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I have probably about a dozen books of fairy tales from different countries. They are short, don’t require a big investment in time, and give a sense of what children from different countries hear before they go to sleep at night.
REPORT ABUSEMy best one was getting six stiches after hitting myself between the eyes with a pick ax.
REPORT ABUSEFrom one of my earlier posts elsewhere:
” I have, due to my businesses, about forty different financial transactions to make throughout the month. When it was just a few bills, I could manage. Now, I have a spreadsheet with months across the top and transaction ordered by due date along the side. This has been a great help to me in determining if something has been paid and the amount of the payment. Its an item on my Windows desktop. I also have five or six alarms on my iPhone to cue me to take out the trash Thursday night, make daily bank transfers, etc”
REPORT ABUSEI only have black socks too. I keep my socks in a small box and place the freshly washed ones in the bottom to maintain a first in first out usage so they get rotated for wear. I pretty much wear blue jeans and t shirts, and go barefooted a lot. I’ve donated about five or six gallons of blood so I have a lot of shirts from the blood bank.
We have a second washer and dryer in a garage/house where I wash my clothes. Usually I pile the dirty laundry next to the washer and the clean is either in the dryer or in a separate pile a little further from the dryer.
I read recently that people with ADD tend to organize in piles.
REPORT ABUSESeptember 29, 2011 at 11:48 pm in reply to: What to replace anxiety with to get something done? #108590Since learning about ADD and thinking I probably have it, I am becoming more aware of behavior and actions indicative of ADD. I also am beginning to rationalize behaviors as ADD related in order to avoid doing things needing to be done.
So although until recently I believe I have been fairly productive and performing above average, I am now allowing ADD to have a greater negative impact. Or perhaps I am just noticing it more. I don’t have to worry about what the boss thinks, I’m self employed.
REPORT ABUSEJust off the top of my head, I don’t recall ever seeing a calm dog. I’m 59 and a cat person. Since getting married, we’ve had dogs for 20+ years. Our son, 21 and ADD, grew up with the dogs. I don’t recall that any of them ever calmed him down. However, they may have helped to wear him down. Speaking from experience, your son is less likely to kill a large one when he belly flops on it.
I do seem to recall that my son was fond of one of the cats. Few cats are going to stay around a wound up ADHD kid. Only one that is calm and quiet. You might want to consider a cat. As a bonus, they have nine lives so they will survive one or two belly flops. The best cat is a feral cat gotten from the woods and tamed. We had one once that ran into and joined a dog fight after the fourth dog entered the fray. He was awesome. Two border collies, a golden, a huge doberman, and a black cat having it out. Actually, as I recall, the cat pretty well busted up the fight.
REPORT ABUSEI belileve that I am much better at writing than speaking. Although I am not fast at either. Writing allows me to reorganize my thoughts. I read and reread and reread what I have written almost to the point of being OCD. I figure about an hour per page (250-300 words) for things I want to get right. I’ll put it away and read it the next morning and then later in the afternoon and invariably find things to change. Evening is the best time for me to be creative. I’m sure its bad advice and I don’t recommend it, but if I have, say four to six oz. of 80 proof on board, I find that writing and speaking is so much easier. I don’t know if the spirits grease the neurons or silence the distracting voices. They do seem to allow me to have insights more readily and help with creativity. Words come fairly readily for writing, but with speech not enough so to consistently speak fluidly. When speaking, I often leave sentences unfinished after I think I have gotten most of the idea across. A year ago, I might have thought this was due to laziness, but now I believe its ADD.
Just as a skilled artisan is able to create beautiful works of art from simple and mundane materials as stone and wood, so is it not necessary to have a genius IQ vocabulary to produce elegant prose. A simpler vocabulary allows for a broader audience and ease of understanding. Those that use big and “fancy” words do so because they want to show off or lack the creativity and skill to do otherwise.
So although I know what you mean by not being able to recall a particular word on demand, I would say work with what you can remember and upon rereading what you have written, you may recall the word for which you were looking. As for speaking, I can’t help you there. We’re probably in the same boat. I try to keep it short and simple there.
REPORT ABUSEWolf,
If you like, you could email me at preenabelle@gmail.com. Its an old account named for a cat. I’ll keep an eye on it in case you respond.
REPORT ABUSEAnd now to change the subject somewhat, my wife and I (probably ADD) have several ongoing problems on which I would like comments and suggestions.
First, we preceive things differently. For example, our son (21, ADD, and struggling through college) or daughter (24, not ADD, and graduated college) will say something that usually but not always goes completely by me. My wife will immediately pick up on it and take the offspring to task for being impolite, disrespectful, or overly reactive. Then she will be upset with me for not speaking up in the first place and/or not actively taking up and supporting her position on the matter. Usually I am just quiet, I am a quiet person, wait for her to finish, and try to move the conversaion on to other things. She feels that my reaction undermines her authority and by my reaction am siding with the kid against her. So she feels betrayed by me. I am wondering if this minimizing or inability to pick up on this is ADD related or some other personality defect unrelated to ADD.
Another thing is sometimes when we are out among people together, I will say something about her or perhaps act in a way that is at best uncomplimentary and cruel at worst. I think sometimes I am not aware and sometimes I am. I suppose is could be ADD related, it could be passive aggressive behavior related to the above, or something else.
The last thing I can think of right now, is although we will agree on how to manage/discipline our son, left to me, it just isn’t a happening thing. Maybe I’m overly patient, maybe its an ADD thing, maybe I’m just disconnected with reality.
Any comments?
REPORT ABUSEHi again,
I’m just guessing, but I would say that if he is off his meds, he may be thinking that its not him but you, me, and the rest of the world that has changed. Its like someone with a slight fever. Its not them, its the room that’s too hot – or too cold. He may see himself “still the same.” He is using himself as his “frame of reference” for normal behaviour, just as the person with a fever is using themself as a reference as to what is too hot or too cold..
He should probably get back on his meds before he screws up everything really badly.
You might try to find out why he is reluctant to take his meds and reason with him, but I would guess that you will have to enlist help from other friends to convince him of his change in behavior. One data point isn’t going to do it for him.
Presently, he may be thinking that you are the one that has changed and be perplexed as to why.
Does this at all sound valid or make any sense?
REPORT ABUSEClearly, your are right, Cat, in what you say. My wife seldom, if ever, gets angry or upset without cause. People should be heard and not dismissed for being upset over valid concerns and I’m not the best qualified at determining what is valid.
There are times, however, when the ensuing discussion degenerates into a senseless harangue with her saying things which I know she does not mean and fall far outside the bounds of “the rules of fair fighting.” (I don’t think she has ADD, but she, like most people, has her own demons to wrestle with.) This usually happens in the evening and goes for as long as three hours, stopping only when she is too exhausted to continue. My ADD and responses do not help. I often find myself at a loss and find that whatever I say to clarify or defuse the situation only fuels her escalating rage. I believe that there are others who may find themselves in similar situations.
My above post describes one way that I am able to cope without becoming hurt, angry, or tempted to respond in kind. I hope that It might be helpful to others.
Thanks for allowing me to try to clarify.
REPORT ABUSEA couple of things I have heard in the past that may help.
If you believe in God and the Bible, then you have to believe in the devil. He is, I think, the third character introduced. He is either front and center or hiding in the pages. (I don’t understand how people can believe in the devil and not God.)
The devil doesn’t have to go after the non believers, criminals, drug addicts, etc. He’s already got them. He goes after the good Christian family. If he can bust up the parents, then he’ll get the kids in the process.
I play the concertina. One time my wife arranged a lesson with a fabulous concertina player in attendance at an old time music festival. Its the only lesson I’ve ever had. I had met the man for the first time the previous day. Quite randomly, in the middle of the lesson, he stopped and said, “You know, your wife really loves you.” I’ll never forget the moment.
