[Robbo]

Thanks Jim,

I can see your point. I’m hoping someone can just do what you did and share their own experience. I agree about getting or giving medication advice over the Internet. I was thinking about looking for another doctor before I logged on. But that means starting a whole new set of hoops to jump through.

Fortunately we do have a generic for Ritalin, that is covered. It’s methylphenadate. (sp?) At least I did get another call today, but that was just to see another social worker who has to refer me to the psychologist who is only in that office for a few hours once a week. I’m all for healthcare being available to everyone, regardless of income, (Obama care). But our schools haven’t been keeping standards up for so many years there just are not enough doctors to help all the people with health problems, low income, seniors and disabled folks get the short end of the stick, my skin’s tough enough, but some of my neighbors are going through real hell, so getting out of my apt. and hanging around with them, especially the me shutting up and listening part of the visit, will be the best medicine for me today.

My real problem is plain old impatience, a bit too much self importance and of UNTREATED ADHD! whoops, a little more steam puffed out… I’m okay now… honest! If I just follow some of my own advice and meditate some more I’ll be fine. I’ve survived this far, and I actually have been making some progress with the ADHD symptoms.

Guess I need to grow up a little. I sorta want to be like Rick (in this particular video that is) and just show up at the doctors office to give them a good long dose of raspberries! or just email them the last half of this video http://totallyadd.com/immature Thanks for making that Rick. You helped me feel a little more grown up after watching that one. Someone tell Rick he’s awesome for me in case he doesn’t see this, ukay? thanks a bunch.

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[Robbo]

hehe, this was fun to read. I couldn’t sleep so I finally got up a couple hours ago. I think we all have different degrees of how busy our brain gets. That’s one of the bigger symptoms I think. It’s embarrassing when I jump around from subject to subject and keep on going farther and farther out in left field. This whole scatterbrain thing that happens with us is also a problem with lots of people who don’t actually have full on ADHD. with us it’s just more severe. Somedays it takes me 2 or 3 times as long to edit/proofread a post as it does to write it in the first place.

I like french fries, I cook em in olive oil so they’re not so unhealthy. For ADHD people I think it’s normal to think about a bunch of other stuff while doing something sorta boring. It’s hard work but when I try to meditate and give all my attention and interest to what’s directly in front of me it becomes more interesting. I have to practice that tons!, it’s possible to calm my brain down but I’m looking foreword to being able to try getting some help with medication. Then maybe I can develop better mental habits like meditation, and focusing on one thing without hyper-focusing. I’m looking foreword to finding myself somewhere in the middle. Being able to relax will also help me deal with chronic pain better.

The health care I get has some extremely slow moving gears, and I’m so dang fed up with waiting for yet another appointment. Our health care system here in California just plain sucks. In more ways that I have the energy to write about.

I’m too grumpy to edit/proofread, so pardon my typos if I do have a few. I’m not a happy camper this morning. This thread did cheer me up some though.

Happy taters.

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[Robbo]

Great thread! I wish I had more time to read more. Thanks no_dopamine for posting the link to that high five hand. I liked it cuz it was left handed!

I finally got to a stable dosage I can be happy with yesterday at least with the pain and spasm meds. I also solved a severe stomach problem making it possible to avoid more lab work and cancel an appointment with the gastrointerologist. Any time I can get less doctor appointments that’s awesome!.

Thanks for sharing all the great progress you guys. I’ll now go do two load of laundry and have zero dirty clothes in my apartment! That’s a real victory for me.

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[Robbo]

This was tons of fun to read, but at the same time it makes it a little easier to stop working at getting better. Some of these stories brought up some painful memories. Unfortunately there are some things I don’t want to remember.

A couple years ago when I first tried Marinol, That’s synthetic THC pills. It was for chronic pain, so I had to take a very high dosage, extremely bad for an already poor short term memory. I got much much more forgetful. So I came up with tons of different ways to exercise my brain, weird stuff like typing text messages with my phone sideways. Writing with my non-dominant hand, anything that really made me focus, brain sweat. I was in the hospital at the time, so I started writing down every persons name that came into my room. That’s a ton of people!, each one I would assign a native american name for, based on the most obvious things I noticed or just sensed about them, was great when I would be able to call them by name the next time they came in, and I was on tons of other painkillers at the same time. A few years ago I heard that keeping any random thought in my head longer than 30 seconds will help the chemistry of short term memory work better. I got some of the brain exercise ideas from the new Neuroplasticity research, and discovery. The time I spent thinking up Native American names (Dances with Wolves, Stands with a Fist) in the hospital kept me thinking about the subject longer than thirty seconds. The extra time some of us need for the chemistry of memory to happen. Open mindedness is a magical, powerful phenomena.

