Successful ADDers annoy the h*ll out of me.

[billd]

Difference between ego and self esteem, IMO. Ego I hate, someone who is positive about themselves in a healthy way is very good.

Ego is an over-inflated thought of one’s self in my definition. It’s a distorted self-view – where one is self-important to a fault.

I take it as when one goes on insisting to others how great and wonderful they are, look at me, I’m very special, I’m better, I can do anything, listen – I’m not done talking to you – and you won’t leave until you agree I’m so wonderful and this is the best writing ever, you need to buy it, no one has ever done anything so great as this” – that to me is ego, and it’s disgusting and drives me the other direction. One can think highly of themselves, or be positive in a healthy way – but to need to convince others, even brag about it – uugh.

So maybe my definition doesn’t match others – but when it’s said someone has “an ego”, it’s negative to me as they are self-important to the point of being pushy about it. If you are proud of yourself – you don’t need to flaunt it – because you will be so comfortable in your own skin you wil have no need to flaunt it or tell others how great you are. However, those who need to constantly remind us of how great they are, and how much they can do – must not be very comfortable or sure of themselves – they need to get others to believe it as well.

One who knows they are important, good, or achievers are content to know it themselves. They won’t strive to tell others like a used car salesman.

>>ADD has nothing to do with writing music, poetry, painting, sketching, dance, telling stories, acting, being a comedian, doing quantum physics????<<

Right – because if it did, then only add people could do such things and do them well. Too many stats say otherwise.

You can be all of that and not have a trace of ADD (my oldest son, other non-related folks I know very well)

and you can have ADD and be very uncreative (me, as an example – I can follow patterns, but have ZERO creativity, same for another ADD person at work)

Does Stephen Hawking have ADD – he’s a genius, very smart, very creative, and a great writer – thus he MUST have ADD, right? (not that I agree with him on all things, but he’s well respected and well written)

I have ADD – and I’m not at all creative. I can’t even draw pinky on a match book cover.

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[Anonymous]

hi billd, i’ve read your post about you not being creative. here’s a new spin for ya. i love making others feel good i always see the silver lining, i wish i could apply it to something real in my own life or even myself where i could have capitalized on it but that’s another story.

anyhow, according to the damn online dictionary that toofat so aptly quote from. i do love his writing style! so right on! that guy writes like an angel and it’s pure poetry, it really has put a salve on my hurt.

“Here is a definition of creativity from some damn on-line dictionary

1. Having the ability or power to create

2. Productive; creating.

3. Characterized by originality and expressiveness”

so billd, don’t sell yourself short because judging from the fact that you are a car nut, you love cars is no understatement, it’s your passion and you are awesome at it (unless i missed something here????) forget about the fact that you can’t find your tools and you are frustrated with that aspect, it’s your artisty with the cars that i’m referring to.

as Meatloaf would say “2 out of 3 AIN’T BAD!” so show us some more pics of your artisty with your cars. by the way, do you like muscle cars? i’m starting to enjoy going to car shows and stuff. i do not do it a lot and my husband started taking me. i’m partial to convertibles but i do get a huge wow when i see an old jalopy like a model T. i try not to put my foot in my mouth as far as talking so i try real hard to listen to the experts instead of putting my 2 cents in on something i know completly nothing about. it’s fun. not creative but fun.

hope that makes your day!

TOTALLY FORGOT

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[billd]

I need to come back and post again on that – can’t edit as there’s a reply after – but here’s a post script:

A. I posted at night – BAD, very bad, according to the doc

B. I sincerely hope TF does NOT take ANYTHING I said in that post PERSONALLY. No way, no how, not at all. It was not personal.

C. I was only meaning to disagree. I think he’s a really nice fellow – and an asset here – I simply don’t agree with everything he says (I don’t always agree with my wife, either – so we are both human) Maybe I should say “I respectfully disagree”.

D. It’s the Internet – I can’t hear his voice, see his face, watch expressions. Even if I could, hey, I’m extreme ADHD, and one of the “shortcomings” of folks like me (and most of you) is the inability to pick out some of that stuff in face-to-face, so how the @#%$ are we going to be good at it in the written word?

