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i’m sorry but i’m laughing my arse off at the red nose story- thats a classic.
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I guess being gentle with ones self and listening to the heart is key! Works well when your impulsive!
hahahaI love all advice, and all views!
REPORT ABUSEHi Carrie…
I too have an AWESOME husband, who totally gets me, and although he does get quite frustrated with me sometimes, I am completely convinced that there is no one else in this world that could put up with me as long as he has (10 years). Our children are the most forgiving beings on the planet!!
I havent been on this site for months, mainly because I too have been in denial. I bought the DVD, I watched it, I cried, and was so relieved that there were other people like me. Then, I decided I wanted to go off my meds, as I have a long-held disposition that I don’t want to take pharmaceutical medications. Let’s just say that lasted about 2 weeks, and that was 4 months ago, and it’s taken me about this long to get back on here and realize that hey, I am who I am, and I have ADD. I might as well get as much support as I can, and try to support those who might feel like I do, and did. I truly hope that more people take the time to learn about this disorder, open their minds and forget about everything they;ve heard about ADD, and instead of looking at us like scatter-brained forgetful nimrods……seeing us for who we are: truly passionate, intelligent people, who have tons to offer in this world but with a totally different and unique approach.
I am very cautious who I tell, who I choose to discuss it with, because at this point in my journey it is still so easy for me to be influenced by others’ opinions. I watched a documentary called “Marketing the Madness”, and although fascinating, it lead me to believe that the companies who make my meds are lying to me and that there really is nothing at all “wrong” with my brain that needs a mind-altering med to “fix” it. Now, I can speak from both sides of the fence. I have gone without my med, and it may just be something I take forever. I hope not, for health and side effect reasons, but for now its working for me, and I feel a sense of peace I have never felt before in my life.
Always,
g
REPORT ABUSEgracious- it might help you get your head around the meds thing if you put your ADD into the same sort of mental category as things like epilepsy and type 1 diabetes- its not something you got as a result of some dreadful failing on your part, and its not something you can make magically disapear with any amount of willpower- you have some chemical stuff that just doesn’t work particularly brilliantly if left to its own devices, and you utilise medication to support your body to function effectively- short and long term. maybe you don’t NEED medication any more than an epileptic or diabetic with incredibly good management of their diet and environment combined with a lot of luck might, but your life is quite possibly a damned sight harder to keep functional and enjoyable without it.
thats how i look at my depression (which you can trace back through myriad generations on both sides of my family tree). i can do things to support my mental wellbeing, i can make lifestyle changes that are constructive, but i just cannot make my brain chemistry into something that it can’t physically be by itself, no matter how much i focus or strain myself trying to- and trust me, i have tried- frequently and repeatedly. i wanted to be ok, i convinced myself that i should and could be ok, i had a damned good go at being ok, and it turns out that i wasn’t ok without medication. and thats really ok.
i think that a big part of the cultural taboos around ‘mental’ conditions is that firstly they’re invisable (its not like my ADHD is gonna make my head go green and swell up like a watermelon- so for all anyone else knows i could be making it up, and i certainly don’t look disabled), secondly, they’re really not that well understood by the mainstream (who ‘know’ about them from innaccurate and dramatic pieces in the newspaper involving badly behaved small boys with totally shockingly poor parenting), and thirdly, many people with ADHD and/or depression seem to potter along generally quite well as far as onlookers are concerned (onlookers who don’t see them go home and cry with sheer frustration and exhaustion, who don’t watch them running about like a headless chicken trying to get ready for work every day, or trying with all their might just to drag their sorry arse out of bed in the morning, etc), and we’re judged through the eyes of those people- who think they know what being a little distracted or somewhat impulsive or pretty hyped up or quite sad or generally a bit defeated feels like- and assume that its the same for everyone else.
if someone has a broken leg from an accident, you can see it, its pretty easy to imagine how much it must hurt even if you’ve not ever broken a leg, and its clear to see what additional help they’d legitimately need, and naturally you’d be running to the pharmacy to get their pain pills before they could yell “help!” . if someone has ADHD or depression you’re pretty much taking it on their word, people tend to apply their experience to our challenges and think “well, i was sad when my hamster died, and i got through it ok…?!”, and it quite possibly sounds a bit suss and like they’re swinging the lead- cos everyone has been a bit distracted or despondant once in a blue moon, and they coped…. yeah?
i think that similarly to with depression, its really upto us with ADHD to decide if something is ‘wrong’, or just different, how much we can cope with, and how much really is too much to bear, and whether we want to use medication to ‘fix it’ (‘enhance our abilities’ might be a better way to put it) , or to just carry on as we are -perhaps with a bit more willpower and some self-help books thrown in. cos to be honest, while education is a very important thing, other people are always gonna think what they want to think, regardless of what we do- and at the end of the day, we’re the ones living our whole lives, in charge of our bodies, and consequently what matters is how *we* decide to feel about our conditions, and how we want our experience of the world to be- what we decide to do about our challenges, and how we perceive ourselves.
i’m not by any means broken, nothing is ‘wrong’ with my head and how it works, – maybe it is just different (and sometimes that differentiness is sucktacular, sometimes its great) but regardless- i prefer not to flail about like an upside down bewildered woodlouse with the attention span of a small fish, and wail incessantly as a result of experiencing intense feelings of woe and doom, if i don’t have to experience that- at least not on a daily basis. if there is a pill for that stuff, i’mma be waving my hand in the air requesting it- everyone else can do or think whatever they want!
