[sar316]

Very interesting I think ill look into the Becoming a Master Student because I’m desperate! I find that I have a very difficult learning new things if a) I can’t some how tie or relate it to some thing I already know and b) if I can’t put it into some sort of pattern. I seem to be amazing at remembering things if and only if I can see some sort of pattern. I think this is because then I only really have to learn one thing and the rest just seems to fall into the pattern on its own. But there are an awful lot of things in university that they want me to know that are strange, abstract, tie to absolutely nothing I already know and that refuses to fit into any sort of pattern.

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[sar316]

Ok great, but now I not only have 1 large important thing to do I have 6 small equally important things to do. When I bake a cake there is a clear concise order in which tasks have to be done. I find that I can get myself into a very large pickle when I have broken down a task and I can’t prioritize the little pieces! They all seem equally important and order may or may not matter, I usually don’t or can’t discover this until the task is as put together as its ever going to get. I spend a crazy amount of time trying to prioritize so that the project hopefully turns out for the best only to find that the priority doesn’t matter in this case, I prioritized it incorrectly or I’ve lost interest and the project will be left to the absolute last minute and then thrown together as tho I haven’t put any effort at all into the project. Which hasn’t been the case at all!

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[sar316]

@Larynxa wow!! That is PERFECT!!! I’ve never seen or heard anything that so completely summarizes what its like to be in my head, ALL of the time!! It’s amazing how often I have to ask people to repeat themselves due to the brain noise.

I am ADHD (with the hyperactivity) and I’ve become slightly confused. So for the sake of technicality, as I’m new still new to the ADHD world, whats the difference between hyperactivity, impulsiveness and perseverance? I feel that I have impulses to move, speak and fidget. Once started I feel that I’m doing it no longer as in impulse, but as a hyperactivity like a motor run object (some times completely unaware that I’m doing it) and at some point along this continuum I feel like it becomes perseverance as I don’t always quit when I should.

So for the sake of my understanding and so that I can educate those who have to live with me, what are the differences between hyperactivity, impulsiveness and perseverance?

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[sar316]

Ok so I’m a little late to this party, but i found that complete mental exhaustion works really well. I found listing to a movie I have listened to a million times (Shrek) gives me something to pull my focus to and it doesn’t keep me awake because there are no surprises any more so I can just follow along word for word in my head until i drift off (usually not much longer than through the first half of the movie). But above all a diagnosis and meds have made the biggest difference. If i take my meds early in the day and put an honest effort to focus my energy to the proper parts of my day, I have found that for the first time in my life I sleep at night. And not just fall as sleep, stay a sleep and not wake up about every hour and a half. I find that my partners breathing, the draft of cool air into my blankets, light of any sort, the dog rolling over, my partners blanket touching me (HA! ya we did NOT share blankets, like there is any chance at all we could SHARE blankets without me going to prison), a slight change in the earths rotation or atmospheric pressure doesn’t bother me any longer. I know mostly just love my partner and no longer want to strangle him on a regular basis because for the first time i have energy and patients to deal with life. I can’t stress how much of a difference I’ve experience by getting my ‘energy cycles’ figured out so my brain works during the day and doesn’t want to solve the mysteries of the universe at night. I still have the occasional bad night, but for the most part they are restful nights.

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[sar316]

Before my ADHD diagnosis I had a Dr. decide my issue was just depression. After 2  prescribed doses of Zoloft I had gone into a freakish uncontrollable muscle contracting twitching serotonin syndrome fit. Where I was shaking on a massive scale as my muscles fought against each other to contract. I couldn’t unclench and speech became very difficult. I took a trip to the ER which cleared it up. I had one more reaction the next day (this is after I had discontinued the use after the first 2 doses) because apparently the half life of it is 48 hours. I had then decided my serotonin levels are right happy where they are and it wasn’t depression that was causing my issues (as I had told the Dr. before the prescription was given). It turned out that after I had gotten my ADHD medicated and under some control I was less depressed!

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[sar316]

@allan wallace Sorry: EMS stands for emergency medical services. I can’t speak for anywhere else, but in Saskatchewan we use it to describe mostly ambulance, but could also include firefighters and first responders.

Thanks @MarieAngell it really is a huge change but it’s nice to not have the pressure of having to be my best at 2AM in the bitter cold without meds. Too bad there is so much trial and error that has to be involved with life once a diagnosis and meds make you realize that current life could be improved. Life is hard BEFORE I have to figure out the hard way what doesn’t work, but on a positive side I have an amazing skill at discovering what doesn’t work. I guess there is less chance to build character if I would already know how to do things efficiently by the second or third attempt 🙂

@Larynxa I agree shift work is not easy (or safe) to begin with. I think it would be interesting to see how it makes an impact on the ADHDer. I think it would also be really interesting to read the effects of shift work on casual employees. I think that if it is done full time, its a little easier to get use to the rhythm of it, but doing it casually really doesn’t ever give much hope if it becoming a manageable pattern of med/life disruptions.

