Still Skeptical

[Carrie]

Even though I have been diagnosed with ADD and everything makes perfect sense now, I think im in denial. I guess Ive been this way for my entire life but I thought it was just me. I “feel” normal, I have my problems which are all those of ADD but are they not just normal everyday problems? Doesnt everyone have the same probs? I have been watching all the videos and reading forums, but I guess I am still not convinced that this is truly a “condition”. However, I am not receiving treatment just yet, am waiting on Dr., I think that will be the ultimate “aha” moment is if the meds do infact work.

I just really have mixed feelings right now. I’ve always been a normal healthy person, but described as weird (in a good way), creative, energetic person with a scatter brain hahahaha ADD makes total sense to me, and if I do indeed have it I LOVE IT! Its amazing! Im just scared is all. How people will react, how I will feel with treatment. I grew to love my energetic, unorganized self. I dont want to lose me!

Have any of you felt or feel this way? What is your experience?

Carrie

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[Anonymous]

i’m still somewhat in denial myself- i keep reading things here and saying “omg, yeah, i totally do that. damnit!” or “so thats not just me? they seriously know how i feel?! yay!” …. and i’m slowly coming around, but it is really hard to get to grips with- especially when you’ve struggled and slipped through the net for so long (i’m 30- aka: ancient ) and were completely convinced that you were just entirely defective- all be it in a somewhat quirky and sometimes entertaining way.

i read somewhere recently that people who think they have ADD generally don’t. its those of us who are somewhat dubious cos we just thought we were weird and a bit crap, who likely have it. everyone has problems, but most don’t have quite so many that all fit into the same niche, for the same reasons (dopamine system is a smidge lazy and wonky) , or struggle so hard with them, i think.

i think really, when it comes down to it- whether you call it ‘weird, creative and ditzy’ or ADHD, if your wiring is the way it is and your brain chemistry works pretty much the same as mine and the rest of the board here, and a bit differently to 90% or so of the population, thats how it is.

you don’t have to lose you. what you’ve got here is the opportunity to understand you, and some skills and strategies that you can employ to actively decide to improve upon or change the parts of your personality and skills that might cause you problems at the moment.

if you want to try meds, great! whatever happens will wear off when you stop taking them! i’m used to meds, cos i’ve been on antidepressants for depression for 16 years now (i know!) and for the mostpart you still end up being you, just a little altered when on them- with my antidepressants i have enough energy and drive to haul my arse out of bed by lunchtime, i find myself actually laughing and smiling- i’m still me, just the ‘improved’ version who doesn’t wanna off themselves. with straterra (which i take for my recently diagnosed ADD) i’m still me as well, i’m just a me that can focus on thinking just one thing at a time when required, who feels a bit more present in the moment and self-aware, and who doesn’t turn circles quite so much and forget what they’re doing every 5 seconds- a me with a slightly quieter brain- it still works, its just tuned in better, so i deal with about 3 thoughts per second instead of 300, and i can take them in straighter lines when i need to use them, instead of bewilderedly watching them bounce off the walls in my brain all day.

i had an aha moment when i first started meds- when suddenly and randomly one day i realised i wasn’t thinking *anything*- for the first time ever. i’d never ever experienced total radio silence in my head, and it was blissful- just peace and quiet… looking out of the car window, enjoying the sunshine on my face. you might love it too. if not, just stop taking the pills, or try some different ones.

you don’t need to tell anyone just yet- and i wouldn’t until you feel comfortable enough to answer questions if needs be. some people will say “yeah, no shit sherlock?!” cos it was so incredibly obvious to them, and thats awesome, but some won’t entirely understand- cos people don’t always understand things they’ve only learned about from hyped-up inaccurate newspaper articles, and its a hassle to try and deal with that if you don’t *need* to, to begin with, at least, and it might mess with your footings a bit fi you’re not so solid confidence wise.

just take your time with it (as much as any of us can ), relax, and enjoy the ride- see where it takes you!

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[Carrie]

Thanks for the reply! Wow this is an awesome answer! 30 is not old I work with elderly, 60 to me is young! hahaha

I will try to relax but right now of course my mind is still racing a million miles an hour especially with all this new info!

