[Blue Yugo]

There’s no “right” answers to the colors we perceive from numbers or letters, but I did read that statistically 1 is reported to be white very often.  My letter i is also white, as is O, but zero is black to me.  My sister and cousin agree they feel 1 is white.

I can generally tell who would be receptive, curious, or amused if I tell them about my color associations.  Some people (the types who never understand anything different from themselves anyway) might badger or grill me over it, but I just learned to feel out who might be accepting.  I just sometimes say, without thinking, that a phone number or something is interesting colors without thinking first, and that’s where I might get the strange looks.  Anyway, that’s cool.  As a side note, A is often said to be red and B blue.

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[Blue Yugo]

I only have 2 books on ADD because I’m determined to keep it to very good ones that actually help me.  My philosophy is that if I give myself TOO many choices of books, I’ll end up reading only little bits of each and never wind up with the full picture because I’d be always distracted by digging into the newest one until an even newer one pops up.

That being said, here are the 2 books pertaining to ADD that I have (and why).

1.  “Taking Charge of Adult ADHD” – by Russell A. Barkley, PhD.  I like this one because it is the one that got me to seek treatment with all its check lists, some of which very well define the specific areas impairment occurs for me.  It gives other prompts throughout the book for you to fill out for yourself and also strategies for the most common problems ADD’ers have with work, finances, relationships, etc.  If you can find a preview of it online or in a store, do so…so that you can see if the format is something that jives with you, and you don’t wind up collecting too many books and making a bigger pile of mental clutter for yourself.  This book is mentioned in a post above, but I wanted to give my reasons for liking it.

2.  “ADD Stole My Car Keys” – by Rick Green & Dr. J.  I like this one because it’s got 155 common symptoms and it’s easy to skip around like my brain wants to do, and I often say “That is SO me!”  Dr. J explains how each topic affects ADD’ers, and Rick tells personal experiences, to which I really feel like starting a journal notebook to add my own as well.  (There’s also a fun type-o on the credits page.)  It helps me root out my biggest problem areas.  Next time I see my doctor, I will recommend she check it out, too.

Barkley is great at telling the whole, hard truths.  Rick is great at making you laugh at those same truths (in the ADD-friendly “you can skip around if you want” format).

– Viv

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[Blue Yugo]

@MarieAngell I’ve heard that Synaesthesia often skips a generation.  I’ve heard as many as 1 in 100 people have it, but other places stats can run as high as 1 in 10,000.  Does she say 1 is white?  Most people seem to say that.

My guess is that there’s no link between Synaesthesia and ADD.  I just wonder from the standpoint that it’s a different wiring function in the brain than what’s called “normal”.  It’s a gift, and with the advanced ways we are using our brains in modern times, we create conduits in our brains that prior generations didn’t have, so maybe it will become more prevalent.  At least for me, my ADD brain just has one more stimulant to latch itself onto, having fun with colors and arithmomania.  Synaesthesia shows up often in artists and musicians.

Being a babbler, I used to make the mistake of blurting out about having Synaesthesia, but now I try to introduce the topic only to closer friends and try not to get on a rambling motor mouth session about it.  Sometimes people ostracized me once I babbled the topic even though Synaesthesia (like ADD) is nothing “bad” or deserving of alienating someone.  It’s nice to know my odd color association does have a name, and others who share the gift.

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[Blue Yugo]

Synaesthesia is experienced differently by people, like some might say that pineapple tastes like squares.  Although I don’t have that type, I can at least appreciate and understand how it might be perceived in the minds of someone for whom that applies.  The numbers are fun…I often like or dislike my phone numbers and car license plates (etc.) based on what color scheme the numbers appear to me as.  My current phone number has an autumn motif with some blue mixed in, but a prior phone number was more like a box of crayons with many colors.  I say 2013 is a green year because of the 3, but 2012 was a brown year because the 2’s are brown.  Someone might tell me their phone number and I often remark like, “Ooh, that’s a colorful phone number.”  Then, unfortunately, I’m stuck either explaining or having my new potential contact think twice about having just given me their number.

I can remember numbers from long ago because of patterns of color etched in my memory, but I can’t remember the name of a person I was just introduced to because I generally don’t pay attention to stuff like that.  I don’t absorb names.  But after a while, I may at least recall the color of the first letter, yet it will still take me months to remember the full name.

Science probably has a hard time looking at Synaesthesia because – like ADD / ADHD – it’s different for everyone.  It’s also much rarer than ADD and almost never causes impairment or ‘disorder’ and is therefore dismissed as a curio rather than something the drug companies can make money off of.  Rightfully, I find Synaesthesia a gift.  ADD is sometimes called a gift, too, under the right circumstances.  I think it’s great that in ADD’s case, sometimes people report that it gives them a creative edge.  As someone who’s just recently tested predominantly inattentive ADD, I can’t say I find much from it to be a gift, although I am prone to being super-productive and efficient at times for tasks that don’t really matter or were less priority than the things I SHOULD have done…but any time I can cross something off the to-do list is a win I guess.

