v-day blues 2013

[Shadow Nexus]

I truly hate it.   🙁

A reminder every year, that I can’t find anyone anything like me.  NO “you’ll find someone” BS!   Please out of respect for me, don’t even say it.  I’v done all I can, there is nothing more. I’ll ignore any comments about it.

Post here any rants as you wish about how much this holiday stinks for you. I need to know i’m not the only one who’s going to be feeling rotten and just want to get through it.

 

 

 

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[Patte Rosebank]

As a confirmed singleton, I’m a detached observer of all this madness.

When I was a kid, Valentine’s Day was all about the big box of chocolates that Mom & Dad would give to me in the morning.  I remember doing the “valentine exchange” thing with the other kids in the class, but it didn’t mean anything, because everybody got one from everybody else.

Other than that, I never really saw the point of all the frenzy about Valentine’s Day.  In fact, since my mother taught me consumer literacy, from the time I was really little, I always saw Valentine’s Day as an excuse for a whole lot of marketing hype, to get people to spend a lot of money.  Just like Christmas…Hallowe’en…weddings…births…

And, seeing all the people who are completely taken-in by all that hype, made me determined not to be amongst them.  If you love someone, you don’t need to spend a lot of money to let them know, especially not just because a bunch of marketing people have decided that you’re SUPPOSED TO on this particular day.

Knocking yourself out to make everything PERFECT, just because it’s TRADITION, is setting up unreasonable expectations, which breed resentment.  Especially when things don’t quite live up to those expectations, or to the visions shown in the ads.

So, on Valentine’s Day, I let everyone else be Charlie Brown or Sally or Linus.  I’ll be Snoopy, hiding under the bridge, snarfing up the chocolates!

 

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[ashockley55]

I’m a single lesbian living in a small city in a very conservative part of my country.  I’m not originally from this city, I moved here with my girlfriend at the time (we broke up, she left, I stayed; that’s another story), so I have no family here, and very few friends.  The friends I have who are also lesbian are already coupled.  The single lesbians I’ve been introduced to are not my type, I don’t find attractive and/or don’t share my interests.  I’m still in love with/hung up on the woman that I met while I was here in this city and stayed here for.  She is in a partnership with another woman who she’s been with for almost twenty years.  They have two children.  I was involved in an affair with her for a little over a year, then she took a promotion and became less available for extracurricular activities/people outside of her job and family.  But hey, that’s okay.  I’m used to being loved for only a little while, then left.  Being a mistress, then being abandoned fits in very well with my experience in this world and beliefs about myself.

So, yes.  Valentine’s Day sucks.

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[haraldbenz]

I’m separated for over a year and will be soon officially divorced. Feel pretty lonely these days and don’t have many friends. Besides they have their own families.
Don’t even have a date to show for. So, this year’s Valentine’s Day will really suck big time.

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[shutterbug55]

@Filmbuff1984, @Larynxa, @ashockley55, @haraldbenz Big hugs to you guys.

On February 14, 1912, Arizona became the 48th state. This is important, because I celebrate “Arizona Statehood” on 2/14. This involves tequila, chips and salsa, and other “South West” type stuff. You are welcome to join my tradition of celebrating Arizona Statehood Day. So, to all you sane people out there,  Happy Valentine’s   Arizona Statehood Day! Everybody!

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[MarieAngell]

Even some of the most diehard Valentine’s Day celebrants I know are starting to gag on this “holiday.” @Shutterbug55 definitely is onto something.

@Filmbuff984, @ashockley55, @haraldbenz, I’m curious about how long it’s been since you were diagnosed.

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[Anonymous]

That is all.

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[Anonymous]

Had a picture, won’t work! Oh well.

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[ashockley55]

MarieAngell,

I’m not good with the concept of time, or time passing, or anything along the time-space continuum at all, but, just guessing/feeling…it feels like several months? since my diagnosis.

At first, I was hella excited.  I was just excited a) something fit, like, fit all the way, instead of just partially (like Bipolar, and Borderline Personality Disorder) and b) that someone was hearing me out about it.  I got a prescription, took it, and was pretty elated with that, too.  It gave me energy, motivation, and I didn’t have those cravings for fast food.  Whaaaa?  I was amazed at what I could accomplish.  Litter box scooped, YES!  Dishes washed, YES!  Dog walked, YES!

However, the energy was…energy.  There was no peace or calm.  I was confident and upbeat, but still not able to sit down, calm down and work on tasks they required a thoughtful, peaceful, calm mind.

Plus, the positive effects of my medication wore off after about three to four hours.  It was supposed to be an extended release medication.

My search for treatment has not been very successful thus far.  There’s a poverty issue – I’m on disability and work as a part-time waitress; even with health insurance, I can’t afford the co-pay’s for visits to the doctor, especially not a specialist, or often the medication.  Plus, the physician’s assistant who I was seeing, and who I LOVED and felt comfortable with – moved to Africa.  Yes.  Africa.  That Africa.

