I'm only usually late by 5 minutes…what's the big deal?

[Anonymous]

The key word here to gert somewhere on time is

‘disengage’

We get stuck on things….and become lost in time

I make a concerted effort to ‘disengage’ from whatever I’m doing to leave and tell myself that I will come back to it when I have more time and will finish it.

‘Disengage’

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[Anonymous]

Absolutely, MerryMac! I do get stuck on things that engage my attention, and disengaging is difficult. What I did to get myself to sign in on time for work is set my iPhone alarm for an hour before work, and half an hour before, 15 minutes, and 5 minutes. I kid you not, that is how easily I get distracted. It jarred me out of whatever else had my focus. You’re right, though, me focusing on something to the exclusion of anything else is just just engagement plus the rubber cement of ADD. It’s not unbreakable, it’s just very, very sticky. My phone alarm broke the bond. I just love analogies! An awesome video produced by F.A.T. City and Jim Lavoie is called “How Hard Can It Be?” It’s about parenting and teaching kids with learning difficulties, of which ADD is one. He said ADD is not really an attention deficit, it’s an attention surfeit. (That’s a paraphrase.) He meant that we can’t NOT pay attention to ANYTHING. In my case, anything that moves, sparkles, or makes a noise will grab my attention. Still. If I find myself struggling too much to be on time, I start setting my phone alarms again. Handy little thing, that. How on Earth did I ever live without it.

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[Anonymous]

oh yes, writerly!

I totally agree!

I tell my clients and friends that it is a surplus of attention…we take everything in all at once.

I compare it to being surrounded by radios all playing different stations and all at the same volume…..

……..you don’t know which way to turn….

……….each one catching your attention at different times depending upon what is on any radio at any given moment.

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[Anonymous]

I know the struggle, but shuz4me is right.

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[Anonymous]

brent and jenetically… I cannot leave the house without using the potty either… I usually end up needing to go while out about 5 mins into a journey… I feel like a 4 year old sometimes! (I mainly get upset because I don’t want to use a public restroom!) and I sound like you guys! I do that with taking medications (I am not on ADD meds… other things BCP and BP) all the time! Myself and the BF both make sure the cat is “accounted for” before we leave the house… we’re ok with not leaving the stove on… I just never randomly do that… I have other things I obsess over though…

merry… yes! I did that last night… I was knitting… and i have a new technique to learn (which I’m going to do momentarily) I was actually “tired” last night I was asleep by 130am! that’s good for me! I said to myself “stop screwing around with the knitting, go to bed” I updated my journal then went to sleep! I have been neglecting it because I have been depressed and uncaring for the past 2 months…

I will remember that “disengage” and I will think of Capt. Picard saying it lol (I know it’s “engage”) But the funny association will help!!

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[Anonymous]

Thank you all for posting. I’m 43 and just coming to terms with the fact that I have a severe bit of ADD. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always known that I was “off.” Procrastinate-yep. Get interested in tangents and follow them far off course-yep. Lot’s of other things too. Here’s the flash for me: this unawareness of time is ADD too? Wow.

I’ve always been the weirdest person I know with respect to time. I recently told a new colleague on a startup, “You should probably know that I am always going to be late, and I am always going to be surprised by that.”

I can sleep too little or too much. I prefer to wake up latter and stay up later. I always feel jet lagged when trying to keep a normal schedule. I have no sense for the passage of time. I find it easier than most people I know to stay up all night focused on something and still be 10 minutes late to the presentation. Like other posters here, I have tended to jobs with more flexible hours, but I can say with absolute certainty that I would have been better served in corporate jobs by coming in 30 minutes early and staying 30 minutes late. Instead, I come in 30 minutes later than others and stay for 2-3 hours in the evening. I am happier with that schedule, but wherever their are perceptions or interfaces with the schedules of others there is no doubt it has impacted my earning ability.

I’ve employed lots of tricks over the years, some of them a bit humorous. In the city, I had a small apartment where I rigged halogen floodlight (construction grade) and hard rock music (obscure….Toadies “Possum Kingdom”) set to a timer outlet. I had out of town guests and we went out for late night dinner and drinks. I let the couple stay in my room, but I forgot to dismantle the rig. She had not been to New York before. The 5 a.m. floodlights and full volume guitar rip woke them but good. My friend’s wife still has post traumatic stress!

Has anyone else hidden alarms or even counted on an alarm to wake a roommate so that they wake you?

Unfortunately, there have also been plenty of failures and plenty of costs. I don’t have a particular view on the world is supposed to react to me, and really I just feel like I’m getting new information on an old problem. My children have it too, and so I am seeing my experiences with fresh eyes and a renewed interest in coping and management. Good luck and thank you for your posts.

