[seabassd]

@doctormikayla “Try Harder” …That’s a big one!

I even find that I use the “Try Harder” strategy with friends and family as well. It can be  just as exhausting! The funny thing is that it’s never worked yet I still keep using it. I didn’t really think about that until just now. Time to find another strategy.

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[seabassd]

@BabafredDenandenanda

I love your statement…”Do what works, not what others tell you to do.”

I needed that.

Thanks

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[seabassd]

Anytime I read a post where someone is being denied a medication that might help them I get a little hot under the collar. I mean as soon as “chest pains” were mentioned the general practitioner pulled you off. I wonder if they investigated what was creating the chest pains, or did they just jump to the conclusion that it was heart related. Oh, and the comment they made about being in your 50s and too old to take stimulants just seems ridiculous to me.

Maybe it’s just me but I always since a bit of prejudice towards stimulants from doctors or psychs when I hear stories like this. I also wonder if there is some fear of legal repercussions or some pressure on docs by administrators  that make them risk adverse when it comes to prescribing stimulants.

I’m going to check out the webinar….all doctors, insurance representatives and administrators are welcome to attend as well.

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[seabassd]

Thought of one…

Resilience Although it’s true that I may have made quite a few missteps in my life, despite this I have always found a way to keep at it, to get back up and try again.

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[seabassd]

What am I good at? I’m not use to thinking about that much., GO FIGURE. I usually think in terms of what I can make it through. Like ,”Thank goodness that project, party, game, job is over with.”. 🙂

Let me think on this for a bit, and I’ll come back and post…I hope. Maybe in the morning when I’m fresh.

 

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[seabassd]

@doctormikayla 

I always think it’s important to look at repeating issues. Are we handling the situation in a familiar way. You know, are we trying to solve the problem whether it’s work, relationships, exercise, sleep etc. using the same methods that we’ve used before. Methods that bring us right back around to the same problems, over and over again. I think we have to break the cycle some way. Sometimes it takes us a while to see the pattern (us ADDrs can be a little hard-headed).

For myself I can usually identify a  pattern because it is accompanied by some sort of self-flagelation. The most common of which come from my INNER JUDGE  i.e. “Work Harder”, “No Breaks for You”, “They Can Do It so Why Can’t You”, “Go to PIP until you get it right, take your lumps for not measuring up”(maybe one of yours), you get the idea.

Medicine, life-hacks, education, meditation, mindfulness, therapist, coaches, are all things we can use to help us get to a better place. They can help us get clarity about our life and offer us the opportunity to come up with new strategies to handle the issues we face. As I’m finding out though it usually doesn’t amount to much without some sort of coarse adjustment that I haven’t made before. Sometimes the coarse adjustment is simply allowing yourself the time to partake in the things mentioned above instead of relegating them to the “when I’ve got time” file.

I guess, just don’t beat yourself up so much and you might be surprised what happens next.

Thanks for sharing. As always I usually walk away from a post feeling a bit guilty for how much I’ve gotten from the others sharing.

Wish you the best. Keep us in-the-know.

 

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[seabassd]

@Procrastina-Tron

Wish I could contribute with some great relationship advice however trust me when I say you would be better off getting relationship advice from a monk than from me. Glad there are others here who can be helpful to you.

I wanted to thank you for this one paragraph you wrote.

“I think one of my primary ADHD habits is that I make everything about me – even though I do not consider myself selfish; when my wife tells me this, I go nuts, I feel as if I’m listening to the problems, but really I take her concerns and assume it’s MY fault, like she’s mad at ME for MY actions… and that is where my attention gets locked.”

This really hit home. I think I may have covered this while doing some CBT  work but when you said it, I had this “Ah-Ha” moment. This is so true for me…so so so so true.

Wishing you the best.

Thanks again for your post.

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[seabassd]

I’m pretty sure I would go from left to right and just erase as needed. Most likely writing 12 then 3 then 1 then 2, then 6 then back to 4 then 5 and so on. Doing 12, 6, 3 then 9 is confusing. It’s strange but I have trouble remembering the correct placement of the main digits doing that. That feels to constrained and confusing.

 

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[seabassd]

Scattybird

The deep fried fish, chicken and potato wedges were great. Yep, the NORMAL ate and then some. I’m not a bad cook, but I really don’t care much for recipes. I’ll glance at them and then make the rest up. Sometimes it’s a hit, sometimes it’s a miss.

I think they need an entire website dedicated to them. http://www.frustratednormals.com.

Anyway…a bit of meditation and a sort-of good night sleep and I’m festering on it a bit less. Oh how they get under my skin sometimes.

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[seabassd]

@robynshnobyn

Thanks for being so open and honest about your thoughts, feelings and struggles. Your description of your struggles with motivation hits close to home. It always amazes me how much everyone on this forum has in common regardless of age (I’m 47), gender, education, etc. I remember the struggles I had at your age. I think what happens is that we’re transitioning into the land of adult expectations. There’s an increased sense of pressure for us to fall into line. I don’t know about you, but I don’t respond well to external pressures. You just want to tell everyone to leave you alone so you can figure it out. For me when I was your age I eventually impulsively enlisted in the military after watching the movie “An Officer and A Gentleman” . Let me just say that things didn’t turn out that great. I wanted the military to fix me, to make me into a good person. I had no clue what was going on with me. I just knew the years that had past were full of struggle. I’m so glad that you’re finding out about this now, and I think it’s great that you’re reaching out. Do me a favor, don’t enlist without some consult first. 🙂

I’ve always tried to find something to wake me up, that would give me the motivation that you are talking about. The normal stuff that motivates others, just doesn’t seem to do it for us. For me, I think it was this idea that a bolt of lightning would come down and change everything. Never seemed to happen though. Well, the ADHD diagnosis came pretty close. THANK GOD!

What works for some may not work for others. I can only say what has worked for me.

Meditation on some level helps me distance my thoughts from my actions. It helps calm my mind and decreases the emotional disregulation and impulsivity. I’m not talking about some obsessive religious idea or practice, just a simple down to earth concept. There’s a book that focuses on ADHD and MEDITATION. I can’t remember the name of it, but others on this forum will be able to tell you. The book can be found in the store on this site.

Don’t overthink things(easier said than done). What I believe that I’m doing when I am overthinking or over-philosophizing (is that spelled right?) is that I’m searching for that bolt of lightning to wake my brain up. My brain loves struggle and anxiety. Negative thinking is another thing my brain uses to try to wake itself up.

Motivation comes with the first step. I pick the smallest thing to do and do it. I’m talking really small. Take the computer out of sleep mode or make it to the coffee maker, put on shoes,etc. then I pick another thing. Before I know it my starter motor has kicked in. Remember, we’re like an old car that doesn’t want to start, but once it gets started it does pretty o.k. at least until it has to be started again (talking about task changing).

Try to get sleep. Find out how much you need. I need 9 hours to feel really good. With 6 to 8 I can function (sliding scale).

There’s more stuff, but I don’t remember and to be honest I can’t focus any longer.

 

Keep it simple, when you can. 🙂

 

 

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[seabassd]

Great thoughtful responses to bry27’s question.

Wishing you and your wife the best bry27.

 

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[seabassd]

@ubookout

Well, we can get overstimulated, listening to mashups might be something that overstimulates you. It could be music that does it or crowds, multi-tasking(some do well with this though), other ambient noises i.e. (parties where everyone is talking), reading maps and orientation, etc.

So, yep…it’s possible that certain music may wear on you.

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[seabassd]

Zombie Apocalypse = ADHD Gift

Paying Bills = ADHD Curse

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[seabassd]

I don’t know if I’ve reached the point that I see it as a gift just yet. I’m open to it though. I have however become more accepting of the way I function and I’ve noticed that feelings of guilt and shame are falling away a bit at a time. This has allowed me to make adjustments to my lifestyle without SHOULDING myself to death with comparisons to others.

Definitely agree that we shouldn’t just focus on our deficits. I don’t know about you all, but I’ve recently realized that I use the negative self talk as a way to stimulate me into action. It might get me off my keister, but as I’m discovering there are much better ways to get motivated that don’t require emotional burnout…i.e. meditation.

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[seabassd]

@Stash Just got off the phone. My final call. This person is someone who I’ve worked closely with since the early 90’s. I really really didn’t want them to be disappointed in me. The call went well, and they were very understanding. In my head I pictured them getting mad at me and breaking off contact. They were in no way in that mind frame. As a matter a fact they were primarily disappointed that they couldn’t reach me to go out for lunch when they happened to be visiting family in my area. Strange that my brain blew everything out of proportion…RIGHT! 

YOU WERE RIGHT ON POINT. It’s so true that there is a sense of empowerment that comes from walking through difficult things. You don’t want to do it, but when you get on the other side of it you feel different, stronger (not in an arrogant way).

Btw – don’t know you, but very proud of you for making those calls! My anxiety level rose just reading your original post!! 

Thanks…that makes me feel good.

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