My last interaction with my family doctor was when she became visibly irritated that I hadn’t taken an anti-depressant she wanted me to try.  By visibly irritated, I mean that she became red in the face, pursed her lips, and stopped making eye contact with me for the remainder of my appointment.

So….there’s a whole lot of information in addition to the information you actually asked for, MarieAngell 😉

To try and haul this post back on topic, since getting my diagnosis, a lot of my behaviors in relationships do make sense – the saying “I love you” too soon, the emotional extremes in general, the constant need to please, the constant worrying, the agitation and holding back the urge/need to talk, talk, talk constantly about All. The. Feelings. and. Things. That. Happen. In. My. Brain., even when I’m not sure what my feelings are, or if I communicate my feelings and then they immediately change, and/or were communicated inappropriately the few times I do try to communicate my feelings  including the highly detrimental episode wherein I told someone that I wanted to “date other people” IMMEDIATELY following…intimacy events between us when, in hindsight, what I really felt/wanted to say was, “Hey, after finding out that you’ve had other affairs, I’m scared that I don’t mean as much to you as I thought I did. I’m afraid I am/will end up just another one of those affairs. I need some reassurance that that’s not true.”

I’m not very receptive to my emotions, I try to express them because I often feel they are wrong/extreme. I don’t want to embarrass myself. I do fire a warning shot at the beginning of my relationships, “Hey, heh heh, I’m kinda crazy…just so you know.” But then, I spend the entirety of the relationship behaving in Superficially Very Emotionally Stable ways, not expressing disappointment, or anger, or frustration, or, really, any of my wants and desires.  I am happy.  I am content.  I am fine.   I don’t talk about it if I’m not.  Then, maybe partly because of the ADD, also partly because of the constant bottling up of my emotions, when I do finally say something…it’s extreme and embarrassing.

 

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[MarieAngell]

@Ashockley55,  I hate to say been there, done, but, well, yeah, I have.

You are early in your post-diagnosis journey, if that’s any consolation. Things will look a little better as you begin to sort through an understanding of your past and begin to shape your future (spoiler alert: thereis a future).

I’m sorry you’ve had bad luck with docs and meds. We shouldn’t have to educate medical professionals, but unfortunately, for now we do. Even extended release meds can react differently person to person. (Did you take it with a meal? I’ve found that eating made a positive difference; some people, the opposite.).

P. S. Africa? The Africa? WTF?

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[haraldbenz]

@MarieAngell, It’s been about 5-6 years ago that I got diagnosed with ADD.

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[Anonymous]

I had decided that I was going to be single forever, and that I wasn’t going to have kids. Well, that plan didn’t work out but I’m happy with the way that things did end up, could have been much, much worse.

I don’t celebrate any day that has been co-opted as another marketing opportunity. Huge difference between a family or cultural tradition, and just spending money because you feel obligated. Not watching TV has a very positive effect, don’t see the commercials that tell me I need to buy diamonds or roses. Unless it’s a diamond saw blade, I’ll never waste my money on some compressed carbon so DeBeers can get even richer; and I’d rather plant things that will grow and produce food and/or beauty for longer than cut roses will last.

Groundhog Day used to be my big holiday, but even that’s getting bad now. I’ll stick to days that I choose to celebrate, even if there’s no Hallmark cards made for the occasion. Every day above ground is an opportunity to celebrate.

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[haraldbenz]

@ashockley55, I read your second post here about 3 or 4 times now (probably more:) ) What you are saying sounds so very much familiar to me, I’d be scared (do I have a twin sister my parents forgot to tell me about?) if I wouldn’t know we both have this emotional ADD-on roller-coaster to our lives.
I’m aware this doesn’t help you much but know, you are not alone.

Let’s forget the lesbian/straight guy tags for a moment. Here’s what I’m gonna do. You are now officially my Valentine’s Day date. On V-day evening I’m going to open a bottle of red wine and cheer to you. At least in spirit you won’t be alone that day. 🙂

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[MarieAngell]

@HaraldBenz, those arbitrary benchmarks after a lost romance were hard for me, too. Not that my loneliness wasn’t acute regardless of the date on the calendar. These days I look at love and relationships differently. Do you think your perspective has changed since your diagnosis?

 

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[MarieAngell]

If I may add, @haraldbenz, that is a lovely idea, to toast @ashockley55 as your official date.

@Gardener, I’m with you that commercializing every dadgum thing has taken all the fun out of what use to be enjoyable holidays. Groundhog Day–it’s gone crazy, hasn’t it?

A friend of mine has a chicken calendar with crazy commemorations like Eat Ice Cream Day and Do a Grouch a Favor (she owes me a favor on that day, for sure). We need to have a Totally ADD Day.

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