High five corner 2.0

[Patte Rosebank]

I finally got round to doing a new read of the full monologue I mentioned earlier in this thread.   (http://totallyaddconnect.com/forums/topic/high-five-corner-2-0/#post-118380)

Here it is:  http://db.tt/q4UR9LTs

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[Robbo]

Great! I like it

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[phoenixmagicgirl]

I don’t know if this counts as a high five but I’m getting better at opening up to my boss, emotionally. It’s hard for me to trust men but I’m getting better at it. He too has opened up to me, which has helped us both. He told me last night that I’m one of the few people he can trust,this made me feel happy.

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[Patte Rosebank]

@phoenixmagic, darn right it counts as a high five!

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[phoenixmagicgirl]

@Larynxa Sweet!!! you’ve made my day!

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[Patte Rosebank]

And you’ve just made mine, @Phoenixmagicgirl!

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[Patte Rosebank]

I just have time for one quick post, before I head out to the parental homestead, to file my taxes for the first time (under Dad’s supervision).

This morning, I stepped on the scale for my monthly weigh-in, and I’m still on track.

Actually, BETTER than on track, because instead of just losing 5 lbs. this month, I’ve lost 5.3!

And that’s in spite of a week of higher than usual (though still controlled) chocolate indulgence, along the way!

That’s a total of 20 lbs. (and 2 dress sizes), since Hallowe’en!

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[phoenixmagicgirl]

@Larynxa That’s fantastic!! I’m proud of you!!

 

 

 

 

 

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[phoenixmagicgirl]

After getting my medication filled today and paying $300.00 or so for it and finding out that the price would be increasing to over $500.00 I wasn’t happy. I was frustrated and kinda freaking out mentally  about how I was going to pay for it. I called my dad and he suggested I call CVS, I went in and they told me the price I’d pay. I was very happy to hear this news! I had to tell someone! LOL

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Phoenixmagicgirl, isn’t it amazing how smart parents can be sometimes?  And you did just the right thing by taking charge and taking action, instead of just freaking out!

 

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[Patte Rosebank]

I did my taxes!   And I’m getting a refund!

My dad has always done my taxes for me.  But the other day, I did them myself for the first time (under his supervision micro-management).  And we didn’t kill each other in the process!  (Having lunch first, helped.)

And I learned something besides how to do my taxes.  I learned how I learn.  And how to “use my words”.

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As soon as we started, we clashed, and I could feel the stress quickly rising.  But my mindfulness inner psychologist kicked in, and asked me, “WHY are you two clashing?”

I realized that we were clashing, because we have different ways of learning, and “never the twain shall meet”.

Dad kept telling me to just fill in each *necessary* line and ignore the rest.  But when I learn something, I need to *understand the process*, and what each part actually means in relation to the whole thing.  This is especially important with taxes, since, if I screw up, I’m the one who’ll be audited…or lose a potential refund.

Evidently, Dad didn’t know why I was doing what I was doing.  He thought I was just being difficult.  So, I calmly (and repeatedly) explained what I was doing and why, until he got it.

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Also, I say things out loud as I’m typing them in.  This annoyed him, and at one point, he snapped at me to stop it.

Once again, I realized that he thought I was just being difficult.  So, once again, I had to explain why I was doing what I was doing.

“I have to read out loud and talk my way through the process, because I have trouble learning by just reading with my eyes;  I need to see, speak, and hear, in order to really process the information.”

He said, “You got that from your mother.”

I said, “That’s right.  I got my ADHD from her, so our brains work the same way.”

That must have made him think, because he didn’t answer back.  And he stopped telling me to stop it.

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Finally, I’d reached the point in the form where I had to enter all of my individual receipts for medical deductions.  Again, Dad tried to force his working methods onto me.

I wanted to scream at him (Boy, did I want to scream at him!), but I just said, matter-of-factly, “I have a lot of data to put in here, and I can’t get it right if I’m distracted.  So why don’t you just go to the kitchen and make yourself a cup of coffee and read the paper, and I’ll call you when I’m done, because this is going to take a while?”

