I'm only usually late by 5 minutes…what's the big deal?

[Anonymous]

OK, first off…. my ADHD brain doesn’t seem to want to read every single post in this thread… something about taking too much time to read it all and then of course the issue of keeping it straight in my head… Maa!

Being late five minutes… well, its the title of the thread… right?

Seems to me that running five minutes here and there isn’t a big issue… its when you are like me, when you tell your wife that you are going to talk to a friend who you haven’t seen in about four months at his place of business which is like 30 minutes away and you talk to him for three hours… but before you leave the house, you say, “Ok babe, I am going to see Rob, I’ll be back in about a hour or a little more.”…. then returning home five hours later and not even realizing that five hours has elapsed.

That is what I call ADHD issue of zero concept of time.. time to learn how to judge time… and time to get it right!

Distracted66

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[Anonymous]

Yessss…..good for you D66.. I get that! Just because a task challenges me doesn’t mean I should succumb to it in fact the opposite is true. Go hard…stay with it D66!!! I appreciate the struggle but, we have the hyper focus tool on our side……we capable of great things when we put the power to it!!

toofat

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[Anonymous]

It is so cool to know that there is a place where my “defects of character” are actually the norm!!!!!!

My relationship with time is very strange indeed. Although it escapes me it is not because I am unaware of it. Quite the opposite. I seem to always be acutely aware of time. The clock thing is goofy but I do it anyway even though I know the time.

I know every landmark on the way to everywhere I go. If I am at exit 254 by 9:15 I will be on time for work and I have to punch in at 9:30 am. It takes 7 minutes to get from the exit to the parking lot then 3 minutes to get from the car to the time clock…unless I am behind someone who is driving 10 mph in the parking lot…then I’m screwed!!!

If I must be somewhere at the ungodly hour of 6:00 am, I can not sleep the night before for fear of not waking up. I wake up every hour to make sure I haven’t overslept. Then of course, REM sleep takes over about an hour before I am supposed to awaken and then I am unable to open my eyes. WTF!!! If someone makes a point of telling me that I must be on time, you can bet I will be late.

The problem is that there isn’t enough time. And although I despise being late, I have NO desire to arrive early FOR WORK. NONE!!!

I once read something that must have sunk deeply into my brain…no one on their death bed has ever said “I wish I would have worked more”. Yes, work is important…it’s our livelihoods…but it isn’t our lives. I love my job. I really do. But it’s not my life, not the policies or weekly reports, the staff meetings or the team building exercise.

Our lives are our relationships and our children. Our passions and our desires.

It bothers me that we have to give so much of our PRECIOUS time to others that aren’t our loved ones.

Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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[Anonymous]

I always make the mistake of thinking that it will only take x minutes to get to my destination–usually based on distance and speed. So, for instance, if I’m driving somewhere that’s 20 miles away, I think I should be able to get there in 20 minutes. Of course, that’s totally disregarding the fact that not all of those miles will be on roads where the speed limit is 60mph, and I will inevitably get stuck behind the big truck with the crap hanging out of it that probably shouldn’t even be on the road, but they are and they’re traveling the same damn route that I am (with white smoke billowing out of their tailpipe and like four grown men crammed into the cab, and they’re laughing and the driver is talking on his phone and one of them throws a cigarette out the window and they’re probably getting paid by the hour and they don’t really care if it takes them all day to get where they’re going).

You get the idea. When will I ever learn?

Would you look at the time? I meant to go to bed early tonight. Oops.

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[Anonymous]

It bothers me that we have to give so much of our PRECIOUS time to others that aren’t our loved ones.

Truer words have never been spoken.

Good night.

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[Hans]

Just one bad employer story

My wife worked for the telephone company as a service rep. The working conditions were so stressfull and bad that employees would get to the office at 4:00 am to sign up and be first to get the day off. They were let off depending on the day’s work load/calls.

You might get to go home at 11 AM. or 2:00 pm instead of 5:00 pm

Every service rep had to handle so many calls per shift/ generate so much income for added features-call waiting-3 way calling etc.

The shift did not start till 8:00 am.

