[moses]

I was diagnosed when I was six years old. Kinda early I think. I was on meds for a number of years, when I hit grade 10 I stopped taking pills, and decided to try and live WITH my add, not against it. It’s helped, and it’s been a wiled ride.

It all started when I decided to learn about the medications I was on, and made the choice that they were in fact not helping me at all, rather they were designed to slow down the accurance of flipflop bainwaves, ie jumping from one thing to another. that was all fine and dandy rather I also learned that I wasn’t as smart As I was supposed to be for my age because my brain couldn’t perform the way it was initially designed to perform. I had an average IQ. about 105. It upset me because that couldn’t explain why I had incredible Ideas every once in a while that were way beyond me. So i figured my brain was trying to tell me that it had a higher capacity than was being allowed. So I stopped for that sole reason. self-experimentation.

It has been a very difficult journey, but after almost ten years, My IQ has gone from an averageish 105 to around 135-140. Thats great, however I still have All the bouts that addders have, and have learned to live with them, and accept them. It has helped my personal growth enormously when dealing with acceptance of the self and others, patience, and general understanding of others. I can almost have a full conversation with someone without zoning out onto a different topic altogether, although it has literally taken years just to train my brain to stay on topic, which is still damn difficult. sleeping habits on the other hand are my worst enemy and I might never control them. ie up till 5 am, bed at midnight next day, up at noon day after, bed at midnight. its insanity. I suffered from ultra low esteem when i was younger cuz i just thought i was less than everyone else due to my condition. i grew up out of town which was very solitary, it helped though cuz i had less distractions. I have adhd, and HAD tourettes, but through years. and i mean YEARS, I have slowly learned to control my ticks and outbursts with copious ammounts of excersize, diet, and acceptance that if i don’t give into the tick as i used to, it will eventually subside. the worst part is feeling the tick comming on a few moments of it happening, the build up of unused energy coursing through my viens and muscles.. GOTTA MOVE.. NOOOWWW (kicks over lampshade, knocks coffe to floor, punches desk for spilling coffe0 and breaking lampshade BOOM my fists hurt from punching the desk) F***!!! I did it again….. not so much anymore. still happens tho. especially when im tired. but like I was saying tho, over the years I’ve learned one thing when dealing with information overload and the tempation to do something else thats more interesting. Always have at least five or six things on the go at once. I know its crazy, but if you try and do more than five things at once, youll get bored and switch to the next thing. eventually you’ll rotate and get everything you needed to do accomplished. Thats the only way I can do it. like utra x-treme multitasking for the expert adder u know? but always make sure you try and finnish them near the same time, that way you really see EXACTLY what you accomplished all at once. It makes a big statement unto yourself. instead of puttering around doing one thing, then the next, then the next. your bulldozing everything simultaneously whislt evil laughing and singing supercalifragilisticexpialidicious. yar. also a good thing to do, is look back at your accomplishments, like the major ones, over the course of your life and ask this simple question; out of my day to day, how many people do I actually know personally who have accomplished as much as I have? and really put the thought into it too. you’ll be amazed. for instance. I still loaf about as if I’ve never done anything, no accomplishments to speak of. but when i think about it. I used to be obese, like rly big. now im 155 pounds, and keeping it off. for almost four whole years. ive donated almost 2000 hours to community services and volenteer work. ive painted a few amazing pieces of artwork without even knowing beforehand that i could infact paint. I delivered one of the most memorable speeches my entire family has ever heard,(very very big family over 2 countries), at my grandfathers funeral. it was a funeral yes. but someone had to say SOMETHING. it was a half hour speech. And I surprised myself as much as anybody else. I have been the inspiration for a book written by one of my friends, even tho he only published 150 copies, still pretty cool. I can longboard. swim. run. read at over 500 worlds a minute, type at 300+ if i disregard gramar and sound.. the list goes on. what I’m trying to say is this. that even tho sometimes you have large bouts of low self-esteem, all you need to do is recount all the awesome things you’ve part taken in your lifetime, it just takes some time to remember. even the small things, and even if you’ve made a fool of yourself, did people experience joy because of it? ergo because of you?. I bet your a hell of a lot more awesome than you give yourself credit so just stay excellent to people. your positive self esteem will start to protrude out of your many orafaces before you know it 🙂

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[moses]

whats time? whats the time? is it time yet? when is it time? if when, is it now? If not, let me know when its time, then maybe it will get done, but its not time now, so lets not worry about the time. 😛

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[moses]

Im 24 years of age, I have many many many talents, vast reserves of store random topic memories etc. all seems fine until I try and put that information to use, and finish what I start. Im an artist at heart I have many paintings lying around the house, sketches, books etc. and they’re all half finished. It’s a large accomplishment if I Finnish a painting because of how much effort I put into it, and of why I started it in the first place. I have a very accute way of looking at the world with geometry, and it transplants itself in my artwork. my problem arises witht he thoughtformas and trains of thought that accompany my jouney of finishing a piece. for example. I have a 4×3 foot canvas in my room. Its half finished, and its beautiful. but I know its not finished, probably even 1/3 finished. spent 12 or so hours on it so far, in one sitting. which is the only way I can finish it, in a very large one moment time frame of 10 or 15 hours, ten minutes here or there wont cut it, cuz its not enough to let it evolve, needs to be longer. but that means I have to w8 until my days off from work to do it. that means the weekened, which means grocerie shopping, bill paying, house cleaning(or try to anyways), then before i know it im w8ing again till NEXT weekend. its atrocious. whats even worse; Its already been bought and paid for by someone I know, and I STILL can’t seem to get the damn thing finnished.. ill look at it for2 or 3 minutes, have some awesome idea, then forget about it cuz i don’t have enough available time at that given now. BLAH!!!! so so many things are like this. my life is a tornado of half accomplished accomplishments. but on the light side of things, grats on homeshooling, thats one things I would love to do with my future children. I feel I would be a better educator than school in convention, the things they lack in the curriculum my god my hope for humanity is dwindling.

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[moses]

I zone out all the time. Ill be watching a movie, then realize i don’t know whats happened over the last twenty minutes, then i rewind, to do it again, then i just shut it off and do something else.

when people are trying to tell me something it gets really bad, then i just nod, say yes, ;execute predetermined answer for(set parameter topic), then try my absolute damndest to remember what they were saying, after the convo is long gone. gets old rly fast but what to do right? for someone who has had, and has known he has add for twenty something years, you start to recognize the tiomes when you zone, what causes them, why they occur etc. then you try to encorperate  nifty tid bits to keep you involved. like little computer data packets. encorperation!

subject:conversation, subject:my own thoughts, Subject:conversation, repeat. refresh continue. its like. having to split two or three or five conversations in your head into little packages that can only be continuued if you refresh to the one your listening to from someone else.. omg what am i saying maybe i should rewrite this….

okay. so lets say your listening to someone and you zone out. you never completely ignore what the other person is saying, you just, start a new thread so to speak, its okay cuz you can do that four or five times before they realise you have a vacant expression/stare, the object however is to revisit all the conversations taking place as many times in two or three seconds as you can, like arevolving door, then by chance youll tune back into the person talking, catch up in half a second, incorperate what they say, then zone out again to do it all over. I find this helps, particularily whith larger and/or longer conversations, is to try to control the conversation to YOUR benifit, by coaxing them into your train of thought, by posing questions pertinent to what they are saying, but actually forces them to come to a conclusion that is more similar to the brain waves your producing, making the conversaton  little more smooth.. example

Lady:    “Hey Moses! you’ll never believe what happened to me today!”

Moses:   “you sure?, haha whats up what happened?”

Lady:     “I went to the grocerie store to buy some food”

Moses:     “uhuh, then what?”   <–zoning out response

Lady:       “Well blah blah blah Isle blah blah Ketchup bah blah blah”      <– totally adder zonage

Moses:      “Ketchup really? haha”       <-meanwhile thinking about the ingredients to ketchup, and how lisosine is found in its most concentrated forms only in heavily produced tomato products due to the way in which you process tomatoes whithout using heat,which would destroy the lisosine

Lady:       “yeah ketchup and blah blah blah person I met blah blah blah ago blah blah                   wasnt  working blah blah bah blah offered me a JOB!!!!” <—adders to the rescue!

Moses:     “wow a job that’s awesome!” <–doesnt dare ask doing what cuz she probably already said what it was…

Moses: (knowing ketchup is more interesting than random hu7man encounter)    “speaking of ketchup, did you know that tomatoes are more healthy for you the more they’re concentrated and processed?, due to the micronutrients involved, and how you process them using cold techniques rather than cooking them first?”.

maybe what I said is too confusing idk, makes sense to me tho 🙂

 

 

 

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[moses]

I used to be 245 pounds. I keep a healthy weight of 155 now, have been for three years. its hard to lose the weight, but despite what you may here, its actually alot easier keeping it off than losing it. just; stop eating sugar. thats about it for me. Stopped eating sugar. and ALL that encompasses that thought. no sugar=no sugar. after i got that down pat, I stopped eating chips, and junk food, ie; anything that goes good whilst eating sugar. after two years I lost 90 pounds. Im still getting used to my body idk. just make sure you dont trya nd lose the weight too fast or else youll start binging. I have, quite a few times where its like 5 in the morning, can’t sleep, dont want to think about ideas, then i get food stuyck in my head, then i end up walking to the storte and buying junk food and eating all of it in one sitting. not good. but it take a hell of a lot control, specially if ur like me and have adhd. sugar=awesome happy time.

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[moses]

I wrote a list once, a couple weeks ago. I know cuz i remember thinking to myself; “i need a list”. I wrote it, set it down on the table, where it went from there only god knows. oh well.

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[moses]

Dear Neurotypical:  I’m agreeing to what your saying in this conversation because I know if I said anything different I would have to explain myself, for three hours, and I know you can’t understand. The conclusion you’re arriving to just now, I thought of in grade two. The nuances you’re using, I discarded in grade three.

Dear Neurotypical: Don’t ask me how I know something, Cuz I don’t, I just do, even If its a wild assumption based on a sentence from a book I read five years ago, a dog I was having a conversation with last week, why I ended up spilling my mornings coffee all over the kitchen floor, and why I decided to take the white towel instead of the brown towel to clean it up, all these things, whether your brain can understand it or not, lead me to a conclusion so unrelated to these happenings that it couldn’t possibly be wrong, so instead of asking me where I got my information, which would frustrate me cuz you couldn’t possibly understand, even If I TRIED to explain it, just instead ask yourself this, Is the information I gave you right?

Dear Neurotypical: Please don’t lie to me, I mean good effort and all, trying to convince me of a falsity, but you forget one thing!, I can has cheesbrgr see your brainwaves when they fluctuate.

Dear Neurotypical; Im sorry what were you saying? I wasn’t paying attention, I was more interested in thinking about the nano structures that would have to be integrated into the hull of a spaceship if it were to travel to the edge of our solar system in a few days using a vague form of astro-propulsion I dreampt about last night for three seconds than rather listen to what you ate for breakfast before coming to work. No offense.

Dear Neurotypical; yes my house is an utter mess, like a tornado and a bull got it on in my kitchen, and a pride of lions chased gazelle thru my room. but even then, I know the location of every single piece of own able property in my house, and takes me about five seconds to find it., can you do that?, even in  CLEAN house?

Dear Neurotypical; I would love to have a conversation about why consciousness permeates thru all of reality and that just having the right tuning fork allows you to perceive things beyond that of conventional human understanding but, I would rather make progress, so lets not.

Dear Neurotypical; Do you actually ENJOY working 9-5, five days a week? O.o

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[moses]

I learn by Visual and Verbal aide, Verbal meaning if you try and teach me something, you best have brought a pen and paper, I can retain a little bit if im reading, but I really shine when I read it and see it simultaneously.

