[allan wallace]

😆 Heh, so it’s not just me then?

I’ve been avoiding any contact with my dad in Scotland too. I was about a month late in sending him a birthday card (his birthday is in July) and I swore that I’d send it at the end of August along with a letter…I still haven’t done it with October looming. I feel bad about it, and don’t know if there’s any point in sending a card at all, because by the time I get around to it his next birthday will be rolling in. So far I’ve blamed being unwell with the flu, my kids holding me up with their letters, external issues with the demands of modern life, and even my poor long-suffering wife for delaying me. I’ve hardly had any contact with him throughout my life, and I’ve sort of justified it to myself with thoughts like’ well you bastard, I never heard from you for years, so you can wait until I get around to it and have no right to be grumpy etc’….that’s not cool.

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[allan wallace]

Yes, it would be interesting to see the stats on that. I only know failure, but wonder if it is possible to divorce myself from mediocrity if I can understand what ADHD is, and how it impacts upon me. Further, if that impact can not only be reduced, but perhaps even eliminated, and the almost unthinkable notion of making the transition from ‘loser’ to ‘winner’! ‘Pie in the sky’, another false dawn, or a part of the metamorphisis? Where on the scale do you sit kc5jck?

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[allan wallace]

It’s great to see that some of you that are ADHD are successful, but I cannot relate to the notion of being ‘successful’, or even ‘effective’, for I’m more familiar with abject failure. I have a self-assurance that defies logic for I am a bona fide loser! I asked in another thread (can’t remember which one) what the so-called strengths, or benefits of ADHD are, for I can only really perceive this afliction as a curse…

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[allan wallace]

Hmmm, so does that mean if a topic has been clicked onto favourites that I t will pop up on the computer at any time, or only when on this forum? I apologise for my ineptitude. Using gadgets isn’t a strength of mine, and anyway I’m old. My kids are more computer savvy than I am. I don’t know how to load a youtube song on here either. I just love music. All sorts except rap, jazz, and those vile pop songs by poncy males or boybands. Down here in Oz there’s a bloke ‘Guy Sebastian’ and just the sight of him, never mind his appalling songs give me an urge to smash things. Of course I don’t smash anything, but you get my point, no? Which reminds me, do any of you like any of these songs? In no particular order, they’re my all time top 10!

* ‘Dreamweaver’ by Stevie Wright

* ‘Bright Eyes’ by Art Garfunkel

* ‘Sunday Morning Comin’ Down by Kris Kristofferson

* ‘Blinded by The Light’ by Manfred Mann and His Earth Band

* ‘Love will Tear us Apart’ by Joy Division

* ‘Wish You Were Here’ by Pink Floyd

* ‘Kids’ by MGMT

* ‘Day ‘n’ nite’ by Kid Cudi

* ‘Born Free’ By Matt Wilde (Ithink)

* ‘Comfortably Numb’ by Pink Floyd

* ‘Paranoid’ by ‘Black Sabbath’

Heh, just realised that my top 10 is a top 11, thus a top 11 it is! Bugger it, it’s a top12. I can’t forget Jon and Vangelis ‘Somehow I’ll find my way home’….I reckon that I could do a top 30. So many more songs have just come flooding in: Bob Marley, Johhny Cash, Billy Field….*sigh*….

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[allan wallace]

LOL Yeah, I hear you loud and clear on the last bit! I’ve given my wife a surprise hug or peck and then cringed as the look on her face reminded me that we were supposed to be fighting! I don’t seem able to hold a grudge either, even if I’d like to! I have so much to learn about ADHD. Obviously I think that I know myself quite well, but then again, perhaps I don’t! The only thing in which I have a degree of certainty is that as I’ve aged my ADHD has become worse. I try not to let the obvious depress me too much: it’s not going to ever get any better’. I have clung to the diminishing hope that I’d grow out of this one day’ for too long, and I am still coming to terms with the reality that the best that I can hope for is a degree of understanding of this affliction…

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[allan wallace]

Hmmm, that’s definitely one of the reasons why I seek to avoid responsibility, because I just ‘zone-out’ if somebody is boring me unto death with ‘tedious’ details. I just seem unable to process ‘details’ for they don’t seem to compute with me. Occasionally I’ll grasp something, but I just find over-elaboration to be a form of cruel and unusual punishment…thankfully the patient didn’t need a death certificate, eh? While I was reading your post I was envisioning a little cartoony thing like this as the cops began to grill me: ‘Allan, you read the email saying that the fella wasn’t able to to consume peanuts, and yet you gave him a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast, was it an act of malice because he vomitted on your shoes last night? ‘No, of course not I’d stammer beween sobs, I was going to throw those shoes out anyway, and besides a peanut butter sandwich isn’t raw peanuts is it? How the hell could a bloody harmless peanut butter sandwich be a precursor to a Priest administering The Last Rites? Why wasn’t the lid of the jar emblazoned with a warning or something? If you wanna blame somebody, start there…’

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[allan wallace]

Meh, ignore that garbage. We’re as in love as we were the night that we met! Well, kind of. We’ve hugged, kissed, and made up! I also apologised for saying mean things, even though it was her that asked for a candid conversation…I must learn to not be so tactless. I’ve been making it up to her by being very affectionate and loving, and I’m going to get off the ‘puter right now and spend some time with her instead of having a game or 20 of kamikaze internet scrabble…

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[allan wallace]

Okay, I’ll ask a stupid question: ‘What does ‘favourites’ mean?

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[allan wallace]

Thanks! We’re going great at the moment lol! It’s a rollercoaster this thing called life, and storms in teacups are forgotten the moment we have a hug . She can’t ever accuse me of being too boring. Better off having some rainbow icecream instead of boring old bland vanilla, eh? As i’ve said, I’m just coming to terms with my diagnosis now (it was diagnosed 5 years ago). Yep, it takes me a while to get around to things…do any of you love watching clouds? I could lose myself for hours indulging in that secret love of mine

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[allan wallace]

Robbo, you’re a blast lol…yep, I am that stupid. I will revert to the sanctuary of my procrastination and have a crack at the av thing some other time. That sounds really hard, and well, I don’t have a good track record in getting things right . I don’t even know if i have any little pic avvy thingy’s in there!

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[allan wallace]

Oh sorry, I forgot. Exciting? It hasn’t seemed exciting to me. Boring really, and I don’t know anything else. I always secretly wished that that I was like the sheepies and felt that deep inner sadness that comes with knowing from a young age that one was somehow different to everybody else.-Some days I feel exhiliration at being able to discern things that elude everybody else, and I can make almost anything somehow amuse me within the vortex that is my mind, and other times I feel desolation at being unable to do the most fundamental things which even kids seem proficient at. Like getting somewhere on time, or able to comfortably converse with people without mob cries for a public lynching

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[allan wallace]

Oh sorry, I forgot. Exciting? It hasn’t seemed exciting to me. Boring really, and I don’t know anything else. I always secretly wished that that I was like the sheepies and felt that deep inner sadness that comes with knowing from a young age that one was somehow different to everybody else.-Some days I feel exhiliration at being able to discern things that elude everybody else, and I can make almost anything some amuse me within the vortex that is my mind, and other times I feel desolation at being unable to do the most fundamental things which even kids seem proficient at. Like getting somewhere on time, or able to comfortably converse with people without mob cries for a public lynching

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[allan wallace]

Yes! Intimacy! I’ve been hammering on about it lately to my wife. We are being close to one another after weeks of stubborn fighting, and nookie hasn’t even entered our minds. Well, it hasn’t crossed my mind anyway. It all started when she said that she was banning me from sex due to my ‘chattering’, and then I thought about and said that I was banning her, and that even if threatened with homicide I wouldn’t capitulate to her guiles! We haven’t had nookie and I but at least we’re not fighting! I can’t be bothered with nookie anyway at the moment, it really is quite boring lol…

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[allan wallace]

Hiya! lol Thanks guys! Well, apart from being my usual loser self at a new temp job, my wife and I are getting along just dandy again…I felt terrible after after being too candid with some remarks a few days ago. I apologised to her and told her how terrible I felt, and that irrespective of how sad or disappointed people get me I feel it so much more acutely. I am going to try and be nice to her all of the time, even when she’s not being particularly nice to me, and so far it has been wonderful!

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[allan wallace]

I don’t really care if others call me a loser, hell, even my relatives look upon me as a loser! I started a fill-in job on a building site on Tuesday as a forklift driver/labourer. On my first day I was 10 minutes late and forgot my helmet, even though I thought that I’d prepared in advance by getting my stuff together the night before, and left 15 minutes early! On my second day I was only 5 mins late, and ripped a finger open after getting it jammed between two pieces of steel. True to form the King of fuck-ups is at it again. I have 2 days to survive, and if I make it home without crashing the forklift, or rendering any further harm to myself I’ll have achieved something…I’ll have to get my finger x-rayed next week to make sure that it’s not broken! Good luck to you other guys, you make me feel better!

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