I'm only usually late by 5 minutes…what's the big deal?

[Anonymous]

striving to be 15 minutes early…. i strive for an hour and a half these days. usually i’m close to on time.

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[Anonymous]

I try to be on time, and on the days that I might actually succeed, some ding dong decides to run into another car in the tunnel and my route into the city gets snarled up for 30-60 minutes or more.

Sometimes I feel like I’m just destined to be late.

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[Anonymous]

Hmmmm: So the answer is, perhaps, be ME, ADHD, “Time Warped” and running late BUT aim for being EARLY by a certain amount of time, say, an hour, and then maybe, just MAYBE I may make it to my destination when I am supposed to?????????????????????????????

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[Anonymous]

I think the answer is moving into the office 24/7.

Seriously, I think you have try your hardest to be on time, but at the end of the day, you have to accept your limitations and realize that there are things that are going to happen that are beyond your control (that’s true for everyone, not just ADDers) and if the people you associate with cannot or will not accept that, then you need to make new relationships. Get a new job (or perhaps get yourself reassigned to another manager at your current job, which is sometimes all it takes) and stop surrounding yourself outside of work with people who make you feel guilty for not adhering to their standards of what’s socially acceptable or not.

It’s bad enough having to manage our brains–we don’t need others imposing their morality on us too.

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[Anonymous]

Trying to be an hour early just didn’t work for me. I “know” I’ve got plenty of time… end up dawdling or getting involved in something, “I just do this…” and then YIKES!! I’M GONNA BE LATE!

Planning to be 15 minutes early is just enough of a cushion that I can mentally stay focused and not side track too far. It has worked pretty well.

P

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[Anonymous]

It happened to me again. Everything was going well until I got to the Park & Ride lot and the stupid card reader wouldn’t accept my card that opens the gate. The attendants let me in, but I didn’t have a ticket (which I would need to get out after work). So I had to take it to the office and have someone type in some stuff on her computer to fix it–which made me miss the bus and I had to wait for the next bus. I didn’t get to the office any earlier than I would have if I hadn’t tried to get there on time.

I can’t win, so I’m going to stop trying because it just frustrates me and gets me all wound up. Then I get to work and people are looking at me like there’s something wrong with me because I’m the only one who is upset about it.

And yes, I fully realize how lucky I am to be in such a situation. It’s still frustrating on a personal level.

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[Anonymous]

This is going to be weird but…

Since the last time I was here and posted there has been a whole new page formulated… OMG… now I have at least six members whom I want to respond to!

I have copied their comments, profile names to a MS Word document – and in the process of writing responses!

Just wondering – am I ADHD?

I’ll be writing back soon – with the responses, so be prepared – all positive stuff!

Distracted66

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[Anonymous]

Plantdoc,

Cool, so the combination is working for you I take it!

My iPhone has an application on it called Sleep Cycle which is priceless and has definitely aided me in getting a better and more rejuvenating sleep and allows me to wake up feeling refreshed and ready to hit my day head-on. The challenge for me is trying to maintain and constantly getting 6-7 hours of sleep. I typically get about 4-5 hours – my doctor says that should get more but I find with getting more sleep that I get more irritable, edgy and cranky and that was just with our family pets. It wasn’t long before I reverted back to my normal and regular amount of sleep. Now things are back to normal and I function at my optimum level now – Concerta has played a part of that as well as my ADHD coach.

At one time, the ‘concept of time’ was not something I knew, understood or appreciated; however, these days, it is improving and getting better – not there yet but evolving.

Rushing around and being constantly in over-drive was driving me nuts – now I get to work about an hour before the office opens and ease myself into my day. Low level work such as filing, follow up and what not prior to the rush hitting me – that way, I come up to speed and can race with the big dawgs after that. Personally not a fan of pushing the pedal to the floor and running at full throttle all day long!

On my tasks reminders I have two – one 15 minutes prior and another on 5 minutes – that way I have plenty of time set aside to be on time. Another thing that seems to work for me is that when planning an appointment and the time that it takes to get there, I always add 15 minutes due to my lack of ability to conceptualize time and the amount that it takes to accomplish things.

Life is good and getting better,

Distracted66

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[Anonymous]

Brentitude,

That is so funny because I know I have been guilty of the same thing. My wife used to and still does to a certain degree need to correct me in my time estimations because of my skewed skill in calculations. It’s sort of like me under estimating the time needed to travel some distance – 20 minutes for 20 miles, that is so me!

I get bent out of shape when I get hung up behind some tool or morons who are so totally unable to even travel the speed limit – if it’s clear outside, no snow, no rain – drive the limit not 20 under the limit. I will ride their bumper and try to push them along but once I see an opportunity to pass, I am gone like the wind.

The same thing happens when I am walking in the mall, if I have some folks walking what seems extra slowly in front of me, I will walk up right behind them and cough to sort of convey the concept that I am wanting them to get out of the way or move aside. If they don’t… I walk up behind them and mutter something like, “If you can’t walk keep up, get the hell out of the way!’

Distracted66

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[Robbo]

On time? crap, I’m afraid I might spontaneously combust one of the times I’m late and being too hard on myself for it. It’s uncanny!, Embarrassing when the neighbors see me come out to my car, go back in, repeat almost every single time I leave the place. Some days, I just leave without my back pack with the removable face to my car stereo, and misc. stuff that I have an actual check list for. The lateness all by itself is a huge pain in my neck… How can it be that we’ve gone undiagnosed for so many dang years… It makes no sense. None, Zero, Nada.

I’ve been coming here almost 4 months and I still find entire threads like this that make it impossible for me to pretend I don’t have this dang ADHD thing. It’s so dang weird. I’m glad only about 4% of the population has this. Imagine if all people had the same struggles as us?

It’s less painful knowing there are people that understand my frustration. It still just baffles me that no matter what time of the day it is, I can end up running late… like some kind of curse… I think that may be one of the hardest parts to fix.

Lot’s of the struggle we have are getting to be less of a problem for me. Even without having all the right medication I need to have. The eggs are becoming unscrambled. The seemingly impossible is becoming possible.

There is real hope that we can live with this thing… characteristic, disability, quirk, oddity… We can start to make people happy instead of disappointed. I’m pretty sure giving myself a break is one of the first tricks I need to figure out how to do.

Don’t give up you guys. Things really do get better. Take the time to read here, Read Read Read. And re-read, it does stick when we decide not to ever give up. We made it this far right? Heck if you’re here reading this, you are so far into the solution that soon it will strike you like a lightning bolt!. Life really is getting less stressful, we are slowing down, we’re making less silly mistakes… Some kind of magic is helping us because we support each-other, we encourage each-other.

True compassion is super easy when the struggles we have in common are so blatantly obvious. It’s really really here.

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[cloud1]

Robbo it is a super blessing to read all the posts and see like-minded doing the same struggles. You are right, no one give up, one foot in front of another and keep trying. Vent or query, get the feed back and figure it out. It is clichey (?) but never lose your sense of humor, the quirks and challenges are easier if you retain the ability to laugh at the issues. Yes, some may have consequences so take the lick and continue forward.

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[Anonymous]

I was in the military as a young person and got drummed into my head being early means on time. I hate, hate, hate being late. Plus my work has progressive punishments for tardiness and the last thing I want is to get in trouble for being late. I work at 4:30 am and it takes 1/2 hour to get to work in good weather. I d not like the sound of the alarm and my body is on a clock with waking up even on my days off. I don’t have to pick out clothing because I wear a uniform so that kind of helps me on the time thing. Plus I eat my breakfast after working 3-4 hours so I don’t have to fix and eat it before work. So my getting ready doesn’t take as long as some. But, I have to prepare for foul weather and might have to leave an extra half hour early if it’s really crappy out. On those nights when I know that snow or ice is predicted I don’t sleep well because I’m afraid I’ll sleep too late and not make it on time. Because I live where crappy weather is the norm for 3-4 months, snowy roads doesn’t work as an excuse.