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if i can muster up enough focus to read things properly the FIRST time, i’m having a really good day- i’m normally queen of the skimmers, and i have to read ‘out loud’ to myself inside my own head if i want to absorb anything beyond a sort of vague gut idea of whats going on in the writing.
i feel quite honoured that you took the time and effort to read my post not once, but FOUR times, Njadd (and it was a bloody long post, too!). thats a compliment on a stick, right there!
it really does sound like you’re headed somewhere good with all this change you’ve got going, and if the pace feels right for you, then you’re going at the right pace. stuff what ‘some’ nosey sods might feel about it- they should focus on being concerned about their own paces.
the rewards of learning about yourself, understanding what, where, when and why ADHD is what it is for you, and seeing yourself moving towards interrupting the cycle of running headfirst into brick walls- they’re definately awesome ones- and something that money can’t buy. you’re gonna love it.
i’m just getting myself some self esteem and enthusiasm together for the first time since i was about 5 years old, and i know i’m loving it- its still wobbly stuff cos its early days, but i can see that its gonna be really good, and every little success seems so great- cos they’re hard earned, and have been a long time coming.
i know what you mean about people having negative assumptions about what might be going on with you. people are brilliant like that, hey?! – you can always rely on people to make a flipping soap opera- never mind a drama- out of a crisis! to be honest though, i kinda like feeling like i might be the target of gossip- at least that means i’m interesting enough to be worthy of being noticed and talked about!
it seems that i have the sort of ‘itchy’ ADHD that makes me wanna poke or pick at stuff, and stir the pot, even when i know it’d be naughty or a bad idea- so personally i find it quite good fun to give them something to REALLY talk about once in a while, then watch them get their silly arses whipped into a proper little frenzy over it. maybe you should start wearing an oversized blue sequined hat, or saying “I LIKE TEAPOTS!” unexpectedly, or something? it’d be great to see their faces!
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TOO funny Jenn………
Yes I to also have to read out loud in my head. I put my hands over my ears and talk out loud so all I hear is my voice on what I am reading as to stay focused……….I did the skimming thing as well …….. I did it just to make myself feel complaisant that I was flipping pages…That is one of the reasons i like Totallyadd.com because the methods of communication work for my type of ADHD….. I unfortuneatly was not privy to a strong support system growing up (not blameing anybody as there probably was just not as much known about ADHD as today) Crap there was alot more than that but more than i can type. I was one that just kinda fell through the cracks and because of that many poor choices I made as a young adult (impulsive) and lack of a systemic and holistic team I layed a poor foundation…
Because of a strong physical work ethic and my creative brain cells and survival skills I survived occaisionally but because of my strong lack of day to day skill sets and coping skills I could only work so hard until I floundered. I have also always been codependent in my life…… That is a cycle I need to change…….. That is one of the biggest challenges for me at age 48…. Self esteem WOW ……… with the way the world is today and my lack of educational and outdated vocational skills…..
I always did physical work. A ton of it and my body has paid the price. I still (even though I shouldn’t) do a little busy work (to keep from jumping out of my skin) but afterwards my shoulder kills me and adjacent parts of my body aches and I am going to have to get surgery done soon to my injured shoulder and for some reason the surgery is making me feel uneasy. I have had surgeries in the past but for some reason this one is making me feel very uneasy… Probably because the surgeons that have seen my shoulder and the adjacent athritis conditions have suggested the physical aspects of construction are no longer for me anymore… Due to the economic conditions unfortunatey that exist employment options are not so great …………..So challenges ahead I have a ton …. Getting this ADHD thing fixed ….. the physical injury thing fixed and then getting the mental crap about an attack i succumbed to (ptsd diagnosis) and those issues in my head fixed I am dealling with because of that and a job and/or vocational training ARGGGHHH. But I will not give up……
Here is one for ya Jenn. I started typing this at 3:00 am ish and deleted added deleted changed added until I hit send at 7:20
REPORT ABUSEnice, hahaha. i was asleep by then!
you can do it, you know! self-esteem is just something you gotta work at, like anything else. just takes some searching and practice.
if you’re experienced in construction there are lots of sidesteps you can take to get oaway from the manual side of things, and into more of a foreman, safety, educator or planning -type role. are you doing any adult education right now? not just classroom reading and writing stuff (zzz zzz), but also interpersonal stuff like team leading skills, conflict resolution, etc and more practical stuff like reading blueprints and whatnot?
my old man is a truck mechanic who has screwed up his hands from lying upside down fiddling about with giant nuts and bolts for years, and he really struggles with carpal tunnel sometimes- he’s in the process of changing from being an old grease monkey to a managerial role- teaching new mechanics how to do things old-school, problem-solving and fixing big screw ups that leave them headscratching, performing tests, signing tickboxes for safety checks, etc…. and he didn’t finish highschool- so it is doable, you just gotta keep plugging away at it and find your niche.
sometimes the most unlikely routes will take you to a great place, and those ‘negative’ experiences can become hugely positive ones instead- for example:
who would be better to work with a group of wayward teenage boys who have fallen out of the good crowd, and into naughtiness like crime? boys who need to learn a practical trade and get themselves back on the rails. someone who has a bunch of degrees and excels at paperwork- but who has never experienced failure, or known how it feels to be totally lost and pissed off at the world? or someone who has been where they are, understands their challenges, and can totally relate and reach them on their own level- someone who can say “i sorted my messed up sh!t out at 48, with years of problems under my belt, AND ADHD- now don’t go telling me you can’t sort yours out, lads!?
you no doubt have a bunch of skills and strengths that you don’t even realise yet, or that are just waiting to be teased out from just under the surface. get …um…. teasing.
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Still SkepticalCarrie2011-01-27T18:13:32+00:00
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