Dr. Umesh Jain is now exclusively responsible for TotallyADD.com and its content

Short Temper

Short Temper2010-07-01T17:57:35+00:00

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey Is It Just Me? Short Temper

Viewing 0 posts
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 39 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #88443

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    Normally people describe me as a very patient person, but there are days when I feel like anything can set me off. Usually when this happens, its sudden. I could be having a good day, then wham, some little dumb thing sets me of . It feels somewhat like riding a rollercoaster in the dark. I can’t see the drops till I’m going over the top. It’s something that I can remember from childhood too. I recall pounding on the wall till it cracked because NASA postphoned the first shuttle launch which I wanted to watch. Officailly ADD (Inattentive type) has been part of my life since the fall, and this freaking out seems to be happening more often now. My youngest son also has ADD (Inattentive type) as well, and there are days when I have no patience for him at all. This is not fair at all, if anything maybe he has the right to be mad at me for passing it onto him, not the other way round. This morning I dumped a container of oatmeal into the open dishwasher and had really lock myself down to keep from having a nut about it. When this happens, I really don’t like the person that I become. Does anybody else feel this way?

    REPORT ABUSE
    #94513

    BAM123
    Participant
    Post count: 71

    I can relate. I feel the same way usually pretty patient and easy going but do lose my temper from time to time – seemingly over small things. I think it is a manigfestation of the symptoms of ADD – the frustration can add up cummulatively and then it gets to a point where a small or big event can set you off and then you are fine again – maybe fpor a week or maybe for a month. I think subconsciously the ina ttentiveness can make one frustarted and it gets stored up and the frustration coimes out – we feel bad about opur behavior. I think the most important thing is to remember to apologize when the out burst is out of line – that does go along way with loved ones and associates

    REPORT ABUSE
    #94514

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    @BAM123, do you take medication? Explosive anger is the #1 area in which medication helped me. I used to throw things, shout, have icky road rage episodes, etc. In fact, an alcoholic friend whose parents had died in a plane crash told me *I* was the angriest person she’d ever met! My friends in 4th grade had a favorite game – “Let’s Make J— Mad and Watch!”

    When I began Ritalin, I realized that it was as if I had been slogging through knee-deep mud my entire life and never knew it was there. If that were literally true for a person, it would be a bit frustrating! When I started the medication, the mud went away. Ritalin has by no means “fixed” everything, but the effects on short temper have been miraculous.

    REPORT ABUSE
    #94515

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    Hey there

    Interesting topic Anger vs being Assertive. I also started taking Ritalin a few years back December of 2007. I find Ritalin is a tool not a cure but My Antic’s are way down. I found that anger surfaced a lot in my relationships prior to Being Diagnosed and starting this Journey. I feel I am better and am able to communicate better. I’m not in a relationship yet so I can’t stand here and say I’m fixed but I do feel my relationship with my son whom lives with me is a lot better when he does not try and Instigate yelling match.

    The issue I have is un learning to raise my voice. It was pretty prevalent in my family. I find that I’m trying to process the information first before I actually get into a discussion so I don’t fly off the handle. It’s hard that’s for sure but every year I feel I am gaining ground, which makes me know I am heading in the right direction

    Cheers

    REPORT ABUSE
    #94516

    BAM123
    Participant
    Post count: 71

    Hi Jireland. I started adderal X R about 3 months ag0 – 10 mill 0 and has helped greatly with all my symptoms. Temper or anger is not a problem all the time or even thee majority of the time – however I ahevthe capability to “go there” – I do feel that the meds have helped. Right now my main concern is that at night after the med wear off I get wired and somtimes will make poor food choices or have a couple of drinks to mellow out.

    REPORT ABUSE
    #94517

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    Speaking of uncontrollable temper, I’m struggling with a dispute right now that has me pacing the floor in the middle of the night. I would feel so much better if I could just EXPLODE on somebody right now. Pardon me while I vent…

    The dispute involves a community service organization–a “Club” that is internationally known and very well respected. Just about every town has one. I was president of my local club four years ago. When I left office, there was $38,000 in the “foundation” for charitable contributions, $20,000 in the fund for general operating expenses, etc., plus $16,500 in receivables due in 30 days. We met at an exclusive country club every week for lunch and held huge fundraisers that benefitted the public schools, libraries, underfunded extra-curriculars, and we gave thousands for college scholarships to students in need.

    I found out last week that they’re practically bankrupt now. They’ve kept it all a big secret and now they’re blaming it on meal cost, but nothing is being done to reduce the cost or find another venue. Most of it is mismanagement of funds and poorly-promoted and disorganized fundraisers. They even “forgot” to collect dues one year–I sent mine in without receiving a bill, so that should’ve tipped me off. But by damn, they are NOT going to give up their country club!

    The problem is that I know every detail about managing this club, and I’m apparently the only one who can see a way out of this deficit without imposing a huge dues increase on the membership. But the new president persists, throwing out lie after lie about what happened over the past four years and how this is the only way to fix it. Four years ago he was my strongest ally. Now he’s just like everyone else–just in it for the publicity, the ego trip, the cool plaque he’s going to get at the end of the year. His main concerns now are how to obtain all of that with the least amount of effort on his part while still covering his backside and avoiding responsibility for the decline.

    I know the truth, and I’ve shared it with a few other members, but nobody wants to fight and do what’s right. A dues increase will buy them two years, tops. They’re about to lose 20% of their members and they don’t even know it. Then they’ll have to raise the dues again on a smaller group of people.

    My normal tendency has always been to stand alone and go nuclear over stuff like this. I drop bombs. Sometimes sneak attacks. It’s not even fair the way I obsess, present all of the facts, make enemies, make people look bad (which they deserve) and get my way. When you lie awake nights building a case and you’re capable of organizing so many details and facts in your head, most people just can’t compete when you drop the hammer on them. I should’ve been a trial lawyer.

    And I do all of this over such trivial pursuits! This is really NOT an important thing! I won’t be missed, except by maybe a handful of members. I’ll still see them around town and socially. I’m not severing any friendships that matter. But this is driving me crazy!

    Part of me says, if it’s the true and honest thing to do, the means justify the end. But now I’m realizing that I can’t fight every battle like this. It’s killing me inside to let go of something I put over 1/4 of my life into. I have to walk away and watch it die from afar.

    I guess that’s what they mean by “personal growth.”

    REPORT ABUSE
    #94518

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    Would short temper be the same thing as easily annoyed, moody, grumpy? Because I am certainly all those things with no real trigger. I hate it.

    REPORT ABUSE
    #94519

    Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD
    Participant
    Post count: 473

    I’ve been editing interviews of ADHD experts for a number of days, and the issue of anger was addressed by a few of them.

    One said that it may have something to do with finding the world constantly frustrating. The modern world is so regimented and yet so full of stimulation and distractions, it’s a challenge for anyone. Thus everyone is going around flippantly joking, “Oh you are so ADD!” whenever someone spaces out. So everyone’s overwhelmed. We’re just much worse.

    Another explanation is that we aren’t good at long term thinking of planning or regulating things… including our moods.

    And then there’s a sense that we have trouble filtering out the signal from all the noise. That can mean having trouble following someone’s conversation when it’s a noisy room, or even when it’s not, all the way up to deciding to go see a movie rather than prepare the report that is due tomorrow) So we are always a bit frustrated, a bit extra on edge.

    Another thing that seems to be common is that we are hypersensitive to smells, sounds, touch, etc.. So we get jangled easily. And therefore grumpy.

    Then there’s the issue of us getting hyper-focused. It could be on a video game. Or gambling. Or surfing for porn. Or it could be hyper-focused on an argument, or something someone said, etc.. When my marriage ended, I spent hours and hours pacing my new little apartment, having all kinds of imaginary arguments, justifying my position, imagining all the things I should say, or should have said, or whatever. (You can imagine how useful that was. I got to wallow in bad bad karma and toxic chemicals all through my body for weeks, even months on end.)

    If you look at the opposite extreme, someone who is totally focussed, the image that comes to mind for me is a monk, meditating. Calm and peaceful and no anger. In fact, someone who is almost transparent to upsets and problems and allows them to pass right through without getting hooked on them.

    And I have to say, I’m not a monk, but I’m more like this, happier and more peaceful, than I ever used to be.

    REPORT ABUSE
    #94520

    ADDled
    Member
    Post count: 121

    From what I have read, we’re already highly stressed just trying to get through the day. Kinda like driving around in first gear all the time. So when something seemingly insignificant (well, insignificant to others) occurs, we go over the edge. The funny thing is, after the carnage, we pick up and dust ourselves off and carry on as if nothing has happened. Meanwhile, the party involved and all the innocent bystanders are still trying to figure out what the heck happened.

    <humour> ADD. The gift that just keeps on giving….</humour>

    REPORT ABUSE
    #94521

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    Both Rick and ADDled make good points and I can certainly relate to both of them. What I want to learn is how to live with that? without always hurting those I care about? Or is that even possible?

    REPORT ABUSE
    #94522

    MarkJ
    Member
    Post count: 18

    I can relate to the eruptions of frustration and anger to small things going awry. It use to perplex my ex-girl friend all the time. She could never understand how I could be so calm with my finances a mess, my job prospects at nil (I’m self employed) and yet if I came home after hitting the drive thru and discovered that the teenager at the window forgot to put the ketchup packs in along with the rest of my stuff, I’d hit the roof and freak out. I’ve actually gone back on a few occasions, irritated as hell, and not only got the ketchup I asked for in the first place, but also demanded that I get new food becasue my order at that point was cold. And God forbid you ever forget the dipping sauce for my nuggets! This has happened with many a small thing… And with people… I’ve had people upset me and piss me off and usually I get over things. But there have been a few people, including friends, that I felt (and still feel with some of them) took things too far… and the anger, the resentment, the indignation would rattle around for hours, days, weeks in my head. I would remove these people totally and completely from my life. Welcome to Jaster’s gallows.