I get up at 3 am and

look out window to see if I need to hurry

jump in shower

brush teeth

put hair products in

lotion on face

go in room and put on uniform (I’ve pinned on badges the night before)

sit down for a minute and either watch tv or turn on laptop

check work email if I have time

15 minutes before I have to leave go in bathroom and pin up hair

put on makeup

find my glasses

at this point I start telling myself the things I need to bring out loud

some days I have left overs for my breakfast/lunch and other days I take cereal, milk and yogurt

find my purse, coat, put on shoes/boots if boots bring shoes

get garage open and then drive out, shut garage

drive down hill in granny gear watching for deer

get car to 5 miles over speed limit and set cruise so I don’t get a ticket

arrive at work and hurry to break room to put away crap and then hurry to clock in

I’m usually on time. I won’t get written up if I am less than 7 minutes late but I like to be early. It’s hard to get there that early but I manage to make it unless it’s daylight savings or I’m required to change my start time.

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[wolfshades]

I’ve read every single post on this thread – instead of sleeping so that I can get up on time for work.

Especially the first few posts, that were written, it seems, in blood. You can feel the raw agony and pain being tardy has brought to some of our lives. Many of us have taken successful steps at respecting others by being on time, but some haven’t. The ones that haven’t (again, in the first few posts) strike me as both intelligent and wise, yet they’ve missed the mark and have failed. In some cases, spectacularly.

These are not stupid, or disrespectful people. One has tried so hard, by consulting professionals and using every tool in the book. So it’s not a matter of a lack of will, and I think it’s probably unkind to judge her – or anyone who hasn’t succeeded. Who in their right mind would ever choose to put their livelihood in jeopardy by not trying their very best to be on time?

This is where the rubber meets the road, and I have to ask: what *really* is going on for some of us?

And so I wonder: is it because of a visceral need for stimulation? Because that’s one of the characteristics of ADHD. Some people speed too fast on roads, or put their lives in danger, or take drugs, in order to satisfy that need. It is highly stimulating (in a negative way) to suddenly realize that “oh my God. I’m LATE! I hope all the traffic lights go my way!”. Perhaps the brain seeks out that stimulation.

And before we judge, bear in mind that ADHD is not a level playing field for us all – and that that there are varying degrees of it, and subcategories of it. I don’t have the hyper part for example, just the inattentiveness. Yet I know that about myself, that I often subconsciously seek out that stimulation. I know that I’ve craved it for as long as I can remember, feeling a kind of high when cramming the night before an exam. I hated it, and loved it at the same time.

I still struggle with tardiness, and am of the opinion that I’m being rude when I don’t get to an appointment on time. Sometimes I’m fortunate and I’m early, but sometimes I’m a bit late, and that annoys the hell out of me, often to the point of self-loathing. It’s not easy but I havent given up trying.

Still though, in the back of my mind I wonder if I’m self-sabotaging, unconsciously satisfying a need for stimulation.

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[Anonymous]

‘And so I wonder: is it because of a visceral need for stimulation? Because that’s one of the characteristics of ADHD. Some people speed too fast on roads, or put their lives in danger, or take drugs, in order to satisfy that need. It is highly stimulating (in a negative way) to suddenly realize that “oh my God. I’m LATE! I hope all the traffic lights go my way!”. Perhaps the brain seeks out that stimulation.’

I have been thinking about this for a day or so and I’ve come to realize that this is probably the reason I cut it so close all the time. I hate being late, but I run it so close almost every day because of the visceral need for stimulation. Dude you hit the nail right on the head there and it’s pretty enlightening. I’m hoping that I learn to stop doing this almost every day and that I get better and better at getting out the door just a little bit earlier.

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[munchkin]

Need for stimulation? Yes, in that, I don’t mind rushing at the last minute. I think non ADD folks find it unpleasant which conditions them to plan ahead. I actually get in a better mood as I start whirling around to get ready at a breakneck speed.

Also, I find transitioning to a new activity stressful. So I procrastinate out of dread – as if ending what I’m doing now is going to be a nasty splash of ice water to my senses. Weird.

I do experience a lot of guilt over it, and I know it’s disrespectful

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[Author]

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