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September 21, 2014 at 2:56 pm in reply to: The issue of who to tell and who not to tell about my ADHD #126006
I prefer to call it “Executive Function Deficit”, since this seems to me to be the most accurate description of it.
However, the abbreviation “EFD” could be mistaken for ED, which, inexplicably, gets a lot more respect than ADHD does.
REPORT ABUSE@robynshnobyn, the right situation, and the right people, make such a big difference! So does a fresh start, and a shorter school day!
You’re really lucky to be in a school that accepts people’s different ways of learning, instead of trying to cram them into the assembly-line system that’s most convenient for the school. How sad that people have to be officially labelled a “misfit” to get into that kind of school.
I love that you’re so observant and analytical.
I’d suggest continuing to be mindful of how you feel, and how you’re functioning. Ask your teachers to keep an eye out for changes, since we’re not the best observers of ourselves.
If, as you get into routine of the school year, you (or your teachers) notice that you’re struggling, you may need to consider taking meds again. If this happens, please don’t think of it as a “failure” or a “bad thing”. Just think of it as “glasses for your brain”.
Here’s to a great year for you!
REPORT ABUSE@Faequine, according to Melissa Orlov’s “The ADHD Effect on Marriage”, it’s a common pattern for ADHD “mixed-marriages” to evolve into a “parent-child” relationship.
The marriage may begin as an equal partnership (which is what a marriage should be), but, the non-ADHD partner gradually assumes more and more responsibility because s/he feels that the ADHD partner is incapable of handling it.
This leads to resentment from the ADHD partner (“S/He treats me like a child, always bossing me around, and I can never do things as well as he wants me to.”) and from the non-ADHD partner (“S/He is hopelessly inept. If I don’t do things, they won’t get done.”)
If both partners don’t become mindful of this, and together make the effort to understand this dynamic and to change it, the marriage will become so toxic that it affects other family members, including the children.
I’ve had plenty of time to see this in action. My parents had (not “celebrated”, but “had”) their 51st anniversary, this past summer. My brother and I, in our 40s, are still single. We know why.
I really recommend Melissa Orlov’s book. It’s an easy read, full of sound information, and ways to improve your ADHD mixed-marriage.
Rick and Ava have done some great presentations about ADHD and relationships, too. The one they did for Attention Talk Radio is archived at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/attentiontalkradio/2013/10/24/we-plus-adhd-creating-great-relationships .
REPORT ABUSE@Galin, this gets discussed here every so often. In 2010, Dr. Jain discussed it in a thread. His verdict: So far, the evidence does not support Dr. Amen’s claims about SPECT imaging.
Even now, there still hasn’t been enough large-scale, long-term, double-blind scientific study into it, but what there has been, has not produced any evidence that it works.
So far, the only evidence supporting it is anecdotal (people saying, “It worked for me”), which doesn’t count.
A big red flag is that it claims to “heal” or “cure” ADHD.
In most cases, ADHD is a genetic variant, a different brain wiring. You can’t “cure” it, any more than you can permanently change your brown eyes to blue.
All you can do is reduce the symptoms. (Or, to continue the eye-colour analogy, wear blue contact lenses.)
There needs to be more research into this, to prove it one way or the other, especially since people are paying $4000+ for it.
The onus is on its supporters to prove that it works. You can’t prove a negative.
REPORT ABUSE@Friendlymathematician, it doesn’t sound horrible at all. As long as it works for you, that’s all that matters.
REPORT ABUSE@Blackdog, have you ever thought of working for Canadian Border Services?
Seriously, it can be a perfect fit for that superpower you describe.
REPORT ABUSE@Srinat, PBS stations have started airing “ADD…And Loving It?!” again. You could find out when your local station is airing it, and the two of you could sit down and watch it together.
Telling him that two of the guys from “The Red Green Show” are on it, so it’ll be funny, is a great way to get him interested in watching it.
REPORT ABUSE@Cbirgel, please be very careful about basing any decisions about medication, on a mass-media article that’s (once again) trying to sell papers by promoting the idea that “meds are evil and turn people into zombies”.
It seems to me that what the article is really saying is, “We need to do more to nurture creativity and independent thinking.” The “ADHD meds” angle seems like click-bait, and the purpose of that article is solely to sell papers and get online “clicks”. It has nothing to do with actually helping people.
Remember, each person’s experience is different.
Einstein was a very high-functioning person, so he didn’t need meds. I’m high-functioning too, but I get a lot less done if I don’t take my meds to help keep me on-track. And Rick Green has often said that he’d been worried that meds would take away his creativity, but discovered that they actually enhanced it, because now he’s able to actually use more of his ideas…and ideas are useless if you can’t turn them into something.
What’s your experience been like? What was your life like without the medication? Don’t just rely on your own memory. Ask your friends and family, and see what they say. And if they do say that you’ve become zombie-like, or lost your creativity, then perhaps it just means that your current medication isn’t right for you, and you & your doctor need to try something else.