Do yourself an excellent favor. Look up (run a search) Neuroplasticity. This link’s pretty good, http://memoryzine.com/2010/07/02/introduction-to-neuroplasticity/ Some of you guys know I got hit by a truck about 15 years ago, I had a helmet on, and up until a few months ago I didn’t think I had any kind of brain injury. That’s because they didn’t do much testing for me. I probably have a very high IQ, I think way different. So when they asked me about my memory after the accident I honestly could not tell if my memory was affected because I had always been very forgetful, real bad. So I spent the next 15 years not knowing I actually did have a brain injury, a very minor one. I was still able to figure things out relatively quickly, like my first computer… even after going back to smoking pot after about 9 years complete abstinence, it does actually work for Neuropathic pain. So during the ADHD testing process I found out being knocked out at all, and not remembering what happened directly after was a textbook definition of brain injury/concussion. I don’t remember the first 10 days after that accident. This new insight encouraged me to work even harder on the Neuroplasticity. It applies to stroke survivors, TBI, Alziemers, (dang, spell check can’t figure out what I’m trying to spell, Altzeimers?) and of course it applies to ADD forgetfulness. I’m kind-of stubborn about accepting my own limitations. There’s always a new way to get stuff done. That’s how I’ve survived becoming a wheelchair user at the age of 31, without ending up in a psyche ward. I always carry tongs with me in my power chair cuz when my butterfingers let go of something, I can’t still reach the ground without tongs. The power chair makes me about 8 or 10 inches taller than when I’m in the manual wheelchair.

I realize this thread is mostly for fun and self acceptance. That’s how it has served me for sure. But I like feeling grateful when I grow past what sometimes turns out to be self imposed limitations. It’s true, we have a real disability. Our brains are wired different. But without conforming to anyone else’s idea of “normal” we have to give ourselves freedom to reach almost any goal we set our minds to. Maybe the trick is knowing when we’ve done our absolute best. When to be satisfied and spend our energies on more productive goals, When to just take a break, and let out subconscious work out a problem. Many times a solution to a problem I took a break from just pops into my head. The same way I suddenly find something I lost when I quit looking for it, or suddenly remember something important I forgot. I got lucky, I have an open mind about faith.

I have to have faith in that subconscious part of my brain. Some Christians call this the Holy Spirit, I’m not sure labels matter as much as faith in whatever it is that’s helping us. For me it’s God, and I don’t have to understand God to be helped. Just trust.

I don’t want to stop the fun here, but I have a strong desire to bring a new perspective into things. There’s got to be some kind of balance between not being too hard on me, and also not letting myself become too flippant about important things. I wonder if I’ll ever find that balance. I won’t make it too urgent. I know that will help.

It was fun reading all these stories the second time this morning. One cool thing about being forgetful is being able to enjoy movies several times cuz we miss a large part of the story being distracted by fireflies, n smells, n daydreaming… :o)

I’m here because ADHD has caused me some real pain. All kinds of pain, especially the guilt kind. Thanks for helping me give myself a break as I recover.

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[Robbo]

Wow, it’s a strange combination of terror, bewilderment, and laughter reading these and being reminded of so many SERIOUSLY Traumatic things that have happened to me n the people in my life. My neighbor and her care-giver are both like us, I was so happy when I finally got the ADD & Loving it DVD that I couldn’t wait to bring it over and share it with them. Of course when I finally got around to it I couldn’t find it. Searched my apartment for almost 40 dang minutes, gave up cuz I know every time I loose something as soon as I stop looking for it, it just pops up right it front of my face. So I call, tell her, of course she understand n I go visit a while. Within 5 minutes of getting home I glanced over on top of the TV where I suspected I left it. Of course it was there. Accept it somehow slid back and was just barely hanging over the edge of the back of the TV, I donated 70 freaking bucks for that thing to PBS! grrrrr Do you guys sometimes become blinded by the trauma of loosing something important? like it gives us a case of the stupids or something? I remember the ones that make me nut up the most. I’ve filled my place with smoke a couple times. That’s not good when you live alone. Is over reacting part of the scenario for you guys also? I used to do that much more. Reading all this is doing a great job of keeping me from going back into denial about the our little problem. (Our big busy ADD brain)

I’m starting to wonder about trying a lower dosage of the marinol. (synthetic THC) I used to be convinced that the THC from pot was the reason I was so forgetful. It’s common knowlenge that pot smoking damages short term memory. But I’m wondering how many people here are willing to talk about how much pot they have smoked in the past or do smoke now. All the medication I take destroys my stomach and I almost never have an appetite, the marinol erases my stomach problems, probably because I can take much less of the opiates, maybe that’s what’s killing my apetite. Unfortunately like everything it comes with side affect…I was always forgetful way before I ever smoked weed. I won’t go back to smoking pot, that hurts me too much spiritually, I get disconnected from God, to me that’s The Most important part of my recovery, recovery from everything, life with ADHD mainly. But I’m wondering about going back to the Marinol at a lower dosage because it makes a huge difference with how well the pain medication I take works. The chronic pain from my SCI is extremely distracting, some days I feel like I may go into shock, seriously. It’s a puzzle I’ve been fighting to solve for more years than I want to think about. The biggest problem with all medications is the fact that I seem to build up a tolerance to just about everything. I’m worried that I’ll build up a tolerance to the Ritalin if I get put on a higher dosage today. It feels like an impossible puzzle to solve. And they just changed the doctors at the mental health care part of my GP’s office. So now I may have to start over with a different psychiatrist. MORE HOOPS to hop through! Maybe there should be another thread about all the ridiculous fears we have…

What a mess. I would give anything to just quit all the dang pills. Even the vitamins, Fish Oil, B-12, Gingko Biloba…. And TUMS, they taste good at least but I’m fed up with keeping track of all the different dang medications.

Thanks for giving me some great laughs this morning. I just remembered I have to call my GP doctor! so I’m gonna go do that. Cool huh? I have to call on monday morning to see this one cuz he’s the main guy at his practice, so it’s first come first serve on mondays and they only make appointments 2 weeks out. Sucks huh? Maybe they’re just doing that to me because I’ve been late and rescheduled so many times. I just thought about that…

Do you guys imagine conspiracies against you and feel like you may be paranoid sometimes?

What a Crap ass mess…. Ack!

Sorry, have a great day you guys.

Whelp, instead of editing/proofreading, I stopped and made the call to see my GP doc. couldn’t get an appointment but at least he’s gonna call me. I found out it wasn’t just me being picked on because I’ve been late n rescheduled so many times.

I’m in that short window of time when the ritalin is in my system and I feel less scrambled, it’s just now starting to really mellow me out. It’s so freaking weird that such a small pill can make me un-crazy. Centered. Almost like it’s too good to be true. And I don’t feel “high” that’s not how I want to feel. I want to feel connected with the rest of the world. And God as I understand him. If any of you guys are into prayer, say one for me about getting the right combination of medications today. To me, God hears us when we’re hoping for something good to happen. That’s a prayer. He know’s my heart, all of our hearts. And he gives us complete freedom, that’s why bad stuff happens to good people. Some of us take that freedom and do awful things with it.

I’m gonna go get some stuff done while I’ve got some initiative… First and foremost, meditate.

I forget to keep stuff short… Anyone noticed that about me? LOL

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[Robbo]

I forgot.

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[Robbo]

Actually that was sorta satisfying to write. People always tell me how refreshing it is to see someone in a wheelchair with a positive attitude, and the truth is my attitude truly is positive a large portion of the time. I just need to plug myself back into the God that created me and remember that the pursuit of happiness is not exactly the way I’ve been living most of my life. It’s been the pursuit of selfish indulgence and pleasure. Beautiful women, and making my own body look better, stronger, tougher. Live hard work hard play hard. And movies like Point Break, are the only way to live.

The happiest times in my life have been days when I can mellow out enough to genuinely care enough about someone else to sit down, shut up and listen. Actually go 30 minutes without interrupting someone and see them get helped just by me truly caring on the inside about how the other person feels.

Maybe I’m really here just to recover from being a self centered SOB, and I am lazy stupid and crazy. I’m sure to find out eventually.

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[Robbo]

I think I may have done that a few times, I wish I could remember, or be able to navigate around this site well enough to keep track of all the different subjects and personalities.

Maybe because a lot of the problems that get talked about here are problems we all have in common, even if it was talked about many months ago, it’s still relevant, at least in my mind. I don’t like to admit it but it could also just be my impulsive habit of injecting my opinion for no other reason than because I think it may help people at some point in the future. I’m alone way too much and sometimes it just feels good to have something I’m interested in talking about, to just participate.

