[allan wallace]

Slacker and fantasist. I’ve never seen the point in striving.

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[allan wallace]

Lazy and Crazy Stupid, eh? *yawn* I just want another cup of tea, and get around to my first of 50 or so games of 3 minute kamikaze internet scrabble! I just wish that they could come up with 1 or 2 min games…even the 3 minute games are beginning to become boring

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[allan wallace]

Oh, I forgot, sorry add22, yes, your situation sounds very similar to my mine. I’ve been married for 15 years, and my wife is beyond exasperated at my inability to be like everybody else. I’m as introverted as she is extroverted, and we’re so unlike one another in so many ways. Almost complete opposites one might suggest, but I acknowledge that I’m the one that has the most ‘issues’, and rather than blaming ADHD I’ve just dodged all culpability thus far. I cringe at the suggestion that life situations might mitigate one’s circumstances, and I’m preparing to deal with myself for possibly the first time. One reaches a certain age and habitual stupidity just can’t be stepped around anymore. I’m talking about myself by the way, so please don’t take umbrage! I’m going to endeavour to do whatever I can to understand myself (and my condition) more, not so that I can assign blame to a disorder, but that I might learn how to become the man, husband and father that I’m capable of being, instead of the self-destructive recidivist self-saboteur that I’ve been for way too long! I hope that you are able to navigate your way through your circumstances to a happier place. I’m just beginning that trip myself….

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[allan wallace]

Tiddler, you’re a hoot and your posts make me chuckle. Interesting how you find that you’re calm in a crisis, even if you’re the cause of it! That resonates with me for it’s probably when I’m at my most rational when all hell is breaking loose around me! It is quite eerie how I find that i’m not just calm, but very calm, when utter pandemonium is erupting around me!

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[allan wallace]

Hmmm, work, eh? I’m unemployed at the moment-again-and I just don’t seem able to hold a job down. I’ve had a history of having an attitude of ‘insubordination’ and generally don’t work well under dictatorial or bomabstic types, but when I’ve had a decent boss who is reasonable I have worked quite well. I get bored so quickly and usually find it difficult to get to work on time, and often took ‘sickies’. I’ve had all types of jobs and have detested all of them. I’ve never had a promotion, and 2 years is the longest that I’ve ever stuck a job out for. I have secretly wished that I could be like everybody else and just ‘got on with it’ when in the clutches of a gulag, but cannot abide the way workplaces operate. The brown-nosing and backstabbing which has pervaded every place that I’ve worked at has sickened me, and I wonder if a job even exists where I could just do what I had to do without all of that unnecessary bullshit…

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[allan wallace]

Fantastic stuff! I’m so glad that I was directed here ….I too am a loner, and dread social events. I loathe the terms ‘mingling’, or ‘networking’ *shudder*….I used to just get blind drunk to avoid having to talk to people, and when I discovered alternatives to booze I preferred the dark loud techno clubs where I could just dance and be lost in the music! The banal chatter of bores induces nausea, and sadly my lack of social skills saw me in too many unpleasant situations. Fights because of irritation, or offence given to strangers. I just seemed unable to to tune into the humdrum crap, and learnt to be self-sufficient. As I went to a zillion different schools as a kid I learnt how to fight so even though I stood out and was usually a pariah I didn’t get pushed around because I could fight pretty well . I used to get a kick out of smacking bullies around. A skinny weird blonde kid that loved books beating up the loud mouthed troglodyte was always something of a shock to the onlookers that somehow must have felt cheated. Like seing the Christian kick the crap out of a Lion at the Colosseum or something….but yes, the term ‘loner’ has become polluted as whenever there is a particularly heinous serial-killer, or random act of madness, there is always the condescending reference to the the ‘misfit’ as being a loner….little wonder that those who shun the security of the woollen herd are regarded with more than just a hint of wary suspiscion, eh? 🙄

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[allan wallace]