E. Before something bad happens – I want to preempt, insert, head-off, whatever and say – hope he does not take offense or get upset or think I’m slamming him. I’m not. I simply don’t agree with some of it.

He’s a success for his reasons and I really am glad – I think he works hard and deserves it, ADD be damned, one could say I have met with some success as well, after all, I’m married, I have a job (it sucks, but it’s a job), I have a ranch style house on 2.5 acres with a nice 2 story heated shop, 4 wonderful cats, 2 great sons, and parents who love me. So I guess that’s a success. It took, and still takes full days and weeks of almost non-stop work (at the end of the evening, I put a quilt on the machine so Barbara can quilt it the next day to help pay our bills – there really is no slack or relaxing time.)

Creative? Well, I guess maybe some might see it that way – I don’t live up to my own standards there, however. If I was creative, I could sit and design something from scratch – which sometimes I do – but more often than not, I plagiarize, I borrow, I add pieces from others to create new things. I don’t start from scratch. I use the wheels others have invented to build what I do.

If writing makes you a success or brilliant – >

I have written books, I have had magazine articles published. I’ve written stories, my web pages on rust removal have been published and re-published in magazines, newsletters, etc. for many years. I constantly get messages asking for permissions to use them. I published our store newsletters (which customers said they actually looked forward to receiving each quarter), I write technical documentation, instructions for network administrators.

http://antique-engines.com/electrol.asp

http://www.oldengine.org/members/billd/Chapman1.asp

http://antique-engines.com/chapman.asp

But for some reason – I still feel “unsuccessful”, non-creative, and the success of others makes me feel second-rate at times.

I did have a feel good moment last week – I’m part of a sub-committee evaluating endpoint protection products for our networks and computers in the entire state – for all of this state’s government. We were to give presentations on the products we know, how they work, how we use them, etc. We were running out of time, so I only got half way done with my presentation before we had to give up the meeting room. Thus, I didn’t feel it was complete or that I’d really had much time to do or say very much meaningful.

This sub-committee is a creation of the larger state CIO committee. A few days after our meeting, the boss, who chairs the CIO committee meeting had their meeting. After their meeting, he walked past my office on the way back to his and stopped by to tell me some comments he’d heard from folks who were on both committees……. apparently more than one suggested or voiced this thought, but one of the security folks for a much larger agency, he also happens to be a PhD in this stuff, had spoken up and said “you know it’s really scary how much that Bill Dxxxxxxxxx knows about this stuff and security”.

Made my week, heck, made my month!

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[Anonymous]

hey billd, i updated my profile and icon. no offense, taken, i’m a girl BTW.

i think what i prize most is honesty. and most times, every time, i meet a fellow ADD or have known someone, it’s because the words seem to fly out and truth does sting a little but that’s what we do. i don’t mind if you speak your mind. i speak my mind most of the time without thinking (insert foot here). but at least it’s honest,, so don’t worry. it beats having to apologize for EVERYTHING. I’ve done that all my life and i recently had an AHA! moment, when I just realized i’m not anyone’s doormat, i’m a person with feelings, i’m worth something….because of my ADHD i do the opposite, my writing though you cannot tell here because i’ve not spell checked or grammar checked or whatever, was always better than my speaking ability. my writing style when i wrote my papers in college, though whenever i did happen to hand them in on time (rarely) were pretty good, i’ve gotten A’s without effort in my written but i’ve almost failed out of school for always being late, forgetting appointments or assignments, too sloppy or careless, just being flighty, people wondered why i was in school in the first place but i wanted to go to college because before me no female in my family did so and i did not want to end up pregnant, barefoot, and married so young in the kitchen. so i accomplished just going to college for my Psychology degree but never did anything with it.

wow! i click on your links and i’m truly impressed.. i think your true creativity and artistry shows in how you restored that chapman engine. it’s AMAZING transformation and GORGEOUS what you did to it. i know you work with the tools you’ve got (no pun intended) but WOW! i would have personally thrown that piece of junk away without realizing it’s true potential.you had the vision of restoring it — that’s where YOUR creativty and genius is at! publishing is also good for you, i see that you are a very knowledgeable and very prolific writer.