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[Anonymous]

ondine: I never cook on the stove, but I still have to check it. I guess I fear that perhaps one of the cats bumped it and turned it just enough to let the gas leak out. I know that I would smell it if that had happened, but I still have to check or I will worry about it until I do.

I also take other meds besides ADD ones (which I actually only added to my routine a couple of weeks ago). I have BP, diuretic, cholesterol, flax seed oil, chromium picolinate, vitamin D, sertraline, prilosec and iron–which I only take occasionally because I hate the constipation it causes. Oh yeah, and I guess you could add the occasional stool softener to that list. Then after I brush my teeth, I use my asthma inhaler. So taking meds is a big part of my morning routine, and if I do anything out of order, I end up having to count pills like Jen.

I also know what you mean about public bathrooms. At one point, I was carrying around a little Lysol spray, anti-bacterial surface wipes, tissues (in case there was no toilet paper) and paper toilet seat covers in my commuter bag (no wonder I have a bad back now ). I actually have come a long way toward dealing with my OCD tendencies, but I still have to have my Purell and a pack of tissues in my bag, just in case.

I wouldn’t be so bad in the mornings if I had someone else to help me with all the checking.

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[Anonymous]

brentitude- slightly off on a tangent- this stuff we have in britain is really good iron and doesn’t screw people up: http://www.nelsonsnaturalworld.com/en-gb/uk/our-brands/spatone/ …..you can buy it online from pharmacies like well.ca in canada, probably all over the rest of the world, etc. might be worth a go- it’s a powder, you can take it in water or in orange, apple, or another low tannin high vitamin c juice- even on an empty stomach. salespitch over.

i’m kinda lucky in a way, cos if i miss my pills i tend to realise after about 6 hours- cos i’m sniffling and itching myself insane without the antihistamines, and feeling really weird as effexor withdrawal symptoms kick in- sooner or later my brain realises why! luckily thats the most harm i’d come to- with bp and all the other stuff its a bit more scary i bet.

yeah, we have one of those flat glass electric cooktops at the moment and i worry about little seared cat feet sooo much. i’d not even considered gas issues, even though i wanna switch back to it (hate cooking on electric!) now thats another thing to contemplate. i wonder if they make them with a childlock. i know kitchen doors would solve the whole thing, but the ones i got for xmas are still leaning against the hall wall despite promises of them being installed on my birthday (over last weekend), so hmmmmm…. probably best i keep a few alternative strategies around. ADHD + tired harrassed old bf = not much renovation going on.

i used to hate public toilets, but i remember reading a post from someone on another message board that was pretty much “my butt germs can kick everyone elses butt germs asses” and it sort of got me thinking about how most toilet seats are way cleaner than doorknobs and *ick* computer keyboards *examines curry stain closely* and i sorta got over it a fair bit. worst case scenario i’ll run away and find another stall, or make my own little toiletpaper seatcover and hope i manage to get out of the washroom without wearing it like a tail.

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[Anonymous]

For this exact reason every clock I own is ten min fast.

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[Anonymous]

I set my clocks 10-15 minutes ahead, but it doesn’t help because my brain knows it’s fast and ignores it. What I need is for someone to do it for me when I’m not around. I think this is why CBT (for skin picking) didn’t work for me. As soon as I am told to not do something, it makes me want to do it.

It’s funny, but it’s so obvious to me when my meds wear off, like they have now.

Jen, thanks for the info on the iron supplements. I’ll see if I can find it here.

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[Anonymous]

My son had a really hard time getting up to an alarm when he was in high school. We hadn’t discovered ADD and the joys of Ritalin yet (which really helped him.) He slept so soundly, he’d saw logs right on through his alarm. At his request, I got him the loudest alarm I could find. I stood in 3 stores and set off alarms until I found The One. My husband was working about 250 miles away at the time, so he stayed with his cousin and her family during the week and came home on weekends. The girls (who are 10 and 12 years younger than our son) and I had gotten used to the alarm, and I forgot to tell Hubby about it that weekend. Our room was directly across from his, and both doors were open when the alarm went off at about 5 a.m. Hubby just about levitated off the bed, and immediately started shouting that I should grab the kids and he’d go see where the fire was. I had to make a grab for his foot as he was leaving the bed, and cut through his panic enough to tell him it was just an alarm clock, not the fire alarm. That was over 20 years ago, and I think he still bears the emotional scars. Heh heh heh.

