[seabassd]

@hommebleu

No worries, I understand you’re just sharing what is going on with you and are looking for some feedback.

An overactive mind can definitely get you in some mental loops. I know I’ve dealt with obsessional thinking and rumination, how much of this is ADHD I’m not sure.

It sounds like you’re aware that doing something to the point of making someone else uncomfortable is not a good thing. It’s important for us to step outside ourselves and consider how what we do affects others, ADHD or not.

Men look at women that’s what we do. I can’t think of any male I know who is attracted to the opposite sex that doesn’t get distracted by women. Even my most conservative friends will steal a glance, married or not. Make sure that you’re not making a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe you’re saying to yourself  “Don’t Look! Bad Person!” and making things worse, “obsessing about obsessing”.

Not sure how much medicine will help with this. Maybe it will lock you in a bit on what you’re doing and therefor decrease the wondering eye.

 

For me, I have a tendency to fall into obsessional thinking and ruminating when I’m self monitoring a bit too much. Somehow I’ve gotten on the mental track of observing in an obsessive manner how everything and everyone I come in contact with are affecting me. What helps me, is to shift focus from “What’s going on with me?” to… what can I do for someone else. Maybe I’ll touch base with a parent or family member who I haven’t spoken to in a while and who I know would love to hear from me. Doing some physical labor for someone that doesn’t have the time or isn’t able (I did this on Saturday) helps me quite a bit. Making up a care package for someone else and going through the process of getting it mailed out (I would like to try this).

Thoughts come and go, some we’re o.k. with, and some tend to weigh us down. We don’t have to follow them, or believe them to be true.

 

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[seabassd]

I just wrote something and then took too long and the page refreshed. So I lost it.

The gist of it…

I’m a bit hit and miss with advice, especially when it comes to meds.

I know that zoned out feeling. I experienced that on one of my first trial medications. Told doc about it and we tried something else.

I’ve called doc between visits and explained via secretary what was going on. You can always touch base with Pdoc via phone, you don’t have to wait for appointment date, at least that was my experience.

I’ve found meds that work much better than my original trial med. Hang in there.

Yes, getting 6-8 hours sleep, favoring 8, plus getting outside for at lest 15min at a time for a walk, etc and making sure I eat enough and drink enough water throughout the day helps me quite a bit. I find meds do work better when I keep these other things in mind.

There’s something else but I forgot.

 

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[seabassd]

sb12, Sorry to hear about all the insurance headaches you’re running into. I pay out of pocket for doc and meds (no insurance) so I understand the money pressure, “will I have the money this month” kind of thinking. I also understand the impatience that we feel when trying to get the whole medication thing worked out.

I know it’s difficult to be patient with the medication process. Trust me, in the long run you will be much better off maintaining a consistent dosing amount and schedule. It’s not a huge deal that you doubled up or anything, I’ve done it and I’m sure many others have and do from time to time. It’s hard for us to be patient. Remember, the medication may be working in a subtle less “BAM” “POW” way than we may have expected. There’s also the possibility that a new med or a different dose or scheduling is needed.

“Start Low & Go Slow”  – I know, like fingernails across the chalkboard for us.

Keep us updated.

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[seabassd]

@lindsey3, I know my expectations for meds were way out of the park. That really dinged me for a while too. I kept tweaking and tweaking dosage and changing meds. I never really stopped to think what they were suppose to do.

I WAS SOOOOO IMPATIENT! Go figure.

 

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[seabassd]

sb12, Come to think of it, I don’t think I ever took Prozac while on ADHD Medication. There may have been a little overlap, I don’t remember. Glad others are here to help us out (@Larynxa). I do remember feeling tired on it, or maybe just a heavy weighted muscle feel. Unlike you however it really screwed up my sleep. I do remember being put on Klonopin for a bit and man did that stuff do a number on me. Sure it killed my anxiety but it also turned me into a coma patient.

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[seabassd]

sb12 , I think I remember after about 4 weeks or so on Prozac it was like I stopped ruminating so much. It sort of caught me off guard, one day I just realized I wasn’t in my head as much. So I guess it makes sense that decreasing the dose may mean a increase in thoughts or at least an increase in awareness. You can always go back up. Something you can discuss this with your PDoc. It’s also possible things will level out a bit over time.

I always think everyone in the mental health profession is a quack. Not sure why this is though. I didn’t really trust my PDoc at first, but he surprises me from time to time. If I’m honest with him he usually has some good med advice.

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[seabassd]

@sb12 , It sounds like you’ve had some good results with Prozac. I believe I read somewhere that Prozac was being prescribed for adults with ADHD with some positive results. I guess this could just be due to the reduction in anxiety, depression, etc. from taking Prozac and therefor a person is less distracted. Not sure really.

