Successful ADDers annoy the h*ll out of me.

[Anonymous]

TotallyFG…..you are not alone….many folks feel like tightrope walkers, afraid the busy-ness and stress of life will unbalance them, tip them off so to speak . Sometimes another person to talk to (a listener) can provide us a great deal of relief. Experience tells me, just saying our words to another person, out loud, can, for many folks, reduce the weight, or the chaotic spin we sometimes feel, when over whelmed. Reaching out maybe a assist…….there are many places, and groups that will provide support.

Nothing wrong with a little shelter from the storm.

toofat

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[Anonymous]

@Totallyforgot, you bring things down to earth with your comment about dying from a horrible disease. My best friend has just told me her husband has metastatic bowel cancer, and may not live beyond the next couple of years. They are in their 40s, with two young boys. Sure, my life has had it’s issues, but she has had it much worse then me. Her family has always been rather dysfunctional, so she had to grow up pretty fast. She was wrongly accused of child abuse by her sister (out of spite), and nearly lost her job over it – she was only helping her sister out by giving her and her child a home when they were short of money. Her other sister is slowly dying from liver disease, and now her hubby has cancer. I can think of many things that would make my life look like a romp in the park by comparison.

That said, it still helps to vent when things get on top of us. It’s better than self destructing!! It always irritated me when my mum trivialised my problems by comparing me to somebody worse off. Because they were MY problems, and she SHOULD have cared, as I was her daughter. We all need someone to care about our problems, regardless of how trivial they seem. Just a listening ear makes a huge difference.

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[Anonymous]

@Billd,

I agree completely with what you are saying about delegating, your bang on! I’m the same way, and it takes alot of work to be able to start doing so. Note how “takes” is in the present tense here, because that conscious effort is always there, and it never really becomes second nature. At least not for me. It also takes alot of effort to accept the end result, as you speak the truth when saying things are never better done then by yourself. But like any other aspect of life, you have to make compromises, and I can compromise some perfection on some less important stuff for the non-hassle that action would cause me. Sort of give a little to receive more.

At some point you have to realize you cant do everything, if this is true for normal people, imagine for us. This is not admitting to a deficiency, or letting it get the better of you, but everyone’s reality. Our society is lined-up that way. We all have obligations, no one only does what they like or want. We all have things we Have to do, and that is just the way it is. But it comes down to choices, perhaps secondary choices.

What you cant control and have to do for yourself does not bring a choice, but many other actions do. And it is choosing the actions that are Meaningfull TO YOU amongst the futile ones of our lives that should get our attention, and this goes for everyone as well. But for adders, Often we dwell on stuff that is ultimately less important or less meaningfull, we self criticise ourselves for not being able to do this and that…but what are we really trying to prove?

It is as simple as going to the carwash instead of washing the car yourself.

Problem: dirty car, Solution: wash car. then comes the choice, go to the carwash or do it myself? I think we all know what washing it yourself might end-up like and the ordeal behind it. What do I have to gain as a person? Get it done by a machine, a pro if your anal about it, and spend that time doing something Meaninfull to you instead. You will have a better end-result. Now actually going to the car wash is another ordeal…lol

I go to a barber around the corner, does he do designer haircuts? no. But it’s a first come first serve place, no appointment needed. You know how much hassle that saves me…not worrying of being late, or forgeting the appointment. Just going in when I need. I am not persisting on taking two month ahead haircut appointments i will forget about, that in turn is a problem. thus the barber is a solution. It’s not crying myself a deficiency, it’S working with what I got and making the best of it FOR ME.

This brings me to a comment i made in another post. What is the legacy you want to leave behind? dumb question? Well I dont think so. As an example, Do you want to be remembered for the guy with the perfectly cut lawn and spent his week-ends plucking weeds, doubtfull, so why would that action be so important you coldnt get someone else to do it for you while you enjoy your family or focus (no pun intended) on another more meaningfull action, even if it is remodeling your bathroom and it takes 6 weeks longer then the average joe, if its meaningfull to you…so be it, dont let the lawn get in the way.

