v-day blues 2013

[ashockley55]

@haraldbenz,

(wonder if I did that “@” linking thing right?)

Ha!  Thanks!  That’s awesome, because I can’t even drink!  You’ll be drinking for me!

If I think about it, Valentine’s really isn’t the holiday for me anyway, because I can’t drink OR have chocolate.  That latter, I leave myself a little leeway (sp?).  I do have chocolate from time to time.  There would be daily news reports of catastrophe abounding if I did not get to have a sweet from time to time.  I get very……angry.

I’m thinking of starting an anti-Valentine’s Day campaign on my blog.  Just sort of humorous, not truly, truly bitter. (Grinding my teeth.)  I already have a couple videos saved on my intrawebs taskbar to share.  Also, I’m thinking of writing a completely hysterical “50 Shades of Fail”.  Ha ha HA HA HA I’m laughing just thinking about it.

 

REPORT ABUSE

[haraldbenz]

@MarieAngell, although I was only married for five years the romance had left the building after the first year. My soon to be ex knew about my ADD and what it entails (she even went with me to Rick’s first seminar at the science centre) but I guess, knowing and understanding are two different things. To her ADD became ‘my excuse’ for everything. Nothing was good enough or done right in her opinion.

Here’s a fond Valentine’s Day memory. One V-Day I thought it would be nice to make something myself for my wife instead of buying it. Being an art director and designer I created a really nice, personalized V-Day card for her. It turned out to be a pretty elaborate thing of beauty.
When V-Day finally came around I prepared a nice dinner and when my wife came back from work I gave her the card.
Her only comment was “I should have rather cleaned up the house.”
(Btw, the place didn’t need any cleaning because i did it the day before.)

To answer your question, I don’t think my perspective changed all that much. I do know now why I do certain things – the head over heels impulsiveness only to lose interest after a short period of time, and so on – but that doesn’t necessarily mean I can avoid it.

I know my marriage failed not because of my wife or because of me. The two of us sabotaged it equally. What worries me is the nagging question whether I’m actually able to fall in love AND keep loving that person for good?
V-Day is just a reminder of another failure to me.

REPORT ABUSE

[haraldbenz]

@ashockley55, yes you did that @ linking thing right.
I’m happy to make it grape juice in your honour. 🙂

REPORT ABUSE

[MarieAngell]

@haraldbenz, sometimes things just don’t work out. The story you recount about how your wife’s reaction to your lovely gift sums it up well.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you find love again. When I was single, I wish I’d known I had ADD and how that affected my relationships. I hope I would have been more conscious of finding someone who pleased me rather than finding someone I pleased. Sure would have saved myself a lot of rollercoaster romances before I remarried, that’s for sure.

 

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

@MarieAngell I love the goofy holidays! My favorite is “National Sneak Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night”. I used to mention them on my show for the upcoming week so folks could participate (well, both of my listeners anyway).

Every day is “Eat Ice Cream Day”! In my case, it’s ice cream-flavored cold substance, since I don’t do dairy. Vegan ice cream is far better than vegan cheese, though.

We do need a holiday to break up February, which in my opinion is the longest three months of the year.

REPORT ABUSE

[Patte Rosebank]

@Gardener, it’s so satisfying to find someone else who sees through all the hype around diamonds!

Diamonds are the commonest gem on the planet.  They should be dirt-cheap.  However, because DeBeers is a monopoly, controlling 95% of the supply, they can charge whatever they like.  And to make sure people feel compelled to pay those prices, they create a big campaign to promote the idea that it’s TRADITION to give diamonds for engagements, weddings, anniversaries, etc.  They even use product placement in the movies (just like the tobacco companies did) to promote this.

And millions of people buy it!

As for me, if I had $10,000, I’d rather buy several truly stunning faux pieces that look like real diamonds, than just one diamond ring.

Besides, I prefer emeralds.

REPORT ABUSE

[shutterbug55]

I have been giving this a lot of thought and one of the things I have seen here in this thread and elsewhere in this site is a true connection of respect and “love”. Not the St Valentine, commercial, buy chocolates, hearts, Hallmark, sex, love. I am talking about the real thing: That would be respect, empathy, thoughtfulness, sacrifice, the list goes on. To me that is the real deal.

Among other things, when my mind wanders, I study languages. I collect them like most people collect butterflies. The Greeks have two words for love: AGAPE and EROS. EROS is the physical, where AGAPE is the feeling, the thing that settles deep in your heart; the thing that gets you through the bad times as well as the good; the thing that makes relationships; the thing that I believe is eternal.