ADD’ers are the experts on ADD…  Synaesthetes are the experts on Synaesthesia.  I do wonder if there’s any sort of parallel between the two in that perhaps Synaesthetes more often or less often have ADD.  No one here probably has the answer.  I mainly wonder because Synaesthesia is also a result of “abnormal” brain wiring and functioning.  You’re born with it…that much they know.  It presents itself by very early childhood and never goes away.

I’m just learning about the depths to which ADD affects me in my daily life as well as all those doors of my past that the key of ADD has unlocked and explained why my former years transpired the way they had.  Synaesthesia, alas, is just there, like eye color.  It holds no keys, but I wouldn’t trade having it for anything.  As a side note, simply knowing that you meet the criteria for ADD is one thing…but then it’s a journey finding all the places it’s been in the past and how it’s active today…something that you have to go out and observe and discover.  So in many ways, ADD is a much grander adventure and I’m more likely to find people with it than those outside of my family with Synaesthesia.  ADD does not run in my family, and it appears to be a result of having survived Reye’s Syndrome.  I guess that’s why it was overlooked especially during my academically-challenged youth.  I also can’t relate to others in my family since none of them close to me seem to have a hint of ADD.  At least I can relate to a sister and a few cousins with Synaesthesia.

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[Blue Yugo]

“Oh *%+#!, I left the car window open all night…again!”
(Statistically happens more often when it rains or snows, like yesterday…  I hope power window controls can survive, as this was the first time it’s happened with the new car.)

Another that bit me again recently, upon returning from the store:
“Did I really leave the front door open this whole time?”

And then a phrase I can’t go a day without…
“Oops.”

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[Blue Yugo]

Yes and yes…  It’s worse when I’m tired.  There’s times I realize I’ve been speaking a while and I wonder if I’m even speaking English or have any clue what I’m saying.  Not only when I’m tired, but if my attention is derailed by too much noise, a nearby loud voice or music, etc.  A mouth in motion tends to stay in motion.

One thing I find my brain echoing for me on my good days when I can suspend the chatter is, “You have nothing to say, stop talking.”  I hear it in a Canadian actor’s voice who said it because I got it programmed into my head years ago, and I assigned it a practical use.  I find it useful to latch onto things in other people’s voices saying advice because tricking the brain into accepting it from an external source mimics someone telling me to shut up with all the emotional pain that goes along with someone actually doing so.  I don’t always follow my advice or remember to “listen” to that line, but when I do, it’s a mini triumph.

One other success I tend to have with a practice I adopted more recently is to preface things I say to people with “Feel free to stop me if I’ve said this before….”  To get in the habit of saying that, say it more often than you really need to so maybe you can program your thought stream to remember to say it.  Don’t take offense if the person says “Yes, you’ve told me that a million times!”  Or more often they might just be nice and remind you that you already said something.

Hope you find some of this useful or inspiring to apply to the matter as you experience it.

– Viv

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[Blue Yugo]

My new favorite way to organize paperwork is to not have paperwork to file.  Okay, there’s always paper, but last year I cut down on a significant portion of it by switching most of my bills to paperless statements.  I used to shred the prior year in December, but I have so much less of it now, shredding papers has become a smaller, more manageable task.

Junk mail continues to be a problem and takes more time to shred, but 2 years ago someone gave me a fun little invention that cuts down on the amount of junk mail I have to shred…it’s a rubber stamp that is all random, cluttery characters packed tightly together to essentially “black out” all but the most stubborn addresses on junk mail.  Now, instead of separating and shredding pieces of junk mail, the task has been simplified by stamping over my address on many forms, postcard adverts, envelopes, etc.  I know…it’s not “filing” but it’s a paper task that can be made easier.

Filing cabinets…not my friends.  I once heard “Filing cabinets are where important papers get lost in alphabetical order.”  Yeah…like I ever bothered to put anything in alphabetical order.  It’s mostly a cache of old art work, 3 ring binders full of new art work, sheet music, and instruction books / owner’s manuals to products, 50% of which I probably no longer own.

I used to like watching those “Hoarders” shows on TV (when I had cable), and they’re great because a) they make me realize that my place is not really so bad, and b) it gives me a shot in the arm to clean up one or two “debris piles” or stacks of books, DVDs, whatever…even if the surge only lasts 5 minutes.

I also learned out of a book a “game” you can play when decluttering where, if you really lack motivation, commit to picking up just FIVE things.  It even suggested turn on a song while you work and have those 5 things picked up before the song is over.  I vary the “game” by maybe setting a timer for 10 minutes and committing to picking up not only 5 things but 5 categories of things.  Pick up one sock…or get more done by picking them ALL up.  Pick up one dinner plate off the TV tray, pick up ALL items that belong in the sink or dishwasher.  Once 5 categories disappear, there’s probably not much left.  Heck, as a bonus, with little left, just ride your momentum and finish the job.  If there’s more than one person living in your house, they can play too.

Option 2 is to adopt two cats.  I did, back in 2010.  I now keep some of my place a little more tidy because I don’t want the cats to get into things, but flat surfaces like atop the microwave, tv trays, and bookcases still suffer.  Oh well, at least I don’t have a dozen plastic bags or a teetering pile of junk mail on the floor any more.  (Thanks for asking…the plastic bags are now wedged between objects strewn in my baker’s rack, and the junk mail is now a teetering pile on the edge of my card table…but at least not on the floor.  The floor is now where I keep toy mice and tufts of cat fur between vacuumings.)

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[Blue Yugo]

@Rick re: post 118769 – that’s a great perspective on being on and posting on forums.  That’s something to put in a more prominent place to assure anyone and everyone who visits here.

It actually gives me a little insight into why I share my writings and drawings on line (elsewhere).  I highly recommend to people: keep journals or have a “drama” notebook to write down feelings, frustrations, etc.  Even if you never look back at it or rip the pages out later on days you feel better.  What’s important is getting it out at the time it’s most bothering you.

Viv

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[Blue Yugo]

Author Christina Eckert describes it as the “Mother Teresa Syndrome”…taking on a second career trying to save people or make their lives better at your own expense.  Volumes can (and have) been written about people who burn themselves out trying to make others feel good.  The good news is, you have no obligation to continue the behavior if you find it sacrifices too much of your time, energy, and even sanity.

I had a therapist who helped me confront my own sacrificing my own happiness to make others happy.  She asked why I do it.  I said that I give into others because it seems rude not to try to make them happy.  She asked me, in regards to all those scenarios I was taken advantage of or over-burdened myself, “WHO is being rude there?”  I thought about it and was struck silent.  THEY were being rude for leeching off of me, using me, and guilt-tripping me into giving up my own time, energy, etc. just to please them.  “Who is being rude?” is my new filter I ask myself any time I feel tempted to give into those times that I feel my generosity is being taken advantage of.  I have the right to say “No” and if someone thinks it’s rude that I did so, they’re not a true friend.

That’s my watered down version of my own confrontation with having the “Mother Teresa Syndrome” as the one author calls it.  Reclaim your personal power.  Find the root cause as to why you feel compelled to make others happy at your expense and analyze it, script how you can stand up for yourself, and one day give it a try.  Hope my experience helps.

Viv

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[Blue Yugo]

Metoprolol is the only med I currently take, aside from OTC stuff like red yeast rice, niacin, and fish oil.  I have no other Rx meds right now.  I’m hitting a bit of frustration with worsening inattention which used to be occasionally worse, but now it’s a daily occurrence.  Hoping to hear from people who have, or know someone who has, experience with beta-blockers and whether (or not) they seem to compound ADD symptoms.  By all means, anyone’s response is valid.   @Ashockley55, thanks for your input despite other factors.  I don’t see my doctor again ’til March, and I WILL bring up my mounting concerns about my worsening symptoms in conjunction with the Metoprolol.

(It’s too bad, because Metoprolol works better for me than other BP meds I’ve taken, but it comes with many more side-effects.)

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[Blue Yugo]

One place I’d gone gave out information on a scale to track how we are on a given day.  I have the pages somewhere (and don’t ask me to find it at 11:30 at night 🙂 …)  But it had ratings for how we feel on a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 was “very…” (anxious, depressed, etc…I’d have to look at it again for specifics) and 10 was “not at all.”  Their hope was that clients would eventually score themselves mostly 10’s, but with ADD, the 50% above / 50% below average that Rick mentioned kicks in.  Over time, certain stats (especially how chaotic my life felt) averaged a 5.  I wasn’t diagnosed ADD, as this was a number of years ago, and I found it very frustrating that they seemed to “demand” that I work on getting more consistent 9’s and 10’s (for “not at all”).

I stopped seeing them because I found the demands unrealistic, and having a 2 day followed by a 9 was normal for me.  They never went the ADD route to explain it, but now I’m getting a little more insight as to why more often than not my self-evaluating ratings swung from one end of the spectrum to the other.