thanks for posting on the wellbutrin for me, all i have to do now is fill the prescription that my doctor wrote. i’ve got nothing to lose, will keep you guys posted on if this does anything for me. i hope that it does! in the meantime, i will try to do more homework on ADHD for adults because i do want to improve my lfe.

i’m thinking maybe i could go back to work and try my hand at doing massage, i went to school for that too, really enjoyed that aspect of school, and i didn’t have to write as much, got my Associates Degree in OT but also did NOTHING with that, then I got pregnant, got married and had my son. life just stopped. we moved twice so i did not have time to get my bearings. but now that i’m settled in my new home and this new community i want to kindle my interest in that because as far as the Psych unless i become an “armchair Pyschologist” and start practicing out of my home talking to the people on the internet all day, i feel like that chapter of my life is closed and that i have no ability to go back (i really don’t remember any of the stuff that i studied) to rekindle that fire though i do like talking to people and could do so all day. either online or in person. i just want to feel fulfilled instead of stuck at home just cooking cleaning paying bills. sorry for the way that came out, don’t want to offend anyone here.

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[billd]

I prefer blunt and honest – then I always know where folks stand. I don’t like “politics” or masks, or front. If you don’t like something I did or said – get right back to me with the straight talk. Don’t pussyfoot around. I don’t like guessing. That’s too much work.

Like the new icon, by the way. Mine is a pic of Koko, one of the two Tonkinese at home, when he was a kitten, well, 4 months old. He always had sort of a sarcastic look, or a snarly look to him. He’s grown out of that, but I thought it was cute – really mean kitten, beware!

Sometimes it looked like he was frowning, or deep in thought. I’d accuse him of being devious and trying to think of new ways to take over the world. Sort of like the mouse in Pinky and the Brain cartoons….. “What are we going to do tonight, Brain” – “Same thing we do every night, Pinky – try to take over the world” I’ve got a pic at home of the cartoon mouse Brain, next to a pic of Koko – and they look a lot alike.

Well, from the last couple of days, looks like I need to polish up my resume and keep the lines open – they are looking to cut budgets and consolidate services, meaning possible or even probably staff cuts and some of the stuff I do is quite bluntly, up for consolidation – I may not be needed any more. Ironically – this time it would be nothing at all related to personality or ADD – simple economics.

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[Anonymous]

Hey Billd, in regards to the original subject of this thread, you precisely demonstrate one of my points with your previous to last post.

From the outside looking in, one would say you are verry successfull. I’m like, Wow, thats awesome. But it is all a question of perception because true success is only measured within, by you and no one else. Hence, what may seem successfull to someone else, may be far from the truth in comparison to how the other actually feels. Thus is why we should not hate on what we consider successfull adders, because we just dont know what they are going through or the journey they have been on.

What we perceive as successfull ADDers does not systematically mean they are any better then us, nor less severed adders.

I strongly believe we have alot more to gain in trying to uderstand how they cope with they’re ADD, then Fbombin hatred towards them.

oh and Billd, I will definitly take the time to go read those articles, verry cool.

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[Anonymous]

@kc5jck

That’s awesome, I just picked up a 72 Beetle last week, my first aircooled, but I also have a 81 16V Rabbit cabriolet, and still looking for a pre-80’s clean rabbit.

I to have a hard time with tools, I cant even find a phillips screwdriver to fix the kitchen sink because they are scattered on different projects..lol.

The worse however is that some things take so much time in between sessions, that when i get back to finish something i started, I dont remember where I was at, lol. Now I leave tag notes to remember, especially when polishing stuff, I never remember what grit sanding I was at. It helps a bit, but that wireing harness I took out over a year ago for a swap…..man does it ever scare me.

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[Anonymous]

@Bill, I can totally understand why you feel the way you do about your “success”. I often feel like an imposter when people tell me how creative I am, or some such thing. I very rarely come up with an idea from scratch – instead I borrow, adapt, and build on ideas I have seen elsewhere. I can problem solve from a question to an answer in quite creative ways at times, but I often miss the forest for the trees as well.

