Name that feeling!

[memzak]

Carrie, you changed your picture again! Very cool!

I have had a very interesting experience this week. I was very depressed. I was crying all the time. My nose got so stuffy my friend offered some Sudafed. I took it, drank coffee, ingested some second hand smoke and all of a sudden I felt wonderful. I called my lawyer, found out what to do and did it without hesitation. This experience makes me want to buy a bunch of Sudafed and get some nicotine patches (I refuse to smoke) and drink a lot of coffee so I can feel better. I feel better then when I was on Welbutrin. I feel better than I have for years. This is very weird. Sudafed alone made me feel a little better, I drink caffeine every day, and I am only occasionally around smokers and I just find the smoke irritating by itself.

I have read on this site about the dangers of self-medication. The only other time I ever remember feeling good on any kind of medication was at least 10-15 years ago when I was prescribed two different medications that were not supposed to be taken together. When I told the doctor how good I was feeling and how much energy I had they said no wonder and would not give me more. I was upset at the time and went back to my lower energy state. I wish I could remember which meds they were.

Has anyone else had this experience? Is there an ADD med equal to this combination? What’s the harm in doing this combination every day? I don’t want to go back to the way I was earlier this week. Before I took my last Sudafed this morning, I started feeling bad again so I took it with my coffee. I was already in the cloud of smoke and then I felt much better.

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[Carrie]

Yes… I change it all the time!

I dont know much about medication. But… It seems that Sudafed is apart of the amphetamine chemical class. Well the active ingredient in it is… which is Pseudoephedrine…. And yes… caffeine would enhance the effects of the amepthemine… Amphetamines are stimulants so…. You have your self a stimulant mixture there. That would give you energy. ADD meds are stimulants.. like I take Dexedrine, there is Adderal, Ritalin etc… But I could be wrong! I just put that together using the internet! hahaha

I have just learned this week, and here in these posts how self medication is bad. Just read back on all the posts here. Every time I didnt take my meds, I got antsy, mischievous and then would self medicate… Like get drunk… Sleep… Over eat…..Or crave psychedelic drugs ANYTHING to get rid of the unbearable itch. And in the end… ALWAYS regret it.

Do you not take stimulant medication for your ADD?

On that note… I HATE/LOVE the sun! It makes me so antsy!! I want to be out there soooooooooo bad but then I can never make up my mind on what I want to do. Camping!! Yes lets go! But then where to go? Ok then… lets go boating!! Well then we need to fix the boat… And then where do we go? Lets go for a hike! Well then the kids would get too tired hot, and on a hot day im not carrying a kid up the mountain. I just get overwhelmed and frustrated with what to do and then the day is done and I have done nothing. At this time of day my ADD meds are worn off and I feel very antsy.. That terrible itch! Now here I am with you Mem… Having a drink just after I swore I wouldnt. I am going to finish my husbands resume… Play some video games… Sleep, then do SOMETHING, ANYTHING tomorrow!! Even if its just running to the mountain with no agenda! Or hook up the hose to the trampoline and jump with my kids and irritate the crap outta my husband by trying to hose him down! See… I get so antsy and just want to BUG HIM! (normally by a play fight like I wrote at the start of this post hahaha) Maybe I am an addict of some sort! Alcoholic? I dont drink as long as I dont have alcohol in the house… Its only at this time when I feel so antsy!! UUUUUGGH!! I need more coverage from my meds.

I found that with the Ritalin on the down I would become very moody. On the down from the Dexedrine my anxiety goes up for a bit. I was sitting at the beach today and almost had a panic attack, heart palpitations and all. I couldnt for the life of me figure out why… Yes I am scared of crowds and there was a crowd. But I was hidden in a double decked bus away from everyone. Always about 4 1/2 hours after my med I do get anxious. This is what makes me so tired of meds. Im tired of having to take it in the morning to keep this “itch” away, and then having to remember what time I took my first dose, and then the anxiety on the down. And the cost of about $130 a month!

