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I like that idea, Larynxa. I feel so bad for these kids who are getting bullied mercilessly, including online.
REPORT ABUSEHi Wgreen, It’s painful to think about! The parking tickets, the taxis when late, the lost revenue, the high car insurance rates, the car repairs for bumps and scratches, the missed appointment fees… And those are just the tangibles. There are the bigger costs of lost opportunities as you mentioned, but let’s not go there.
And then there are the therapeutic costs in the form of drug coverage, coaching, etc.
It really adds up. Too bad we don’t get a tax break or something for having ADHD.
REPORT ABUSEHi Wgreen, It’s painful to think about! The parking tickets, the taxis when late, the lost revenue, the high car insurance rates, the car repairs for bumps and scratches, the missed appointment fees… And those are just the tangibles. There are the bigger costs of lost opportunities as you mentioned, but let’s not go there.
And then there are the therapeutic costs in the form of drug coverage, coaching, etc.
It really adds up. Too bad we don’t get a tax break or something for having ADHD.
REPORT ABUSEI don’t blame you, Bluna! Too bad about the 2-month gap in financial coverage.
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October 26, 2012 at 4:16 pm in reply to: What if it's how other people treat us that's the biggest problem? #116932LOL, Allan, I guess you are not among those who answered “my ADHD is a gift” on the poll?
REPORT ABUSEHi Bluna, Yeah the stimulants can cause fatigue, usually in high doses, and usually after the stimulant phase of effect has subsided. (Think how tired you feel if you drink too much coffee for example; the initial “wired” feeling becomes replaced by fatigue.) Instead of trying higher doses, have you tried going lower?
You’re right that Vyvanse and Adderall work similarly — they are both amphetamine-based stimulants. (http://www.attentiondeficit-info.com/pdf/medication-adhd-quebec.pdf) Either one by itself can cause fatigue, but also the switch from one to the other might also be causing your fatigue.
Keep seeing your doc of course, but one tip that might help: try drinking more water and see if it helps. Sounds trivial, I know, but you might see a difference. Let us know how it goes!
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Oh, the fairies! How I wish for fairies! I would have a tax fairy, a banking fairy, an insurance fairy, … a dishes fairy …
REPORT ABUSEOctober 25, 2012 at 8:04 pm in reply to: The Distracted Violist: How ADHD has affected my Weight, Self Esteem, and Dreams #116915WARNING: the flax focaccia is pretty gross. 😯
REPORT ABUSEOctober 25, 2012 at 7:03 pm in reply to: What if it's how other people treat us that's the biggest problem? #116930Hi Tiddler
Yes; stigma. It is like that eye-colour lesson from the 1960s: http://www.uiowa.edu/~poroi/seminars/2004-5/bloom/poroi_paper.pdf
I’d like to read it if you still have the citation?
REPORT ABUSEOctober 24, 2012 at 10:35 am in reply to: What if it's how other people treat us that's the biggest problem? #116928Tiddler, I completely relate to your premise! Nellie, what do you think about the fact that ADHD is defined in terms of impairment and dysfunction? I am usually reluctant to share education on ADHD with neurotypicals, because the information is so negative and so focused on the DSM threshold symptom numbers and dysfunction across multiple areas (i.e., work, social life). I feel like I am completely discrediting myself. I think it would be interesting to see experts develop a more rounded defining description that included characteristics beyond impairment — maybe even strengths.
REPORT ABUSEHi Nellie,
You are not alone. Even today, it seems to me that too often the schools that actually *are* acting on bullying are doing so mostly as a means of limiting liability and/or managing their public image. While bullying-education activities and events are staged, bullying goes on in the classroom and when it is reported the response is along the lines of ‘well-what-did-he-do-to-cause-it?’ My friend’s son has ADHD and is 10 years old and he is being bullied by a pack that seems to grow in number every day. The school does nothing but suggest that he has done something to deserve it.
And therein lies the rub: victims of bullying are stigmatized.
They are told not to play the “victim”. They are accused of not standing up for themselves. They are made accountable for their bully’s behavior. Or, they are accused of paranoia, conspiracy theories, and of making false allegations. And when they stand up for themselves they are vilified — many a victim is accused of being an aggressor.
Worst of all, bullying causes so much shame in the victim that a self-stigmatization takes hold. You hate to do anything to call attention to the bullying because you dread the stigma and the shame of being the “victim”.
The stigma then extends to the victim’s friends and acquaintances. This is what causes the friends to abandon the victim — they fear being stigmatized too. Isolation results. This is the shunning behaviour that causes incredible harm to the victim — both physical and psychological — disarms them even further, and enables the covert bullying that sees the victim defamed, discredited, ridiculed, and tried in their own absence. When someone confronts you with aggression, you have options for how you react. But when the aggression is covert, you’re kept in ignorance and isolation and your options are taken away.
It took me decades to get to the point of being able to admit what happened to me. I identified as a strong, smart, capable person, so I ran from the “victim” hat; never naming the problem. I was ashamed. But when you have been damaged by bullying, denying it doesn’t help. It only makes things worse and enables the bully. And the people who are around the victim need to be able to name it too. It takes guts.
REPORT ABUSEOctober 23, 2012 at 11:07 am in reply to: The Distracted Violist: How ADHD has affected my Weight, Self Esteem, and Dreams #116905Hi Violexie! I hear you! I struggle with my weight too. I use a tracker to stay on my diet, but I find that I have “relapses.”
But, like you, I do get back on the horse again, which I have come to believe is the most important part of making any change. It’s nice to hear from you. I’m making flax focaccia as I write this, so I’ll share the recipe: http://lowcarbdiets.about.com/od/breads/r/flaxbasicfoc.htm
(And I will give you a heads-up if it is terrible!!! LOL I’ve never made it before.)
REPORT ABUSEludragonslegacy, thank you so much for talking on this topic! I have discovered that the shunning and group bullying that happens in the workplace is called mobbing: please see our discussion over here: http://totallyadd.com/forum/topic.php?id=439
REPORT ABUSEI just found this thread and am so glad to see there are more of us having the bullying conversation. (more over here: http://totallyadd.com/forum/topic.php?id=439
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REPORT ABUSEHi there, I am still recovering from what I went through at those workplaces. My mind still replays those horrible situations, still returns to the frustration and outrage, and still asks “WHY”. I am heartened to see that workplace bullying is gaining attention and that there seems to be increasing research and advocacy in this area. I am now able to understand that I was repeatedly subjected to workplace mobbing as someone who is different, and as someone who has characteristics that are very prevalent in ADDers (difference, sensitivity, a desire to work hard, to please, to do well, a tendency to stick up for yourself – see #3 below).
1. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janice-harper/mobbing-in-the-workplace-_b_1102815.html
2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QREyB9BTzIA
3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9YKmoxQNvU&feature=related
4. http://www.mobbingportal.com
This mobbing is something I have endured since gradeschool. I want to share the links above in case some of you experienced mobbing. Discovering there is a name for it, and that others have gone through it is a great comfort and a reassurance THAT IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT; you did not deserve it. Learning about mobbing helps you answer that persistent “WHY” that torments you with confusion and shame.
Mobbing thrives on the idea that if multiple people think it, it must be true; that if everyone has a problem with you you must have done something to deserve it, that perception is reality. Mobbing thrives on 360 reviews; one of the most touted tools in HR. It thrives on unaccountable feedback. People forfeit accountability and side with power. Even people you thought were your friends; people you thought were good; people you trusted.
The things I was reading about workplace bullying before were just not adding up for me, because they focus on single bullies in the workplace, and they focus on outright aggression (not covert aggression). Workplace mobbing is a very different type of bullying.
One more thing I want to note, because it is so important for this group: You have ADHD, but you KNOW you have it or you wouldn’t be here. You also are taking the steps to build your awareness of it and how it affects you, or you wouldn’t be here. As we go through this process, we find ways of making life work for us, we bend the world to us (e.g., I own 8 sets of house keys). In short, we rapidly learn how to meet the demands of the world in our own special way. I was mobbed even after I had taken control of my ADHD. I was not under-performing; I was over-performing; I NEVER missed a deadline, I did not let people down, I did not create problems. ADDers become hyper-aware and astute on these matters once they get diagnosed and get in control, because we fear exactly these things. But our difference and independence will always remain, and that will always make us vulnerable to group power dynamics.
For me the answer I have found is avoidance; to simply not enter into groups (i.e., offices). What is yours?
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