BTW, I love the expression on your cat’s face My cat is a Ragdoll. He likes to try and help me sew, by sitting on the fabric I am cutting out. At least he is too big now to sleep on top of the sewing machine like he did as a kitten!! I would have more cats if I could, but hubby is a dog person, not a cat person

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[Anonymous]

It is with reluctance and trepidation that I wade back into this conversation………for reasons which I accept as my own. So my comments will reflect only those things which I also know unequivocally, are mine, they are my personal vision, or perception, with all of it’s flaws and distortions evident….but not open to debate.

It’s like this for me……

I understand through observation and experience there are those for whom no amount of achievement is enough to provide satisfaction in their life. There are tales of artists destroying their work because they see only flaws, musicians driven madd who never feel a sense of satisfaction over the command of their instrument or craft, dancers who drive themselves endlessly to physical exhaustion chasing some goal of unattainable perfection. This list is not exhaustive. Is this ADD, or something else??? I do not know, I cannot know…….it is only a question for me ponder, as a casual observer maybe.

I do know, as an outside person, an observer if you will, that from time to time I have observed individuals driven, at times to distraction, by unmeasurable , unattainable, moving goals or standards, which are obvious to only them…..fair enough, that is their life. By standers, causal observers through their vision may see another picture, one of great achievement and the trappings of a wonderfully full life, full of things others may only aspire to have in their own life……not unusual.

But…..I feel it would be judgement on my part to impose further comment on anybody such as, “your life is very full, your are amazingly creative, you seem like a person endowed with so many wonderful gifts or talents, because in doing so, I would be interjecting my values, my perception and my vision for my life, on another. Now…..I feel comfortable making those observations, and testing them against my values and perceptions, and I can comfortably share them about myself, or, I can also share them freely as a gratuity or complement to another…..but I feel it is not my position to TELL another, their vision is flawed, or distorted, that what I see is an “absolute truth” for another……those judgements are not mine to make……..ever!!!!

My vision is mine, my perception as well, is mine, I accept that, it is what makes me whole and fills my life…..and….gives me great satisfaction and fullness in my life. I worked hard at becoming aware of my vision and perception and it’s distortions or flaws and… redressing it’s imbalances and distortions……….but, in doing so, I had to learn and know, these things are mine, and not a platform to be used to judge another.

Toofat

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[Anonymous]

@Toofat,

I only wish I could express myself as well as you do, it is a pleasure for me to read something I can relate to and understand so clearly.

I REALLY agree whit what you have written and could not have chosen better words. I truelly feel the same way and have this exact belief. I feel verry compeled by your comment.

I have a hard time explaining what I think clearly, wich is why I use alot of examples, wich in turn are sometimes taken to a verry first degree or figuratively. As I have posted alot in this thread, probably more then all my other posts combined in other threads, I really hope I have not been perceived as imposing my opinion. If this is the case, it is NOT my intenton as all I can do is SUGGEST to others my outlook on the subject and what has worked for me.

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

I suspect we are going to take down the original railing rant that started this because of the language. But here’s what I don’t get. There are thousands of ADHD sites. If you hate this one, why do you come here? If you don’t think the videos are funny, why are you watching them? If you can’t relate to certain people, fine. Why hang around trying to relate to them? There’s lots of other sites where people love to rant and spew and vomit and shriek hate. Head on over to those. You’ll be a superstar. If you don’t want to hear things that you disagree with, go find people who agree with you. Clearly this site isn’t for you and doesn’t agree with you. That’s okay. If you can’t identify with people who have ADHD and are successful, or are working at it, (and hey, we’re all works in progress, I still screw up all the time) truck on over to another site. Or seize the opportunity to develop compassion, understanding of others, appreciation for where people are, and heck, even admiration for people who have found ways to overcome the frustrations and self-sabotage that ADHD inflicts on us all.

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[Anonymous]

Apropos Richard………apropos.

DRod…….maybe it’s like Joe Cocker said …….. I’m just a soul who’s intentions are good, Oh lord , please don’t let me be misunderstood.

Toofat

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[Scattybird]

For what it’s worth Rick, I think the videos are brilliant. They are what made me investigate the rest of the site and it’s all fab. I nearly wet myself with laughter at the immaturity video when I first watched it and it’s fun.

Toofat – I love all your posts – you seem like a really cool guy.

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[quizzical]

Rick, I love your videos too; it was thanks to someone’s link to your Old Spice commercial – which I loved – that I first wandered over here. Please make lots more.

