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May 25, 2012 at 11:01 pm in reply to: I can't focus enough to read all these other topics, so I'll start my own. #112717
also dougie what you wrote resonated with me too
REPORT ABUSEMay 25, 2012 at 9:30 pm in reply to: I can't focus enough to read all these other topics, so I'll start my own. #112716quiscale i can totally relate to feeling the guilt of being , say, sub-optimal mother….i hate myself sometimes…often…no, always, for being so irritable and not having patience and blowing up with my kids, and not providing an organized, orderly life environment, not being a good role model for good habits for them to learn…being different….being sad,depressed,exhausted almost all the time….being so dysfunctional….. feeling overwhelmed is the theme of my life. i have 2 wonderful children, and i love them so very much….really, even though i often get frustrated with them (on top of everything else in life that is frustrating and annoying to me) if it were not for them i may have checked out long ago.
i have not been diagnosed with anything, not recently anyway. some years back i participated in a clinical study that i qualified for due to symptoms of depression and anxiety… the med helped a little, but when the study was over i was basically on my own again. tried various other meds off and on over the years with varying degrees of success, but in more recent years i gave up because i wasn’t seeing results because i would forget to take the meds….then with pregnancy and breastfeeding didn’t want to start any meds.
when i was in 4th grade my teacher told my parents i needed to have a medical evaluation – she thought i had a brain tumor because i was always in my own world/daydreaming and told them that although the work i did turn in was very good, i almost never completed my assignments. but when the brain scan and eeg were normal(i think that is what they did), no more investigation was done. around the same time i tested as “gifted” so i guess they figured everything was ok. i did sufficiently well in school using my ability to “get in the zone” when i had a fire lit under my butt(my mother and teachers had very high expectations of me, and was able to produce…most of the time). but in college….another whole story….changing my major about every semester, my records littered with “w” and “I”..and some “f” when i would forget or procrastinate too long to be able to get the w or i. uggg. never did get my bachelors degree, but sometime later was able to get my degree dc – again thanks to the ability to (sometimes) get into hyperfocus zone and somewhat compensate for the rest of the time that i’m a slug – or at least feel like one…or maybe a sloth, idk….but i digress….about 40 YEARS….40 YEARS!!!! after the initial red flag! i was channel surfing and happened upon the pbs show…..and the lightbulb went on….and i came to this site to investigate further…and OMG! why oh why oh why didn’t somebody – including me – look into this before?!?!
and now my new fear is….what if i go to a psych to get a dx and tx and i’m told no, you are not add, you just need to focus and get your sh@# together you crazy, lazy, incompetent b@#$%……ok, i don’t really think a psych would use those exact words, but you get the point. i digressed again, didn’t i.
so, to get back to you,quiscal, i also have a special needs child. he is classified as asd, but more and more i’ve become aware that may …no, probably…has co-morb of add….i need to get him evaluated again, and will consider meds too, though i hate to put him through all the side effects/trial and error/withdrawal….it’s so difficult as adults, but heartwrenching to think of my 7 year old having to go through this…you know….
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