It seems like the world has replaced the agape type of love, which as I believe, is the real deal, with the superficial eros, physical love.

I have no time for the superficial and other distractions. I am on a mission to discover me. I want to discover the truth about me. I want to know how to work with this thing called ADD. I want to be able to work with my limitations and understand them for what they are. In order to do that, I need to be truthful with myself and with how I perceive the things happening around me.

One of these searches for “truth” I have spent my whole life looking for, is the agape. I was blessed by finding it with my wife. I have also found it with several other people in my life.

I think the world has been substituting a lot of real things for their lesser and hollow counterparts, not the least of which, is love.  As someone who suffers from ADD, I see through that, because I have enough to distract me already. I am on a journey to find the truth: about myself and about the world around me. My hyper-focus is pointed toward figuring out what is real not made up in my mind or made up by other people.

I don’t want to be part of yet another commercialized, superficial, “Hallmark” celebration of something that I believe is much more profound. I think that is why at my house, I celebrate Arizona Statehood day.

This may seem strange coming from a guy, but I want the agape love that comes from feelings. I want something real. Real connections. Real belonging. Real love.

I hope you all find those real things in your lives. I hope you all make sense out of this thing we call ADD, and can celebrate it. As someone who suffers with ADD, I understand those moments may be fleeting, but celebrate them! I know I do, and I don’t need a Hallmark card to do it.

 

 

 

REPORT ABUSE

[Fabulous]

Beautifully put, @shutterbug55! (This comes from someone who does not “do” v day).

REPORT ABUSE

[Patte Rosebank]

I found this educational film, that may help those of us who are single…

REPORT ABUSE

[Scattybird]

Larynxa – where do you find this stuff?! Brilliant.

I shall toast you all on V-Day – we might be a bit lonely, but at least nobody is in our house making us miserable. ….or I am TOO cynical and jaded?

REPORT ABUSE

[Patte Rosebank]

A link from Sarah-Louise Young (a cabaret performer in the UK) led to the link to that video.

She does a great one-woman show, of original characters singing original songs.  http://www.youtube.com/user/sarahlouiseyoung1975

 

REPORT ABUSE

[Scattybird]

Larynxa – I watched the Sarah-Louise Young video and got a bit worried about you for the first two minutes. Like…..are you OK as this is a bit serious? BUT then…the change in tempo. Brilliant. I like your style Larynxa…..and I’m glad I don’t need to worry about you!

REPORT ABUSE

[Patte Rosebank]

Look closely at that “I Don’t Really Care” video.   See that happy pervert, frolicking in the public toilets?  He’s played by Jonathan Pryce, CBE—who is clearly having fun!

REPORT ABUSE

[Scattybird]

I thought he looked familiar.

REPORT ABUSE

[Robbo]

I’m not all that crazy about v-day either. It’s the same problem I’ve got with Christmas. Same thing basically. This last year was the closest I’ve come to doing anything at all on Christmas. It wasn’t much though.

Next year maybe I’ll go out and buy some of those same valentines we all used to get for our friends in 4th grade. That’s about the last time I remember truly having any real fun on valentines day. Most of the years after that were spent feeling deeply fearful, disappointed, and lonely. One year I was with a friend. We both forgot it was valentines day!, and when we stopped at some italian restaurant and had dinner. (two dudes, out for dinner on valentines day!) Well, neither one of us cared at all that we looked like “a couple dudes going our for dinner on valentines day” lol.

Nope, we were not gay then. And we’re not gay now. My friend Christopher and I laughed about the looks we got from all the couples in the place sitting and smiling at us as if we were “a cute gay couple” lol. Didn’t care at all!.

Still don’t care…

It’s a dumb, sadistically commercial holiday for lovers that need a dang excuse to show each-other how much they love each-other.

Actually, I’m just venting. I’m pissed off because I’m alone yet again this year. I wish I had a girlfriend. Better yet, I wish I was happily married. But I’m not. Why fret about it.

Might at well be honest. I wish I had a lovely lady in my life who I could waste some money on. But even if I did. If she told me “diamonds are a girls best friend” I would tell her. “good why don’t you go ahead and marry that dang diamond you talked me into buying for you. You seem to love it almost as much as you love yourself” ” You selfish self centered hag! (only kidding sweetheart) ” No wonder I’m still single.

kiss kiss smooch smooch…

gag me with a spoon.

 

Great, I got to be in court tomorrow morning… yipee freakin E with a black cherry on top

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts