[Hayes212]

Ya know, thanks, Bill!

As an ADHD and the impulse I have to sharpen the pencil just a little more. It “is” in “my” experience a double edged sword. In spite and since my diagnosis. It always has and will be a struggle to feel that “acceptance” or sense of belonging. How to explain? A punk rocker dies their hair multi-coloured to stand apart from society. Yet they join in groups to be accepted. We’re different without the later option and we didn’t have a choice.

Yes! Absolutely I get the faster mind to compensate for physical abnormalities. One could toss a ball at someone. Instinctively they react with just “one” option without thought. Catch the ball or get out of the way. It’s like fight or flight. In that same instant someone like myself sees “5” options. Then a split second of confusion and I just took a softball upside the head. Now! So how do I collect my prize?

I have trouble accepting some of the things others might see as gifts. Because part of receiving a gift is sharing that gift. In attempt to bring my point full circle. It’s what we need to go through “for” that gift. It’s not so much a gift if I worked for it!

And just to demonstrate what I mean………..

REPORT ABUSE

[Hayes212]

I’m not sure this is worthy of commenting. I’m the guy that joked (above) about finally having an explanation.

Reading other comments I think it’s great so many find positives. I share a lot of the insights and felt that way even before being diagnosed. Like others I could be considered as high functioning. Only I’ve never seen myself special because others couldn’t see it.

However with my ADHD. I have an impulsive habit or need of “splitting the story”. I “have” to see both sides of the coin to feel remotely satisfied I understood. I pick things up to look underneath. My own keyboard countless time a day even. I have two answers for every question. Drives others nuts when I want to see what the cat’s after under the couch!

But still the greatest thing for me now is “knowing” that I am running on a different wavelength. I’ve been able to let go of things like anger now knowing that the others in my life simply couldn’t understand. How could they? I was always five steps ahead wondering what’s taking them so long. People kept telling me things that I “just” thought of 10 seconds ago! I would get annoyed waiting for others to see my idea while some one else gets the credit because they explained it better. Like so many others like us I spent my life being denied my smarts because I was on a different wavelength or described something with the wrong word.

Like any other ADHD’r I’ll bring us back around to the point. Which is: “The explanation led to further understanding” of people around me and I now try to slow down. I can enjoy the circus tunes in my head while others speak. I can take in more without the irritation of waiting for others to see the punch line of my joke…. . Most importantly I don’t get angry anymore…. That’s great! To me anyway?

REPORT ABUSE

[Hayes212]

If I could just inject one in here. I always suspected I was ADHD. I was officially diagnosed last year at age 42. Now with more knowledge I see I’m actually a text book case.

So far the greatest feeling is when I realized I didn’t have to tell people I was dropped on my head as a baby anymore!

I finally had an explanation for my impulsive behavior. But now everyone needs to discuss it and ask questions. Nobody ever asked me about being dropped on my head? I guess it was more believable.

REPORT ABUSE

[Hayes212]

Thanks everyone for your input. I really do appreciate it and have a better understanding my dosage. I take adderral in the morning. (30mg) then boost it in the afternoon with two dex (5mg) 2 to 3 hours apart. I’ve discovered when I take the dex too close together I feel more intense like a tightened spring and euphoric. Yet at the same time I’m much less impulsive. I can sit in a chair. I can sit in a room full of people without needing to point out the squirrel outside the window!

It also does effect my anxiety a little but no one else seems to notice. If feeling as a tightened spring is “normal” then I guess unwinding at the end of the day might be too. As Buz said though, it is “a different kind of normal”

Thanks again! Cheers!

REPORT ABUSE

[Hayes212]

Thank you Dr. J. I’m glad that “someone” took the time to help answer my question. I’ve been having a very difficult time with this. Although I’m currently in therapy I’m the only one in the group with ADHD and so no one seems to relate. Being alone in a world I don’t seem to be a part of doesn’t help either.

But thanks again Dr. J. I really appreciate your response.

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts