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@ mmarcel – It’s funny that you mention problems with general knowlege. My son’s gr. 4 teacher just asked me the other day if it was possible that my son didn’t have a complete grasp of the months of the year. Since he still has trouble remember which part of his body are his shoulder and which are his elbows, I said that it is very possible that the months of the year also need a refresher.
The last time things like this were actually taught was probably when he was in preschool or JK – since he didn’t pick it up like the other kids did at that time it never became part of his general knowlege. I think that this is partially why it took a while (and a lot of tests) to prove that my son was actully functioning at quite a high level cognitively. All of these “holes” in his knowlege made it difficult to answer, for example, math problems. They weren’t trying to test whether he knew the months of the year but not knowing them by heart made it almost impossible to answer the question correctly.
I think his teacher (who is fabulous) really learned something that day.
REPORT ABUSEI guess this is the type of thing with no definite solution. If nothing else, it seems that there’s a group of us here that are interested and listening – it’s a start! Not the same as a neighbourhood bbq but you never know where things will lead:)
REPORT ABUSEDog Father – definitely agree with expanding our horizons when looking for kindred spirits – I find more and more that I’m connecting with people outside of my age group, both older and younger. Especically since I quickly discovered that, during the baby/toddler years that’s all people my age wanted to talk about and (hate to say it) I don’t even like talking about my own kids in a recreational manner!
REPORT ABUSEJust Me – I found myself in a similar situation when my children were at that preschool stage. I didn’t seem to have any highschool or university friends “carry over” into my married w/ children life and most of the social relationships I had from play groups etc. were superficial and quickly petered out when our children moved on. So many people seemed to already have best friends, sisters, extended family that were filling their needs that, while they had nothing against me, they already had close friends.
During this time I also realized that my Mom and I were really kind of dependent on each other for our social lives, both of us being married to people who really had very little interest in socializing. Even though I love my mom, I realized that this was holding both of us back.
So….It sounds kind of embarassing but what I did was really start working on making friends. I joined a co-op preschool with my kids and committed to taking a leadership role there. Met lots of great people, a couple of which I definitely count as friends now. Around this time some of my aquaintances marriages started falling appart and, lo and behold, when I went out on a limb and offered a sympathetic ear (and a bottle of wine) my offer was accepted. Thanks to that I now officially have a “best friend”.
Thinking about this problem over the years I realized that, most of the time, I have to talk myself into socializing – probably due to some low self esteem issues. I always feel like I’m bothering people when I call them – even people who I know don’t feel that way. I still have to give myself a pep talk and remind myself that my friends don’t mind if I call and ask if they want to do something. I think I just spend way too many years giving into the voice inside my head that told me “don’t call – they probably already have plans and you’ll just be putting them on the spot when they have to turn you down”.
So – I guess I would just tell you to keep trying. I lobbed a lot of “friendship” balls and only a few got returned but I must say, I’m a lot happier now that I took a few risks with it.
As far as “couples friends” go, however – your guess is as good as mine! Still working on that one.
REPORT ABUSEMy 9 year old son has the triple threat of ADHD, anxiety, and LD – the best thing that we ever did (other than putting him on meds) was to pay for his phych-ed assessment ourselves. The school couldn’t even put him on a waiting list until he was a full 2 years behind and we were busily doing our best to keep him from falling that far behind.
It’s the problem of identifying a bright child who’s far below his potential as opposed to an average child (if there is such a thing!) who is only slightly below. It was the phychiatrist and psychologist that we were seeing that urged us to go ahead and have the assessment done – they really knew how the system worked. I’m not saying that sacrifices weren’t involved and I feel very lucky that we were able to pay the $1500 – not an advantage that everyone has but definitely worth it if you have the resources.
REPORT ABUSEI’ve been trying out the “Flylady” website that’s been mentioned here and, much to my dismay, Her dictate to get up in the morning and get ready (and she means ready – hair, make-up, shoes) right away is really helping. I used to get up early ( because I need time to wake up before I go, go, go) but then I’d spend so much time drinking coffee and reading the paper that I’d be late getting out the door anyhow. All the stuff I have to get done would be left to the last minute. It’s a simple solution but it seems to be working – as long as I stick to it!
