Successful ADDers annoy the h*ll out of me.

[billd]

I think I have watched almost all of the videos by now. The only problem I have with them is bandwidth – I’m on satellite with limitations each day and often this site pretty much wipes out my day’s bandwidth allotment.

I can SO relate to most of them – ESPECIALLY the chunking is dangerous.

Frankly – I do hit some of the other sites – but this one feels SO different. It’s less, well, “clinical” and sterile. It’s got the good Dr. J, and a couple professionals (Rick, Patrick, others) but over-all, it’s real people. A cross-section of ADD/ADHD.

There are success stories (TooFat and others) and some sad stories of losing spouses, jobs and everything in between.

I for one realize that a while back I was a real jerk having a bad day when all I saw were failures and all the “what I COULD have dones” and in the process hurt one of the successful members who was only trying to be helpful and pull people up instead of crying with them – he was trying to grab them and yank them up to a better place.

That was Joe ??

Gee, and I thought these guys did that………..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOjdHTMZZX4&feature=related

Utopia’s within our sight (Utopia)

Don’t kick it or we lose it

Though you think the world’s too fast

It’s that way ’cause we choose it

Automation is the cry (Automation)

Our minds have been forgotten

To understand me, you must try

My thoughts are turning rotten

Oh, please, please

Don’t mess it up now for me

Please, please

Don’t sit there and condemn me

Please, please, please

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[kc5jck]

Obviously, everyone visiting and posting on this site does so for a reason. They want to feel good by helping others with their thoughts, knowledge, and experience; they want to read of the struggles of others and feel that they are not alone; or they may simply be looking for a dog to kick. Whatever the reason, it’s OK with me. This site is to help people.

I enjoy reading the posts here. Most are interesting and thought provoking written by well meaning individuals. And some just somehow don’t make a lot of sense. Like this one will to me tomorrow when I read what I am writing and think, “What the hell was I trying to say?”

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[Anonymous]

trashman, I love your potluck analogy. Surely someone will want to read the crap I dish out

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[billd]

I love potlucks – there’s always something to choose from no matter what you are hungry for.

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[trashman]

I love it all.even if I don’t always agree. please keep them coming. you are all gifted in my books.

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[sdwa]

@Rick:

I can completely understand why you might want to take down the original post. I would suggest that you try not to take it personally, as it clearly is not about you, your videos (which are way fun) or even about this site, or the work you guys have done. I don’t think it’s about hate – it’s about pain, frustration, despair. On that level, it’s a message with a lot of resonance, which is probably why it’s prompted three pages of responses. I can appreciate wanting to maintain certain standards of appropriateness with regard to language allowed. The original poster is venting, in a section called Venting, and when we vent we often say things we don’t really mean. The core message is not the superficial message. In any case, the discussion after the original post seems worth maintaining as there are so many interesting comments, and a lot of them are mine, and I really enjoy my own comments (kidding, kidding.)

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[quizzical]

Trashman, count me in as another reader who loves your potluck post – so perfect! I’m glad you are here at the table – I always enjoy what you have to say.

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[billd]

I think it’s more for the language. They REALLY want to keep this clean, family, etc. – and IMO, there is never a reason in a public forum for “language” that could be, and actually IS seen by a great many as offensive.

Why? What does it prove? How does it make the message easier to read? How does it get the point across, or state the logic any better?

Is it a necessity? Would you talk to your KIDS that way – do you expect that out of them?

No wonder some kids have issues – they learn from their elders and parents how to behave in public.

We BAN it in our forum, and a violation risks warning or suspension. We also have a “bad word filter” and it catches “most things” but can’t possibly catch it all – and those who try to get around it with spaces, letter substitutions (like using | instead of l or i, or using @ or $ instead of a or s for example – that’ll get ’em suspension as it’s a deliberate attempt at thwarting the filter or bypassing the rules.

Rick specifically mentions the language in his post (yeah, I actually read the whole thing and understood it after just 2 times) and I know they’ve removed messages and warned folks in other times of such use.

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[Anonymous]

I’m not gonna lie, this does kinda make me want to come up with a bunch of phrases that are totally innocuous (I spelled that right on the first try!) but sound really profane ….buuuut, I won’t.

(more to the point, I can’t actually think of any.)

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[Anonymous]

It is possible (I’m jus sayin…)that part of Rick’s concern is the intent……swearing can be just a delivery tool. I too, swear like a sailor for time to time it’s just who I am, so what. What may be more unsettling, is the context, emphatic, or defaming!!!! There is huge difference….to me anyway.

Try this……….where this “anonymous person” places words like lawyer, PHD, etc……try replace those words with your own words such as Jew, Negro or “N”, or Hispanic, maybe your own name….. or, whatever group/person that comes to mind for you. Your perspective on his……”cool rant” may just moderate slightly……….try it, see if you still feel the composition/ author are still innocuous????