One more thing: Considering the events of the past week, the last sentence of the WSJ article takes on a rather chilling new meaning:
REPORT ABUSEBut she believes a child on Ritalin is less likely to be the next great dot-com pioneer or even a Robin Williams-like comic.
@Seabassd, that’s a variant I’ve not seen before!
I think we can call it (b), since you’re still putting in some of the key numbers first, and then filling in the numbers between them, instead of writing all the numbers in sequence as a linear thinker would do.
REPORT ABUSE@Gianmaria, here’s a seemingly silly question for you…
When you draw a clock (the kind with hands), how do you number it?
(a) All the numbers in sequence, from 1 to 12
(b) The key numbers (12, 6, 3, 9) first, and then fill in the numbers between them
I’ve found that every ADDer I’ve asked has responded (b), and that every non-ADDer I’ve asked has responded (a).
As far as I know, this “draw a clock” test is not part of the diagnostic testing for ADHD, though it is part of the testing for Alzheimer’s (with different criteria).
It would be interesting to see more research into this, as a possible indicator of the non-linear thinking of the ADHD brain.
REPORT ABUSEAugust 7, 2014 at 10:11 am in reply to: Quit my last job demoralized, and scared to start a new one #125747@Scattybird, they’re all on Youtube…for now.
My favourite episode is “DIY”. It’s an update of the classic panto “decorating a room” scenario, and I can see so many ADD moments in it!
REPORT ABUSE@Uglytoad, there’s some excellent advice here.
Like the other posters, I’m very concerned about the way your boyfriend’s behaviour is hurting you.
And, that, with all the permanent/fatal STDs out there, his promiscuity is putting YOUR LIFE at risk.
Even if he doesn’t give you an STD, what if he fathers a child, and has to support it until it grows up?
His behaviour could destroy your future emotionally, physically, and financially.
I can understand why you really want to help him with his ADHD (and whatever other issues he may have), but it sounds as if he’s using this as an excuse for his bad behaviour. If he won’t change (and remember, we ADDers have to really WANT to do something, before we CAN do it), then please get whatever help you need to, to end this relationship completely.
You can’t save him unless he decides to do whatever it takes to save himself.
But you CAN save yourself.
REPORT ABUSE@Vevolis, I can really feel your pain…
What you’re describing sounds like it probably does involve your ADHD. After all, ADHD means that we experience the world differently, so we react & respond to the world differently from people who don’t have ADHD.
We ADDers tend to have a lot of trouble with social interaction, especially when we feel a lot of pressure to do things right. We miss subtle cues, which makes us more stressed, because we’re afraid we’ll miss them…or because we’re apologizing for missing them. It’s not that we *won’t* pick up on these things; it’s that we *can’t* pick up on them. Our brains work differently.
So, what can we do?
We and our partners can learn as much as we can about how our ADHD affects our relationships, how to recognize it when it happens, and how to work through it. Our ADHD has the potential to add many good things to a relationship: humour, empathy, imagination, enthusiasm… But it does take work and understanding.
Maybe you and your wife could watch this archived webinar about “Thriving in the ADHD Relationship” here: http://totallyadd.com/webinar-archives/ . It explains this better than I can.
After that, you may want to read Melissa Orlov’s book about “The ADHD Effect on Marriage”. It really explains things in depth, and has some great ideas of how to work through the ups & downs.
I’d also suggest perhaps consulting an ADHD Coach who specializes in relationships. It’s crucial that the Coach (or counsellor, if you choose to go that route) has experience with ADHD. Otherwise, it will be an exercise in frustration, because the needs and motivations of ADDers are very different from those of non-ADDers. And what works for non-ADDers is usually completely wrong for ADDers.
And remember, “intimacy” doesn’t have to mean “intercourse”. What if you just plan a little cuddle-time on the sofa, and see where it leads? Or you could just have a really deep conversation together. Sometimes, those conversations lead to incredible intimacy, which can then lead to…
REPORT ABUSE@Fabulous, I suspect that the new studies confirmed what the previous ones had found.
Most communication depends on things other than the actual words being said, so we need a lot more studies into voice patterns. And not just in how they can help identify ADHD.
A long time ago, I read a newspaper article about the voice patterns that 911 & crisis-line operators instantly recognize as indicators of suicidal ideation. It was a very disturbing article, but it was intended to help ordinary people recognize when someone they know is desperately in need of help.
REPORT ABUSEAugust 6, 2014 at 3:22 pm in reply to: Quit my last job demoralized, and scared to start a new one #125737@Scattybird, do you remember a comedy series called “The Baldy Man”?
In one episode, he attended a business conference at a hotel, and was teased by a brown-noser who kept sucking up to the boss. But it worked out well in the end…for Baldy.
It’s the second half of this episode:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2oDEks97j4
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