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[sar316]

for a fun, relaxing mind break (or so I think) eyewire.org is a site setup that allows the common person to play a game of ‘map the retina neurons’. You work you way through a very small segment of an unmapped neuron and hundreds of people do the same all working to the same goal. Its a great break and you get to help science so therefor a justifiable break, like I need more reasons to not do what I need to!

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[sar316]

watching TV and someone joins you on a commercial break:

Them: “What are you watching?”

ADDer “………um…….”

And just in time the commercials end to answer the question for you!!

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[sar316]

Thanks Mimi!

It certainly is difficult getting out of the snowball on a half pipe once in it. Its also difficult to not worry about what people think especially when it is those people who have a very large say in my future. But I do agree that life of an ADDer has its ups and can be very interesting. I had tried the break suggestion and it was great. Despite my intense efforts this term to stay on top I yet again found my self up late and up super early the morning of a midterm trying to cram. I nap/not worry before my exam after 3 hour cram session was fantastic! I went into the exam relatively calm, even calm enough I could think which helped my recall dramatically. Finally! Something that seems to work. If only i could figure out to avoid cramming last minute even with large efforts to study constantly weeks before the exam.

Thanks for all your time and efforts peoples! I cant express how much it helps!

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[sar316]

Thanks Rick,

By the end of my second year I was completely burnt out and absolutely beaten down by failure after failure. I had been in classes for 21 months straight, because taking a break would mean that my financial support could be jeopardized. At that point I hadn’t failed a class, but I certainly had to fight for the barley passing grades. At the very end of second year I had gotten a diagnosis and this is my first year with meds. Its an improvement, I can focus and the cobwebs aren’t as thick.

The issue I am now facing is that I am trying to build a rapport with the profs that teach the classes of my degree. I’m doing this because I really would like to get into research and these are the people I will work with. (There isn’t a whole lot of options for my research of interest in Saskatchewan to work with someone who doesn’t know the profs I deal with now) I am involved and am apart of our student group and I put myself out there. My University has what seems like a great disabilities student services ‘DSS’. Through this group I have accommodations such as private rooms and extra time to write my exams.

I’m having a difficult time proving to these profs that I am intelligent and a great problem solver and I would probably excel in a hands on lab environment, but I feel their view of me is tainted I and I have further crippled my chances of earning their positive sight of me because I am that person. I am that broken brained person who even with extra time and isolation still can’t academically compete with the other students. I don’t know how to show these hopefully future colleges/employers that I am worth their time.

I know that I’m still in the early stages of having to rebuild and that I am in the process of relearning how to learn. But I feel that at this point and being registered with DSS for exam accommodations (that I really do appreciate and they do make a difference) it doesn’t matter how I do on exams. If I do well I feel that its viewed, by my peers and profs, as an unfair advantage and on the other hand if I do poorly on exams that it further proves that I’m not worthy of working with these people in my future.

How do you guys cope with being ‘that person’ while trying to show that you do have qualities that make you an asset without having the feeling of being overwhelmed ruin your life?

 

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[sar316]

It seems that the more people I talk to, the more I’m starting to think that an awful second year is a requirement that they forgot to mention when people enrol.

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[sar316]

Wow. Thanks guys! I really appreciate your perspectives and it is nice to finally know that others understand!! I have come along way since my diagnosis in April of last year, but I still have a long way to go. Every day I seem to discover new things, but not without some frustration. For example today I had learned the valuable lesson that it is NOT a good idea to have a morning coffee half hour before stimulating medication and then expect myself to sit remotely still during an hour lecture. (It was one of those things I had suspected would be a bad idea, but curiosity had gotten the best of me).

I am grateful because now with medications my energy is distributed to the proper parts of my day and for the first time in 23 years I can focus in a class room and I sleep at night! It feels strange to be in third year of a science degree and I am just now developing the proper study skills and schedules. With a diagnosis I have finally been able to over come the feeling of inadequacy that I feel around my peers that I know I am of equal intelligence, but lacked the academic standings to prove it.

Thanks all for your replies and time! I look forward to taking on future days knowing that there is such an amazing group of people that are available and willing to share their experiences to help me get through mine!

 

Seriously DON’T mix coffee with Concerta! Life lesson on me!

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