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If Life is Like a Box of Chocolates, ADHD is the Stale Orange Ones

tadd_premium_logoBy Rick Green

Perhaps it’s Valentine’s Day and those warm feelings that it engenders.  Deep desire, ever-present love, overwhelming passion… for chocolate. Oh, and my wife. Who loves chocolate even more than me.   Chocolate and great relationships seem to be on everyone’s minds.

The Theme

Two weeks ago, Ava and I presented a workshop called, “You, Me, and We With ADHD.”  We talked about the impact of ADHD on the person who has ADHD and those around them.  In this case the spouse. And also the impact on the relationship, the ‘We’.

There are some great books about the myriad ways ADHD can rock a relationship from the inside out. Especially when it’s undiagnosed. Check out Gina Pera’s book, Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD?, and Melissa Orlov’s The ADHD Effect on Marriage. Or our video, Living With ADHD.

Even last night on our webinar with Dr Roberto Olivardia about emotionality, a surprising number of the questions were about ‘relationship issues’, the clinical term for lovey wovey, mooshy wooshy, kissy wissy.

The Outcome

Those of us with ADHD, and those around us, really want help with organizing, time management, scheduling, prioritizing, procrastinating, and all the logistics of life.  For a long time that was my top priority. But I’m starting to realize that having everything up-to-date, tidy, sorted, and accessible won’t mean much if I don’t have connection, if my kids don’t know that I love them. If I’m not close to my family, if I don’t have friends.

Do you know what I mean? Organization has an impact but isn’t everything. It’s not the end goal.  Knowing exactly where my car keys are? Valuable. Having the car full of gas? Valuable. Having someone I love travelling with me? Priceless.

Big Stuff

What’s the lesson? Just that we can’t lose sight of what really matters. The big stuff. And so as we get our lives organized, our finances working for us, our emotions under our control and serving us, our relationships will improve.

At the moment, we’re working on a new full-length video about relationships. It includes powerful insights from Gina Pera, Melissa Orlov, Ned Hallowell, and many others.  As I listen to their quotes, I’m filled with a strong sense that having someone who understands your ADHD, makes allowances now and then, and holds you to your word when it matters and makes a difference for you is crucial.  And those kind of people, whether they are your spouse, parent, friend, therapist, coach or fellow Member who is sharing their thoughts with you in the TotallyADD Forums… well, they are even better than chocolate.

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6 Responses to “If Life is Like a Box of Chocolates, ADHD is the Stale Orange Ones”

  1. turnip says:

    You nail it Rick!
    In fact I am too busy with real life and love roight now that I mostly arhives all I get about ADHD in my mailbox, though I did open tha mail I got from you at my birthday, yes that day is my birthday 🙂

    /Mats, from a small Kingdom in nothern Europe

  2. Ava Green says:

    When Dr Hallowell first spoke to us about connection, I really didn’t give it much thought. But as time goes on, I really see the importance and how precious it is. Community and connection. A partner isn’t a substitute. But a great partner can sure make a difference in our lives too.

    This is a second marriage for both Rick and I btw lockedoutofmycar. We’ve grown a lot, together. I’d say more like learning to love than learning to love again for us!

    Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

  3. lockedoutofmycar says:

    Right on the mark Rick would love for you to have you at a event in London sometime
    Finding a partner that (gets It ) as loving match in your life is huge advantage for a happy life . Had it lost it
    Trying to find again . Enjoying more and more of the content and making a wish list of the products.

    Thanks for leaving the light on . Learning to love again.

  4. sdwa says:

    Connections here in the forum have been a huge part of what keeps me going. You and the rest of theTADD folks make a huge difference and that is meaningful.

  5. ADDcoachCandace says:

    Stale orange ones?! There’s no such thing! The orange ones are the best ones in the box. And the first ones out of it. They don’t have time to go stale. I love that we’re the orange ones! What a great metaphor.

    (Pssst ….. it’s the boring, chewy, ones that go stale).

  6. sweet-sheba says:

    Thanks Rick, for another awesome Blog! It’s all about us learning to pause, and pay attention to what’s really most important in our lives, what really matters, those people that are always there for us. Thank you for putting it all into perspective!

    Happy Valentines Day to You and Ava and Jimi!

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