And for those who take this at a verry first degree, no I dont get everything done, no I dont delegate everything, nor can I. And I dont think I succeed well at taking action….I’m non Hyper adhd after all, but even if i can save 5% of the hassle in my life, it’S already 5% gained and 5% in the right direction.

just my 2cents

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[Anonymous]

BTW Billd, that HVAC guy was probably more OCD then anything else, lol, I have one guy I deal with who is the same and ocd. His symptom makes it great professionally as he doesnt miss a thing, but its rough to live with internally.

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[Anonymous]

dubrob, that reminded me of an ADDer on another forum who took the company’s brand new hearse to an automated car wash. He almost lost his job because of it (the repairs are being deducted from his paycheque, it’s hard to look for another job without a good reference from the current employer) – the machinery damaged the vehicle when he did something wrong manipulating it through the car wash. So for some ADDers, it’s not often that simple to go to the car wash. It might just be better to leave it dirty. After all, it will rain eventually, right?

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[billd]

DubRod – that could be – but I thought of ADD as when we started chatting – he out-talked me! WOW. Beat at something I do so well.

REALLY super nice fellow, too.

I know you are probably right on not doing everything, but I get pretty close, and try really hard. It’s not for lack of ability/knowledge – it’s for lack of time!

I’m combined sub-type. A lot hyper, going 100 mph, I guess in a way, I can say “I’ve got it all” (but in this case, that’s not really a good thing then is it? )

Speaking of washing cars – I’m a car nut, a collector, mechanic and restorer. My cars usually get hand-washed in the driveway at home with mild detergents, soft cloths, etc. Then I detail them inside and out. My Javelin is as clean on the bottom as it is on top – the engine is so clean anyone here could wipe their hands on it and not get a lick of grease or oil on them.

I even detailed the brakes in the Javelin when I rebuilt the rear suspension……

http://theamcpages.com/images/javelin/suspension/javelin-rear-suspension-039.jpg

http://theamcpages.com/images/javelin/suspension/javelin-rear-axle-009.jpg

Every piece was cleaned, painted or powder coated or replated as needed and bagged before reassembly

http://theamcpages.com/images/javelin/suspension/javelin-rear-suspension-019.jpg

http://theamcpages.com/images/javelin/suspension/javelin-rear-suspension-020.jpg

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[Anonymous]

@No-Dop, – It was just an example. Everyone takes everything so figuratively here, lol.

But it reminds me of when I drove a 30 year old vw convertible with the top closed through the car wash not thinking any of it. If rainwater barely gets in by god knows wich miracle, imagine a pressure washer, lol. Made for a ton of laughs with my kid brother who was with me and for a long drive on the highway with the top down to dry ourselves and the interior. Sure I felt dumb about it, but the genuine hillarity of of both of us laughing and trying to get to the middle of the car to avoid the incoming water through the window seals was priceless.

@Billd,

Nice detailing, wow.

I am also a car nut and do my own detailing, as well as dabble in powdercoating and polishing as a hobby. I’m mainly into older vw’s and currently have two. I do most of my own work because it is important for me, I want to prove to myself I can do it, and I know exactly the end result I want. It’s not easy to get it done, but I can live with the delays for the reasons previously mentioned, now if it would only finish…lol.

quick example: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2086/5813580606_95c51b7a95_m.jpg

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[trashman]

hi

again , I think if I could show off my main ability it would be a verbal ability. this speaking in printed forum is very hard for me . on the other hand if we were all in a big room ,I would be in my element and mingle and have a intelligent conversation and probably talk to much without giving any one else a opportunity to speak.( tanks a lot add lol) it seems like I am always in a hurry even if I don’t need to be. so again the devil is in the details, ( OH NO) lol. some things in life are just wrong namely me so, I end up making light of me. so not to hurt anyone’s feeling ,just because mine get hurt so very quickly

the thing they told me from my accesment is that if I would not have scored in the 93% tile ,I would have tested as being slow .but my high score in this area put me in the very low average. so it would be great to meet all of you so I could use what comes naturally to me . not to complain about this media but instead to explaine . my brain does not want to process what it is thinking . and yes this is very fruterating when I can’t right what I am thinking. this is just to give you all alittle bit of insight into my crazy world..

the other things they found were my LD”S

1 reading

2 writing

3 visual spacial

4an unreliable memory

5 adhd

so this is just to explain why I come across the way I do. I think I was very lucky that even that I have to deal with these things I have never been homeless and I have been married for 23 years almost 24. so some things work out , but I think a lot is to my darling wife’s credit. so thanks for letting me ramble. ps I love spell check .

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[Tiddler]

I can completely relate to your anger. I am FURIOUS! I hate the world, I hate my life, I hate my past, my now and my future.

That’s just the stage I’m at at the moment. At some point I’ll work out how to stop feeling angry and move on. But right now, I completely understand. I’m not directing my anger at the same issues as you though – I’m so glad when I hear of someone with ADD who’s a high achiever. It makes me feel relieved that there are people out there who are ahead of this bloody curse.

Instead, I’m angry at the people who didn’t understand when I was growing up, who told me I wasn’t trying or laughed at me. I’m angry at my parents for punishing me for things I had no control over. I’m angry at my teachers for failing to teach me how to get it right instead of telling me how wrong I was. I’m angry at myself for not getting it done. I’m angry at the ADD. I even get angry sometimes at my husband for helping me. And for not helping. how on earth is he supposed to win?

I’m no more angry at people who are successful with ADHD as I am at people who have beaten cancer. But maybe if I had terminal cancer I’d be flippin furious at them. I don’t know.

As for the videos on here, thank god for them. I watched them over and over with my husband and laughed and cried because someone understood without judgement. I think they’re hilarious, even now with my exploding rage, because of the warmth in them.

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[kc5jck]

@Dubrod

I bought a 72 super beetle about 12 years ago. Now I have it plus another 72 super beetle, two 67 and a 69 beetle and a 1965 21 window bus. They have all been restored and rewired. I do all the work except body, paint, and rebuilding transmissions. I have a small store of parts to fix almost anything needing replaced. I wanted a car easy to work on and cheap to fix. I have about half a dozen of the BUG ME videos. They’re great for learning.

I don’t know about you and Billd, but I find one of the hardest parts of any job is trying to remember and round up the tools needed. I suppose its that last 10 % of any job which consists of cleaning up and putting away the tools, that I fail to do. Or else, the tools are left on some job waiting (for 2 years) to be finished, so when I start a new job, the tools are scattered.

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[Anonymous]

kudos to both billd & dubrod! awesome detailing man! sdwa and trashman write awesome! too fat, i cannot forget you too. don’t sell ourselves short with the stuff we realize we are good at or happy with. i agree with Tiddler, i am angry at the world for putting us down, making us feel like sh’t for our shortcomings, our failings and people refusing to understand. it hurts normal people but it hurts us more because as ADD or ADHD people, we take it personal put it deep into our psyche’s and not able to let go. it doesn’t help that we berate or flog ourselves over the littlest thing/detail…that’s why it sucks. thank you all for your acknowledgement of my musings. i truly appreciate reading all of your posts, if other people read these, they would not think we would have ADHD, we all write intelligently here, we all write like we truly care for each other. this is real….and i like sharing in this forum. i’m starting to feel like i am not alone. sorry this may come out creepy or corny but i feel the love, people! it’s just awesome. thank you! it’s like a little ray of light at the end of a really dark underground tunnel that is twisting and turning. i have hope now.

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[billd]

>>but I find one of the hardest parts of any job is trying to remember and round up the tools needed. I suppose its that last 10 % of any job which consists of cleaning up and putting away the tools, that I fail to do. Or else, the tools are left on some job waiting (for 2 years) to be finished, so when I start a new job, the tools are scattered. <<

AMEN to that! I often finish something, then when the next task is at hand, spend hours looking for my tools and supplies, in large part because they are where I used them last, or stacked on a shelf. I go hot and cold with that. At times, I get really “anal” and put something back right after I’m done with it, other times, it’ll be there a month later. I’ve lost a few things that way. If I put things away right away, i’d know that minute if something was missing because of the way my tools are organized…. but when I wait for months – it’s often too late.

>>I even get angry sometimes at my husband for helping me. And for not helping. how on earth is he supposed to win?<<

LOL – I can relate, but more because my wife is, well……. it’s not ADD………. it’s related to our struggle for the control of the thermostat in the house these last few months….. and that’s all I’ll say for now.

I’m hoping in another year or so, we’ll once again agree on a temperature, and I’ll be able to predict reactions to certain things.