I used to hang out at a disability web site a lot, for more than 10 years. We got a few Impostors; Seriously, people who were not disabled but studied the disabled people and got some kind of freaky pleasure out of pretending to be one of us. It sucks a lot but the Internet is full of freaky people who make up new identities for themselves. There are a lot of truly insane people in the world, not locked up, free to roam cyberspace and live in their own strange fantasy world. I feel like it’s risky getting involved in any Internet community, it was difficult for me to get involved here. I traded a few emails with the folks that run this site at first, mainly because the first time I took the test it didn’t actually work past the first 9 questions, then I struggled with the registration process and Jimi had to email me and sortof walk me through the process of actually loggin in and setting up a user name and password. But I’m not here just to pass the time. I’m hoping to actually accomplish something here. My motives are mostly selfish if I’m totally honest. I want to get better at recovering from ADHD. Hopefully at some point I’ll start making some real progress in my life and have some success to share about here.

For now I’m getting some kind of social interaction that I don’t get in real life. I have been very much a lone wolf for a lot of my life. I’m 47 and still haven’t been married. Engaged one time, but I’ve wasted a lot of my life in pursuit of fun, on a course of self centered fear, just covering up like a dog that had been beaten too much (thanks to Bruce Springstein for that lyric). I’ve also spent a whole lot of my energies working on self help pop psychology’s, and an endless pursuit of trying to answer the big questions about spirituality. I’ve had great difficulty keeping meaningful friendships, and I would have to take my shoes off to count all the failed romantic relationships I’ve been through. (more than ten…) Now imagine me counting them with my fingers and a few toes, forgetting and restarting, asking the person next to me if they have a pen…. It’s possible that the ADHD has severely slowed down my ability to cope with the spinal cord injury. “medical marijuana” ate up more than half of the last 15 years. and 9 years before that I my relationship with pot and alcohol came to an abrupt halt when I became a Dad. I had spent the last 3 years of high school as a misfit total pot head party animal, and made it to age 23 when I knew I was turning into my dad and threw away the booze and pot. My 47 short years on this planet have been difficult and awkward. Yet I’ve been one arrogant SOB according to one IQ test that I didn’t even bother to read the directions on I’m 155, but I never believed it! Still don’t I even smoked some weed first.

I’ve had more short term friendships and romantic relationships than I think most of the normal people in this world have had. But I’m so out in left field that I don’t actually know how to define “normal”. Maybe there is no normal. And ADHD recovery is yet another way for me to try to find a place where I fit in this uncomfortable world. It’s ironic to the extreme that I still sometimes (especially on this thread) start to slide back into denial about actually having the ADHD to begin with. Maybe I’m to far below middle class to be allowed to participate in a world where it seems like most people have access to better health care than I do.

The most memorable part of that ADD and Loving It DVD was the part when Kate Kelly (I think) said “the person with ADD is truly at a loss in life” or something like that. And that’s how I felt long before I ended up being forced to sit down for the rest of my life. Nobody wants to hear about that. It’s too dang intense for most people. Especially with all the extra problems non disabled people never even find out about. I truly am at a loss for the words to describe what it’s like to try to keep up in this world where I just don’t fit. The things I love the most, Surfing, mountain biking, hiking, and of course riding my motorcycle are over with. Done. Not to mention the fact that many of the romantic relationships I’ve been in were all consuming and completely took all my energies to participate in. I’m an athlete, used to be a body builder woman chaser, and adrenaline junkie. Now I can’t seem to be able to force myself to overcome yet another obstacle in the way of my pursuit of happiness.

I used to feel like I had the world by the balls, but it got ripped violently away 15 years ago. I’ve never really been allowed to say this and feel like anyone truly gives a crap. All I ever get is told what a freakin “inspiration” I am so I have to go along with that label and perform. Act. Pretend. Put on a happy face and clown around as if every day is the another day in paradise.

I type about 3 or 4 times as much as I actually post on this site. I end up editing out most of irrelevant, out in left field crap that bores the heck out of just about any normal human being. I’m even at a loss as to how to end this post.

My sense of humor has run out of gas, but I don’t want to go back to just staring at basic cable crap reruns, or surfing the net alone in my apartment by myself one more freakin night. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, hopefully I’ll be able to start taking more than 5 dang milligrams of Ritalin in the morning and get on with living my life with some enthusiasm and real gusto.

I’d rather be charging down a 50 foot face of sea on my longboard with a mountain of white water chasing me like a flaming dragon out for my blood. I want to be racing through the Santa Cruz Mountains in the CRX I used to drive scaring myself so badly that the adrenaline made my tongue go numb!

