[adhdj]

Hello Richard,

I completely feel your pain and understand where you are coming from. Time to fix what’s wrong and the financial resources to do it are the biggest obstacles.

Unfortunately for me, I suffered from both obstacles. I wanted to get help back in 2015/2016 while there was still time before the birth of our son.

My wife “wouldn’t let” me get the help I needed. She made me feel guilty, said our love should be enough, and that “I was hiding behind a label” and making excuses.

I should’ve just went to the doctor without my wife’s approval and got back on my antidepressants and ADHD meds. I felt like I would’ve been lying to her and betraying our trust so I didn’t and just continued to suffer in silence for the most part. Any time I would try to share what was wrong with my wife, she’d just get angry, or frustrated with me and look disappointed in me.

What I’m just realizing now is that all the people including our wives/partners who say we’re making excuses and hiding behind a diagnosis,

these people are being discriminatory towards us and they don’t even realize it. The same with employers who won’t acknowledge or accept put conditions. It is 100% discrimination, then perhaps we are better off without our partner/employer. Do we really want to be with people who discriminate us? I sure don’t!

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday, and the same thing he just gave me a prescription. I said I still can’t believe there are no services?? There are tons of services for kids but what happens to these kids when they grow up? They still need a support system.

He just shrugged his shoulders and told me that he has patients who are university professors, engineers, lawyers and various careers.

I said that’s great but what about all the unemployed ADHD/learning disabilities people out there? I said to home that it would be of the government’s interest to have services in place for adults to help us find and keep good jobs.

With all the unemployed people with such conditions out there, that’s a lot of people who could be paying more for income taxes. He did agree with me

I asked him if someone in your position could lobby for adult services to the government to put services in place as someone in your position would be more listened to by the government than I

He basically said he “didn’t have time”

I look at some of the college courses nearby to better myself and I’m definitely not in a financial position to take a 1yr program with 1 course costing almost $600 CAD

So how are we to better ourselves?

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[adhdj]

Thank you both for replying.

Richard, I’m sorry for the troubles you’ve had at your jobs. That is not right at all!!

I know your dilemma regarding making your condition public to your employers.

I’ve struggled with this as well. However, I’m at a point in my life where I’ve seen the same problems continue to pop up over & over again. I figure what have I got to loose by not coming forward with my condition?

The employer will either not accommodate and better to know in the beginning how I’d probably be treated by this non understanding employer, or I meet an employer who is understanding/excepting and I’m put in a place where I’m valued and can succeed.

I just know I can’t continue the way I’m going.

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[adhdj]

Richard,

I’m sorry to hear that there isn’t a support system out in Alberta for adult ADHDers out there.

I just can’t believe that there are no resources to help adult ADHDers find and keep good paying jobs to help them succeed and be contributing members of society.

One point I’d like to make is that the more unemployed ADHDers there are out there, the more people there are who won’t be paying income taxes to the federal and their provincial governments.

If the government was smart, it would be of their better interest to help people like us find and keep well paying jobs. Think of how many more people there would be who would be helping provinces and Canada by paying their income taxes???

That makes no sense to me??

I recently went to my family doctor desperate for help/resources as I’m facing the same trouble with my current job again and he had no information except he told me to try charities.

I’m seeing my psychiatrist this week so we will see what’s happening. Please forgive me if I sound overly critical, I personally think that a psychiatrist who specializes in adult ADHD no matter the location, should be able to provide resources to help us find and keep well paying jobs.

On a fun note, I know many ADHDers who feel like we are the “normal” ones (whatever that is) and everyone else is weird.

It is comforting to know I’m not alone, I guess I’m just tired of being judged and persecuted especially by the one person who I was to be able to count on.

When I was unemployed a couple of years ago, my wife was frustrated with me, blamed me and thought I was making excuses. I couldn’t for the life of me find another job after being laid off with 25 people in my training group for “shortage of work” then they hired another 50 people just before they let us all go.

My wife also would not allow me to go back on meds and said that she didn’t have a husband, she had someone who was hiding behind a label and wanted to be “drugged up”.

I won’t stop searching for answers

My big question is how are we supposed to have a “normal life” when all we are told is we are making excuses for everything??

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[adhdj]

Hi Richard,

Thank you for replying and adding some insight I appreciate it very much.

First I would like to commend you for working so hard to try and provide for your family despite your struggles I respect that.

The business analyst sounds like an interesting job. Retail however I agree it is low paying and should be easy.

I worked for Princess Auto last year and I will say it was mostly awful. The management were borderline harassing you, you were barely allowed to talk with your fellow co-workers, and you couldn’t really interact with the customers for long periods of time due to management. It’s the customers who appreciate the time you take to speak with them who’ve told me personally that keeps them coming back.

I thought it was just me, but it was everyone who was very unhappy with the moral of the place due to poor management and treatment of staff so that was a relief to hear.

