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For some people with Anxiety, traditional ADHD meds can be intolerable, so this is not as uncommon as you might think. Sounds like getting the anxiety under control is critical before trying ADHD meds again — and then, you might want to avoid stimulant medication. I’d encourage you to think about what the goal is for using medication — what’s the behavior you’re trying to address? It may or may not be treatable with the meds, so be clear WHY you’re seeking meds for ADHD specifically before you go again. There are a lot of other ways to manage ADHD besides meds, so focus on getting the anxiety under control and consider looking for behavioral approaches, and maybe nutritional approaches. I’m not sure how old your son is, but for kids and teens, Parent Training is recommended treatment and can make a world of difference. If that interests you, visit SanitySchool.com to see if it feels like it might be helpful for you– it was designed for parents to be able to access support via the phone and internet. You’re on the right path — be patient!
REPORT ABUSEGREAT — so now you’re clear that the change is about setting a clear expectation for him that you’re an adult and you’re not going to bed at the same time that he does. That’s where you are taking aim. NOW, you collect information again — what’s going on for him? What’s he thinking that has him wanting you to go to bed when he does?
REPORT ABUSEYou ready for a little coaching ? 😀 Don’t worry about the routine for just a moment. Consider the questions: See if you can understand the source of the trouble sleeping. Is it trouble with going to sleep, getting to sleep, or staying asleep? What can you figure out about what’s going on? Once you’ve got some answers to that, then ask — what’s in it for him/her? what is important about changing things (for you? for him/her?). Turn on your curiosity and see what comes up!
REPORT ABUSEGREAT place to start. Now, collect information (step 2). Is it trouble with getting to sleep? staying asleep? What do you know about what’s going on? what’s in it for him/her? how is it playing out? what is important about changing things (for you? for him/her?). Turn on your curiosity and see what comes up!
REPORT ABUSEI hear you — I figure I gotta keep laughing, it’s what keeps me from cryin’ 🙂 — we’ve learned that when you take care of managing your approach to your kids, it really helps everyone. We have this model that we use, that comes from coaching, called the Impact Parenting Model — and it is a 6 step process that you can use to manage all kinds of conflicts and challenges. It starts with Taking Aim — and that’s a big piece. Start by identifying ONE thing that you’d like to see changed — and try to get as specific as possible. Doesn’t matter if its for you or your kids — but the more specific, the better. “Homework” or “Mornings” is too general — think about “getting started on Homework” or “getting out of bed in the mornings” — or “taking care of myself ” (radical, I know) — choose one place to start. Then, let em know how that goes and I’ll giv eyou the next step 🙂
REPORT ABUSEHi Cher
First — I really want to go out for a coffee or a walk with you :)! Fabulous post, and a terrific example of how fast your brain is moving and how hard it must be to keep up with it!
I’m writing because I officially have permission to invite you to a place where you can learn specifically about HOW TO parent complex kids, even if you’re a complex adult! 🙂 Check out ImpactADHD.com and let us know if it feels like what you’re looking for — if so, then email us and we’ll tell you more! But first, make sure it feels like a good match for you (if this is feeling sorta like internet-support-speed-dating, well … )
There’s really a lot of minor things you can do to shift the way you parent so that you and your kids all feel more successful — we’d love to help 🙂 Elaine
REPORT ABUSEEdgeFoundation.org has certified student coaches and will match you with a good fit — tell Denise I sent you! Also, if your son is really interested in coaching, it’s a great idea and I highly recommend it! If you’re son is a bit resistant, however, you might want to talk to us, first 😉 so you don’t waste your money!
REPORT ABUSEm — I know how you feel, baby. I finally got diagnosed around 40 when my third child was clearly GOING to be diagnosed — and it really helped me make sense of my whole life. But here’s what I REALLY want to say — your little guy is ready for your attention, now, but wasn’t before — thank goodness the older one is doing great! Think about all you’ve learned, and how much more you know now than when you were facing this stuff for the first time. You’ve GOT this — and your little guy will be the beneficiary most of all!
Spend some time reading on ImpactADHD — search homework, or school troubles, and you’ll be amazed to find how much you already know, and how much you are NOT alone!
Hang in there — and feel free to ask any questions that might help ease your path! Hugs, Elaine 🙂
REPORT ABUSEHey Lodgson — sorry for the delay! I responded to this last week, but obviously I did something wrong. Technology and I have an interesting relationship.
Anyway, I cannot speak to the issue of Strattera for a little one — each medication affects each individual quite differently.
But I do want to remind you that ADHD can be well treated by a number of different paths! Medication is DEFINITELY NOT the only treatment, it’s not for everyone, and it’s not the end-all-be-all of ADHD treatment, especially for one that young.