At the first opportunity I had my wife quit- Never looked back

Life is a journey I try to walk not run. While walking. I stop if I can and smell the roses..

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[Anonymous]

Some things I noticed since I started Adderall in November (after 3 years Wellbutrin and 4 years Effexor):

* It’s easier to get up 45-60 minutes before having to leave for work

* It actually takes me about 35 minutes to get to work in the morning (not 25, like I used to believe)

* It’s now pretty easy to be on the road 40 minutes before punching in

* My tardiness has dropped dramatically!

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[Anonymous]

That’s excellent, plantdoc.

I think I could do the morning part with enough sleep–the trick is making myself get to bed at a decent time. That’s the worst time of day because my meds are have taken the night off and I revert to my chaotic distracted self, finding this or that to do before bed. I hate it, and every night I say I’m going to do things differently, but something always comes up. I wish it were as simple as willing it to be so.

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[Anonymous]

Being late is the highest form of disrespect. Your boss has it right. Skip the shower or your makeup even skip your breakfast. Strive to be 5 mins early.

I have ADD and for the longest time was unable to get it right with time, like many of you I was always late. In the corporate world tartiness doesn’t fly. When I realized my lateness has a domino effect on other people’s time I saw my arrogence and how wrong it was. It is rare that I am late any more and it burns me up when people disrespect me by being late.

My sister is ADD and she is always late, usually more than 30 mins. She says well somebody has to be the last to arrive! It shows bad-manners, and rude character. She just doesn’t get it and is not upset or apologetic.

When estimating time add 20 mins. I say to all who think it’s no big deal to be a few mins late — GROW up and be on time anything else is a bad reflection on you. NO more excuses for chronic tardiness. Respect yourself and those around you.

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[Anonymous]

Well Felicia…… I agree. It is easy to give in to the short comings of ADD maybe……I don’t know. I don’t understand that, but that is me and my life and not for everybody. Myself…… I strive in all endeavors in my life (OCD maybe hahahaha), anyway it’s just who I am. There are some wonderful attributes that an ADD processing brain provides, amazing things actually. Conversely there are somethings that are challenging and fall short…time, time management and making deadlines seems to be one that falls short. I (for me) feel it is those challenging things that require additional focus and attention (from me)… the gifts seem to fly on their own.

So…. yes we agree, and yes, I do feel it is a sign of disrespect and other things as you said……others do not. I guess maybe we all rationalized our behavior to some degree…me too??? I don’t think my job in life is to convince or judge but to simply share my thoughts and opinions. Funny…. at times I do state my thoughts rather strenuously. Maybe it’s because of the struggle to overcome and conquer….and win, that I feel so strongly at times, anyway I’m fine with that. But….. I do agree.

Nuff about that…… gotta go….I’m almost procrastinating on my evening work-out. I must be diligent!!!

toofat

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[Anonymous]

Thank toofat. Just went back and read all these posts, I relate to most of them except the OCD stuff. Time escapes me and I stuggle with it for the same reasons others mentioned. It’s all about personal priorities. I always striving to overcome some of my ADD pitfalls, some are easier for me than others. There are lots of good things accompanying ADD and I dont want to take aways from those.

It’s helpful to read other thought processes.

Felicia

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[Anonymous]

For me, the key has been striving to be 10 to 15 minutes EARLY, then the “little distractions” while getting ready in the morning aren’t so

dooming. I am definitely a MORNING person. I don’t get much productive stuff done after 4 or 5pm. I worked the 4am-noon shift at my current employer for 2 years, before moving to my current job. It was easier to be at work at 4am than it is at 7am. Traffic becomes more of a factor at the later hour, and I’ve got a 35 mile commute. Lots can of stuff can affect speed of travel.

“If being on time was worth $1,000,000 – you’d make it happen. Somehow.” That is what I’d say to the keyholder when I’d arrived on time (at 4:30 am) and they were 15 minutes late… another previous job.