I’m jus sayin’…..

Toofat

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[billd]

Why is that delivery tool needed when the English language is full of colorful words, phrases……………

If used so often, such as the original post, they have little edge and are simply an annoyance. If one uses such a word only very rarely, it has great impact. But to over-use, especially in a single message, it’s nothing but vulgar and a big turn-off to more folks than you’d imagine.

(in our place of work, such a word said or typed is grounds for discipline or worse…..)

If you are a sailor working around sailors, that is a bit different (but still worthless and useless to most except the speaker themselves – in most cases, it makes them feel important, powerful, etc)

I guess I’m speaking from my experiences in speaking, writing, school/

I felt pretty good when the neuro-psyc doc told me last visit – I had excellent speech and writing skills and could (with the lack of ADD and the things that go with it) have been a great orator. (won’t show here, but he said I’d be a good public speaker or even a political speech writer – the issues it my fear of the stage and crowd)

So basing it on a number of things, I stick by my thought that it’s totally not needed, doesn’t help the poster prove anything and still offends the majority of folks in this country. (as shown by polls not all that long ago – see if I can dig them up)

I’d ask – why use them, what’s the point?

Is it a power or control thing? Is it a lack of confidence – if I don’t speak like that no one will listen to me? If I don’t swear every other line, no one will listen and my words will have less impact?

Maybe this crowed feels differently – it appears to, but on the other forums I’m a member of, it’s considered totally not needed, and nothing but offensive, and seems to be used mostly by folks who have a need to prove or show something. Otherwise, why not simply speak clearly, plainly, and use all the tens of thousands of words that will have much more positive impact and leave a better impression of the speaker? (I also find under-educated are most likely to see a need for it)

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[billd]

edit/post script – all above was generic, not aimed at a person or persons, was hypothetically speaking and frankly, asking questions so I might figure out “why”.

No comment was directed at any person, real or fictitious, any resemblance to real-life people was strictly coincidence.

In my experience, ADD people in general, if i may generalize, are more sensitive to criticism – this was more of a “I just don’t get the why” thing, not intended to “slam”. (maybe it’s because all of our lives, we’ve lived with being different, being bullied, etc. – and it has more impact on us)

Apologies in advance if my own post was offensive.

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[Anonymous]

I’ve waited a long time to say anything, not that I have anything profound or useful to say.

The first post by an “unregistered anonymous” person was a bit shocking, not necessarily because of the swearing but because of the aggressiveness of it, that’s how it came across to me. So when I see that sort of thing, I don’t respond. No sense in fanning the fire, and in my experience, someone in that state of mind just wants to be mean and nasty. I’ve been there, you just want to dump it on someone or something. You’re looking for an adversary to release all of that pent-up energy. You don’t want to hear anything else, again from personal experience.

The other thing that came to mind is that this post is somewhat representative of those on the site who have more severe ADHD and co-morbid conditions and disorders – NOT that everyone in that situation comes across that way – but just that you’re out there too, struggling with work or not being able to work, struggling to get diagnosed or being diagnosed with meds that don’t help, etc. Sometimes that makes me feel as though I shouldn’t be here or post about how well I am doing with this or that.

Then trashman came along with his potluck analogy, and I realized we all belong here, even the people who feel like crap.

So today I am thanking Rick and Dr J and Jimi and everyone who has put this forum and website together and contributed to it. Someone said this forum is very different, it’s not clinical, it’s more user-friendly, it’s definitely very active, and I feel like I belong here, even if the family here is slightly dysfunctional

I talk too much, so now I am going to shut up.

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[Anonymous]

I personally don’t see what the big deal is about swear words. Maybe I’m immune but I don’t understand who is being protected by preventing them. Of course I just watched George Carlin’s 7 dirty words again so like I said maybe I’m immune. Words on a screen only have power to offend if the reader allows it. Unlike you build I don’t see the need to constantly censor myself. It’s enough that I do it at work and in most public places, but in a forum called rants, I do not understand the need or desire for censoring language.

The OP was ranting and is/was upset. Censoring his language would be phony.

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[Robbo]

Wow, I so wish I could just read faster. I liked this tons

<>>”Rather than trying to find a life that you enjoy, you should try and find enjoyment in your life.”<<

krazykat – love ya. You are too cool.>>< That’s Great! I like it too.

The way I’ve found to find enjoyment in my life is to give whatever it is I’m doing, the thing right in front of me, all my attention, interest, and love. That’s work, but work that pays off in the feeling of success. I define success as feeling comfortable in my own skin. I live on a very tiny amount of money compared to what’s considered middle class. I do fairly well at not comparing my life to others, I’m sure that makes a huge difference in my ability to be content. I know how much is enough, and how much is too much of any given thing. It’s tricky especially if we’re talking about cookies or ice cream! Money is over rated. Way.

I have a 3500.00 car n think it’s great!, it’s enough for me.

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[Author]

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