I am very sorry for your loss of your marriage and family. I completely understand what you are dealing with and how much it hurts.

My wife told some of my family members that she didn’t want to raise a second child that was really hurtful.

I strongly believe that she suffered PPD after her miscarriage in the spring of 2015 then the PPD just got worse and worse after getting pregnant with our wonderful son.

Forgive me if this sounds selfish, a small part of me wonders how my wife will treat our son down the road if he turns out to have ADHD? The large part of me hopes he will be just fine he has tested as advance for early childhood development

Following the miscarriage, PPD, a difficult pregnancy, an emergency C section, having her gallbladder removed surgically 7 weeks later, and having her man hating mother live with us for weeks both times, what relationship/marriage could survive that?

I would over hear her Mother telling my wife that she doesn’t need me. Her Mother and my wife would belittle me all the time, reclean things I’ve just cleaned, I tried to make a nice dinner and both of them just trashed my efforts.

My family says that she completely changed as a person (my wife admitted to that) as for her to leave within 6 months not even wanting to seek counselling to fix things was not normal.

I read up a lot on miscarriages and after birth how people’s wives can completely change due to hormones, PPD, as my wife already had a history of depression.

The two most hurtful aspects of all of this is that my wife always accepted me the way that I was up until the miscarriage, then she said I was only making excuses for everything “hiding” behind the label of ADHD/non verbal LD, and the thousands of dollars of debt in my name she left me with while supporting her businesses trying to make them grow. Shes still trying to wipe her hands clean od the debt taking no responsibility fot it.

It’s all money that I’d rather put away for our son’s future, but she says he’s not suffering.

My apologoes for rambling, I guess I’m still trying to find answers as to what went wrong??

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[adhdj]

Hello,

I made a similar post no one has addressed yet.

I’m in the same desperate situation always the same problem whether on on or off medication. If I’m off medication the work issues I have get even worse

I’m not sure what to do or how to find a job where I will do well at, good working hours as I have young son, and good pay that will allow me to take care of myself without any help

Any ideas anyone?

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[adhdj]

How do I edit my posts like on other forums? I want to take out something.

I want to apologize for what I said about my psychiatrist being like a
dealer.

My emotions are running high right. now and I have felt like I’m never getting the help I need and I’m suffering

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[adhdj]

Thank you for sharing. Please read my posts in the employment section.

I see that you struggles based on what you’ve mentioned, but just the fact that you managed to complete and earn a law degree already puts you ahead of many of us in the “successful” category.

I would have given anything to have been able to earn some sort of degree that would allow me to have a great career. I graduated Cegep in Montreal Quebec and attempted Poly Sci at Concordia University but left after a couple of months. It was just too much and I wasn’t on any meds, back in the 1990’s st least in Quebec, they didn’t want people on meds.

I’d gladly do all of your paper work for you for a job. I have the type of ADHD that I hyper focus on something until it gets done.

I am definitely trying to be thankful and show gratitude for what I have, but it’s been quite hard when I look around at my peers, classmates and summer campmates, I think why could that be me?? I’m a good person, I try my best to be good to people, I put in all my efforts to things I do but I just get told I’m making excuses by everyone around me

I guess my point is you are very lucky to have be able to accomplish something like this and made a career out of it

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[adhdj]

I forgot to add I’ve been back on ADHD meds since last year and some things have improved in the way I interact with friends and relatives and getting certain things at my last job and this job but it’s still not enough.

I was switched to Vyvanse this last summer starting on 20mg’s. We tried 30mg’s as that is still considered a child dose with an adult dose being 50-60mg’s

However with these meds, like Concerta & Ritalin, I’ve found when the dosage is too high, the meds have a negative and opposite effect on me like the feeling you get when you drink too much caffeine

It took a month before I could get an appointment, because the pills were a capsule, I could not cut the dose down myself. So my second month on this job in October, I wasn’t sleeping well my son’s mother was making life very hard with my new job/seeing my son during the week, and feeling wired every day I was making stupid mistakes on the time given on a computer. As I said, I for the most part had no computer/workstation for over a month and had to rush so someone else could use the computer.

I’m also on Mirtazipine 15mg’s which does help along with Synthroid. I had very bad hyper thyroid when I was 20yrs old. I read that many ADHD boys also have hyper thyroid problems so get that checked out

Again I apologize for my long posts just so much has happened to me like you others I’m sure

Thank you

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[adhdj]

Well I’ve been at my new job for 3 months& dealing with more of the same business. My uncle got me a job through his client at a home building company helping the service coordination lady. Her daughter used to work here and I heard her one day basically very angry I got the job & that she has to train me.

The first month or so I for the most part didn’t have a computer to get my work or would have to rush to get my work done because someone else needed their computer & I’d make mistakes. Everyone here is over worked to the point of burn out.

My ADHD psychiatrist is nothing more than a drug dealer as I’ve begged him for help finding accommodating employers but insists he has no resources.

I’ve been with March Of Dimes for a year & a half who haven’t been able to help me find such an employer.

I live in the Niagara Region of Ontario after living in Montreal for 26 years since I was 12. My son’s mother and I moved back to Ontario in 2013 thinking it would be different. I thought Ontario had a lot more recognition, accommodation and resources for people with learning disabilities

I’ve been rejected 3 times by the Canadian Government for disability, they don’t think my case is legitimate even under the new government.

I don’t want to be on the system as a statistic, all I’ve wanted is a chance to be able to take care of myself/family doing something I enjoy being well paid for it

I had problems in school but graduated college in Quebec. Most of my jobs have been customer service oriented clients are always happy with my service but it’s never good enough for my employers

I have seen that at some work places I’ve had, it’s not just me having problems but everybody

I feel lost, empty & alone. I have a few friends in Montreal but don’t really have friends here. No matter how good of a person I try to be to people, people don’t like me. All I hear from everyone is that I’m making excuses including my son’s mother

I don’t know where else to turn to, I’ve tried to find resources in the area online but can’t seem to find anything.

I can’t seem to meet any women around here as it’s a smaller area compared to Montreal. I never had a problem meeting women before my son’s Mother.

She always treated me better, differently than others and accepted who I was.

She would get so frustrated with me that my confidence wasn’t higher and when I’d loose jobs, have trouble at jobs or couldn’t find a job she said that I was a child and couldn’t be with someone like that nor did she want to take care of two children.

Ever since the miscarriage, she started treating me like everyone else in the world

Nothing I ever do was/is good enough for anyone, not employers, my ex-wife, family members or friends that I’ve had.

I always try my best with everything that I do but never seems to matter.

Lately out in public at stores or whatever, I see people just shove through people without saying excuse me or pardon me, I’ve had a few people that I say excuse me or pardon me who are just plain rude back to me.

My apologies for the long posts I’m in desperate need of help as I’m totally fed up. I’m just trying to survive and take care of my son without having to take handouts from people.

No one understands, they think it’s just excuses.

Thank you for any help anyone

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[adhdj]

I guess what I’m looking for here at this point is, if there is anyone here who is in a similar situation as me  (I know every case is different) who was successful in acquiring disability?

My other point is, I would much rather be working that sitting on disability. I’ve tried for the past 16 years to make a life for myself with and with out medication. The medication made a huge difference in relationships, organizing things, and around family.

I thought they were making a huge difference at my last job in Montreal which I was at for 3 years. But they still always harassed me (everyone), micro managed, and when they could find nothing wrong with my performance, they’d make things up LOL.

Then it got to a point where my new diet eating more raw leafy greens, veggies, fruits, and healthy fats caused the med’s to have an opposite effect. I was functioning better without the med’s.

The biggest difference for me was scoring 80’s and 90’s on tests at work, being able to do things like Calculus (outside a school environment, would fail exams).

Any how, thanks again to everyone who shared their information or knows of a success store with disability.

I see my doctor tomorrow, I’m taking her my termination letter. I’m basically going to tell her that I can’t do this anymore, I don’t know what else to do what else to do, I’ve tried ADHD medication’s in the past and despite my family/wife seeing a night and day difference in me, they did not make a difference at work.

I am going to say that I can’t keep a job and this is no good for my confidence, this is no good for depression/anxiety, or the health of my relationship with my wife. I am going to tell her that something has to change and I need your help.

I will ask her for a referral to another doctor who deals with Adult ADHD if she is not experienced with such things. I’m basically going to tell her that I feel I’ve exhausted all resources and this is the only other option, I can’t keep going through life getting fired every 3-24 months.

So if anyone has had success acquiring disability and thinks that I’m going about this the right way with my doctor, I’d be grateful to hear.

Thank you all

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[adhdj]

[quote]

That is the $64000 question, isn’t it?

So it seems I misunderstood. I didn’t realize you had already been turned down due to income. That sucks but the Ontario Disability Support Program is supposed to be a “last resort” so they only accept you if you’re flat broke with no other options. Except of course  for the all people who are cheating to get support when they don’t need it as we speak. But that’s another issue.

I agree with  @shutterbug55. Don’t disclose your disability unless you have to. And if you do, make sure you do it carefully. Put it in writing. And then keep close track of everything that happens and make a record of every communication with your employer. And consider making a formal request for accommodation if it looks like it might be necessary.

Also, you need to brainstorm and figure out why you keep losing your job. Pinpoint where your weaknesses are. And then start figuring out strategies to deal with those things specifically.