I bought 3 books yesterday all on ADD… Thanks Pete for reminding me to! I bought the “So you mean im not crazy, lazy or stupid” one, and then 2 others about ADD and how to organize etc. Im hoping those will help me get a good routine down and then I wont have to rely on meds anymore! Also, I have contacted an ADD COACH!! One that Paully suggested in the other post there. I cant wait for that! It will be through the phone, but that will help me figure out how to get started because thats my biggest problem!

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[memzak]

The county mental health place cannot prescribe stimulants like Ritalin. Thats why they sent me to the crazy psychiatrist who said I was bipolar not ADD. I was told the last time I was at the county place that they were starting a clinic there and would be able to prescribe things like Ritalin but when I called to make an appointment at the clinic I couldn’t get an appointment, I would have to “start over again”. I don’t want to start again from the beginning. They also told me that the doctor was booked up for 3 months anyway. I don’t have the patience for this so I will self medicate in the meantime. I will try on Monday to see whats really going on over there.

I bought “you mean im not lazy, stupid or crazy” last year but I have misplaced it somewhere in my room I think. I would like to read the “driven to distraction” and the later book “delivered from distraction”. I can’t check them out of the library because I owe them money.

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[Anonymous]

I think that the combo of the Coach and your meds will be, at the risk of sounding melodramatic, miraculous for you!!! Meds are an important part of the equation, but I felt like “Okay…now what!” A coach might help you with those notorious ‘itches’ of yours

Memzak, I would suggest making an appointment, even if you do have to start from scratch. I had to change psychiatrists after mine stopped taking my insurance, and the process was incredibly frustrating. I’d find docs that took my insurance, but weren’t taking new patients, etc. I called a dozen docs before I finally found one who I could see, 6 weeks from when I called. All that I can offer is how much better I feel when there is someone to monitor my progress, answer my questions, quell my anxieties, kick my a#! when I’m being non compliant. 3 months does sound like an eternity, but it will be here before you know it, and then you’re on the right track, or at least getting on the train that’s on the right track.

Carrie-a lot of your senstivities sound familiar!!! I’m very sensitive about my hands, but for me it’s the ‘feel’ of things on them, if I feel like my hands are dirty, I will wash them immediately after eating a meal, in the morning, getting ready for work, I’m washing them at least a 1/2 dozen times after applying makeup, putting product in my hair, etc. My clothes are another thing that I’m pretty particular about. I don’t like to wear shirts that are too ‘stiff’ or ‘new’, probably one of the reasons why I wear my t-shirts waaay past their expiration date!

I hate, hate, hate crowds. I don’t do anything that involves a large crowd, the annual fireworks in my city, the fair. Yesterday I went to a NASCAR race and wouldn’t go look at the merch trailers because there was a ‘sea’ of folks around it. I feel like crowds are unpredictable and when I’m trying to get from point a to point b and someone gets in my way, or lollygags….grrr…

I’m definitely going to have to look into the books that you guys mentioned. It would help to have a more insight I rely a lot on the internet, but I also like to have books that I can pick up and ‘refer’ to occasionally.

And Carrie, I’m glad that you and your sister’s ‘synched up’ cycles did not result in a homocide

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[Anonymous]

memzak, i would make that appointment to have it on the books. also you could put yourself on an appointment cancellation. that is weird about community health not prescribing stimulants. the ones here do as ADHD is part of the DSM!!! have you tried the non-stimulants? strattera, wellbutrin, tenex…..

does the community mental health offer therapy and/or therapy groups? that could be very beneficial.

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[memzak]

I was on Welbutrin for a couple of months. After 6 weeks it stopped helping my ADD and after a couple of months I was getting no benefit and the side affects were not worth continuing. I have a high tolorance for most medication and get used to long term stuff very quickly.

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[billd]

My current feelings ->

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjsVyv-CT-U

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[Anonymous]

Carrie,

I can identify with some of what you’re feeling. So, if you can stand it, here’s some advice from a middle-aged woman.

You, of course, should ignore anything that doesn’t sound or feel right for you.

