[DareToBeHappy]

I just finished my third day shadowing for a hostess position at a pub downtown, and I think I got the job!  The managing host said she’d text me a training schedule soon so… I think that means the job’s mine?  I hope it works out 🙂 this feels like an obligation that could really help my confidence with my own abilities, but really, give me an escape from my current situation of feeling isolated while living in a dorm.  So, Yay 🙂  Back pats for everyone.

REPORT ABUSE

[DareToBeHappy]

A couple of those first quotes really struck me.  When I was officially diagnosed, I was halfway through my second year of university, and felt validated, but also skeptical.  If I’d had this all my life, then why was it never an issue before?  Why did everything become so overwhelming so suddenly?  How could I expect my parents to take my diagnosis seriously when I’d found my Dr. on my own, gotten tested, and told them myself?  And how could I expect my parents, anyone else, and even myself to admit that I had a learning disability?  “you don’t have ADHD. You’re just looking for an excuse for your laziness” was exactly what my family met me with when I told them I was first diagnosed three years ago, and again about a week ago when I expressed how I’d been feeling about returning to school.

And I can’t lie.  Sometimes, I agree with them.  In fact, sometimes I feel like “I just don’t believe ADHD exists” and that I’m searching for an excuse in order to shirk feeling like a slovenly, mopey, self-indulgent house cat.

Other days, I totally identify with everything I read here.

I have my rare days, however, when I try to stop thinking altogether and simply do, so that diagnosis or not, support from my family or not, I’m still accomplishing things regardless.

REPORT ABUSE

[DareToBeHappy]

I don’t know if I’m necessarily having a bad day.  I’m just feeling a bit… isolated?  I’m a 5th year senior at university, most of my friends have graduated, and those that haven’t don’t live on campus. My boyfriend lives out of state, as do most of my closest friends.

I just started class today, and overall, everything went well.  My professor was supportive, my classmates were friendly.  I just finished shadowing at this restaurant and I think I just got the job tonight, so that’s cool, too.  Now, I’m home, back in my dorm room, feeling a little alone.  I seemingly have nothing to feel anxious about, but I do a little bit.  I’m thinking I should divert all of this nervous energy into activities, but I just find it so hard to self motivate sometimes.  Especially when the internet’s acting up, like now, which is basically all the time.  Can’t even load up my favorite shows lol

IDK.  On the surface, nothing’s wrong, and really, I’m not even having a “bad day.”  I think I’m just looking for someone to talk to.  It’s like, if my life is a sitcom, then the audience wouldn’t spend a whole 13 minutes of my time watching me text people and sit alone as I busy myself in silence.  I’d come home to my apartment where my friends would be waiting with their own lives and chaos to distract me in my downtime.

But, that’s life, I guess.  There’s a Dr. Seuss rhyme that goes “All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you’ll be quite a lot!”  That’s something I definitely need to get a better handle on.

REPORT ABUSE

[DareToBeHappy]

@Larynxa  Ok so: 1.)  I think my sleep cycle is pretty much back to normal.  I’ve never had the greatest sleep cycle to begin with, though.  I’m usually up late, and consequently up the next day a little late, but that’s always been that way.  I’ve always had issues turning my brain off and going to sleep unless I was absolutely dog tired.  Now, I’m maybe one month into taking it regularly, and I’ll be asleep by like 3 and up by 11 or 12, which is regular for me.

 

2.)  Yay not pregnant 🙂  False alarm.  My period came a couple days ago.  Could have been stress.  Could have been related to my meds.  Regardless, it’s here now, and everybody’s happy.

3.)  I have to pee less frequently now, but I’ll probably still talk to my Dr. about everything I’ve been feeling, just to check in.  I honestly think so of this might have been anxiety induced by my own mind, and because I was dwelling, everything appeared to be worse than it was.

Thanks for all the help 🙂 I’m feeling better.  I had my first day of school today, I just started a new job as a hostess, and I’m feeling all right about it all.  Most immediately, I’m feeling a bit restless, but I always kind of do anyway.  I wish I had some friends around, but I’m pretty isolated in my environment right now, and that’s something I think I’ll have to combat myself by just… doing.  Writing, reading, painting, laundry, all that.

I’d still love to hear from anyone else that might have some experience with this drug though 🙂

Thanks again!

REPORT ABUSE

[DareToBeHappy]

Thanks guys 🙂  So that was me.

 

I’m back at school now.  I wanted to transfer, away from an environment that I don’t feel particularly supported in, but my shut that shit down and convinced my family I was just crazy.  I didn’t even want to leave forever.  I just wanted to see if maybe surrounded by other people, in a different setting, with a different vibe, I could do well.  I just wanted to know if it was me or the place or me in the place or what.

 

But oh well.  And now I just feel… well at first I was frustrated, now I’m only a little disappointed.

I just honestly have no will to work right now.  I feel so defeated and unmotivated to do anything for anyone here.

 

At least right now.  This might just be insomnia driven moodiness.  I just started taking Busprione along with my Adderall a couple weeks ago.  It could be my body adjusting to it.

 

It could be all of the above.  I’m fine, I swear, I really am, I’m just having a weak moment lol

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts