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Actually this all brings back funny memories. I was so consistently late in Hight School that the office ladies had my late slip pre-written. While my lateness wasn’t exactly condoned and I got snide remarks every so often too, at least they just sort of accepted it. I didn’t change my habits and they kept writing out stupid slips. I guess we all came out satisfied in a way!
When my own kids were in elementary and High School not much was different. We tried but mostly failed at being on time. The stress of being on time made it all the worse and my kids were really stressed most of the time.Oddly they were never really reprimanded but knew that they were not performing to expectations.
At a certain point the vice-principal who had several children in the same school lived near us and was often quite late as well. Sometimes I would use traffic as an excuse since they made me go in with them to the office ( the school’s rules to help embarrass the kids and parents at the same time I suppose) Anyway, I soon caught on that he was using the same excuse even when there wasn’t any traffic and would tell the receptionist that all of us were late for the same reason. Needless to say it often saved us embarrassment! The first few times I kept wondering what traffic he was talking about until it dawned on me that he was making up excuses too
I somehow don’t think a prize at the door is the answer but perhaps helping kids with time management skills. Nothing like your 5 year-old helping make you feel guilty! Works for saving water so why not time management skills? That or start the day later although I doubt that would really jive with parent’s work hours and just give us all more time to procrastinate!
REPORT ABUSEAs someone in a situation scarily similar to MissMuffins, I’m not seeing this as a side-thread to ADD gift or not. Regardless of how you see your positive traits, the fact remains that if you are co-habitating with someone who exhibits the same ADD traits that you have and who refuses to acknowledge them, life is a royal pain in the you know what! I think the issue here is what to do about the negatives.
We all know communication is an important factor in a relationship whether ADD is present or not. Throw in two people where one of them likes to stick their head in the sand when it comes to difficult emotions and I will readily admit it’s no gift! The question is how do you get this person in denial to open up and explore what’s really contributing to the problem areas in the relationship? i have no idea, have tried it all except marriage counselling so far. ironically, I just had a “conversation” with my husband yesterday where I told him once again living with him is no picnic and difficult. He had the nerve to act surprised and then told me I talk too much and dominate conversations. Well go figure, guess my ADD traits drive him nuts too
I can identify with many of MissMuffin’s issues and it seems to me that women with ADD will probably end up behaving like the parent in the relationship likely because of our natural inclination to nurture, although that may obviously not be the case in every relationship. I am, however, willing to bet money that this is quite common.
I strive to keep organized but have in no way mastered my paperwork or household . However, at least I try. He on the other hand is a walking organizational disaster and I’m constantly having to pick up the pieces. Be it forgotten bills or what have you. It was like this even before I figured out that I had ADD and got a proper diagnosis. He does not want to acknowledge any of it and thinks it’s a a bunch of pop psychology bunk. It would be nice not to have to be on constant alert mode. ALthough on the other hand I’m lucky that he has the “real” job and goes to work everyday while I am free to pursue my freelance work from home. So at least there’s a balance. Of course, I do all the home maintenance, childcare, etc. etc. Balance? Sometimes I wonder.
Tiddler seems to me you have a relationship that offers a balance of both your traits.
As for those of us living in a relationship where an imbalance creates a communication barrier, I for the moment am taking the tack to try everything. If it fails ,I guess we are left with a put up or get out scenario. I suppose the upside to one partner being aware is that at least one is capable of grabbing the steering wheel and trying to get back on the road. But hell, it would be nice if someone else would remember to put some power steering fluid in the damn car!
Addendum: Sorry i just realized what you meant about a side-thread – I hadn’t read the recent posts on the other thread. ALthough I think if you actually read the above you can see I’m not saying it’s all roses. However, I am anonymous and my husband doesn’t know I post on this site and I’d like to keep it that way
REPORT ABUSE So sorry all I can give you is hearsay evidence of it being hell to live with me
Wgreen, I agree with you in that we certainly can’t blame or credit ( depending on how you look at it) all of our abilities or lack thereof on ADHD. Some are some aren’t.
However, if I was to take the glass half-full approach to life and consider something a Superpower, Im just starting to realize how much more of an “out of the box” thinker I am than those around me. I used to think it was sheer randomness or unfocused thinking on my part if I was in a meeting and came up with some totally unexpected idea but now I am starting to realize that I have a far easier time of seeing connections to things others don’t and I tend to come up with suggestions that are often embraced by others as creative. Whereas to me they just seem obvious. Often times though I think those who aren’t receptive tend to be the more linear thinking or conservative types. I guess everything is a process and in the past I might have felt intimidated by a negative response but now tend to just accept it for what it is – simply a failure to make the same connection.
Another thing Wgreen, perhaps your Superpower is an ability to make a seemingly clear and black and white observation about things. Your comments often remind me of a good friend of mine who has a very similar talent. Your observations, for a lack of a better analogy, often cast a birds eye view on things. Obviously, I can’t read your mind and know what you are really thinking but at least they seem to be objective and you dissect an issue into its parts, leaving out the emotional elements most people seem to attach to things. At any rate, hope my comments come off as the complement they are meant to be
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Hi Carsonky,
Not much further ahead than this summer either sad to say! It did make a few improvements here and there just not as much as I wanted to. Unfortunately, the rule of physics that each action has an equal and opposite reaction is usually proven in my house. If I make an improvement in one place – ie. my office, another room takes a hit. In my case the dining room and kitchen table look like a bomb hit it but I can actually work at my desk
Maybe I should just have dinner parties in my office Tiddler,
Glad to hear at least one of us can let in the long lost relatives when they ring the bell! Maybe I’ll just send them to you when they show up here
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