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[moses]

haha okay yeah sorry, im really bad with gramar and stuff, its daunting haveing to put things that arent words in with all your words lol

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[moses]

well in highschool i had almost no friends, all my friends were the people no one wanted to be friends with, which was okay cuz that meant i had friends, no matter how socially awkward they were, and i was. what was most upsetting growing up was i always ended up saying the wrong things at the wrong time, and most people didnt know i had ADHD AND TOURRETTES cuz i never talked about it cuz i didnt want people judging me cuz that would mean the cats out and that meant more people would look at me weird, so that sucked. i often thought to myself why they always mistook what i said or whatever, but as i got older io reaslised they just simply had no idea about the vast majority of the world and what makes it tick. HA tick tick, they just understoond listen, quiet repeat regurgitate continue, when i was more concerned with OMG did you know that!? i didnt lets move one, why we talking about that again didnt we jst cover it? go go go go, flying a million miels a minute, its no wonder people thought i was mildly crazy.. its all good now tho, but im surprised at how little you can accomplish in your day2day adult life when your consciously trying to avoid most people. cuz i find most people to be unpleasent and kinda, slowish. like they stick to one topic for EVER and im like, dude move on, boring lets go. then i end up burning up all the conversations, then the awkwards get involved cuz they cant keep up to the sporadicness. sorry for my spelling i tyype too fast to be bothered with gramar, i hate gramar it takes too long and my thought moves quickly then i start forgetting what i was tryting to say but u knew that i think so w/e, anyways ya. now i never have any problems getting along with people, but its cuz im pretty passive in conersation now, and im pretty non energetic in convo now too cuz growing up it got too teadious always explaining, re explaining then reapeating what i say, so it got to the poibnt where im like, okay ill keep it simple so they can follow, but then that leads to a very short and completely uniteresting conversation which sucks then i get bored. cuz i dont like always revisiting a former topic so early in the game, its like. lets move on untill we cant move on anymore, THEN lets ask questions.

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[moses]

AH, okay sweet this is a good thread. okay so personally, I’ve known i had adhd for the most part of my life, i was diagnosed when i was in grade 2, after that well whatever life happened, anyways, i never really knew anybody that had adhd other than my brother and hes kinda a, um, unconventionally unsympathetic type of person, but its great to talk with him because we can have our own conversationa nd come up with amazing ideas or mini rants about things and come to the same conclusions that would normally take someone without, ages to accomplish, we both deal in concepts, which i think is easier than actual thoughtforms per se. i mean we can skip large portions of a conversation, know all the missing peice automatically and come to the same complex conlusion within seconds, the only thing that sucks is its like were speaking a different launguage than everybody else you know? aNd people are like, wtf are they talking about?. it helped out a lot growing up with a sibling that has the same condition you do, but at times we clash to the point were were all like YAAAAAAA -punches eachothers in the throat- type fights, but twenty seconds later and were trying to figure out why people havent invented working models of AI yet. its wierd. weve kinda lostr touch with eachother since we live in different provinces, but hey, experience is experience. idk im happy i found this website, i spent hours and hours last night looking for a good online community that deals strictly with what makes all of us awesome and excelent. tho, i didnt read anybodies elses posts yet cuz i wanted to get this out first, ill read everyone elsese now

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[moses]

i have a couple friends, i think. well one friend is a roomate, so i kinda have to be his friend too and vice versa, my other roomate is a good friend. i have one other friend from highschool but we never talk or hang out anymore, doesnt live in the same town/city place that i do anymore. idk. i like to think about anything and everything, most of it takes place in my own private conversation/dialogue, gets lonely everyday, but i mostly feel like im the only one i know that understands how i think and i hate explaining to other people what i mean when i say one thing or another,. its okay i guess cuz i make myself laugh at the stupid crap i think about at random. never a dull moment, but. well i guess it is pretty dull now that i think about it. crap.. wow i must be pretty boring to have so few friends. hut maybe its just everybody else who is boring and cant handle my energy. or randomness you know? anaanyways i think ive talked, or typed to much now so yar, keep trucking lots of people. i just became a member of this site im hoping to make some friends with the same way of being as i am, or is. or whatever. 🙂

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