[JimC.]

I’m in the same boat, – a new relationship that I desperately don’t want to damage in any way. I too am taking the same steps as you; one thing I am doing to de-intensify the focus is to take days where I can do the things I like and that she doesn’t do. In my case, a few days away skiing or a full day and evening away cycling. She needs her space and so do you – take time away and go play with friends or go to conferences etc, but take time away. Give yourself permission to take care of you alone, if you hyper focus you run the risk of smothering the poor woman. Don’t forget, she cares about you for who you are, and if you drop being yourself to be with her, then the relationship will take a major hit.

As the last poster said, educate her so she knows what’s going on. Communication is key and if it isn’t used, then the new relationship will suffer.

OK, now I must learn to take my own advice ;oP

Good luck to both of us, Jim

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[JimC.]

I’m no expert but your description of your son was me about 45 years ago. So I guess I’m somewhat of an expert.

You need to help him discover what he loves to do. Suggesting a carreer might backfire but handing him the tools to discover it himself might work. In Canada some YMCA branches offer career counselling (I don’t believe it’s free but it won’t be costly) so check that out. I’d suggest going at this issue by focusing on what he likes to do and what he’s good at. Then narrow it down.

Some general stuff: ADDrs do NOT do well at repetitive things, accounting, cubicle slavery, analysis by spreadsheet etc, but we do tend to do better in jobs where we can move around. Sales, and other similar vocations work sometimes. Somewhere on this site is a clip on jobs; sorry, I can’t remember where it is.

Good luck, it’ll all work out. Jim

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[JimC.]

@Otterboy –> I’m 63. Diagnosed at 58 or thereabouts after watching a show about ADD too. OK here’s the thing to do: get another opinion from an MD that understands ADD. I too have heart issues with a murmur and take 60mg a day of Zocor to keep my cholesterol slightly above the highest acceptable level. Then I take 20mg of Adderall.

Long story short – until I took meds for ADD I was a totally overwhelmed, procrastinational (nod to Sarah Palin?) mess. Now I’m almost normal, whatever that is,so I can’t state strongly enough to get your butt in gear and go get an MD that might just grasp that amphetamines have been safely used for almost 40 years – so stating meds are unsafe is simply wrong. I’m not suggesting they will work for you but you certainly owe it to yourself to go find out.

Best of luck, Jim

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[JimC.]

@ Louis et al:

this may help: YMCA provides counselling and career help to find out your strengths and weaknesses, and if you don’t know those then you’re simply in the dark – and another cubicle job awaits you….don’t go there.

http://www.ymcagta.org/en/get-a-job/career_planning/assessments.html

^^^ Here’s a link for the Toronto Y, be aware there are others all over southern ON and perhaps other places too, but I’ll let you search those out. Get tested and find out what you like, what you’re good at, and what you want to avoid. Then go get it!

Wishing you all the best of luck and a joyous Christmas season, and a very optimistic New Year and a great new vocation you love and look forward to.

Jim (30 years unhappily in revolving sales/sales mgmt jobs).

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[JimC.]

Joy: it’s a second dose for focus after the 1st wears off. But you run the risk of poor sleep and so it’s a question meant to address the issue of what to do if you fade say, 3/4 of the way through your work day and you must keep going for work.

I tried 5 mg of Adderall at 3 pm after my initial 20 mg wore off, but didn’t notice much of a difference, so I stopped.

Hope that ‘slpains it, Lucy. ;o) jc

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[JimC.]

@ Gina: I tried a local ‘doc’ with no appreciable results at a cost of a few thousand $. So I agree – I tried a local biofeedback practitioner who publishes this list of credentials:

BIOFEEDBACK FOR THE BRAIN

The Neurotherapeutic Treatment of ADD, Autism, Depression, and More

Paul G. Swingle, Ph.D., is a Fellow of the Canadian Psychological Association and was Lecturer in Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School from 1991 to 1998. Professor Swingle was Chairman of the Faculty of Child Psychology at the University of Ottawa from 1972 to 1977, and Clinical Supervisor from 1987 to 1997. He has also taught at McGill University, Dalhousie University and McMaster University. He is a Registered Psychologist in British Columbia and is (BCIA) Certified in Biofeedback and Neurotherapy. Since 1997 he has been in a private practice in Vancouver, British Columbia. His most recent book, “Biofeedback for the Brain” (2008), was published by Rutgers University Press. Swingle and Associates also offers training workshops in Vancouver and at other locations around the world”.

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[JimC.]

Update (I think) might be a setback, who knows… Cortex sold their rights for ampakine CX 717 to Biovail, who got swallowed by Valeant. The good news is that CX717 is in the pipeline, but I figure I’ll be dead by the time it gets to market.

http://www.valeant.com/products/pipeline/index.jsp

“Cortex retains all rights to the non-acquired AMPAKINE compounds for treatment of neurodegenerative diseases and psychiatric diseases which historically have been part of its portfolio. “As a result of this transaction, we will be in the position to continue the oral Phase IIa sleep apnea trial with CX1739 and to initiate a Phase II clinical trial for the treatment of ADHD very soon,” commented Mark A Varney. “Additionally, we are pushing ahead to develop the CX2007 and CX2076 series of compounds and move one of those analogs into the clinic as soon as possible.”

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[JimC.]

I’m on 20mg Adderall, and with the same issue, got prescribed a 5mg ‘booster’ for the pm, but never tried it. Now I’ve learned to relax at night, as I’ve burned up lots of head time all day long and I rise really early. IMHO it’s worth a try,m but I don’t know if your meds will affect sleep, which also is apparently nice to have. jc

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[JimC.]

Tabs only? 7… + 2 phones, set of blueprints, stack of invoices, 1camera manual, and and …well, you know. jc

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[JimC.]

Welcome to the heap! couple of thoughts: on the book, libraries are free, just borrow the book, you’ll finish it in less than a week anyhow. Take care of you 1st: get good sleep, eat well (no junk foods etc), and exercise, if even a walk for an hour or so. Give yourself a break…you’ve worked darn hard so far in this life, give yourself credit for doing well. If sleep is an issue, I find 5 HTP (50mg) is a real help for me – just one at bedtime – never mind the mfr wants you to take 6 a day! I’ve been taking protein smoothies for breakfast after being told they will help, I don’t feel they do but do it anyhow. Regardless, after I started to take care of me, I seem to be getting a bit closer to “normal’, whatever that is. bottom line, I feel better, look better,(OK more rested), and perform better with more enthusiasm and fear no failures like before.

Good luck on the job front, most of us have been there, done that.

Jim

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[JimC.]

Thanks that’s really helpful; as originally stated when Dr. Hallowell endorsed iLs , it appeared to hold some promise. My research was not nearly as productive as yours, and I thank you for your insight.

Jaybird, I don’t know Larynxa as poster, and so a simple statement with no backup invites questioning. When I posted, it quite literally was Dr. Hollowel’s opinion against that of Larynxa’s – clarification was missing on both sides.

Thanks Larynxa, Jim

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[JimC.]

“Highly questionable” is based on what? Not to be confrontational, but I find opinions with no backup “highly questionable”, and not too helpful. I posted here as it’s “Ask an Expert” forum, hoping Dr. J or someone would chime in. You know, with an expert’s advice?I’m not sure if you’re an expert or a helpful person expressing a personal opinion? Jim

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[JimC.]

I enquired about iLs with a local licensee (also an MD) for costs and got this back(below). I intend to check further but very cautiously, with requests for specific costs, milestones, expected outcomes if any etc. before I cough up any $. Jim

“Thanks for inquiring about the iLs. Although the iLs is very good at helping with issues like ADHD, we have found it most effective when we find out what the root cause of your difficulties are. ADHD has become the catchall for a number of problems. For example, individuals may have visual and/or auditory processing difficulties, or sensory integration problems. All the above can be indications of brain disintegration which will make focusing/concentration rather difficult. Emotional issues is another big factor that can cause difficulties that show as struggles with focusing and concentration. Trauma to the head can also be another contributing factor.

It would help us help you discern what may be the best approach to your problems if you can fill out an in depth questionnaire. I can set up a half hour to an hour interview over the phone with you to let you know what we can determine from your history. We will likely need you to do some assessments after to determine more accurately what may be happening and therefore what kind of treatment to use. I can tell you at the time of the phone interview what we may need.

The cost for the interview will be $170/hr. The usual assessments (Listening Test, Drawing test, Personality assessment inventory, and Brain map) that we do will cost $170. You may need some other assessments to help us determine more precisely where the problems lie.

I apologize that I cannot give you a simple answer to your question. After we determine what may be the underlying cause(s) of your struggles then we can look at the treatment plan and cost. If you are still interested in working with us let me know and I will have my staff send you a questionnaire to fill out. After you have done that then fax or email it back to us.

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[JimC.]

Thanks. Local “licensed” person near me happens to be an MD, but then again, not sure if that makes it worthwhile. Answer appreciated, Jim

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[JimC.]

Survival tips: have a strategy in place ahead of time for areas where he struggles: if he can’t stand socializing for long, then set a time frame he is comfortable with when he can either escape for a break or both of you leave.

Counselors: Google away, call the head of Calgary’s Therapist association and ask, ask your current therapist (you’re the paying cu$tomer, remember?) and keep looking, don’t stop. As you’re probably learning, he’s not doing anything on purpose to upset the relationship, so seek tools that will make it work for both of you.

Good luck! Jim

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