[memzak]

Well said Stephie101! How is your hand?

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[memzak]

Watch the video under “ADDitional info” called “Impulsivity vs Compulsivity”. It is the same information as from the show but a bit less entertaining. I haven’t watched it in a while and I confess I am a bit confused myself. My husband is seriously compulsive and I fall more under the impulsive side. I think that we keep trying to make everything black and white when it’s all mixed up together and then we get confused. I can also sit for hours just thinking but I am definately not compulsive.

Dr. J can you help?

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[memzak]

@sugargremlin I believe part of the definition of ADD is the impairment. 11 hrs to do a 6 hour job? That sounds impaired to me. I was working 10 to 12 hours to do an 8 hour job and ended up losing it due to mistakes. I was under pressure to process as much as 150 invoices for payment in a single day. The best I could do, on a really good day, was between 80 and 100 and mistakes and were inevitable. The mistakes were the main reason I lost the job.

Just keep educating yourself about the symptoms and looking at your life and how much trouble things really were to do and how much it cost you to do them. I have been looking at my life in this way and realizing sometimes to my horror how much it cost me to get as far as I did. I also realized that I have been in denial about some of the symptoms. I have been denying the hyperactive part, I had just gotten very good at hiding the fidgeting, disguising it as doodles and “exercising my legs under my desk” etc. Also I would drop my click pen on the desk so it would bounce while I was on the phone or I played cards while waiting for technical assistance on the phone at work, etc.

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[memzak]

I got over the phone thing by sitting down when I had a call to make, getting everything organized so I would have all the facts then i would call time and weather and then i would just call the number I needed to call. Calling time and weather are non-threatening and once I started dialing them the necessary call became non-threatening and I could do it. I still use this trick but they stopped giving the time and weather in my area so I just laugh at the message they have and then do my calls.

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[memzak]

Well logically I know you are right but when I look at some of this stuff its still “this is my husbands stuff” or “this is my Mother-in-law’s stuff”. Antiques Roadshow has not made this easy! I am afraid I’m going to be the one to give away the $100,000 flower pot or the $250,000 old toy. Well, I still have emotional baggage to toss out.

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[memzak]

I have been accused of being a horder. I don’t think I am. I just don’t seem to get around to cleaning out the boxes that I have thrown stuff in. I do have trouble throwing out something I consider useful.

I had trouble cleaning out my mother-in-laws house because I felt uncomfortable throwing away “someone elses” stuff. Also there was the constant “I want this” from my daughter. My husband, who was in a nursing home at the time, who kept asking me to find his boyscout uniform (which we never found) among other things. How do you throw away someone else’s memories? What should I send to my sister-in-law in California and what should I use to start a bonfire? What can we sell to help our my financial situation and what is just junk. SOO many questions!

I have been so burned out by all the tramatic events in my life since I lost my job in 2000. My husband was already “retired” because he had 3 heart attacks in 1994. Never could get him to apply for disability so the financial burden fell to me and his parents. My father-in-law was sick for 2 years then died. My husband stayed with his parents to take care of his father then his mother after his father died. In the mean time he got a MRSA infection in his foot that nearly killed him. While he was in the hospital, my sister-in-law took my mother-in-law to California for a visit where she had a stroke. That is how I got stuck cleaning out her house. Endless appointments with Would Care at the hospital to try to save my husband’s foot. After a year of that they had to remove his foot anyway. I was the one who had to say to him it was time. A year later, after trying to take care of him myself, his other foot had to be amputated for the same reason. My husband was expecting me and my daughter to give him 24/7 care at hospital level during the year in between amputations. We were totally exhausted after a few weeks of this and he got more and more demanding as time passed. I had nurses ask me how I stood being around him. He was being a total jerk, and jerk is not anywhere near strong enough a word but this is a pg-13 website. Just think of words for a totally self-absorbed, selfish, inconsiderate, self-important, demanding, insensitive idiot who always has to have his own way no matter where he is.

I am still burned out and overwhelmed by financial stress. Finding out that I am ADD actually made things worse. I dont have the money or correct insurance to get properly treated. I haven’t been able to keep a job for more than a few months. I have applied for another job as manager of the local gas station. They may be desparate enough to hire me. We have no electricity, my house is in the process of forclosure, I haven’t been able to pay my car insurance so it has been canceled, again. I had applied for this job once and it was filled and last thursday it opened up again. I had given up on getting a job and had applied for disability a week before the job opened again. I know I can do this job but my health problems might get in the way. I also thought I could be an insurance agent but they would not let me go into the field and being a telemarketer has not worked well. Well that is the bare bones of what is going on in my life.

What is funny is that I am considering the small box method of cleaning up my exteremly dirty house. Forever the optimist. I don’t think a drill press or a table saw will fit. Anyone want to buy some antique Haviland china?

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[memzak]

Dr J. Please some help on this one.

I have wondered the same thing. Can tramatic events change ADDers more than non-ADDers? I understand that with or without ADD, combat experiences can lead to post-tramatic stress disorder but what about a hypersensitive individual with extra stressful life events?

Also how does Alcholic parents affect the ADD/ADHD symptoms in childen and adults?

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[memzak]

Have you been on the flylady.net website? My sister started talking about this “you can do anything for 15 minutes” thing years ago but of course I only half listened. She was talking about a book at the time and I know the flylady wrote a book so maybe its the same person? I actually tried it half-heartedly. Of course I had to change it varying the amount of time and then I just set it aside. I was going through some stuff at the time. I just can’t seem to gather enought energy to do anything sustainable. I get busy for a day or two, sometimes for a week then I take two or three weeks “off”. My husband is in the hospital again. He had an infection and then they put in the stuff for dialysis which he starts in 6 to 10 weeks. Whenever the infection is cleared up he goes back to the nursing home. That might have something to do with my energy level. Then again….

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[memzak]

I like the idea of a small box. Too small to store stuff in but big enough to get things cleaned up. I think I will try it myself tonight.

Most of my house is in boxes. That is how I used to clean. If someone was coming over I would get a box and throw in everything that was out of place. I would then shove the boxes anywhere they would be out of sight. Thus, my basement is half full of these boxes. My living room is half full of these boxes. My home office is half full of these boxes. The other half of the living room and my office and most of my bedroom and my dining room are all full of the boxes we brought home from cleaning out my mother-in-law’s house. It is a nightmare. I know exactly how you feel about the house burning down so you can start over. I have felt the same way on many occasions (like almost daily). NEVER ask an ADDer to clean out someone else’s house by themselves. Of course I just got stuck with it because I was the only one in the family that was available (unemployed/underemployed)

Every week I say I want to have a yard sale. I got tired of saying it to my daughter and having her give me that look, you know the one that non-ADDers give you when you say something you can’t possibly accomplish in the given time frame. We finally agreed, if I am actually ready for a yard sale by Thursday of any given week, we will have it on that Saturday.

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[memzak]

SG the timer thing is a really good idea. I have started using a timer for everything. Heating water for coffee. How long I am going to give myself to do a certain task. It keeps me from wasting too much time daydreaming. Sometimes I forget why I set the alarm if I start daydreaming before I can even stand up. I use my cell phone which has an alarm feature, a timer feature and a calandar feature. I use all three every day to keep me from wasting the whole day. I still waste most of it. What bothers me the most about the timer is that years ago I used to use a timer religiously. I timed everything just like I am doing right now. The silly thing about this is that when it came time to replace my kitchen timer, the price had more than quadrupled in a couple of short years and I did not buy a new one! Then I fell out of the good habit of timing myself.

Has anyone else out there had the misfortune of forgetting a good habit?

I just thought of something else funny. I still won’t pay to buy a new kitchen timer but I paid ten times the price of a new kitchen timer for a new phone. Go figure!

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[memzak]

Hi Jim and welcome!

I was 58 when I found out and it was watching the show that gave me the clues. I watched it 3 times before I finally admitted that I had it even though I had the AHA moment the first time I saw the show. I kept trying to deny that I had a problem that I couldn’t “fix”. I had been trying to “fix” these problems all my life and I was still trying, and failing.

I finally asked my daughter to watch it with me. After 15 minutes she said “yes you are definately ADD” and that was that. To make a long story short, I got the book from the show, got seriously depressed, saw a psychiatrist then another (everyone is right about getting the right doctor) and slowly realized that I was not broken. I just needed to look at things a little differently. And yes it does seem to get worse with age if not treated. Sage advise I got from a 22 year old ADD friend of my daughter’s who has already experienced this fact.

I have been able to turn some of my worst ADD traites into my best strengths with a little rethinking of my situation. I am still struggling. I am working on rebuilding my support system which has evaporated over the last three years.

So, let go of the guilt, assess you strenghts and weaknesses, make your therapists diagnosis official, get meds if you need them, give that wife of yours a huge hug and know that you are among friends here.

And TheGameGuy, I love your little saying about the glasses not teaching you how to read. It should be a wall plaque or stiched on a pillow or something. Its perfect for us ADDers. I’m going to work on that one.

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[memzak]

What a great idea! Book discussions, not just your book but the ADD books as well.

Can you give me an idea of what thermodynamics is? I hope it isn’t a Atkins diet clone. Never paid much attention to the food pyramid, it never seemed right to me and its always behind the times. When I was a kid the food pyeramid was a receipe for a heart attack. I don’t even remember what it looks like now.

The best diet advice I ever got was the Pritikin diet. I tried it when it first came out. I managed to stay on it for 8 weeks and felt wonderful. If I had known about my ADD then I might have stayed on it forever. I never felt hungry or deprived and never had to count calories. I’m trying to get back on it now. It should be easier now that I know about my ADD. I remember the clarity of mind I had on that diet. Unfortunatly, that was nearly 40 years ago. I wonder if it would work for anyone that has ADD. I could focus without caffeine. I could remember things. I had energy that I want back.

If anyone is interested their website is http://www.pritikin.com. It gives you the whole plan without even having to log in. It is a simple diet, simple is good for ADDers. The way I remember it from the original book was no salt, no sugar, no fats or oils, no caffeine and no chocolate. The site gives you how many servings of different kinds of foods but I still remember the basic stuff that the original book said. Has anyone else tried this diet?

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[memzak]

Alden, thank you for the book title correction. I could only remember one title and haven’t gotten around to reading any of them yet myself. Msunderachiever, I hope you have been back to this site. Let us know how things are going.

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[memzak]

First of all, welcome to the website that will help you change your life. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Your situation sounds like many I have read on this site and similar to my own situation. The first thing you need to do is get diagnosed and look into medication. The diagnosis is importatant because you need to know how it is affecting you and eliminate what you don’t have. Educating yourself and your immediate family is second. It will take time. My brothers and sisters are not very interested in why I have gotten myself into the mess I am in. My daughter, who is almost 25, has accepted what it means and we talk almost daily about what I find out about myself and what it means to our relationship (she still lives with me and is not ADD). If you can afford a coach I have heard that this is an excellent way to get help with daily life.

If you can watch the program advertised on this site called “ADD and Loving It!?!” or better yet buy it from this site and watched it regularly it will help you pin down what is going on. There are many excellent books like “You mean I’m not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?” and “Driven to distraction”. I am looking forward to Rick Green’s new book, “ADD Stole my Car Keys”, a subject close to my heart .

It has been nearly a year since my self-diagnosis then a diagnosis by a psycologist. I am 58 and it has taken me a year to accept myself and learn the things i can change and how to manage the things that I can’t. I am still stuck but improving. I am still learning a lot just by reading other posts on this site.

Hang in there and keep in touch.

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[memzak]

My weight has fluctuated all of my life. I remember in 5th grade they even tried diet pills which did not work. As a teenager i decided that i wanted to fit into a pair of pants that were way too small for me. I made up rules about eating and got to 130 lbs. I am 5 feet 7 inches. I’m not sure how skinny I would have ended up except that my grandmother died and after the funeral, i discoved the power of food to change my mood. I was 17 when my grandmother died, by 20 I weighted 200lbs and climbing.

Has anyone else flirted with this kind of weight loss. When i see pictures of myself during this time I looked way too thin. Why have I lost that kind of control? Was that a teenage thing only? After I got married I used to eat too much and throw up, but not everyday. After awhile I just stopped doing it.

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