Perhaps it’s Valentine’s Day and those warm feelings that it engenders. Deep desire, ever-present love, overwhelming passion… for chocolate. Oh, and my wife. Who loves chocolate even more than me. Chocolate and great relationships seem to be on everyone’s minds.
Two weeks ago, Ava and I presented a workshop called, “You, Me, and We With ADHD.” We talked about the impact of ADHD on the person who has ADHD and those around them. In this case the spouse. And also the impact on the relationship, the ‘We’.
There are some great books about the myriad ways ADHD can rock a relationship from the inside out. Especially when it’s undiagnosed. Check out Gina Pera’s book, Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD?, and Melissa Orlov’s The ADHD Effect on Marriage. Or our video, Living With ADHD.
Even last night on our webinar with Dr Roberto Olivardia about emotionality, a surprising number of the questions were about ‘relationship issues’, the clinical term for lovey wovey, mooshy wooshy, kissy wissy.
Those of us with ADHD, and those around us, really want help with organizing, time management, scheduling, prioritizing, procrastinating, and all the logistics of life. For a long time that was my top priority. But I’m starting to realize that having everything up-to-date, tidy, sorted, and accessible won’t mean much if I don’t have connection, if my kids don’t know that I love them. If I’m not close to my family, if I don’t have friends.
Do you know what I mean? Organization has an impact but isn’t everything. It’s not the end goal. Knowing exactly where my car keys are? Valuable. Having the car full of gas? Valuable. Having someone I love travelling with me? Priceless.
What’s the lesson? Just that we can’t lose sight of what really matters. The big stuff. And so as we get our lives organized, our finances working for us, our emotions under our control and serving us, our relationships will improve.
At the moment, we’re working on a new full-length video about relationships. It includes powerful insights from Gina Pera, Melissa Orlov, Ned Hallowell, and many others. As I listen to their quotes, I’m filled with a strong sense that having someone who understands your ADHD, makes allowances now and then, and holds you to your word when it matters and makes a difference for you is crucial. And those kind of people, whether they are your spouse, parent, friend, therapist, coach or fellow Member who is sharing their thoughts with you in the TotallyADD Forums… well, they are even better than chocolate.
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