P

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[JOATMON]

I too am chronically late… and no matter how I try (alarms, phone, cats, husband) I just do not get out of bed in the morning. I always find something “that will only take a minute” to do before leaving for anywhere, and, I too check the stove and lights and anything that could be plugged in or chewed on or eaten by little furry guys that have no common sense. 🙄

In the work world I too would stay late to make up for being late, sometimes for several hours. I suspect my hyperfocus works best when there are fewer distractions (people) around. Great work performance reviews, but always tardy.

Procrasination is my worst enemy, and even now, I am writing instead of sewing and I have six ties and a dress and bloomers that need to be made before next weekend, which means I will probably be up all night on Thursday and totally collapse on Friday. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

All I can do is to keep trying to be mindful of the “benefit” or “cost” of these behaviors. Thanks for posting everyone, it really helps.

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[Anonymous]

“Being late is the highest form of disrespect.

Is it? Where I work, billing clients for work I didn’t do, or stealing from the company or telling my boss to f-off, just to name a few, are all ‘higher forms of disrespect’ than being late.

With all due respect.

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[Anonymous]

OMG: It is ALL so much like my story of TIME, each and every day, hour, minute and second.

I am out of breath, exhausted, stressed-out and humored (by the uncanny familiarity to my own life experience with this thing we call, TIME).

HOW do we ADHDers do it? I see, hear and feel myself, through your stories. I posted ideas to support timeliness/reduce lateness a few days, weeks or hours ago, don’t know exactly as I LOST TRACK OF THE TIME SINCE MY LAST POST:) because I am a behavior analyst and am very talented at helping others change behavior. But, when it comes to time management I SUCK! And, to any ADHDer here that actually READ my post, please know, I am full of —- when it comes to my OWN behavior change specifically related to that fabulous ADHD characteristic called, POOR TIME MANAGEMENT!

Time management and procrastination are:

Torturous for me!

1) I hate to wait for events to start, people to arrive, meetings to begin SO I am late, even if not consciously, to avoid the waiting.

2) No matter how many times I have experienced the reality of how long things take I LIVE in the delusion that each event takes less time, each and every day, than I know in reality it actually does. Although, each and every day I DO believe it is going to take less time then what I know it will. Try THAT reality about time on for size!

3) It is actually strange, sometimes wonderfully so and at other times painfully so, to live in the time warp of ADHD.

4) So, not only do I hate to wait, I also cannot get a handle on time reality, even though I actually know it, on some level, in the ACTUAL moment of time. I know that every time I have stopped to act on some idea during a time crunch just before needing to leave the house NEVER works out in my TIME favor, but yet I CONTINUE to repeat this behavior continuously. It is just strange.

5) I am usually late for meeting a friend, getting to a party, a plane, work, Doctor appointments, and more. If I am NOT late then I arrive on time in the following manner: in a totally disorganized mad rush, usually coming out of a million and one agitations and frustrations, while emitting more than one “potty mouthed” slip, having brushed my teeth and applied my make while driving. YIKES!

Deadlines for work HAVE TO BE DONE so I usually miss sleep ALL NIGHT at least once in a month and sometimes more, so as to complete my work, by deadline, in a pinch to meet it, at the VERY LAST POSSIBLE minute.

It defies logic and yet…………my ADHD time line has a force behind it that is SO strong and SO clear, that logic plays no part in this force.

So, what to do?

Well, I admit TOTALLY that sometimes I just desire doin’ my ADD “Time Thang” without having to worry about anyone, anything and any TIME…………

In other situations, like work and people who I care about, I think I HAVE to find a way to work WITH my procrastination, poor time management, avoidance of waiting, and SLOW MO’ TIME WARP that I live in and put them through and NOT against it, which only seems to make me MORE late.

So, this is the question:

HOW DO I WORK WITH, AND NOT AGAINST , MY POOR TIME MANAGEMENT, PROCRASTINATION, AVOIDANCE OF WAITING AND SLOW MO’ TIME WARP so that I am able to be on time, complete assignments on time or at least during waking hours, and not fear the waiting?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

There MUST be a way!

To work against THE FORCE only fuels it!

It also creates S-T-R-E-S-S and a fowl mouth!

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