Welp, I guess I’m done ranting. I’ve spent most of the last 15 years looking for ways to outrun the physical and mental pain and easily finding countless ways to see the bright side, but some days the bright site is just not there. It’s only 6:00 pm and it’s already cold and dark outside. The only cold and dark I like is when a gnarly wipe out pushes me so deep into the ocean that the only way I know how deep I am, and how long I’m gonna have to hold my breath is by how dark the water around me gets. THAT’S LIVING

THIS IS NOT

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[Robbo]

Ignorance is the worst kind of disability, IMHO. But like any other disability, it can be helped, recovered from, or at least tolerated.

I use a wheelchair, can’t walk, but I’m just a paraplegic, I’m paralyzed from my sternum down. That means I gotta do most things with one hand while I hold myself up with the other because my abdominal and back muscles don’t work. But the truth is, the symptoms of ADHD have probably caused me and the people in my life more grief than even the chronic pain that comes with the spinal cord injury. (got hit by a truck 15 yrs ago, I was on a bike, stopped at a red stop light, the truck hit me from behind. I had a helmet on fortunately) Rag-doll flying through that, air sorta thing.

I like it when people make a point to say “PERSON with a disability” because I’m a person first. The focus is not on being different, apart from, or even “special”. I have different needs. My biggest problem is probably my Ego, but I keep growing and changing. I’ve know some people who had such a huge ego that I’m sure it could have been considered a disability. They sure were freakin miserable!

As for my physical disability. Well, mostly I have more compassion for short people now that I’m no longer 5’11” (get it? that’s a little [short] joke) I carry a pair of tongs with me so I can reach stuff on the top shelf at the grocery story. No problem!

Maybe the problem with ADHD is all the other factors and impairments as well as actual character flaws that are intermixed with the ADHD symptoms. So there’s a freakin ton of grey area. Some of us are extremely high functioning. Some, not so much. I have to take thyroid medication and depression medication as well. I tend to always want to clown around. The little old ladies in my neighborhood don’t complain even though sometimes I probably make them pee a little. It’s better than being lonely.

I think it’s important to realize especially nowadays more than ever, that because of the level of toxins in the air, water, food chain, education system, family systems, and cultural extremeties, WE are all getting more and more different, and CRAZY. Possible because when we were still growing in our mothers womb, our moms smoked, they smoked car exhaust, tobacco, pot, some drank just a little bit, others took Valium! we got stuff like DDT from the breast milk, and lot’s of other mysterious chemical toxins. And then, some parents smacked us around and gave us countless brain injuries… etc. etc. So much that we can’t possibly all agree on what the truth is about how anyone else experiences life. So love and tolerate we must, that is, if happy it is that we would like to be. As for me, I choose to love and tolerate people as they are. And when I can’t do that, I do like I did when I was 4. I grab a pillow, a blanket, and go hide! and Sleep. My poor mom used to just NUT UP! looking for me. Can you imagine?

People are complex creatures. Over-stimulated by mass media, the information superhighway, endless advertisement, reality, and reality shows that have been edited by TV producers to such an extreme that they miss-represent the so called “real” people (housewives, GIANT FAMILIES, etc.) to the point that there is no distinct reality, just freaky people judging others based on impossible idealistic standards that no human being can ever meet.

I’m satisfied being happy more often than being right. And it’s okay with me if people want to think I’m wrong. Everyone is entitled to make mistakes! hehe. Hopefully, they are gifted with a sense of humor. I hope that a lot, cuz I’m writing all this just for the fun of it!

One time I thought I was wrong, but I realized I was mistaken. Get it? Ya see, there is a difference between being wrong, and making a mistake. And that ain’t no joke!

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[Robbo]

A sense of humor is a wonderful thing to have. Especially when I realize I was the ass who gave unwanted/inaccurate advice, and later on found out I was wrong but had no way to undo my mistake.

Making huge mistakes sucks a lot, but somehow I have to find a way to just learn, forgive myself, and do better next time. Maybe it pisses me off when people screw up cuz it’s the same kind of screw ups that I get angry with myself about.

Sometimes I think the Ritalin, and Wellbutrin is like magic self restraint potion. Especially when I’m trying not to interrupt…

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[Robbo]

What a crappy thing to have in common. Most of my life I never liked scary movies. Strong smells, loud people aggravate me to the extreme. I carry earplugs. As I’ve gotten older, and able to know scary movies are not real. I laugh my butt off at the freaky imagination of people like Steven King. Crazy people are funny. That’s why some people like us!

Maybe I’m jumpy cuz I’m so dang accident prone. Like some part of me is terrified about the next impending disaster… I probably drop things because I’m distracted by the fear of dropping things. Just last night I was watching some TV show, and a dad handed his 4 or 5 hour old newborn baby to his 13 year old son who was standing up!. I was almost horrified at the fear he would suddenly trip and drop the baby!