I’ve taken Prozac in the past but I ran into some sleep disturbance with it so I eventually got off of it. I think it helped cut down on some of the anxiety I experienced with ADHD meds, so you may want to consider that if you decide to start taking stimulant meds. I’ve never taken Welbutrin or other non-stimulant ADHD meds so I can’t really speak on that. Hopefully your PDoc will help you in making the right decision.

As far as Stimulants go I’ve tried just about everything. It’s only been recently that I’ve stumbled across one that works for me. I’ve taken Vyvanse, Focalin, Ritalin and  Concerta. Now I’m on Adderall. So far so good. So if you decide to take ADHD specific medication be sure to try different ones out. Don’t make the mistake like I did and lock into a specific stimulant despite experiencing some pretty yucky side-effects. I settled on Ritalin( which for me was creating some pretty bad anxiety and depression)(everyone has different experiences with different meds.). I didn’t want to test drive any more meds so I settled. I was being impatient, like we can be from time to time. The result was that I fell into a depression which I’m just now coming out of. What’s funny is that I kept blaming myself for the depression without considering the stimulant side-effects.

As far as memory and organization I love learning techniques like “Chunking”. You know ,breaking a large task down into really small bite size bits that aren’t overwhelming. I use to have to write this down, but now I just sort of do it naturally.  I also like “Stepping Away”. This is where I focus on something else for a bit and then come back with a fresh perspective to the project I’m trying to complete. I also find that alternating mental tasks with physical tasks to be helpful. Another good one is just writing down two or three of the most important tasks for that day instead of a giant to-do list, which just overwhelms me. I still have to use these techniques despite taking medication though.

Medication helps calm me down so I can sit still for more than a few minutes, so it helps me stay consistently on task. I also think it helps me prioritize things a bit better. I guess it makes me a bit more of a linear thinker, like first do this, and then this and so on. This is good in many situations but I prefer to lower my dose or skip it when I need to be creative. So I try to schedule dosing depending on my needs. “Pills don’t teach skill”  – Right?

I’m going long as I always do. One last thing though not really related to anything you mentioned in your post.

Watch out for perfectionism. This has been one of my bugaboos. I kept wanting medication to turn me into a perfectly functioning person. In some cases this lead me to increase doses and push myself harder and harder. Not saying that this is something that you are or would have to deal with. Just a side note I wanted to share.

Keep us up to date on what you decide. Wish you the best.

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[seabassd]

@Cassatt Thanks for the quick reply. After I posted I was sitting there refreshing the page over and over looking for a response. Strange how I wanted to work things more and more and neglected the obvious, as you said, “all the mental processing that goes on  – no wonder you feel tired.”  I keep forgetting about this. I’ll work myself into exhaustion and then wonder what’s going on. It takes me a week to recover sometimes longer. So I sort of took and am taking daycruncher ‘s advice and not pushing myself as hard. I say sort of, because I don’t really have any choice, my mental faculties are “kaput”. So again I’m realizing that I’ve been pushing myself daily in a way that is not sustainable long term for me. lindsey3 is absolutely right on target about acceptance and about trying to be a round peg in a square hole. I’m not sure if it’s the way I’m approaching things that make for a bad fit, or if I’m simply choosing things that are a bad fit. Either way, the core issue is acceptance. One of the things I have never fully accepted is my hyperactivity. I’ve pushed that so far down inside me over the years that I barely recognize it anymore. It’s pretty bad. There’s really not any amount of meds that can knock it out, unless I want to be a zombie. I actually think I use depression and rumination to temper it…fear and anxiety too. The funny thing is that I have a desk job. I’m probably waisting a lot of energy keeping this side of me in check. So I probably need to find a way to vent this which I haven’t been doing, then see how other sit down activities are affected. I was hoping that meds would nock this out. I do remember some situations where the combination of meds with physical activity have worked to compliment each other. Maybe I’ll explore this more.

Like daycruncher suggested, maybe when I’m feeling a little more up to it, I’ll explore options that work for me and my specific needs.

I feel acceptance is the key issue here. It’s been 3 years since my diagnosis and it’s only now that I’ve felt some of the grieving others have talked about experiencing.

Thanks So Much Everyone

 

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[seabassd]

I guess I’m in the same boat. I often wonder if meds are doing the trick. I’ve stopped taking them for a week or two at various points during the past three years and I still have difficulty parsing out if they are helping or making things worse.

When I’m OFF them I have a tendency to rely more heavily on tips and techniques I’ve learned. When I’m ON them I have a tendency to place the burden on the medication to do the work.

I think my brain is more effective at creative problem solving when I’m OFF the meds. When ON the meds I’m more linear in my thinking.

I’ve also noticed that I exercise less when ON meds and when I do exercise I find it less enjoyable.