    REPORT ABUSE
    #94523

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    @circetay…yes, annoyed, grumpy, etc…are all in the same family. I hate it too, but I HAVE to try and be patient with myself (easier said than done). Sometimes it’s way too easy for me to get impatient with myself even more than others. It’s counterproductive for me. So for whatever it’s worth, I understand.

    REPORT ABUSE
    #94524

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    I can be having a perfectly fine day, and then something happens that totally pisses me off. Sometimes it’s something I did like missing an appointment or engagement that would not have happened if I had been more proactive or organized. Then I start beating up on myself. There’s sometimes the frustration of feeling like I can’t do something or just being overwhelmed.

    When things like this happen I often burst into tears. Sometimes I just let out a scream or a f-bomb. Fortunately the screaming or cursing is usually in the privacy of my own home, or if I’m out I just get away from people. The crying is harder to control, and sometimes I’ll be talking to someone about what is happening and just burst into tears.

    As for the crying I should probably add this to the worst advice thread. As a child when I’d start crying my mother would “Say stop crying.” That would just make me cry harder.

    REPORT ABUSE
    #94525

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    Post count: 14413

    @Paula, my frustrations and impatience is almost never with myself, and always with others. And I seem to recover from things much faster than those involved. Like my husband and I will have a disagreement that turns into a huge deal and I react emotionally and then can be fine after where he’s still upset and can’t believe that i’m fine. Other times I can hang on to my anger for days. And he wishes I could just let stuff go. I wish I was less emotional, less quick to react and less sensitive to criticism or comments from others.It does help to hear that others understand. For so long I felt that something was wrong with me, that I wasn’t normal and now i’ve found a whole group of people who can relate, who understand. It means a lot to me.

    @TKDizzy I too am very sensitive and prone to tears. My cycle is that after the anger settles, calms down I cry. That’s when I know i’ve lost my battle and the fight is over. Also when I am criticized or feel that others are thinking negatively of me i’ll cry. My Dad used to call them crocodile tears. I hated it. I love Jewels words “Please be careful with me i’m sensitive and i’d like to stay that way”

    REPORT ABUSE
    #94526

    MarkJ
    Member
    Post count: 18

    I wanted to add…. There is a lot of wisdom in what Rick wrote about how useless it is to wallow in the bad karma and toxic chemicals. What happens to you and the real effect of keeping that anger/frustration motor running with all the thoughts, arguments and justifications and grrr grrr grrrr’s that seem to just go on and on and on really does more harm than good. It took me a long time to see that in my own life; actually learned about it over the last year. I’m a nubie and I’m still working on it. It’s not easy and its probably going to be a life long process. Going into those modes is like an addiction all unto itself. But at least I understand it a little better now and knowing is half the battle, eh. The realization that I alone am keeping person “xyz” who has pissed me off in the past alive and kicking in my thoughts was pretty profound. Why waste my time and energy…I lose enough time as it is. And if your not paying rent…get out!!!

    I guess it might be about catching and realizing those moments as they arise. I’ve gotten a lot of use out of listening to Eckhart Tolle recently, especially on the topic of observing and catching the egoic mind when it arises. I’ve been applying it to the moments when I feel and catch my temper going.

    The other day I wanted to print up an article and all of a sudden my trusty printer wouldn’t print. As if it went on strike or something. It was working last week! Working great! Now, all of a sudden it’s not doing what its supposed to do. I’m getting error messages. Low on ink. I go…I buy new ink. Still not working. Damn. Getting different error messages now…everything is connected…check. Plugging and unplugging. Restarting! The print heads start whirring back and forth…back and forth… What are they doing!? Are they going to print?? And then they stop. More error messages…Now I feel it….I feel it rising…the anger and frustration at an inanimate object. So I try to catch it…

    I’m pretty good with making funny voices and such (I spent a couple years at one point studying at Second City in TO) so when I noticed the anger and frustration rising, I redirected that energy into a funny voice or two…I started off with a Fred Flintstone type of rumbling “razza frazz ruckum muckum”, and then went into a full tilt Hunter S Thompson torrent. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it went a little something like this…

    “Abandon all hope you plastic abomination….Filthy stinking animal….Get ready to fly…fly out the window….you dingbat!!!”

    Anyways… Sometimes I’ll say something so absurd, so ridiculous that it stops me in my tracks and I laugh. It’s not fool proof. Sometimes it feels like trying stop a river full of salmon that are late for spawning. But if I can stop a few…if it stops the blood pressure from peaking 3 out of 7 times….then maybe there is something there for me. To each their own.

    And of course I do this at home, I’ve learnt to avoid public outbursts, at least until I get into my car…you know.

    And by the way,

    I found a funny audio clip on Youtube of Hunter losing it on an answering machine over some Audio Video equipment that was set up at his place. It starts off sorta calm for the first minute and then ramps into furry around the one minute mark.

    Type: hunter s thompson another satisfied customer

    Be warned..there is potty language.

    And with the printer. It turns out that not every update that comes down the pike is healthy for your computer accessories. Especially when it comes to older printers, scanners and cameras…. “Dingbat Silicon Valley! Soul sucking pocket drainers!”

    REPORT ABUSE
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 39 total)