[seabassd]

There was a SPAMMER that posted right below your post. Looks like they’ve removed it. It was for some sort of phone jamming device. Yikes, With that post removed it really makes me appear insensitive or disinterested or just plane out of it. Well, the being out of it part fits from time to time.

*Response to Your Original Post*

Can totally understand where you’re at. Depression for me has come in cycles for as long as I can remember. I recently posted about the cycle on another thread. Basically it’s a continuous In-and-Out, In-and-Out and In-and-Out of depression cycle…soooooo frustrating. Part of that I’ve learned, for me, is that my mind uses this cycle to wake itself up. I think it enjoys the struggle a bit.

As for meds, you mentioned that you read where others have reported some amazing benefits just after starting on medication. It seems like the internet and some publications tend towards reporting on extreme results with meds., either with horrible side-effects or some sort of bolt of lighting change. Not to discount these results but I have found my experience not to be so profound. I think you’ll find as you read through the forums on this site that many people find medication to have a more subtle impact on their lives. I like to think of it as subtle but profound. When combined with meditation, acceptance, organization, reaching out, etc. positive forward progress, although sometimes slower than I would like, does happen.

I’ve taken Prozac for depression, however I am currently off of them. I haven’t totally determined how I feel about Prozac yet. I see positives and negatives.

TotallyADD.com is a good place to find people who can relate to what you’re going through. I think you’ll be surprised by how much in common we all have. There’s a lot of wonderful real world tips from those who have ADHD that I’ve found to be of great benefit towards the management of my  ADHD.

Wishing you the best.

 

 

 

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[seabassd]

@audrateper

Phone Jamming…What about SPAM JAMMING?

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[seabassd]

Something else just popped into my head that sort of relates.

I’ve started to wonder about the struggles I have and how they seem to cycle in the same way . It goes something like this…success, followed by boredom, then self-sabatoge, situational anxiety, eventually a drop into depression, struggle to overcome, resolve, action, and then success again which then allows the cycle to start over.

Although depression and anxiety are painful in some ways I think the struggle might be something my ADHD brain likes. Its like there’s a point when I’m bottoming out where my brain yells “Mercy” and seems to wake up and jump into action. For me I think depression can get me to a place where everything else in the world is forced to take a back seat while my mind (in a rare moment of focus and excitement) works to pull me out of the bad spot I’m in. Unfortunately it doesn’t take long before my mind starts searching for stimulation to wake itself up again.

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[seabassd]

I think that depression, anxiety and ADHD are  fairly common bedfellows.  Not sure if this is because a person has a biological predisposition or because ADHD fallout can put a lot of stress on an individual, especially if they have gone for many years undiagnosed.

It’s hard for me to say exactly what caused some of my darker depressed moments. I tend to forget about them once on the other side. I think it’s just the fact that ADHD can have such a profound negative impact on every area of  life if not treated or undiagnosed.

Undiagnosed and/or untreated ADHD can bring with it debt issues, employment difficulties, relationship problems, divorce, emotional flux, health issues, tax problems, and on and on and on. Just having issues in one of these areas could cause depressive or anxious states. People with ADHD tend to struggle in multiple areas at once so it makes sense that depression and anxiety come along for the ride.

 

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[seabassd]

I’ve been posting a lot lately, but it’s helping me through a difficult time.

I wanted to post an update to the situation.

I’ve been making some progress since the original post and I’ve identified a couple of the culprits that helped create the situation. As far as progress goes, I’ve called three people who I had dropped the ball on and was evading. It wasn’t easy to do. I read the sar316 response (posted above) over and over during the process, which helped a bunch. If you’re like me, it’s hard to pull info from memory so I rely on rereading things. The reactions were a little varied, but none so-far have been overwhelming. I did a lot of pacing around the house and shaking my body out before each call. Anxiety was present before and during each call, but I knew that in order to start feeling better the calls would need to be made. After each call I was still anxious but hopeful. I knew the anxiety would be present on each proceeding call but I also knew that I could do it, get through it, and still be alive and breathing. It’s taken me 8 days to get to this point and my anxiety has decreased dramatically. I would like to mention that I didn’t just make call after call without hesitation. I had to build up to it. I started by responding to a single email, then another, then cleaned my work area, mowed the yard, slept, took breaks, stopped working early, etc. Basically I was kind to myself. Every small step, every break, bit by bit led me to handling the problem.

I have one more call to make, and yes, I’m not looking forward to it, and yes there is some anxiety there. I’ll make it tomorrow, I’ve faced enough demons today. However the call goes I know when all is said and done that I’m moving in the right direction.

In this post I won’t address the culprits that helped get me in this situation. It’s a bit wordy as is and I’m sure I’ll make another post tomorrow after the phone call.

Thanks for listening.

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[seabassd]

@redarno

You also might want to check out some of  the videos that Rick puts together. They always give me a bit of a boost.

This one might be appropriate. http://totallyadd.com/lack-of-progress/

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[seabassd]

@blackdog and @sar316,

@sar316 Your response actually helped me a lot. Keep it up.

Thanks

@makwa Let me know how it goes. When I can, I alway head out to West Texas (Big Bend) every year or every other year finances permitting. There’s a whole lot of nothing out there and I absolutely love it.

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[seabassd]

@redarno

Sorry to hear that you haven’t had much success with meds. I’m also sorry to hear that there are certain meds that you cannot acquire in your country. Not sure which meds you are referring to but I do hope that you eventually  find something that will work for you. It always irritates me to hear about situations where certain meds are not available to consumers for whatever reason. I always think there’s some prejudice involved.

I just wanted to let you know that I can totally relate to where you’re at. I know that feeling of doom. I think it’s a pretty common feeling for many ADDrs. We’ve made so many perceived missteps over the years, even despite our best efforts, that we begin to expect failure and difficulty. We see the same cycle repeat itself over and over and over and over and over that eventually we begin to loose hope or at least struggle to hold on to hope. I’m in the process of pulling myself out of another hole right now. I’ve been here before, more than once, more than twice, more than…

The funny thing about us ADDrs is that YOU JUST CAN’T KEEP US DOWN. We stumble, fall and get back up, time and time again. Sure there’s times when we think we’re down for the count, but somehow we find a way to get back up. We deal with and overcome things that many people don’t have to deal with. I think I cherish  this quality about myself more than anything else, even MORE THAN WHAT CREATIVITY I MAY POSSESS.

I don’t have any solution for you as I’m sort of  in the same place right now. Actually I’m just coming out on the other side. I posted on the forums just like you’re doing now and received some advice which helped me quite a bit. Actually when I look back on any success I’ve had in my life, it usually started with the compassion and understanding of another person. I truly think we find strength in others, especially others who can relate to us and us to them.

I know that one of the mistakes I make is comparing myself to  NORMAL (whatever that is). I think I’m realizing now that the goal isn’t to be normal, but it’s about making improvements and changes to my life within the context of my skills, abilities and limitations (or differences) that leads to a life that fits me.  I’m not always going to meet the expectations of others and that’s o.k. I realize now that I’m going to have a pretty rocky life if I constantly base my worth on the opinions of others.

I think this most recent setback I had taught me …

1)to reach out to others (which you’re doing here)

2)forgive myself ,lighten up on myself.

3)not see everything in All or Nothing terms.

4)realize I can only do today what I can based  on where I’m at and that’s o.k. If people don’t totally understand that’s fine.

 

I went long here. Primarily I just want you to know that I’m listening and I understand. Sometimes that’s the thing we need the most.

 

Hang Tough!

 

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[seabassd]

@sar316

Thanks so much for your help. You were right on target. I was building everything up in my head to the point it appeared insurmountable. I was also demanding that I preform at a level of expectation and in a way that did not take into account my limitations as a person with ADHD and as a human. I cut myself some slack and accepted that I can only do today what I can based on wherever I’m at at this particular time. That helped decrease some of the anxiety which then led to me finally making some small steps forward. I actually looked at missed emails and guess what, they were not as bad as I had built up in my head. I responded to a couple. I also completed another simple request that help build momentum. I did some work in a different room of the house which helped stimulate things as well.

Your words helped me feel less scared and removed some of the anxiety that allowed me to move forward. I loss perspective for a bit. I’ll remember this lesson.

Thanks so much!

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[seabassd]

Sometimes we just need to let ourselves take a break. Step away from the problem just a bit. Get regrounded  then come back. It seems counter-intuitive as our instinct is to push push push. I get in these spots from time to time where I’m in overwhelm and my mind and body are in shutdown. This is when I step back, rest, do something pleasurable, maybe take a nap, and or just regroup by doing something small to get the ball going again. One of the biggest things for me to remember is resilience. From time to time we may get bogged down. Remember it’s temporary and not the end of the world.

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[seabassd]

@sdwa

Love what you said here. It speaks to Faith..no random coincidences and all. Needed to hear that.

“I’ve listened to you guys long enough that I see the patterns much more clearly in the struggles we all seem to share. It’s not a random coincidence.”

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[seabassd]

@blackdog

“And especially for me because I have had it pretty easy. I haven’t really suffered any devastating tragedy like some others have.”

There’s kind-of this crazy idea going around that people need to be homeless, incarcerated or institutionalized to be worthy of help. I think some of this thinking comes out of the addiction theory of “hitting bottom”. Although there is some truth to this idea I don’t think it should be the rule. “Hitting Bottom” is different for everyone. Sometimes it’s just a realization that things need to change. Anyway…who decides what BOTTOM is. 🙂

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[seabassd]

I usually try to stay away from articles like this simply because they have a tendency to throw me off course. If I’m in a good place and feel like I can handle it I’ll check it out. As some of you have alluded to in your comments, doubt about diagnosis can rear its ugly head from time to time. Articles like this can certainly exacerbate things.

The funny thing is how quickly I can forget about all the difficulties I’ve had over the years or how I can minimize those difficulties. Thinking like, “Oh I didn’t have it that bad. Certainly not so bad that I need to take medication.” or  “Everyone’s got it bad, and everyone isn’t on medication.” This is when I need to spend a second reflecting on the past. It doesn’t take long before I remember what brought me to the counselors office in the first place.

I didn’t get some top to bottom evaluation that costs thousands of dollars. I did spend a couple years in therapy and after about a year my counselor started saying things like, “We’re missing something”. We would then regroup and try a different route. I might show a little progress then it would come back to “We’re still missing something”. One day I walked in and she asked me if I had ever been diagnosed with ADHD?  So, that’s where it began with me. I went to a psych she  wanted me to see, I filled out 4 or 5 forms and the rest is history.

Yes the stimulant medication helps and yes the anti-depressants help too. Am I 100% sure that I’m ADHD?, or that ADHD is a solid concept?  No,  but it’s the closest concept  that I’ve come across that fits with my history and  symptomology.  All I care about is if the treatment works.

It’s nice to see popular psychotherapy trends and the DSM challenged, however we need to be careful that the pendulum doesn’t swing too far back the other way. I’m not overly concerned with labels and like some of you have stated, “It really doesn’t matter as long as people are getting help”.

 

 

 

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[seabassd]

I was hoping to find some notes that I may have taken while on Focalin or Vyvanse. I’ve got a box full of completed CBT “Thought and Feelings” worksheets along with multiple notebooks from two years of therapy and (so I thought) notes on medication. Maybe they are somewhere, but I can’t find them. I just ran across 3 or 4 sheets with limited notes that mention medication affects.

Taken from notes: Vyvanse – Taking 20 Mg (1 Capsule), Muscles slightly relaxed, not disconnected, not bored, slight happy feeling, aware of depression and negative thoughts, slight anxiety and worry, no major side effects, everything seems clear, felt like crying maybe related to slight euphoria.

Vyvanse or Focalin – Not Sure: Still sense of being overwhelmed, muscles relaxed and feel slightly heavy, ability to sit for long periods of time, improved capacity to converse, ability to read and understand what I’m reading, doing tasks more slowly and deliberately, some impulsivity improvements, some calming in mind, level of work output decreased but accuracy increased, not driven by hyperactivity and must now decide what to do, still anxious, drug creates some feelings of depression as it wears off, some fear and worry as drug wears off.

I no longer take Vyvanse or Focalin. Let me make one important note. I was impatient with both and I was not always consistent when dosing. This can create a bit of an emotional roller coaster. It’s just really hard to be patient. I eventually started on Ritalin which proved to be the most effective for me. It’s a pain to take it every 3 to 4 hours though so after my next appointment I’ll move to Concerta or extended release Ritalin XR. A dose between 5mg and 10mg range has proven best for me with the Ritalin.

Side note: I do remember some slight dizziness with both Focalin and Vyvanse. Not like a spinning room or anything just a bit off balance if that makes sense.

Not sure this helps you any. Wish I had taken better notes.

You would think I would remember this stuff, right…:)

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[seabassd]

@blackdog

Exactly the same way I felt about my therapist and the same thoughts I had about TADD when I first visited the site.

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