My first bit of advice is for you to take up Karate. Breaking stuff — and doing it the right way so as not to hurt yourself — is great fun and best of all you get rewards (colored belts) for doing a lot of it. You learn to fight and get to do it — although you have to pay for it you are fighting with somebody who has also signed up to be there. You learn some discipline and you learn to vent. It might help get rid of that itch — or at least help you learn to deal with it. I have also found that people who can really take care of themselves — should the situation arise — seem to be calmer and more secure than others.

I also think you ought to work on a ‘bucket list’ — all the stuff you want to do before you kick the bucket. I sort of get the feeling that you have lost touch with stuff that pleases you, that you don’t have anything planned to look forward to, etc. It is hard to keep repeating the same old grind day after day. You may be living, or have lived with people who have never shared your interests and therefore you kind of forget them. Well, dredge them up. Start with a list of stuff you like — such as: I like the color green, and bird feathers, and fast cars, etc. Over time I hope that a pattern emerges.

You might want to keep your list private until you feel ready to take action. It is interesting to note who supports you and who doesn’t.

And now a word of warning: I don’t like your sister. I don’t think she can be trusted. The path your on is not good and someday somebody could make a big deal out of past misbehavior and take your kids away.

I don’t write that create fear; it’s just a shove in another direction. You need to choose another path before one gets chosen for you.

I wish you well and I hope that — for now — the itch is gone.

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[Carrie]

Well thank you!

And you are right! I am now back from vacation. Thats why I havent posted. I was on vacation alone without kids or husband. It was just what I needed to relax and sort myself out. I was visiting with family…. My aunt and I had some great talks. She is going through a lot right now, as am I and we have talked with each other and shes helped me tremendously, and I helped her the same.

Today is the first day of my period… I know too much information, but I was looking forward to it to see if the Prozac worked… and WOW!!! Did it ever!!! I feel amazing!! Yesterday I was in contact with a ADD coach and waiting for the books I have ordered. Its quite pricey, but the coach and I talked about starting up a workshop here in my area because there is no support. Im very excited to help with this!! I feel like I have been given a fresh start and now will be working hard to make a change and work with my ADD and PMDD. Im very excited!!

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[Anonymous]

The ITCH! sorry if i only read some of your post because only that part pertains to my issue. Now that I have a name for it… how do I kill it… or FEED it?

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[Carrie]

My meds kill the itch. Also… I found when they wear off… At time I make sounds to help with the itch. I whistle, or squeal, or randomly scream… or sing what im saying.

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[Anonymous]

I almost like the itch when it’s satisfied. Like a real itch, it feels SOOO good to scratch. Also, like a real itch… its best to just get some calamine lotion.

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[Carrie]

Yes.. Just like going pee when you have to go really really really really really really really bad.

Calamine… well then you would be all pink and smell funny.

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[Anonymous]

I’m sooo glad to hear that the meds are working when your emotions are at their all time high!!! That’s got to be a tremendous relief for you! It sounds like you’ve made a lot of positive steps in the past few days! Woo hooo! Definitely, definitely rooting for you!

Also Bobbie40N, you have a TON of good ideas! I may try some of them myself

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[Carrie]

I am now on Vyvanse. The rebound from Dexedrine was getting to me. I have been prescribed 30mg to start. It kills the itch but my focus still seems to wander. There is no rebound which is so nice and I dont have to take any pills other than the one first thing in the AM! Woohoo! I know my dose needs to be higher so I took 60mg (two 30’s) on this night shift. BAD BAD BAD idea! I have butterflies in my stomach really really bad. Almost so bad I want to puke. I feel so anxious and as if im in a haze. Maybe its because its the night shift and I didnt get much sleep in the day… and I havent eaten in a while. BLEH! I JUST HATE IT! We will see! I know my dose will have to go to 40mg. 60mg is probably too much! Feels like it anyways. Bad thing is this is suppose to last up to 12hrs. UGH! Im going to eat and see how I feel after that. Right now I could just run around in circles hahaha Gosh I hate night shifts!

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[Author]

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