Babies are not footballs!!! Don’t fumble!!

Hey! watch out, it’s your shadow!

It’s fun to make kids laugh by saying don’t laugh, huh? it was torture when my older brothers n sisters did that to me. The horrors of being bashful…

Boring we are not! :o) Imagine life without a sense of humor?

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[Robbo]

Right on, thanks billd.

I remember that story in the Bible, didn’t want to look it up to remember exactly what it said but ya did make me appreciate one of the best ways to get/give advice. A question!. That made me think. I’m pretty sure the risk taker did best. The one who buried his coin didn’t. Risk is always good, for a bunch of reasons.

What ya said’s very encouraging. All the regret we sometimes get caught up in can keep us from going out and taking the risks that eventually end up paying off in huge ways, not always for ourselves. Like the way all the crazy mistakes n trouble my older brothers n sisters had, helped me learn what not to do. Or better yet, how to not get caught! hehe. Plus my parents were just too worn out from them to have much energy to keep an eye on me. (I probably wore em out myself) I used to joke around with people about how my parents fell way short in so many ways in the “good parents” department, didn’t care about my grades, never got around to signing permission slips etc, they were a source of extreme embarrassment for me growing up. As if my hypersensitive heart didn’t have anything to do with it right?. People would ask “how could your parents do that to you?” (I’ll save ya the details) and I’d say, “they just don’t love me very much”. On the outside I let people think it was just a crude joke, but inside, that’s how I really felt. It wasn’t true. Nothing worse than feeling like people pity me, especially when you see it in their eyes… So I quit complaining about my childhood and wasting too much money on therapy a very long time ago. Forgiveness is way underrated. I’ve done a very good job with keeping hate out of my head, and vocabulary. I’m grateful bout that. Truthfully, it’s just too painful (hate). Revenge belongs to the Lord. It’s okay with me (not that you need my permission), for you to hate all ya like. I can’t tell what it feels like inside you so it may be a little deal. I hope your job doesn’t suck tons. Sometimes people are just so freaking annoying!. The feeling that people and their stupidity aggravates the heck outa me gives me a comfortable feeling of superiority. Sin feels good sometimes. We’re all sinners. I don’t see that as a bad word, it’s just honest. I watched a show about Martin Luther, (the 16th century one) last night on PBS. I sure am grateful I wasn’t born and raised catholic. I used to go to a church when I was pre-teen just to get away from my family… didn’t learn much. I know there’s a God, and he loves me, I learned that much later, I’m safely going to heaven by Grace, and faith. And because I forgive. Being happy now is the tricky thing.

It helped me a lot to read what you said about all the regrets, I’ve been living on my couch tons the last week or so regretting all the other winters I did the same thing, at least I got outa bed!. Regrets are a sure sign that we’re being honest with ourselves. And have some measure of humility.

I used to think I had seasonal depression. (S.A.D.) I’ve got lot’s of lights for when the sun goes down, they don’t help if my eyes are closed!. This year I’ve realized it’s just Seasonal Slowdown non-disorder. I just seem depressed, it’s more true to say that I just have much less energy this time of year. I’m sure that hanging out at this site has helped me with a much better level of self acceptance. Not fun, but I’m making progress finding out my place in the world, I think… I joke around about being a writer, but how do I take a goal like that seriously when the whole dang world is full of writers. That’s the reason the Internet was invented in the first place; For educated scholars to share articles and scientific pontifications. Physics, like a few others here, I define physics as a series of observations that disprove previous observations. My faith is based on observations… another word for experience. I think I’m right though! To this day I’m positive God has never gotten me a parking place when I really wanted/needed one though, that’s silly. Getting hit by a truck sure helped though! lol. Accept for the the fact that I haven’t renewed my disabled parking spot placard for about 5 years… duh! For a while I sorta thought God caused me to become disabled because I had stopped meditating, keeping close contact, and trying to be of service in my own freaky ways, so he nailed me with that 16 year old in a pick up truck to bring me back into the fold, what a crock!. I do think God wants us to love him like he loves us, but my big problem is figuring out all the Why’s! I finally quit trying to figure out God. I do want to learn as much more as I can about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit as possible. But how to do that has become so much more work over the years that I finally had to just give myself a break and trust God, period. Learning more about my spirituality is sorta automatic nowadays. As I see it, it’s all spiritual. Maybe we’re in THE MATRIX! or something similar…all we truly own is the freedom over our own mind… and keeping that freedom is the riddle of our existence. What an understatement, huh?, we just need to get a grip on that remote!

There is no spoon…

You have what sounds like a great life billd, especially the shop part. I cried when I sold my skillsaw, after I finally admitted I was to paralyzed to use it, can’t let go of my surfboard though. It’s fun to imagine what your shop looks like, all the glorious power tools, lot’s of cool hand tools, lot’s of exotic wood. My dremmel tool is one of my favorites. It’s a power hand tool, the best of both worlds. And your wife probably lets you hyper-focus on making stuff perfect. One of my best friends didn’t get married until he was 46, he gives me hope. I’ve got ta find a wife like Patrick Mchenna’s, or one with the same patience. All my prospects have ended up wanting to really hurt me. BAD, they got mean man! So good job on holding on to your wife too. That’s a real accomplishment for an ADD man. JMHO. I hope you let her know how much you appreciate her. Sneak up behind her and surprise here with flowers and a big smooch for no reason once in a while. Just for fun.

Peace.

PS, I almost apologized for writing too much… I’M NOT SORRY!

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[Robbo]

Wow great stuff you guys, sounds like life can be a thrilling success regardless of how each of us is affected by our particular flavor of ADHD, It’s a fact that while we have a very general set of predictable and diagnosable characteristics. We’re still individuals. As many perspectives as there are posts by each and every one of us.

So I guess it’s okay for me to want to be “remarkable” or special after all. As long as I don’t have a strong desire to be apart from. That’s where I start running into problems. Loneliness, that may be the one result of ADHD that all camps have a problem with. We’re different, so we don’t always fit in. I’m still having a hard time feeling like I fit in here. Maybe because I want more feedback than I’m getting. I’d like to know if I actually do help anyone while I’m here writing…. I wonder if I’m just wasting my time. I’ve been lurking around the net looking for other sources of ADHD information. Not finding much positive. I insist that it’s possible to turn anything into positive. A pile of horse shit is always a clue that somewhere close there may be a horse I can ride and have a great day exploring the countryside. Others. Well, if all they see is flies then I guess I have to just tolerate that they don’t see like I see. They may not ever. But I choose to think that since other people have been able to change my perspective, just by sharing theirs. I may indeed find a way to help them change theirs, in a positive way hopefully.

Define positive though? Sometimes my habit of suddenly turning into a pessimist reveals the truth. And sometimes the truth can’t be changed no matter how my perspective affects how I see it. ADHD is probably a disability as far as I have learned. It’s what we do with it that matters, that’s what I see everyone commenting about. I’m a spiritual being inside a human body a human brain. So regardless of the body, I’m at some kind of disadvantage as long as I focus on my body and my mind, my thinking, my attitude.

Maybe that’s why meditation is not only a good solution for ADHD, but almost every other human problem I’ve come up against in my life. I have extremely awful chronic pain. Run a search on “Central Pain” or “Neuropathic pain”, it’s that, it’s HELL. I’ve had better success with meditation than any medication treating this burning stinging pain. But I still have to take chemicals. Accepting the fact that I have yet to accept one more medication is really pissing me off. that’s why I keep drifting back into denial about ADHD. A few minutes here cures that in a heartbeat fortunately. I just want to encourage you guys to investigate and really put some serious time and effort into meditation for recovery from this ADHD can of worms and I promise you won’t regret it.

It’s not popular to talk about God, spirituality, and especially Christianity on the net, or anywhere nowadays, but I have to be honest. My spiritual condition and keeping it on the top of my priorities has helped me survive as long as I have. I’m a Christian, and grateful I found out the source of the tons of philosophy I’ve studied over the years. The Bible. Perspective and interpretation is everything. That’s why I won’t get into any particular doctrine. It’s about what we do, not what we say. All I can do here is report what I do. The ADHD worms have been the largest obstacle that I somehow always knew was there, but didn’t know it had a name. Now that I’m here, and deep into recovery from this, I’m hoping that what works for me will start working for some other folks as well. That’s spirituality. Meditation is where it started with me.

It’s for sure that what has worked for you guys has helped me in life, not just with the “worms”. (I’m much happier calling ADHD “worms” for some reason”) Early in puberty, I first heard that Pink Floyd album “The Wall” and I would listen to it endlessly at night as never being able to sleep has always been normal for me. The “worms” in the lyrics of some of the Pink Floyd songs are actually about how ADHD affected how I experienced my childhood, and the trauma’s that life throws at us all.

It’s 6::26 AM, and I’m grateful that I don’t have a dang job to show up for tomorrow. My life would be quite a bit more comfortable if I had some kind of job, paid or not to show up for; but for now my job seems to be figuring out what my next place in the world will be, I’ve had a couple good careers so far, and a very amateur attempt at web design that never actually amounted to anything. Anyone got suggestions?

Maybe I’ll become a writer! (funny huh?) Everyone on the Internet is a writer!

Love n peace gang, hope yer day goes well today.

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[Robbo]

Thanks billd, yep, just a lil pressure release valve. I forgot to get the dang cookies! got some ice cream instead. Just getting outa the house helps, even if it’s cold outside. I ran into a friend who was having an actual real bad day, real problems. So just listening to someone else vent a little put my perspective back in shape.

We could have much worse problems, watch the news much lately? Some days I actually have to take a break from the news, but when I do watch, especially the middle east stuff I see there’s a whole lot of people suffering around this globe we live on. I do much better when my mind is on thinking about being useful to someone else even if it’s just listening. That’s the coolest thing about even just a small dose of ritalin and very small doses of coffee. I can shut up n listen much easier. People suffer from so many different kinds of problems this time of year. All they really need is someone to listen.

I got all but three bills paid today on time, and the last three I can just pay on the phone tomorrow. So that’s 2 medium sized “piles” I tackled, and filled a grocery bag with junk mail scraps n adds. Sometimes I can’t bring myself to face the dang mailbox. My big victory today was finding and paying one credit card bill that was due tomorrow, and no charge to pay it on the phone, AND talk to a human being instead of another annoying automated computer system. One credit card bill was 29 cents! I told that lady that I just didn’t want to write a check for that much, she laughed.

I don’t have absolutely every symptom. I just kinda overreact when I’ve got something like 92% of the symptoms for the combined sub type. It freaks me out being so dang predictable. It’s cool feeling like I’m understood though. I can go for very long periods of time never feeling like anyone in my life truly understands my struggles.

Ever wonder if your car insurance people are somehow getting this information? I kinda like to poke fun at my paranoid fraydee cat brain. I’m not sure I’d want to sell car insurance to someone with really bad ADHD symptoms. I’ve used some fun names on the internet. Marblehead was one of my favorites.

I’ve got tons and tons of writing stretched out on three computers, and a bunch of disks. I can see progress when I go back about 5 years n see what I was struggling with. I have higher quality problems now. I remember hearing someone say that at some support group a bunch of years ago, It’s funny looking at myself say the same thing. Five years ago I didn’t know or care what my credit score was. Now I want to brag!

I wonder if you would want your wife to read some of the stuff on this site Tea? She might get a kick out of some of us. It’s a quirky kind of funny around here.

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[Robbo]

Ack!! crap, I feel like that poor little pig, and now I want to go to the store to get some cookies. I was supposed to go get some milk over an hour ago… Protein in the morning right?

I’ve been here maybe a couple months and I finally read all of my personal symptom inventory, I just haven’t wanted to face it. I’ve accepted this over and over, only to somehow go back into denial…

Some days this is truly a living freaking hell. Imagine sitting for the rest of your freaking life!. Within 2 months of becoming a paraplegic, I got an all terrain (off road) wheelchair.) a couple weeks later I broke the front linkage racing down a big hill with deep rutts in it from a rainstorm. All I ever do is struggle it seems. Some days I just run out of sense of humor.

I sorta wish I didn’t finally read all of the results from the virtual test. I got like every freakin symptom. How is it possible that I’ve made it to 47 (holy crap, I forgot, Christmas was my birthday for a second there, almost wrote 46…) how is it possible that I’ve lived 47 years and not gone completely insane or become a dang criminal?

Grace, that’s how. Pure Grace. I’m sure there is a God. I’m not here to preach but I wonder how anyone survives this life without some kind of spiritual help. Sure we’re smart. But mostly we’re lucky. Maybe it’s a matter of perspective. I don’t really believe in luck. We create out own luck by not giving up. EVER!

My brain just went blank… guess I need to go get that milk n cookies, N some healthy food especially. My attitude will get better when I get done weaning off the prozac and up to the right dosage of ritalin. Waiting is the hard part. Taking pills is better than feeling like I’m gonna dissolve in the endless pit of my own stinging anger.

I wrote “get gratitude” on my pants a couple weeks ago. Staying positive is hard work. Hope you guys don’t mind me venting. That pig trying to get the cookies reminds me of my every freaking waking moment! (I like to exaggerate) The pig should have butter all over it’s fingers though, huh? It doesn’t give up easy though does it? It should end better, we always figure out a way to fix the messes we make for ourselves huh?. We do always get that dang cookie. One way or another. becoming disabled has turned me into an inventor. I just wish I could spell without spell check.

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