When my wife gets angry and (fill in your own blanks), I don’t see her, I see the devil speaking through her like he did with the little girl in the Exorcist. I don’t take the bait.
Know the truth and don’t listen to the “Father of Lies.” See the assult for what it is.
Everyone has their own demons and handicaps. For some its ADD. I suppose that the non ADD person in a relationship combines their misunderstandings and mis interpretations with their own fears and demons and things can go to hell in a handbasket in a hurry.
Know the truth. Don’t take the bait. Listen to the Holy Spirit and not the evil spirit.
I think I’ll go learn “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” on my concertina now.
REPORT ABUSEAsk your boss if, in the future, she wants the truth or she wants you to be professional.
REPORT ABUSEAssuming that those with ADD aren’t going to get diagnosed, take their medicine, change their behavior, etc. and it is up to others in the relationship to try to cope, I’ll offer insights I have had based on my reading and experience.
About myself, I have not been diagnosed, but maxed out the self test contained elsewhere in this site. Since my son has been diagnosed and there seems to be a strong genetic component, I must have ADHD to a greater or lesser extent. The other element which I feel definitely comes into play is that I have an IQ that has been measured in excess of 150. Apparently, people of higher intellegence are often undiagnosed. For example, if in school, I could manage to pay attention for five or even ten minutes in algebra class, that was enough for me to learn the material and do average work. I perhaps didn’t do so well in English or history where the material wasn’t repetitive, requiring me to pay attention for the entire class. “So he does good in the classes he likes.”
One thing that disturbs me is that “ADD is not considered a ‘disorder’ unless is has a negative impact on ones day to day functioning.” I feel that is like saying if your leg is broken and you can hop around ok on the other, then its not a problem. Prior to my son’s diagnosis and reading about ADD, I would have attributed my problems to IQ. For the most part, the combination has worked rather well for me. ADD has me jumping around to a huge variety of interests (into which I’ll not go) and the other allows me to gain an above average proficiency in each. I obtained a computer science degree and worked about ten years with computers. I quit the job and got married at around 33 years of age to someone just as independant, set in her ways, and stubborn as I. Then took some accounting courses and passed the CPA exam passing all parts the first time. I blew off being a CPA fairly soon after taking the test and later started a business. When I got tired of working, I hired others to do my job and distracted myself with other things.
While I have been successful with respect to work, I have difficulty with people. Fortunately, I suppose, working with computer, numbers, or machines does not involve relationships. I’ve seen posts in this site and elsewhere that are uncanny in how well they describe my situation.
In review, I find that the hyperactivity aspect has changed for me. Prior to the age of eleven or so, it was “classic.” Then, I suppose due to negative feedback, my mind began to channel that aspect into more productive outlets. Now my fidgeting is directed towards (at the risk of getting the guys in trouble) loading the dishwasher, washing clothes, or some other trivial but useful task. This kicks in pretty hard when my wife is pissed at me, the dog, or the cat. If I am otherwise unoccupied, and can avoid the computer, I’ll try to occupy myself with some such task. So now I’m thinking that all you non ADD people could make a “fidget list” for your ADD spouse containing short but useful tasks around the house. Anything taking over five minutes might be too long for the easily distracted. Tell them it would make you happy. It doesn’t need to be done now, just whenever. PS Don’t get your hopes up.
I have also found that the distractability, forgetfulness, screw up easy tasks seems to have increased lately. I don’t know if I am more aware of it now than in the past, have more to juggle, or am truly getting worse. I have, due to my businesses, about forty different financial transactions to make throughout the month. When it was just a few bills, I could manage. Now, I have a spreadsheet with months across the top and transaction ordered by due date along the side. This has been a great help to me in determining if something has been paid and the amount of the payment. Its an item on my Windows desktop. I also have five or six alarms on my iPhone to cue me to take out the trash Thursday night, make daily bank transfers, etc. It doesn’t necessarily occur to me that the trash needs to go out just because I’m trying to cram a empty potato chip bag into an overflowing trashcan. Lists seem to help, but my wife will not make them and I forget to chech the ones I make for myself. Perhaps a “check my list” alarm on my iPhone sometime in the future would help.
In view of the above, you can pehaps see why I’m posting on the Survival in an ADD relationship forum. While ADD and high IQ get me by and perhaps are even a good combination in some areas, its defintely a “double Trouble” type deal in relationships, the absentminded professor with ADD. Somewhere on this site I think I saw mom-of-six. If her husband has ADD then half her kids, or more, probably have it. Those that don’t, pick up the traits like a bad habit passed among dogs and the poor woman is then in the minority. ADHD is the norm and she is the freak/crazy one. I feel your pain mom-of-six. My wife gets onto me for things that my son or daughter have done and I was either “zoned out”, didn’t see, or like “what’s wrong with that?’ Hey ADD guys, how many times have you heard this, “Don’t play stupid with me.”? I don’t want to imply that we argue and fight all the time, we don’t. But sometimes instead of going to McDonald’s its like going to the “argument shop.” “Mmmm Today I’ll have argument #6 with a little sarcasm and lots of profanity. And throw one of those breakable things.” Can I get a Witness?
Well, I’ve wasted enough time sitting here for today. If this helps anyone, let me know and maybe I’ll write more. I’ve got some books to read that may help coming from Amazon. As you can imagine, with ADD, reading can be hard for me and I don’t like to do it. The ironic thing is that I have about ten bookcases full of books.
Good luck guys.
REPORT ABUSEIt would seem to me that you “friend” is more of an acquaintance than a friend and doesn’t know of what they speak. I began reading about ADD about a year ago after my 20 year old son was diagnosed with ADD. Reading “Driven to Distraction”, I could see him, and myself in almost every page.
I don’t believe people are sarcastic or insecure because they have ADD. I believe that, for a variety of reasons, they are often misunderstood. First, give him the benefit of the doubt. Not that he deserves it but because you’ll be happier and hopefully, so will he, for doing so.
I can’t speak for him, but I find that in my case, my thoughts are like the bingo balls rolling around in a cage, with a different and often completely random thought popping up at frequent intervals. (And I’m talking everything from quantum mechanics to “will Triple Sec work as well as Gran Marnier in chocolate mousse?” random.) When my wife asks me to do something, I try to get it done right then. Even if it was something she intended to be done later. Otherwise, its a ball that goes in the cage and may or may not pop up again for months and get done. Depending on the request, it may not matter or it may be a “you don’t listen to me, don’t care, don’t love me, etc., etc.” kind of deal. Often I find her reactions or interpretations totally unexpected and baffelling. Every day, as I go through the world, more balls get added to the cage.
I think my wife would agree that I am the one that is best able to function in a crisis and am able to manage bill paying, house maintenance, etc. the better of the two of us. I don’t believe I have the impulsivity aspect of ADD. So ADD doesn’t mean that you have to be the “rock” in this respect. It may mean that you have to get an understanding of how ADD is manifested in your husband in order to help him function better and to better understand him. Learn to separate him from his ADD and see him for what he is.
Your husband may be a hurtful and selfish person. Or he could be a caring and giving person with ADD who is misunderstood because of being constantly distracted by random thoughts flying through his brain or some other manifestation of ADD.
Long ago I learned not to be hurt by the words or actions of others. If unintentional, I let it drop and don’t worry about it. If intentional, I don’t give them the satisfaction of succeeding in their intent and forget about it. Try not to take words or actions of others personally. Its their problem not yours.
I believe I have had undiagnosed ADD all my life and have had neither counselling or medication for the condition. Last year I had a checkup and was medicated for a procedure, and for the first time, for a brief period, the bingo balls were quiet.
I hope this gives you some insight and something to think about.
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