD/ADHD this site, a very safe place to interact. Thank you!

On TotallyADD.com I can take my time and write what I’m thinking as close as I have words to describe it. If I fell asleep (pre-medication narcolepsy) during the process who would know? At a social event the atmosphere, for me, is not the level of relaxation I have here in my office.

Cherished quiet time is wonderful. In my case, it is not a bit of quiet time I’m looking for but rather a way to get as far away from the pressure of social situations as possible. While I tell people that I ‘just love spending time alone’ it is rather a case of requiring it. (Also, telling people that the thought of attending their event makes my stomach turn is more difficult to say. Ha!)

What great good fortune to have found this site! Happy New Year everyOne!

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[Anonymous]

Interesting….My friend called me to tell me that he will not be able to hange out with me on New Years Eve. He told me that he is spending the night with a potential girlfriend. He said, “I don’t want you spending the night alone , so I will set you up with some of my friends”!

I can’t stand that my friend is trying to get me to hang out with his friends. I’ts pathetic! The life of a typical loner.

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[laddybug3]

I have been tired of calling friends, because if I don’t call them no one talks to me. Seeing my brothers have fun with their friends almost every weekend made me feel alone. Until I call someone.

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[Anonymous]

know exactly what you mean

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[Anonymous]

I went out of my way to be alone even when I was in radio. Being behind a microphone gives you some control and people can’t see you. Even when guests were in the studio, I did my best to be in control because I believed this was my domain. Not bad when I wanted to produce commercials as well because for the most part it was a solo endeavor.

In my belief at the time, I liked my alone time away from radio. This would have been a better opportunity to further advance my career in this profession. I am no longer in radio. Do occasionally miss it.

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[Anonymous]

I was just thinking the same sort of things that started and have been carrying on this thread.. what I find hard is keeping up with Family. It’s like I’m zoned out of those not in sight so to speak. Then when i do think of them or get called on not keeping in touch I feel like a complete heel. Then it gets harder to call and so on. My poor Grandmother got a message to me last month to call her. That it’s been to long and she was disappointed we haven’t kept in touch… I have forgotten to call. I get home to late and don’t want to call in case she’s in bed. Or I remember when I can’t call. This sorta thing gives me great anxiety. I love my Family. How can my ADD totally zone me out to some of the most important things in my life? Family and Friends… and I have a feeling I’m not alone from what I’ve read

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[Anonymous]

toofat has a great point. While undiagnosed until recently, both of my parents are ADD. My Mom hates general socializing, my Dad can’t seem to get enough of it. My younger brother was ADHD to the point that we would joke about hooking the house up to him to save on electricity (he now has his impulses under fairly good control), but he has more friends than I think anyone could keep-up with, a wife & two adorable kids. I am also ADHD, have two very close friends & a handful of casual friends, but finding the space in my brain for much more is hard. I’ve found most of my social interaction needs to be 1-on-1 or via taking a class at the community college (class may not be very social, but it mostly fills my need for the vibes of human interaction).

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[billd]

I can relate to laddybug3……….. oh to well……….

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[Author]

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