When ON medication I’m more prone to anxiety, rumination and obsessiveness. When OFF I’m more happy-go-lucky and things tend to role off my back or I just don’t fully register them.

When I’m OFF meds I wonder if I need to start taking them again. When I’m ON meds I wonder if I should stop taking them and I question their efficacy and dosage.

I get tired of questioning whether medication is helping. I also get tired of trying to figure out what the heck it’s suppose to do. I too question whether I have ADHD from time to time. Usually this question pops up when I think the meds aren’t working.

Maybe the problem is that I simply expect too much from meds and I just wish they could do more. Maybe it’s time to part ways with them. They may have served a purpose for a time but now I am finding other more effective ways to deal with life issues.

I’m not saying meds don’t work, I’m just saying that they may not be working for me or they just aren’t targeting the symptoms that cause the most problems for me.

In writing this I think I’ve come to the decision to start titrating down off them. It actually feels good to say that. I feel like I’m finally getting off the fence.

 

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[seabassd]

@blackdog , Sounds like you’re on the upswing now. Glad to hear. You mentioned being embarrassed about your post. I feel that way just about every time I post something. Well, maybe more like worried. Although I remember I hit a pretty rough patch a few months ago and then decided to post about it…then I was embarrassed. It was like displaying a weakness in my armor I guess. But man did I feel better when  the responses started coming in.

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[seabassd]

Another thing I was thinking about that may be on topic, though I’m not sure. Sometimes I forget that I’m not on this earth to be some efficient perfectly organized analytical machine. I tend to fall into the trap of overcompensating for my deficiencies by trying to do things the way others do or by constantly monitoring my performance based on some standard that comes from, I don’t know where. This always drags me down into depression. Like for instance I could be reorganizing my work space when I have pending projects or requests that need to be done. Sure, it may not be logical to do the organizing at that time, and it may even be some form of procrastination. The reality however is that I may need to do that at that moment, damn the logic. Emotionally I may need it for some reason. I don’t overthink it or over judge. We forget that emotional needs do not fit into some tidy form of structure. We might make an “A+” on some project but feel emotionally empty after all is said and done. It’s not that projects and goals aren’t important, I just think that we sometimes look for peace at the end of a completed to-do list. This is why accepting the way we are and our own style of dealing with things is so important. When I’m overwhelmed I’ve usually forgotten this. My goal isn’t perfection, because that’s not necessary for peace and happiness. We don’t have to be perfect, nor do others to be deserving of love and our place on this earth. We’ll leave that to the robots and anal retentive psychologists.

@blackdog, As you may be able to tell your post has hit home with me. I’m so grateful that you shared. I know a lot of people don’t believe in faith and God these days but sometimes things just feel like more than coincidence.

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[seabassd]

I know the feeling. It’s like, when is all the work going to stop. When will I finally find something that gets me to the other side where I can do life and find rest. Sometimes you just feel weary and tired and sad. Another list to write, another day to get things checked off…people to please and hoping at some point, some day you’ll be on the other side. There’s this overwhelming feeling of exhaustion and your just so tired so so tired. I know where you’re at.

I remember reading something in one of the books I read that sticks with me…something like “the one thing those with ADHD must remember is to be resilient.” The author was talking about how we see setbacks in all or nothing terms and how we should not throw in the towel but adjust and retweek when setbacks come because they will come. If we’re exhausted then why? Are we expecting too much from ourselves? Are we needing something or missing something in our lives? Overwhelm is what we’re talking about here. We have a tendency to put our heads down and charge forward working harder and harder until we crash and burn. Step back from the situation, get some perspective…calm a bit then regroup. Pressure, anxiety, worry, depression, when we start to feel these things building…step back, show yourself some compassion and forgiveness.

Remember we may be making progress in the right direction, but we just don’t see it. We think we’re stuck but we’re actually making progress. Also remember that our minds love drama and difficulty, it’s something I know I use as a way to generate that adrenaline fix.

Also remember that we actually get more done without all the drama and anxiety it’s just that we’re so darn use to it that we fall back into it time and time again.

I’ve been reading your posts off and on for a while now and I know that you’re making progress. I know that you’ve helped people and that you are active within these forums.

Lastly, we are people of great faith and hope. We’ve slayed a lot of dragons, we’ve stumbled numerous times yet we prevail. We are strong and courageous even if others may not understand or if we lose site of it ourselves from time to time. You are moving forward, don’t let that sneaky part of your mind tell you any differently.

Much love and peace.

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[seabassd]

Remember, one of the methods many of us have used in the past to wake up our groggy minds is by turning up the anxiety or worry knob to “11”. It’s familiar to us, as is depression, and it’s a little uncomfortable to think about moving beyond this. So that could be part of it.

There’s also the possibility that we’re overstimulating ourselves on top of using the stimulants. Sort of like taking coffee with stimulant meds. It may just be a little too much for us. Anxiety + Stims = Yuk!

The other thing is that we may just be more aware of emotional or mood states while on stimulants. Before, we may not have been fully present to feel these emotional fluxes.

Then of course there’s the fact that the med level might just be a bit high and dosage can be brought down a bit. Or maybe the med dosage is being increased too quickly and you’re getting some negative results. Jumpiness, nervousness, jitteriness usually go away after a couple weeks as do some of the quasi-euphoric feelings.

Just some things to consider.

Hope this helps a bit.

 

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[seabassd]

One thing that I’m not really good at is “subtle”. I want everything to be “Pow!” “Bam!” “Zowee!” Everything sort-of needs to carry some emotional weight. This applies to my meds too. Every time I take them I’m expecting the ground to shake, and if it doesn’t, then I conclude it’s not working. What’s really going on is that I’m not very tuned in to “subtle”.  I HAVE ADJUSTED MY DOSE, AND CHANGED MEDS SO THAT IS A FACTOR TOO.

Another way I may judge if meds are working or not is by how much I’ve checked off my “to-do” list. So I’ve got this really big “to-do” list and I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off and all the time I’m saying…”These Meds. aren’t working!” “Damn these Meds.” What’s really going on is that I’ve created a list that would exhaust a “normal”. Another thing is that I look at the list and if everything isn’t checked off then I’ve failed and in my mind, the Meds have failed too. Now…I create a list while I’m laying in bed at night. I don’t get too detailed just jot down the things that come to mind. Then I go back and put a star next to two or three things that I believe are “top priority”. I can do other things on the list the next day, but the priority items are all I really have to complete, everything else is gravy. Regardless of others expectations, my priority items trump them all. I also remind myself that a list is a guide and it can be tweaked and adjusted throughout the day. If I don’t get done what I wanted to get done that day, then I make adjustments and take it into the next day.  Motivation by anxiety and should’s are a habit that I’ve used in the past to get me moving…they just don’t work for me on any consistent basis so I turn to my nightly planning to handle this.

As far as doubt goes, I think that’s normal. I don’t know about you, but I want absolutes in life. I want to know beyond a shadow of doubt that something is or isn’t. For me this comes from a past where I’ve jumped from one thing to another and then burned out and quit, or from being ridiculed by others for beliefs or actions that I had trouble defending. My mind finds it hard to give others the reasons when I’m being challenged. I just don’t want to be considered “flighty” or an “airhead” by others. Sooo…a bad adaptation to overcome this is to only do things that others will not debate me over. What I’m slowly learning is that I don’t have to defend or prove what I believe. I don’t even have to share this with others. There are aspects of our lives that we bond with others on and grow together, and then there are the very intimate aspects of what I need to do and believe for myself that bring me growth.  The reality is that most things in life are a matter of faith. Meaning they can’t always be understood, explained or painted in black and white all or nothing terms.

I’ve gone long…this post was unplanned and that’s o.k., now I just need to adjust and get back on track.

Thanks for reading this book I just wrote.

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[seabassd]

@robynshnobyn

You’re right on point again. I’m not always good with self awareness stuff. I think that’s one of the reasons I love the TADD forums so much. Someone brings up some aspect of their character and then I’m like…”Oh Yeah I do that”.

I remember I was hanging out with a buddy of one of my good friend, so I only new them by association we had never really hung out before. Anyway I just opened up to this person(that I barely new) about a bunch of personal stuff and philosophy. I didn’t really think anything about it at the time. The next day I got a call from my really good friend and he asked me if everything was alright. I was like..”Yep…why would anything be wrong.” Apparently the person I  regurgitated all my thoughts and feelings to had called my BFF and said something like “Man I was with seabassd last night and he really freaked me out, maybe you should check on him.” My BFF just laughed as I told him what the conversation was about. He knew me well. Actually he always got a kick out of things I did and said so this was just another amusing story for him.

Later on I began to go the total opposite direction and became afraid to say anything around people I don’t know well. That’s where I’m at now. Your post has reminded me that I need to have someone that I can vent my feelings to and feel safe. I’m reminded that I can’t bottle everything up. For me, I can get overwhelmed by emotions. If I bottle them and bottle them eventually their going to either lead to a depressed state or I’m going to experience a bit of an emotional melt-down. I’m also reminded that I can be a very ALL or NOTHING kind of person. You know either I have to be the life of the party, or a total recluse. Maybe somewhere in-between would be o.k.

Thanks for your post.

Oh yeah…Are you still off the meds(you mentioned this in an earlier post)? How are things going?

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