Today, for instance, was very disorganized.  I tried so hard to prevent chaos, but it happened anyway.  I got frustrated, which wasn’t a good thing as I was planning a day trip by car into upstate New York.  I had to run back upstairs for things I’d forgotten to bring 4 times…reminding me of one of the videos on TotallyADD.  (Thumbs up, “Bill”…right?) But the LAST thing I needed was to feel rushed or like I’m behind schedule for a 140-mile trip.  Yeah, I exceeded the limit a bit in spots…was still passed in no-passing zones by speeding drivers with NY plates…ugh!  Sorry…

Bottom line…I get frustrated.  I observe myself on the chaotic days, vowing each time not to let it happen again…but it does.  I don’t know how to control the chaos, or conversely, how to bring myself up on days that nothing seems to hold my attention and I’m lacking energy or interest.  One thing I hit upon lately was Ayurveda and need to look into it more.  They acknowledge times we have varying degrees of energy to the point of imbalance and how to counteract the highs and lows.  In fact, search results come up for me linking ADD / ADHD treatments to philosophies in Ayurvedic medicine.  I’ll let anyone who wants look that up on their own, as I have yet to really delve into the details on it.  (I just need a “good” day where I can focus, I guess.)  Just a thought at the least.  Now I better go before I have 15 more thoughts…  – Viv

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[Blue Yugo]

I know this is an old thread, but it addresses my distractions issue in the work place…so don’t mind me weighing in.

I have a knack for being assigned “cross-roads” cubicles every place I work…probably left vacant ’til they bring me on because no one wants them since they attract congregations of people who stop there before going separate directions down a dividing pathway or something.  Some people don’t find it irritating, but I do.  Some people probably enjoy a free sample of office gossip…but I don’t want to listen to it.  I’m trying to listen to my own inner voice, keep my thoughts as collected as the box of restless kittens they are, and really just have a cubicle free of giggly girl chatter or male egos arguing sports.  These days I at least have an MP3 player and earbuds, but the volume only goes so loud.  I wish I were extroverted…I might get up the nerve to scoot my chair closer and stare at them while deliberately looking like I’m soaking up their conversation.  But I’m a terrible actor.

Another note on music, though…I absolutely cannot stand having to listen to other people’s music in the work place – particularly if a) I can only hear it half way or only hear certain bits of what’s playing, b) there’s more than one radio / source of music, each one playing something different, and of course c) something playing at any volume that I simply don’t like…which is most of today’s music.  I can actually listen to my own music on my laptop or MP3 player just fine and not be derailed in my work, which sounds like a contradiction, although it does nothing at all to help the habitual foot-tapping and leg-shaking I’ve done since I was 5.  Oh well.  Bottom line is that, out of consideration for people with issues with attention, distraction, etc., work places do need to be more accommodating to those of us who don’t want to hear it and whose all so important quality and quantity of work depends on reducing distractions we’re powerless to overcome.

The habitual music players have had iPods and MP3 players, not to mention headphones / earbuds, for decades…if they abhor silence (and how sad that is), they should keep their music to themselves.  Where I work now is blissfully free of other people’s music, and even though I still get the chatty congregations outside my cubicle, at least that’s rare and there’s no silence-fearing, sing-along co-worker playing music adjacent to me.  May my current luck never run out!

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[Blue Yugo]

I’ve laughed at and with myself many times when I realize I’m scatter-brained and disorganized at times. I never gave ADD much thought until I was prompted to take a look back at my life. I was not a hyper-active kid, but I was definitely inattentive and disorganized. (Still am.) The only thing I have in common with the hyperactive aspect is that I’m a constant foot-tapper, leg-shaker, and finger-drummer…which I’d first became conscious of in first grade and could never stop. I have also been extremely distracted (and often agitated) by noises around me, people talking when I’m trying to concentrate, and radios in the workplace…forget it! But in school and work I was quiet, never interrupted people, would either not talk at all or occasionally talk too much…but I can stay seated.

So, once I realized that the focus was on inattentive, I reopened my mind to the possibility of ADD. I’ve not been formally diagnosed, but the eye-opener was websites like this and a few others unrelated. I took various self-eval tests, and they are relatively consistent. 4 of 6…. 6 of 9…. The criteria seems to vary test by test, but I see the pattern. I see it in my life, too. Glazing over in boring meetings or social events in which I’m not fully engaged. Chronic disorganization. Distraction. Avoidance. Forgetfulness. Skipping obligations. Even just shifting from thing to thing even when the first isn’t done yet. (How many times have I removed one shoe, brushed my teeth, then removed the other shoe?) Degrees vary, but I think I have enough reason to address what I’ve noticed in myself.

I don’t have insurance, and I don’t really want to take meds because I do function highly and at times over-focus on stuff. I don’t see the need in someone like me. For that, is a formal diagnosis REALLY necessary? I don’t want the label, but in ways I wish I’d known sooner. I just assumed “That’s not me.” Even if I am consistent with inattentive ADD, so be it, label or not. I know I have these tendencies, and the self-eval’s only prove the obvious. “Mild ADD?” I guess. Either way, my distractibility and inattentiveness need to be addressed, but aside from “it’s just how I am,” I wonder what I can do on a conscious level to compensate.

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