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[dspicelady]

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[nellie]

I was reading Sari Solden’s Women with Attention Deficit Disorder book the other night ( for the up-teenth time – there’s a wealth of info in there) and she mentions going through the grieving process after diagnosis – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Thought I’d mention it since both of you talked about denial in your posts. Mind you when I read the depression part I kinda hoped I’d pass through that one cuz definitely don’t have time to be depressed!

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[Carrie]

Thanks for the reply Nellie. I never thought of the grieving process! Thanks! I will definatly be aware of it and will check out the book!

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[Anonymous]

Carrie,

Well of course you are going to feel normal, it’s your reality you make it whatever you jolly well choose to. A suggestion is don’t get hung up with “lables” “ADD/ADHD” is just that, a lable for a condition. You yourself are not a lable, in other words you are not a condition but a very unique individual in world of … very unique individuals some who have ADD/ADHD traits many more who don’t. That’s cool! The only way I am able to deal with ADD/ADHD is to look for stategies that help me improve the quality of my life, with no regard for where the stategy cames from. If it makes sense, works and is not self distructive, and expect me “sign my life away” I’ll give it a shot. I suggest the same for anyone.

We all have our little querks and eccentricities don’t get “hung up” on them but enjoy them and try to enjoy the eccentricites of others.Life is just too short to get stuck in “hang ups.” In most things if it is not fun you can make it fun by changing your attitude. Like I said, it is your reality, and you make of it whatever you jolly well want to. Give yourself permission to be yourself… you’ll be in “denial” for as long as you give yourself something to deny. Why bother what do you have to prove and to whom? That is just a silly game that you can’t win. Find stategies that help you make the most out of your life and get on with it! Heres to your success!

K

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[Anonymous]

P.S. Don’t wory about treatment it won’t make you less than you are (only you can do that) it will just help you cope with the stuff that makes it hard to deal with your “little adventures” in life. However if you feel “stifled” from treatment try something else as Dr. Jain said in ADD and Loving It?! Find ways to have things your way. Artfully shape your life to conform to your needs not the other way around. It can be tricky at times but in most cases it is a matter of changing your viewpoint.It is not being “egocentric” it is however learning to shape your reality to suit your needs without placing undue demands on others which is being “egocentric”.

K

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[Carrie]

Thanks K!

I guess im most afraid of those people who wont/dont understand and just not take me seriously or brush it off like “pfff ADD right, whatever you say!”. I was always proud of being different, it is what makes me, me, but there was never a “name” for it (just like everyone else but a little “weird”).

Your right, I should not get hung up on it. But how do I accept it? I’m still a little unsure myself what its really about even though ive had countless interviews and done countless tests the past few months. I was more humoring a friend of mine who has ADD and thought I had it too, now he laughs because he knew I did, but I didnt believe him. I would LOVE to buy one of these T-shirts and prance around saying “I HAVE ADD! I HAVE ADD!” but then people would think im just putting on a show “because I have ADD!” thats what im afraid of, not being able to be me because now people will think im just putting on a show.

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[Anonymous]

The more you fear that you are “putting on a show” the more you will “put on a show” just be the sweet person you are and yes I sense that you are a sweet person… If you wear a shirt advertising ADD don’t make anything about it just be… yourself. Believe me you will know if you are being yourself or if you put yourself on a “stage”, and if you do for a while who cares! everyone does once in a while it is only a problem when you don’t know when to get off. Remember always what I said in my postscript, you are yourself so long as you don not put undue demands on others. If you remember that your rights end where others begin, you’ll have no problems. Part of lifes lesson is learning how to respect yourself and others making mistakes is all part of the learning process so don’t be afraid to make them as the old adage says “to err is human.” Oh! almost for got others are human as well expect them to make mistakes as well It really is important what NOT to take seriously.

K

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[Carrie]

Thanks a lot for the advice K! You are right.

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[Anonymous]

Well good luck to you then! looking forward to hearing about your “adventures” If you view living as an “adventure” you will find the art of living even the mundane. Believe me living is fun if you GIVE yourself reasons for enjoying it. It is learning to be disciplined in a very undisciplined way have fun!