Opps, sorry, I inadvertently hit the wrong key…

When I was 30 I recognised that unless some discipline came into my life I’d be dead, so I sincerely asked God to do something with me. I hoped that he would change me and give me some stability, but all that I encountered were dull hypocritical bores that were quick to judge and condemn. Of all the years of attending the full spectrum of churches I’ve met less than a dozen people who seem to live by the principles that they preach. I am just starting to go again, but as I have an inherent distrust of people I expect that I’ll be disappointed again, as I am reluctant to get to know people too well. I invariably offend people just by speaking my mind, and I find it impossible to pretend to like people if they are annoying, or boring me unto death. Yet, I shall continue with church as I hope that it can become a meaningful part of my life…

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[allan wallace]

Hmmm, very interesting. I’ve always had a fascination for religion and spirituality. Ever since I was a tike. I hope that any of you catholics didn’t go to the Cathedral in East Geelong in the 70’s because I used to piss in the holy water bowl… I said 6 Hail Mary’s and I’m now forgiven 😆

I realised whilst at school that I wasn’t interested in a career and preferred to read books on philosophy etc. but when I was 30

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[allan wallace]

G’day Jules, I’m currently in the Mecca for clipboard clutchers, Canberra *shudder*, but have lived in Victoria, West Australia, and spent 3 years in the Antarctic Purgatory of Tasmania….still restless, and not sure of where I want to be. Wherever I go there I am 😆

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[allan wallace]

Losing stuff has always been a problem for me, so the easiest way to not lose things was to not have them. I got sick of losing watches, so I just stopped wearing them when I was about 20. I haven’t been so bad at losing keys lately, but I did go a long time without carrying any about with me. I haven’t replaced my last mobile phone which I lost after having for a few days. I’d previously lost the charger for it, but kept the phone until I got around to getting a new charger, I had it in a drawer for over 6 months, but it only took 2 days to lose the bloody thing and I never got the photos off it which is why I kept it in the first place. I keep things to a minimum, but as I’ve finally decided to come to terms with my condition I’m hopeful of being able to for the first time in my life being organised and efficient. Those words are terrifying, but I’m going to give it a crack to attain these elusive and mysterious states….

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[allan wallace]

Yeah, an inability to ‘focus’ certainly extends to the boudoir, eh? My wife is fed up with my fear, or boredom with/of intimacy…I was a promiscuous little bugger and cheated on every girlfriend that I ever had, and I could never understand why they got angry when I inevitably got ‘busted’. It was just a bit of harmless fun I’d venture as insults, and sometimes objects, began whistling around my ears. But anyway, I’ve always been a bit of a ‘talker’, and sex wasn’t able to shut me up either, thus given my fondness for talking, my vivid imagination, and enjoyment to be gleaned from unconventional behaviours, that which could be regarded as ‘risque’ to boring people became the norm for me. My wife has often suggested that I don’t know what spousal intimacy really is, and when we have our nooky time I have to shut up and not say anything lest I incur immediate sanctions. Like no nooky. She has even demanded that I not even think of anything or anybody else. Fair enough, if she’s not getting a buzz from it then that’s understandable, no?. I don’t know what the big deal is, but I’ve agreed to shut up and not offend her any more. She’s encouraged that I’m willing to discover what spousal intimacy is, and what it means to be a considerate husband. I didn’t think that I was that bad, or depraved. Nothing too shocking I hasten to add. Nothing to do with animals or children!!! Hmmm, I hope that I haven’t lowered the tone here…. 😳

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[allan wallace]

Hiya Beaans!

I too saw myself as an alien stuck in some dark hell full of robots and androids! I wasn’t diagnosed until 2008 I was 41, and it is only now that I’m seeking to understand the condition as well as acknowledging that I need support. I can’t just keep muddling along in complete denial of the glaringly obvious! I’ll be joining a group for the first time, and I’ll begin to tell people of my diagnosis which I’ve kept to myself. I too didn’t expect to be this age, as I was convinced that I’d be dead before I reached 30. But here I still am, not far from that milestone of 50! *blanches* I still haven’t even grown up yet….. 😆

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[allan wallace]

Hilarious! Ye Gods, it’s just so comforting knowing that there are other people like me! I’ve got too many funny anecdotes to unload in one hit. The utter abs

urdities of life fasciante me. Sometimes I just giggle at the wrong times just by watching people….eg.once I was on a train and lost in my thoughts when I just looked around me at the people on the train. What started off as a bit of a giggle ended up with me almost breathless with heartyy laughter, and the more the bores looked at me oddly the more I laughed! I just had to get off the train at the next stop before a mob threw me from the train…another time I ended up in hospital with my fingers on one hand stuck together, and a tube of superglue stuck to my other hand. I was trying to fix a leaky radiator on a car that had sprayed brown gunk onto the windscreen. I had told my gf at the time that I was a gun mechanic. Before a beak once on some stupid charges after a drunken night out I was standing next to a mate on the same charges….it began as a snigger, then a giggle, then a full-blown guffaw induced paralysis which had me propped up by the bench in front of me. I could scarcely breathe and my laughter was causing so much pain that I thought that I’d pass out! The Court was in uproar, and after being fined some ridiculous amount my friend and solicitor had to carry me from the courtroom as I was hysterical with laughter…so many more, if I remeber I’ll pop back and add some of the funnier moments! 😆

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[allan wallace]

Wow, I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact that there are other people like me…I had just sort of thought of myself as an alien living amongst androids and robots! Addiction and procrastination have been my ballast…I knew grom a young age that ennui and boredom were my most mortal of enemies. Their close allies in conformity, drudgery, servility, and soul crushing ‘details’ conspired to make my life as wretched as possible…I tried all things. Alcohol, but I couldn’t stop at acceptable levels and it almost killed me before I was 21. I was afraid to try drugs because I knew that if I liked it, there’d be no turning back, but eventually I succumbed…pot just made me want to puke. One Saturday night I was still in bed drunk from the Friday night, and my mates nagged and nagged me to go out with them because they ‘needed’ my silliness to get girls and we’d arranged to meet some from the Friday night, so I relented and allowed them to mix half a teaspoon of ‘speed’ with a glass of coke to see if that could have the ‘Lazarus effect’. It did, and I was showered, dressed, and raring to go within 20 minutes. I was hooked! It made me feel normal, and I was more tolerant, happier, and was able to dance longer, and bullshit better, and I didn’t drink myself into my usual comatose stupour! From that point I did ‘e’, coke, crank, and acid. Anything that was an ‘upper’. It affected me differently to my mates. I didn’t get cranky, or short-tempered. Quite the opposite in fact. I don’t take those anymore, and moved away from areas if temptations were present. I have also had a long term fascination with gambling. I just got a buzz out of it, and it didn’t really matter if I won or lost. The buzz was the bet itself, but I’m most intrigued by seeming addiction to chaos. The more hectic things are the more ‘normal’, or alive I feel. If life is pedestrian, or dull I feel like the next step is rigour mortis….my mind is like a vortex, and I could spend all day every day just lost in my thoughts. It might seem crazy from the outside looking in, but it’s just lovely for me… 😆

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[allan wallace]

Hmmm, I’ve never been a stickler for protocols, and probably should have announced my arrival in an ‘Introduction’s Thread’, but this will just have to do; G’day from Downunder! 😆 I’ve just been directed to this site from a support grough for ADHD which I’m in the process of joining.

It’s somehow comforting knowing that there are other grand procrastinators shamefully slinking about, and that I’m not the only one that is made to feel like some freak that has somehow managed to take chronic under-achievement to previously unplumbed depths! It is refreshing! Yes, the world could be on the cusp of oblivion, and I’d be pottering about doing nothing, promising to get around to something that I just can’t be bothered to do until tomorrow, or the day after, or sometime later, any time but right now! My procrastination has been my ‘achilles heel’ for so long that I’ve often wondered if there is any way out of the abyss that was once just a well worn rut….for example, I injured my back in 1989 playing tennis. I said that I’d get it looked at later that week. Fast forward to 2012 and in one week I saw a doc twice, and had a CT scan. Nothing too serious, but it illustrates my ‘efficiency’. Twenty bloody three years later I got around to it. If there is a panacea to procrastination, I’d love to taste it… 😳

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