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[quizzical]

Here’s a thought: Is it the success of Ed Hallowell that is annoying, or is it actually his attitude? I say this as someone who got a lot out of his book; it was the first stepping stone on my journey here, in fact, and I related to a lot of what he wrote in Delivered From Distraction.

But I find him to be incredibly egotistical. It’s partly because he’s got the whole flashy-sales-guy thing going on. “Buy my book, visit my treatment center, and you too can embrace your ADD and transform your life!” In order to make that work he has to provide a shining example of success, so he uses himself. Which is what lots of salesmen do; so up to a point I can’t fault him for blowing his own horn. He’s just trying to make a living and has found something that works.

The trouble is some of the specifics. How can a person back up a claim that they are creative? “I think outside the box!” Unless they can give some examples, it tends to come off as boastful, and leaves your audience rather skeptical. Sure, some creative examples are obvious: symphonies, paintings, culinary masterpieces….

but we all know ADD is not required to write music or be daring in the kitchen. Most of us – ADDers and non – apply whatever creativity we have to solving our day-to-day problems, either at work or at home, and most of those solutions never truly get tested. Sure, my innovative arrangement of items in my garage is working out great! Until that day I swap a couple of things around by accident and realize it works better THIS way….

I’d love to be gifted. But I’d settle for feeling confident.

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[Anonymous]

LOL, dubrob, I have a good picture of your VW carwash story! I tend to take things literally, I have to have jokes, puzzles, etc explained to me.

Quizzical – Mozart wrote great symphonies, but he says he was just writing down what was in his head verbatim, he didn’t have to edit it. There’s a famous story of him coming home from a Bach concert and writing it all down precisely from memory. Where the music in his head came from? Who knows. So from that perspective, he wasn’t being creative, he was just a musical note-taker 😉

billd, I get what you’re talking about. Sounds like you’ll need to layer clothing. A woman I used to work for says it affected her in such a crazy way that one day she literally wanted to take a knife to her Japanese boss. Luckily she went to see her doc and he put her on “appropriate” meds. Some of us just go au naturel and the emotions come out without the ability to control it. We don’t necessarily mean what we say, but we lack the ability to hold back. (hide the kitchen knives)

I’m hating the doc who misdiagnosed me 20 years ago when I tried to look into my sleep issues. I had to go the ADHD route, since that seemed very likely. Still not sure what combination I have, but glad to be moving forward and trying to get my life in order if I can.

My dad’s new partner asked me to help with a non-Christmas “holiday” party in a few weeks. I had to tell her that I’d never hosted a party in my life, wouldn’t know what to do, can’t even cook more than one thing at a time and even that takes me 4 times as long as a “normal” person. I feel pretty hopeless in that department. Thank goodness my husband can and loves to cook! I told her that I can do what I’m told, so just let me know what I can do. I can move tables and set knives and forks and plates.

Here’s to supportive friends here and supportive spouses at home!

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[Anonymous]

Quizzical………what the hell???? I found myself liking Ed Hallowell right away……just from your description!!!! You say egotistical like it’s a bad thing. In knowing myself I know my ego is in tact, not maniacal, but in tact and strong. I’m not embarrassed about it either. Ego, self-esteem, self-image…….all positive. The alternative does not strike well with me though. Those traits allow me to be fearless…….dive in where angels fear to tread, do things, and, accomplish things that others would not consider. Once in…..my ego won’t let me quit, or fail either, it drives me. So when you say egotistical…….I am smiling…go man go!!!!

Also I find the statement ADD and creativity have no relationship, curious. ADD has nothing to do with writing music, poetry, painting, sketching, dance, telling stories, acting, being a comedian, doing quantum physics???? Is that an assumption or a Barkley quote??? Jeeze Louise, the man wrote a book damn it….how much creativity does he have to display before somebody says……YES????

Here is a definition of creativity from some damn on-line dictionary

1. Having the ability or power to create

2. Productive; creating.

3. Characterized by originality and expressiveness

Reminds me of a story……..a passing observer says to the artist…..”how did you carve that beautiful elephant”??? “Easy”, said the artist, “all I did was chip away everything that did not look like an elephant”!!!!!! No biggie eh (no pun intended)???

In closing here is an observation I have…how easily/readily condemnation and skepticism come forth…….and yet the contrary appears so rare and pricey????

Toofat

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[Author]

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