Now back to my little adventures I have to write three papers and prepare an imformative speech by Monday and try to sneak some “cuddle time ” with the girl of my dreams! Cheers…

K

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[Anonymous]

Carrie,

Great post… Yes I too have gone through the denial thing as well. I had been trained by those around me that I was “Lazy and Stupid” (Mostly due to their lack of education/knowledge). There were many things I was good at but I have/had many faults/short commings as well that I was often chastised for (mostly impulsive stuff) as I was either borred or not possitively directed to execute completely through things as my brain was often 10 steps ahead or 10 steps behind.

When it comes to what I consider boring and mundain tasks FORGET IT I am lost ……… Ask me to solve world hunger, fair health care for all for all …….. NO PROBLEM I will get right on it……… … I excell when I have administrators around me that hold the reins but still allow for my creativity (To be honest it often requires very strong willed and understanding persons and persons that show calmness in times of stress)……. Sadly it is often difficult for others around me as they do not understand my creative mind as they have a tough time seeing beyond the horizon where I see not only the shores of the distant continent I see around the world.

Which is worse…….. complete boredom and total conformity and stagnation keeping the status quo where we often fall backwards as a society due to the needs and desires of the privilaged or a society that could benefit by foward thinking persons that can reign in the negative aspects of ADHD by the many systems (hollistic) available to help clarify the disaray we as ADHD persons sucumb to. As a person with ADHD I vote for the latter….

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[Carrie]

Yes! That is exactly how I feel/am/have been told. I just feel so overwhelmed and awesome at the same time that finally things make sense and Im really not alone (which when in a small town out in the middle of no where, you tend to BE). I cant wait to get treated and figure out whats next and get this brain under control so I can take charge of all my ideas and actually work on and finish my creations! It all seems too good to be true that is all possible, yet still be my quirky me!

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[Anonymous]

Hi Carrie606….. I thought your initial statement was very valid (for me), maybe because it is aligned with mine??? I too am one of those people whose brain function is random/visualizing or ADD if you will. I feel that the ADD label is interesting….. I don’t subscribe to it, in fact very much the opposite. I have also have issues with the term “diagnosis” and whole “impairment” concept. These statement are not going to make me popular here but…..these thoughts are mine!!! Sure I’m different then the mainstream of folks that are linear and compartmentalized in their thinking and processing …..so what? Different not less………. if anything…….. I’m more of an elitist. There I’ve said it!!!! I feel the intellect of our brain function is a cut above the linear/compartmentalized segment of society.

My brain and it’s processing provide me with another view of the world and all facets ….. it provides me abilities that the other folks will never be able to grasp…….. that’s cool with me. The fact that this mode of brain function come with it’s own set of idiosyncrasies is not a problem for me either!!! Remember the other mode of processing also comes with it set of issues….. it’s just that the world is setup for their function…not ours…..oh well???? Those differences make it slightly more difficult to master many things in their world but not impossible. Remember they are the vast majority and they own the day to day….. of coarse they are going to set up the

world in their likeness….. they would be crazy not too!!!!

I don’t care if my brain function is not aligned with being a chartered accountant….. I don’t care if I can’t focus on minucia when tasked with the mundane administrivia of the day to day world …… that is not what I’m here for. I do and have done other things that align with me and my purpose……. and damn it I do it, and have done it so very well!!!

I find that other…….alternative segment struggle when they come into my world…. they struggle a lot and are frustrated to distraction!!! If they don’t glaze over, they are amazed actually!!! If I can I suggest ,maybe…… just maybe, a lot of folks struggle because of the difference, they are very uncomfortable being different. Not only do they never become comfortable but they are unable to find their niche that allows them to to fly…… so they try and try to emulate the other segment of society. It more often than not, does not work, hence the ” I’m a failure”, or “stupid” or whatever other label we tagged with!!!!

I am not minimizing others problems….. not now….not ever….. that is not my place….. I have not lived their life nor walked in their shoes. That is not for me………… however there are many stories and threads that do attest to another view such as this. Strong stories, stories of vision, creativity, achievement and humor ……… people for whom this brain and it’s mode of function are a seen as a wonderful gift……not afforded to everybody!!!

Kazuo (for me) also speaks from a position of strength ….. I love that!!!! I think if you look into it ( into us) you will find we

( random/visionaries) throughout time drive this ship, we shape and change……. we don’t deal with the day to day administrivia .

So if your comfortable and your brain flys for you….. GREAT…….. mine flys for me too!!!

toofat

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[Author]

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