Evidently, he realized I was right, because he just said, “Okay,” and did what I suggested.

Left alone, I entered and double-checked the data, then went on to the next few pages of the form, recognized a couple of tax credits I’m eligible for, and entered the necessary information to claim them.

Only then, did I tell Dad I was done.  We went through the whole form together, and I explained my work.  I even discovered some deductions I hadn’t claimed last year, so I claimed them this year.  He approved of everything I’d done, and saw that I actually knew what I was doing.

Dad’s rule is, before you submit anything important, wait 24 hours, and go through it again.  Repeat this at least twice.  So, I’ve prepared my taxes, but I won’t actually submit them for a few more days, after I’ve checked them a couple more times.

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Looking back at the experience, I am amazed at how far I’ve come.

I know that working with Dad will always be a very high-stress situation.  I know that I can’t control him, but I *can* control how I react.

In the past, I’d have blown a gasket about 5 minutes in, told him where he could stick it, and stormed out.  Result:  Anger, swearing (in several languages), failure, guilt, unfinished project, worrying over how project will get finished without paternal help, etc., etc. 

This time, I just kept calmly explaining everything out loud:  what I had to figure out (and why), how I had to work (and why), what accommodations I needed (and why)…and I stayed focussed on the task.  Result:  Task accomplished (despite some grumbling), satisfaction & pride for a job well-done—and for using mindfulness techniques to control the situation by controlling my response to it.

 

This is like the difference between a toddler and an older child.

A toddler lacks the words to explain what’s bothering her and what she needs to feel better, so all she can do is throw a tantrum to let out the rage, and hope that someone will figure out what she wants and give it to her.

An older child can express her feelings and needs and wants in words, so she doesn’t need to throw a tantrum.  She can use her words.

And I did.  (About bloody time, too!)

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[Robbo]

Good post @Larynxa, I can’t always relate to everything you say, but I’m definitely glad you’re here so very much. Thanks.

I’ve been away from here for quite some time now. It’s because I went on vacation a while back mostly. And it’s just hard to get myself back into the groove of participating in this community. This community has helped me to find the strength to meet many of my goals.

I’m gonna try to come back more often and share much more of what I’ve been finding on my lil trudge on the road of happy destiny.

If you’re struggling with ADHD, let me tell you that for sure, you definitely will see better days.

Just stick with us. You will indeed go far.

I just posted the next part of this post on facebook. But I like this web site much better than facebook. This is because this is a community, people real people indeed.

Good people.

Thanks very much Rick.

Robbo

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I was gonna put this at the top as a new post, but it got a lil bit long winded so I’ve decide to just stick it down here. Enjoy you guys.

What’s on my mind?
More than just a couple of the good men in my life have been riding a lot, or thinking about buying a motorcycle. People often ask me questions like “if you could be riding again, would you?” and “Do you ever regret riding as much as you did?”

Yep. The answer inside my head before I speak is sometimes yes, and sometimes no. But what I actually say is much more complicated.

The reason we ride is what’s complicated. And the list of reasons could take a long while to talk about indeed.

It’s about freedom of the spirit. Freedom to travel great distances, and to meet interesting people from all around the world. To see exceedingly beautiful country, and most of all to experience the adrenaline rush that we feel during extreme acceleration. It’s also really fun to escape impending doom, and dodge the careless drivers all over the road that fail to see us on a regular basis. Folks simply do not, and will not share the road with us.

Accept this fact.

All the very creatice and interesting posts across facebook, the cool pictures that say things like “share the road with bikers” “I’d rather be riding” yadda yadda blah blah blah… It ain’t gonna happe my friends. You do not have a right to “own the pavement” or do what any other catchy prase you want to post says about your so called right to seek adrenaline at the expense of all the people in your life, that care very much for you. Are they sitting home growing an ulcer while you are out there catching bugs between your teeth?. How do you know if this hobby of yours is causing them to feel fear in a way that ain’t nearly as fun as the fear you love so very much.