REPORT ABUSEI know that at night all the distractions disappear and I’m allowed to hyperfocus. It’s totally soothing –until I realize that I have to get up in a few hours. If I had my way I’d get up early, nap in the middle of the day and then stay up really late. Doesn’t really work in the 9 to 5 world however. I think that it also help that some activities are just not conducive to nighttime – like vaccuming. I never feel like I should be doing housework at 2:00am!
REPORT ABUSEKatastrophe
I live in Hamilton ON and we can access free services through programs run in partnership with McMaster Children’s Hospital and Ontario Early Years. They have all kinds of “groups” meant to help families and kids with a wide variety of problems from LD, ADHD, ODD, and on and on – they actually have one listed for kids who have a lot of trouble socializing. I don’t know what area your in but I’d start asking everyone from the school to your GP to public health.
There’s stuff out there but I’m always surprised that a lot of professionals don’t know about them. My son’s school sends the brochures home for all of these services (always too late to sign up for anything
and most of the teachers don’t seem to know about them. We were introduced to them when they were recommended for my son’s anxiety issues by his psychiatrist and psychologist.Good Luck
REPORT ABUSEI have a strong family history of Bi-polar II and of a negative reaction to SSRI’s (extreme anxiety and suicidal thoughts from two different generations on my mom’s side and I’m like a carbon copy of her). It has made me very reluctant to try anything other than stimulants and yet I hear a lot of good things about Strattera. Are my fears warrented or should I not be ruling anything out at this point? My Dr. keeps telling me that it’s my choice but I’d like an informed opinion first.
Any comments would be appreciated.
REPORT ABUSEShadow – orgaization, unfortunately, is not an event but rather a process – and that’s the hard part. Dr. J. talkes about not being able to get the last 25% of a job done – and that’s death as far as organizing is concerned. I’m constantly trying to get my papers organized but I only get them sorted, I leave it to do something else, and before I get them put away they get mixed up in another pile again – AGHHH!
The one thing that I understand from your post is that you “need to purchase a new laptop computer”. So maybe start with that. I can really realate to getting bogged down when trying to reasearch ALL the options that are out there. I’d be so afraid of making a mistake and getting the wrong thing that I’d end up getting nothing. Family vacations just didn’t happen because I’d start trying to nail down every variable, inevitably get too confused and that would be that – hours wasted with nothing to show for it – again!
One thing that has worked for me is realizing that I’m not, and can’t be an expert on everything. Learning to use the knowlege of other people has been great. To use my vacation example – I now pay the extra money (like $70) and use a travel agent for most things. No booking it myself online because it never happens. So…Find a store with good sales people (ask around, people will have referrals) and then commit yourself to taking their advice. You might pay a bit extra (that was a hard one for me to adjust to) or have an occasional regret but I’ve found that it’s worth it in terms of time saved and peace of mind.
The only other orgaization advice that I have for you is the mantra “crap in pretty boxes is still crap”. Get rid of as much as you possibly can – that’s always the first step!
Good luck.
REPORT ABUSELarynxa – “Imposter Symptom” is a great name for what I experience. Most people would consider me a successful “together” type of person but I’ve spent years trying to figure out why, despite the many successes I’ve had in my life, I still struggle constantly with my self esteem. My mom sounds a lot like your mom – Definitely ADHD but handling it with lots of control issues, and blame (but I love her!) I’ve always berated myself because of my inability to keep my house in order, my habit of constantly loosing the lists I make so I don’t forget things and my life full of “loose ends”.
prpldnsr – this web site is helping me realize that I’m not the undisciplined person that I always think of myself as. I’m starting to realize that I have amazing discipline to carry on and get through all of the daily stuff as well as I do. I liken it to living with chronic pain (with no disrespect intended to those who do live with chronic pain). I’m just used to going through my day with a really high anxiety level – I’ve learned to ignore it as best I can and get on with things as best I can (ie. exercise compulsively, eat compulsively and live on caffine). Saying this, however, now that I’m seeing my life and myself more clearly and have the info, I’m starting the process of getting diagnosed and trying medication. My son is on Ritalin and it has been transformative in all of our lives but most importantly it has taught me to be kinder to myself.
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