[seabassd]

I bet the ADDA conference was a blast.

New Goal! Get to the next ADDA Conference.

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[seabassd]

I’m registered. 7 Days to go.
The 29th is my birthday, this will be a good birthday present.

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[seabassd]

@phoenixmagicgirl, Thanks for reminding me that even in frustrating situations gratitude can be found.

 

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[seabassd]

Welcome garyk!

I was diagnosed about 6 months ago at age 44. Still learning what it all means. Found this site about a month or so ago. It’s really crazy how much I can relate to this group.

It just feels really good to share and know that others can relate to you.

Damon

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[seabassd]

@Scattybird, I never thought about the “relief not to be overlooked”. That’s dead on. Strange that I didn’t catch such an obvious reaction.

@kc5jck, Exactly! I’ll say “Yes” just so they’ll go away and leave me alone and then I don’t have to switch gears or waste mental energy dealing with the situation. Really good thread you gave the link to.

Thanks

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[seabassd]

@trashman, @sdwa, Yep.. I  jumped the gun a bit throwing the hotline number out there.

I definitely don’t want a place where we can’t share our feelings or where we feel judged for our feelings.

I wouldn’t want people doing that to me if I’m just sharing my feelings.

Sorry about that,

Damon

 

 

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[seabassd]

Guilty Pleasure  – Motivation Song

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[seabassd]

I get the munchies and/or eat poorly when…

stressed, bored, sedentary, depressed, working too much, not spending time outdoors.

Work and money issues are the biggest instigators for me.

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[seabassd]

Yes, Yes, Yes.

A must have for my road trips.

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[seabassd]

Here’s my contribution. Turn volume up just a scoch.

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[seabassd]

I like this thread.

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[seabassd]

LMAO!

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[seabassd]

Welcome @trashman,

You reached out to others, and that’s awesome. Thanks for being honest and sharing your feelings.

No way are you alone! That’s the crap our minds feed us from time to time. Just think a few days ago you were thinking that no one could relate to you and today you see that that’s simply not true.  That’s why it’s a bad idea to throw in the towel. You never have all the info. I’ve been in some deep dark holes and come out on the other side.

Just a note: Back in the day I remember picking up the phone and calling a Hotline to help me. I’m not saying that you’re there. You’re just letting us know how you feel. Keep doing that…I do.

Here’s a number, just in case. I keep this kind of stuff on hand along with my therapist number, etc. along with a list of things that have worked for me in the past that I can activate if my mood takes a nose dive.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline)

 

Again…Welcome,

Damon T.

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[seabassd]

Perfect with my morning cup of coffee.

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[seabassd]

@sdwa, I can sense your frustration with this. I’m still working on the emotions thing. In all honesty the tool I use most is isolation. If I’m not around people then I don’t have to experience the feelings they bring up for me. My goal is to move away from this.

I think people are so important. I experienced the need for connecting when I went into treatment following an arrest back in 95 in which I spent a year in a halfway house. There was a really good 2-3 years that I had during this recovery period and people and the faith they passed on to me saved me.

Let me be honest about myself for a second and maybe you can find something that you can relate to and not feel so alone in this. My routine for much of my adult life and youth has been to work and then go home and never or very rarely speak to another sole. I avoid people even to the point that when I lived in an apartment I would listen for people in the hall near my apartment just so I could slip out without talking to neighbors. Sure there were times when I could be around people but it was the exception to the rule.

Work offered more than enough people interaction than I could almost bare. Any comment, look or action from another that I perceived as negative towards myself could send me into a bout of rumination. It wouldn’t even need to have anything directly to do with me. Maybe I just saw something in someone else that I also saw in myself that I deemed immoral, strange, goofy, stupid, etc. This could send me into a emotional downward spiral as well. I’ve had some pretty dark periods. It feels vague in some ways, like I don’t remember the heaviness of those depressive bouts. How I made it to work at all is beyond me. I drank a lot of coffee and energy drinks. Fortunately I never touched alcohol or drugs during these periods. It was like I knew the answer wasn’t in self-medicating with alcohol.

Feelings are a tough one. In one way I deny them and in another way I over-react to them. It’s a real dichotomy. I think I’m starting to see feelings a little differently than I use to. I let myself experience them. I don’t judge them I just recognize that they are there. The reality is I feel hate, infatuation, anger, frustration, jealousy, lust, rage, etc. I don’t know if the emotions are extreem or normal or what rating to give them on a normal scale, I just know that they’re there. I don’t want them to control me and I don’t want to be so controlling that I become robotic.

I’ve been trying to release these feelings in a positive way. This usually means that I go to the soccer field when no one is around and take out all my frustrations on the ball. Sometimes I cry when I’m out there, sometimes I rage. I just get the feelings out. I do keep a lookout for people because they may not understand my little therapy session. I also retain some control. I don’t need to act like a madman to get the benefits. Another thing I do sometimes is just get in my car , get on an open road and scream as loud as I can. Again, I do this safely. Never taking my eyes off the road and never when cars or pedestrians are near and always with some control. I set a time limit as well.  Note: I do have a therapist I can call on if things get a little shaky.

Where do all the feelings come from, I’m not sure, but it’s something I’m working on. ADHD plays a role…no doubt, so do the other issues I’m dealing with. I know that people are a conduit for answers. Mental health practitioners and counselors  have been helpful. I also think faith plays a role. I don’t really like the term “spiritual”, it’s a little too new age for me, and I don’t really like the extreem guilt I’ve felt with religious faiths. Right now, it’s just a simple prayer and then some action.

One more thing. I don’t trust that negative voice in my head. Its bad news! I also keep an eye out for extreem thinking. Things like…”I’m all bad”, “I’m all good”, “I need to be perfect to be liked” or “They have to accept me or I’m no good” stuff like that.

One thing my therapist told me is “Never give up, you don’t know what the future will hold, your outlook may be different when you get there.”

Another thing a therapist told me “What you need to do is work on developing purpose.  Right now your purpose may be to get better, which is good, but you need more (or perhaps you already have). We all need something to strive for.”

 

That’s all I’ve got. I’ve got a long way to go, but I can tell that I’m starting to make positive changes. I can feel these changes taking place at the core.

People, People, People…Faith, Faith, Faith.

 

Wishing you the best,

Damon

 

 

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