My number one weakness is punctuality. I was born late and never got caught up. I have a few coping strategies but nothing that works long term. So the solution I have been brainstorming lately is to either work from home or at a job where punctuality is not so much an issue. [/quote]

 

Yes I was already turned down as my monthly inheritance is slightly more than what the Ontario government would consider. Plus my wife works, the point being we need another pay check as we are trying to clear up some debts we accumulated living in Montreal. Quebec is one of the highest taxed provinces, and even with decent salaries, you can still run into trouble. For example, once a year for your license (I forget what fee it actually is called), you get charged $237/yr. Part of it goes to public transit even if you are some one who never uses it.

As for my weaknesses, I’m told especially in Quebec, that I make others look bad (“star employee’s”) as I do my job (whatever it is properly). They didn’t like it that there was nothing to complain about me when micro managing. So they’d start “making things up” to try and make it miserable for me.

I never let that get to me, I could always tell that they were more fatigued than I ever was trying to make it miserable for me.  This was at my job in Quebec that made me sign up with L’Arrimage. They were never around to help me by the way when I needed it. It was mostly for the employer’s interest. Whenever I called for help, they told me I would have to “work it out on my own” which of course I already tried.

The most recent job I had was in a call centre, I had 100% customer satisfaction rating in my first few weeks. They only give you a month after training “to get up to speed” with their standards.

Statistics in Canada have shown that it takes up to 6 months to learn a new job.

 

What I was battling at this job recent job since November 2014:

– You are expected to keep a 12 minute call handle time
– You are expected to stay on the line with the customer
until the problem was resolved even if it went over 12mins

– Your After Call Work is to be no more than 2 minutes even
if you have to send emails of articles/information to a customer
including documenting all of your notes

– Coaching was supposed to be offered when mistakes are made
(I was never offered any, nor were other people)

– Constant internal software glitches including the phone system
software along with the “Hard phone”. I complained constantly as
it would add extra minutes to my calls, would have to restart the program,
call the customer back.

But all the Team Leader’s & upper level support (who had trouble with it themselves)
would say is, “Oh well you’ll have to work around it, they won’t be fixing it any time
soon”. Things as simple as pulling up a customer’s account would cause glitches.

I explained to them that finding work around’s adds at least an extra 3-5 minutes, but
that made no difference to them.

– I was always punctual for the most part of a few seconds some days in between breaks

– You were expected to stay after your shift ends no matter how long it takes to fix the call.

– You had to work every other weekend with an extra hour on each day

– Only 1 paid 15 minute break

– Benefits after 6 months, dental 12 months

– 10 unpaid sick days, they used to have 10 paid sick days, then down to 5 then none

– If you are sick at work or have a family emergency and leave even 1hr early, they would
charge you a sick day

 

In the end despite all of this, I had between 88.9-100% customer satisfaction rating, along with very good survey’s. It’s obvious they were just following a spread sheet that I “fell below the yellow line” for the items I mentioned above and never listened to the actual quality of the calls.

As for weaknesses I’ve managed to find coping mechanisms over the years being quite spiritual. I’m almost always punctual unless it’s something out of my control like an accident on the highway (I’d always call if that was the case), I always ask for help or new information if I need it, I’ve over the years learned it is better to admit to my mistakes or lack of knowledge, I am always out going, honest, do the right thing, always do my best at whatever job I’m doing.

Like I said, what this does to your confidence is awful, I feel that I’ve tried everything and I have exhausted all resources. At this point in my life, ADHD medication isn’t as effective as it was due to my mostly healthy diet/exercise regime. The medication these days actually make my ADHD worse believe it or not.

I know there is a lot to do when applying for disability, but I’m wondering if a Lawyer would help in any way?

I just feel I’m at ropes end, and have no where else to turn. I had dreams in my life that I feel I haven’t been able to accomplish along with goals due to this.

There has to be something, think about my earning potential that I’ve missed out on, like I said I at one point wanted to go to Law School then after I met my wife Kinesiology as I wanted to be a trainer.

I knew it wasn’t in my path as I was able to do Calculus and Physics equations at home with not much trouble, but I would always fail the exams. Then, I’d take the exams home, do the questions and check the work and I’d be right. That’s how I knew it wasn’t my path. I was on ADHD medication at that time back in 2009/10 while working as well. The med’s didn’t help me with exam room settings.

So you can see my frustration at this point in my life.

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[adhdj]

Thanks for the replies especially blackdog’s reply.

As I mentioned, I was already turned down by the Ontario government due to income level and my inheritance was too high LOL to allow me to get it.

I understand that they will only look at the fact that I am “capable” of working.

But getting fired every so often whether you are on ADHD medication or not, that has to count for something?

Being able to keep a job is what the problem is. Every job I’ve had, always results in the same thing whether I’m on proper ADHD medication or not, I keep getting fired or harassed based on my performance.

Wouldn’t this be enough? I mean, what are you supposed to do if you can’t keep a job due to this disability?

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