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[Anonymous]

Ditto! Yes, a resounding “ME TOO!” to everything everyone on here mentioned. Except, for you, shuz4me, you you arsehat, I believe is the word that’s been pegged! > Don’t even know you, but your choice of words and attitude make me want to punch you. And let forth a slew of choice epithets, that I am restraining myself from doing, Because I’m pretty sure that sort of thing is frowned upon on these forums.

And for your information, Yes. I have told every potential boss at every job interview that I am chronically late. That I have ways of coping with it. In restaurants (old jobs) and massage office & spa (last 12 yrs job) I always set up as much as I can the night before, to limit time required at the start of my shift. I have found that by working for smaller, family-run, independent employers, I prove my worth despite my tardiness, and am Always Ready To Go Within 5 minutes of opening shop.

I even had a boss that would call me at 5 am, to make sure I was up, since I had to be at the diner at 5:30ish (short walk to work) to open by 6!

And, another thing, shuz4me: What makes you think someone ELSE making you wait even 5 minutes is robbing you of your precious pre-accounted-for-number of heartbeats, when YOU rob yourself of them by showing up to work 30 minutes earlier than you have to? It’s all subjective perspective, smarty-pants.

And I would love to keep reading and ranting, but I’ve been trying to get myself into a pre-bed bath for three hours already. Hmph. Maybe I’ll just wait till tomorrow.

(But if I had to be at work early, I would just do it now, since it is easier to stay up late than get up early, even if that means I only sleep 2-4 hours! But I don’t – my first appointment at work tomorrow is at 5PM. Ahhh.)

(I also always take my meds (allergies, birth control) at night – before bed – or else I invariably leave the house and realize too late that I forgot ans will have to suffer the consequences. Today I took my FIRST DOSE of Wellbutrin, for ADD! It will be a 2x day thing, so I’ll have to sort that out. And I love how the dang pharmacists are all like, “Ooh, it can be stimulating, so better take that 2nd pill of the day by 5 pm!” ?? WTH time is someone getting up if anything later than a 5pm will keep them up?!? I think mine will be at MIDNIGHT. A nice five hours before I go to bed. I’m sure my am pill will be noonish, so that will work perfectly. I don’t like the weird time/schedule assumption. I can’t do math!)

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[Anonymous]

Divinerebel, you just made me laugh. I’m glad I didn’t have a mouthful of coffee or cereal when I read your post.

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[Anonymous]

Well devinerebel – credit where credit is due is appropriate here. Poor shuz4me didn’t post those thoughts…they were mine. I don’t want to interpret but…. you seem (maybe) to have taken offense to my thoughts and to my position on this topic? Interesting?? I must have signed up here without reading the fine print (I’m ADD you know and can be prone to glossing over instructions, my bad). It was a misinterpretation (of mine, I take responsibility ) that this site and these forums were indeed a safe place to comment or share either similar, divergent or challenging opinions on the topics posted…. without threats and verbal admonishment…….again my bad. Opps….

So yes devinerebel… “timeliness” is my thing, I make no excuses for it, it’s mine. I actually feel that my timeliness and focus on personal reliability is a strength of mine. I also feel it is my obligation to say what I mean and mean what I say…if it goes along with the flock… or counter to it. Throughout my life I have found that taking a strong position on the “right thing to do” (for me) at times can bring an onslaught of name calling, threats…..and or verbal abuse from others. That’s ok with me.

Fact is….nobody ever said the “right thing” and holding ones self hard to that bar is easy…..quite often it is the hard road….a road less traveled actually. I have tended to search extensively to find those things that work, and work for me in particular….nothing to do with you whats so ever…. and I share accordingly, particularly if it appears successful for me, in my life.

Why….because I understand that our perceptions become our habitual frame of reference, and we act and react within those frames. Our ideas and attitudes generate our emotional responses and also our behavior. I have spent a lifetime working at conquering various aspects of my life……and I’m quite pleased with my progress to date. If that brings forward negative emotions from you or anybody else for that matter, so be it….that’s for you, and certainly not for me to judge. You see, I also think it is important to challenge our paradigms, particularly if we are to grow and flourish. Possibly it’s because I feel there can be no real change, no real growth in any of us unless our basic perceptions and reality are challenged and changed??? Anyway…these are just thoughts……. remember they are mine, for me. Please feel free to use them or leave them as you see fit.

toofat

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[Anonymous]

I wrote about this same thing in another thread. It’s as if first thing in the morning I’m not fully “ON”. As much as I’d like to will myself to get up, to move to do … something; it just doesn’t happen. I am not me. It’s like booting an old computer and looking at the Windows loading screen!

Sorry a state as it is, my 4 year old son will get up before me and come get me out of bed. I’m the adult here/ At least i wish I was. I’d almost need a fast acting pill to get me going that would take itself.

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