Toofat, like many here, I’ve enjoyed what you’ve had to say on a number of topics. So much so, in fact, that when I saw your response to my post began with the words “Quizzical – what the hell???” I got a terrible sinking feeling, and it just kept on plummeting as I read on; In your post I was seeing myself reflected back as a horrible, judgmental person, and I began to wonder how many others were silently nodding their heads in agreement.

I can’t really argue back that I wasn’t being judgemental; after all, there I was saying Ed Hallowell was egotistical. And, yes, I was saying it like it was a bad thing.

So it may sound odd when I say I meant well. Your song quote above captures it perfectly: I actually had good intentions in talking about Ed Hallowell’s attitude, and ended up being – and feeling deeply – misunderstood. I’m sure it’s because I didn’t take the time or the keystrokes to fully flesh out my little thought.

In fact, it’s rather ironic, but I realize now that when I begin anything with the words “Here’s a thought,” well, that’s probably a good signal that I actually should stop and think a little more before I go on….

So what were my good intentions? I was trying to somehow deflate the initial poster’s idea that successful ADDers are a bad thing, I guess. I wanted to open the door to those of us here who may be accomplished in the ways he describes but might still want to talk about their challenges. I was hearing so much pain in the initial rant, that someone would feel so low, would have been brought down so hard by frustration that the accomplishments of others could torment him to that degree. I wanted to say to him, Hey, you don’t have to see success as a finger in your eye.

So I was looking for another avenue, some other peg to hang the anger on, something a little less global, something more specific and thus more easily avoided. So I focused on one of the few specific things he mentioned: Ed Hallowell’s book. And I thought, maybe the ranter just isn’t into something about the presentation style.

Which I saw, and, OK, I still see, as self-promotional, but no, I actually don’t think that self-promotion is a bad thing. It’s a life skill, actually, in this day and age. The road I never should have gone down was Is he egotistical? Because it’s so subjective you can pick different words and put a completely different spin on it, and yet still be talking about the same behavior, as you point out.

This is all the worse for me to talk about because I actually liked Ed Hallowell, the person, so much when I read his book that I was all ready to send him an e-mail telling him all about how deeply I related to what he had to say. He even said in his book that he loved e-mails from readers. So I was all ready to send him one, to say thank you, and ask his advice, and so on. I was sorry I didn’t live in Boston so I could go to his treatment center. That’s how convinced I was that he was on my wavelength.

So I went to his web site looking for the address, and noticed he had a lot of books for sale, and that he also had a lot of videos posted of his appearances on TV shows, and I realized that they were of course appearances made in order to promote his book. I watched one or two of them, and he just started to look like a lot of people who write self-help books and go on the talk shows, and the air started to leak out of my giddy we’re-on-the-same-wavelength notion. I abandoned the idea of the e-mail, went on to read other books, some by him, some by others. Some were useful, some were not, we’ve all been there, we all have different experts we favor, it may be one person or many. I still count Hallowell as someone whose information is useful to me.

The fact that at times I can’t relate to his – ego? confidence? – says as much about me as about him. I’ve had HUGE issues with lack of confidence and my reluctance and discomfort with self-promotion – enough to fill a book, I’m sure.

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[trashman]

hi all, I have spent some time looking back on all the post in this thread. the thing I see is how gifted all these people here are. I think its great that I am blessed to be among so many gifted and smart people. you people have to understand that to sum of us ,this is like a Hugh pot luck dinner. please lets not argue over who’s dish smells the best,(meaning who’s insight is right or wrong) lets instead come to the table and enjoy the offering that each one has brought to share . lets instead enjoy and share our own insights, used to try help others . I have taking in great insight from rick and toofat and build and quizz, dr J and the list could keep growing. you all have to understand that there are no right or wrong anwers.this table as many more people around it that are note being heard from . so please keep bring your best for all of us not so gifted to also share in all of your personal insights. it breaks my heart when I think some thing and find it very hard to take part in this meadum and not really be able to share the whole in-depth of my thinking.so count it as a gift what you bring to this table and know that there are many of us out here that are feeling well feed so please for all of the ones feasting on your different insight keep it all coming .

thanks thashman.

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