At the CHADD conference last weekend I heard several different professionals talk about the importance of psycho-social interventions (e.g. Therapy or Coaching) — and I even heard that it can be helpful to start there, and then add medication later. I’m NOT saying don’t try the medication — but I don’t want you to feel “stuck” to it at this stage, either. He’s really young, and there are lots of things you can try to help improve life at home and at school, with or without medication! We work with parents on these issues every day using the parenting action model — there’s really so much you can do! Remember that what you do as a parent really makes a difference!
REPORT ABUSESo I sat in a meeting all day, listening to presentation after presentation of people who are engaged and committed to helping people with ADHD. (I’m at the CHADD conference, by the way!:) It was inspiring. AND — it was frustrating. Because I had to hold my tongue a lot — I kept wanting to say, “people, you cannot fix ADHD, we have to teach people to manage it!!” And that’s what’s coming up for me now — maybe because I was in that room all day! 🙂
But seriously — your “mom eyes” know what this child needs. He is 6 years old. What are you trying to achieve in learning to manage your son’s ADHD, and teaching him to manage himself? Where do you want to focus first? What values are most important to you? What’s the benefit of the meds? What’s the cost?
I’m not answering your question about straterra, and for that I apologize. It’s different for every one, so it really doesn’t matter what anyone else says. If you decide to try it, you’ll know soon enough. But whether my daughter had a good experience or not when she tried it probably won’t tell you much of anything.
But I do want to ask you to get clear with yourself — what is your purpose for trying medication at this stage? Is that purpose a high value to you? If so, keep trying til you find something that helps. If not, you might consider waiting until he’s older, and try some other approaches to management like coaching, therapy, or accommodations. There are MANY things you can do to start to manage ADHD, set realistic expectations and begin to teach your child to self-regulate. Medication is not the only solution. It can be slower without medication — but when your child is that young, if you’re not clear on why you’re doing it, you have to ask yourself — what’s the rush?
REPORT ABUSEFirst, I want to say AAAARGH! This kind of thing just makes me so angry!
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Now, I’ll try to be nice. Your next steps will be different depending on your school, and the laws at play. Are you in Canada or the US (or elsewhere)? That will help us guide you a bit — but the short answer is that you have to Keep Your Cool (no matter how angry this may make you, as it does me!) — and start calmly advocating for what you need. IF you want to continue to try medication — and that is YOUR decision — then you’ve got great information, now. You know what the problems might be, so that you can arrange for how they’ll handle them. But give us a bit more — where in the world are you so we can understand your rights a little better 🙂 ?
(wild concept, isn’t it? that your rights are different depending on where you are! I know that shouldn’t be surprising, but it’s still pretty strange when I hear myself say it).fromthisdayforward — SO sorry — sometimes, life just gets in the way :-)! Diane wrote an article about how do you know whether it’s ADHD, or not, and the conclusion in that article was — does it matter? Bottom line is the your daughter has a neurological challenge that is interfering with her ability to lead a “successful” life — BRAVO for her getting some helpl! It’s hard to turn things around at 29, but with some determination, and your support, she can do it! Focus on every little success you can identify, and help her get clear on what she wants to change — one step at a time. THat’s critical — it won’t change over night, but with your encouragement and support, hopefully she Diane and I coach parents through over time, but it’s a hard situation to address in a quick response like this, once a “child” is really an adult! It took 29 years to get to this point — you gotta have some patience to turn things around :)!
Keep us posted — if there’s something specific we can help you with, let me know.
REPORT ABUSEThere are no accidents — the universe provides when you learn to ask for what you need! 🙂 Hope you’re having a great day!
REPORT ABUSEhppyfs — there’s a terrific ADHD strategy I used called “Double-Tasking” — the idea is to get two projects going at once so that when you get bored with one, you can switch to the other, rather than just letting distractions take you away. It’s like planning your distraction — and it can really work if you do it intentially! 🙂
Tinwi — there’s lots of strategies you can put into place to help — you can’t “fix” it, but can definitely improve it, both in terms of brain activation, and in terms of using systems and structures. We teach parents an effective method for tackling any challenging situation called the Parenting Action Model — you might want to check out The ADHD Parent Manual (it’s a video!) in the TotallyADD store 🙂 here’s a link: http://totallyaddshop.com/products/impactadhd-adhd-parent-manual#.VDdKU9TF8eY
REPORT ABUSENice. I’m with you on the tea — more of a pilates babe, myself! So, now…what’s ONE thing that you would like to see changed that would just make things feel better or easier? Just one thing, and be specific. Don’t try to go with “mornings” or “homework time” — but target it more. We call it, “Taking Aim.” (sipping my tea — night all! 🙂
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