Feel guilty?. Well guess what my friend. If you feel guilty then there’s a good chance you are. Ask yourself one simple question.

Do I feel lucky?. Well do ya punk? ***imagine my voice sounding like Clint Eastwood*** Then try to lighten up a lil. Because I’m not here to moralize about you riding a bike. I’m just gonna share a little bit of what’s going on inside me.

I gotta tell ya, there’s not substitute for the joy I feel in my heart when my relationship with Jesus Christ is healthy and strong. But when it’s not. My relationship with other human beings suffers just as much. Probably even more. When I’m not walking with God, I’m not happy. Period.

That’s when I tend to gravitate toward adrenaline seeking behaviors. It’s no secret to the few friends I’ve got that I’m been itching to get my butt back into the sea a lot lately. The truth is that the Pastor in my church has been talking a lot about pride, and humility, and about how the grace of Jesus Chist is sufficient unto all of my needs. A lot the last few weeks. It’ really hitting home too. And not because I’m humble. It’s my pride problem. We all got this.. being prideful as a human condition we all struggle with, and it always has been.

So go ahead and get that bike if you don’t have one. If you’ve got one, go ahead and ride it until your heart is content. Just know this. And know it well.

There is always risk in this life. You don’t get to decide when and where the loving God that made us will take you home. But you can increase the chances of meeting Him. You can and will indeed meet your maker very soon if you decide that riding a motorcycle is the only way for you to feel like you’ve got freedom, to get out and see the country, meet interesting people, and go to interesting places. Do it man!. But don’t be surprised if you end up painting the road with your skin very soon.

Folks just don’t see you on that bike.

It’s much easier to just increase your concious contact with God. Spend a lot more of your time with the members of the body of Christ. They are all at your church. Go spend some time with them, okay?.

And slow yourself down, listen to the Holy Spirit. This is the gut instinct deep down in your gullet. I think we all hear the voice of God in different ways. For most of us in comes in the voice of the church people we’ve got in our lives. There are just a few people in my life you say they actually hear the audible voice of God. I think this can be very risky in and of itself. I know that my imagination can take a simple gut instinct, about what’s right and wrong, and magnify it into the actual voice of the Holy Spirit. Now this is truly flirting with disaster my friend. It’s real danger too.

It’s a mistake to think that I’m so special that The Holy Spirit will guide and direct me in my life. I do know that when I keep my relationship with Jesus Christ as healty as I possibly can. That this is when Gods Holy Spirit will give me some guidence. But it’s also true that I’m a very selfish and self centered individual. I’ve had many years of practice at all my many selfish and self centered habits. Like riding waves.

I feel extremely close to God when I ride waves. Or if I’m just on my belly on the surfboard. Paddling along. All the way across Montery Bay… This has been a goal of mine for a couple years now.

Sometimes when I expecially hard on myself. And trying to convince people just how humble I can be. I call myself a professional narcisist, it can even seem true some days. But if you talk with me, on the very same day, I can do a pretty good job of convincing you that I’m much less self centered than I actually am. I can really do a lot to make myself think that I’m indeed “walking with God” the same way many of the heroes in the Old Testement did. But it’s a long a slow process learning to really hear the voice of God guiding me in my every day life. I don’t expect to get the hang of this any time soon. Nope.

It’s not likely that God wants me to risk my life chasing adrenaline. But it’s also true that He indeed gave me total freedom to do as I please for my entire life. I have spent a large number of my years really thinking that I knew how to enjoy this freedom. I’ve been wrong about this too. A lot. But how many of us really know how to handle the freedom our God has given us?. Not many if you ask me.

There’s some kind of balance that I need to find. One part of me wants to keep on being wreckless with my freedom. The other wants to walk with God. Both are good and strong.

There’s a choice here for me to make. Between Jesus Christ the Son of our loving God. Or the devil. Cuz the devil does indeed exist my friends.

Satan is a very real and dangerous force on this earth. He is in charge of many of the people I have to deal with. The devil tells lies. Lies like “it’s okay to go ahead and live a lil” “you’ve earned this man!, go ahead and partake”. On and on, the lies come. And they will not stop. Not ever.

I’m free to do as I please. But just who do want to please in this world? I know that I’m better off spending my energy pleasing God. But then my flesh and bones comes calling again and I smell that salt air. In my mind I can see the nose of my long board halfway up the blue green face of a wave that traveled seven hundred miles across the pacific ocean. made just for me personally (at least this is what my imagination things…) A beautiful and perfect give from the loving God that made me. Building, rolling, and heaving as it pushes in across the reef.
Here’s a sample of what it’s like to catch a wave. Hopefully you will understand why I crave this all encompassing thrill.
I paddle hard as it comes up behind me, the third wave in a set of half a dozen jems. The horizin slowling sinks down in front of me as I match the momentum of this energy created days ago, half way across the sea. Just for little ol me.

The sound of water rushing under my board is enticing, ripples splash over the nose of the board and I think back to when I was a little boy. Running through the sprinkler. It’s the ocean this time and my eyes are wide open as the drops hit my face.

I just grin because I’m gaining speed… The waves pushes me up dramatically and suddenly the cliffs of Santa Cruz and the entire coastline sinks down before me. I push off and spring to my feet. It’s pure bliss as the wave crests and I’m dropping straight down into the pit.

This is real and pure fun now. In a matter of seconds I’m falling. Tons of water and energy is stacking up, building andchasing me, and all I’ve got to escape is my balance. My momentum. And gravity sweet gravity has pushed me deep into that dark green pit.

I lean back and in towards the wave. I’m a goofie foot wave rider so on a right break my back is to the wave and I can’t see the boiling foam, and the violent danger only a couple feet to my left. But a lean back and carve. I carve deep into the bottom of that monstor, deep into the pit. And point the nose back toward that smooth wall of glass made out of sea. It’s my wave.

I own it. It’s a gift from the loving God that made me and it’s mine all mine now. This is when I get “the stoke”. I’m absolutely stoke man!.

My right hand caresses the face as I squat down and accept the energy I just picked up in the pit. I really traveling now and the wind begins to whistle across my ears. I slap the lip a the top of the wave and grind my left rail deep into the face of my giant. Spring foreward as the board slides effortless under me out onto the face of my precious temporay paradice.

Then as I glide back down my wave I walk out onto the nose of my nine foot three chunk of fiberglass. One foot out over the nose and back into my imagination, I’m back to the front lawn when I was five years old. Running through the sprinklers, and the gentle spray reminds me that God does indeed love me.

He made this, God made this wave for Robert!. And let me tell ya, he did indeed own it.

Agape love. This is the unconditional love of our God. And it’s in the sea that I have felt His love so very many times. This is what it is that I crave so very much.

It’s the sea that allowed me to survive living on this planet long enough to find my way back to His grace and perfect mercy. I found it necessary to depart from my relationship with God many years ago. This got me into a world of pain and misery that I don’t every want to have to tell people about. I’m just grateful the He made the world so very beautiful. Because I could never have survived this planet without all the rich and wonderful creations our God has given us.

To be continued.

R-

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[allan wallace]

Wowee, you guys are high achievers! Gee, I don’t have anything to boast about! 🙁

All that I’ve being doing lately is the same that I’ve always done :screwing things up! Anyway, well done all of you! One day soon I’ll have a triumph to share! 🙂

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[allan wallace]

Oops, I missed a page! Hey Robbo, good to see you! I’ll settle in and read that novel of yours! 🙂

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[Robbo]

Hey, it’s great to see you in and around our forums old friend. Friend of old… And by my estimation it’s about time for you to send me an email too man. It will be good to catch up with ya. Heck I might even send you an enthusiastic high five if I hear from you.

I’m easy to please dude.

R-

 

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