[BabafredDenandenanda]

YANA

You
Are
Not
Alone

Thank you for sharing.

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[BabafredDenandenanda]

I write software.

When things are moving along nicely and smoothly, everything is wonderful. I find myself in “the zone” and all is well.

Then, when I hit a roadblock, it all falls apart. My desk has dents in it from me slamming my hands down on it – my wedding ring has dented the surface of the desk. I curse, scream, and have actually hurt myself in the temper tantrums I have had over my work.

My wife hates it when I get like that – and I don’t blame her; but when the thing doesn’t do what it is supposed to do, over and over and over again, I blow my stack.

I’m sure it’s an ADHD thing, because it seems to fall hand-in-hand with the emotional sensitivity that I’ve been learning about.

What’s the solution? I honestly don’t know; but know this:

You are not alone.

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[BabafredDenandenanda]

Welcome to the club, jenm.

I’ve been “official” with my ADHD since 2009, about 9 months after my child was born. I won’t go into the details as to what triggered my looking into it, except to say that there was a defining incident which brought matters that were building over a good many years to a head.

And with the diagnosis – as I’m sure you’re experiencing, everything fell into place and it all made perfect sense – why I had been changing jobs every 2 to three years, why I was experiencing insomnia, why I was missing opportunities which were looking me in the face… the whole bit.

I won’t try to tell you that things will be better “now that you know” – because it’s a constant issue that we face on a daily basis: hyperfocus, frustration, emotional sensitivity (I only learned about this issue just recently, and wow does it apply to me), but at least the ADHD is an explanation of what is going on.

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[BabafredDenandenanda]

@Pallist no offense taken. I don’t get offended by differences of opinion.

The biggest thing here is what people know ADHD as. If we started calling it something else, because we wanted to make the name more “accurate”, then we would have to start almost all over again with educating people what the condition is, what we call it now, and why.

At the end of the day, it comes down to a question of where do we want to spend our time and energy. I suggest that what we call it really is the least of our concern. I’m more concerned with true diagnosis rather than overdiagnosis, and managing my own ADHD rather than worrying what people think of me for having it, which is one of the reasons I came up with the silly names as suggestions.

And when it comes to awareness of the non-Adhd, or “Neurotypical” community, it’s getting better. Many people still don’t believe it exists, and many believe it is vastly overdiagnosed (and, while I think there’s a tendency to overdiagnose, it’s getting better in that regard). I do think that it’s improving.

The people I have elected to share my ADHD diagnosis have, to a person, been positive, respectful, and inquisitive (as in, “what does it mean?”) rather than hostile or dismissive. I do, of course, make a bit of a joke about it, referring to that imaginary SQUIRREL. (Oh, look! a butterfly!) I find that if you get people smiling a bit, you disarm them and them – you show them you’re okay with it, and they’ll be a lot more receptive, simply because they aren’t feeling as awkward at that point.

I have ADHD. It’s part of who I am.

And I’m okay with that.

(Did I just “come out”?)

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[BabafredDenandenanda]

My (“Neurotypical”) wife refers to it as this, which might be a good one…

Abnormal
Nuances in
Neurological
Offbeat
Yearning and
Impulsive
New
Goals

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[BabafredDenandenanda]

we need to watch the hypersensitivity thing, of course, but we also need to be careful not to overcompensate as well. I’ve regretted NOT letting myself get upset at times.

That being said, I’m not going to agree about the word “deficit” either. The word deficit implies “lack” which, as I see it, is precisely what we have – a lack of dopamine, leading to a lack of attention/impulsivity/hyperactivity.

I think it’s a perfectly reasonable and fine definition of the condition.

I suppose we could try “Easily Distracted and Divergent Impulsive Expressiveness” (EDDIE)…?

(I like silly acronyms, what can I say?)

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[BabafredDenandenanda]

@Pallist Scattybird is right a there was certainly no insult intended in my post. I’ll admit it was posted somewhat impulsively, but was intended with an element of jest associated with an attempt to illustrate my opinion of attempts to “sanitize” langauge nowadays.

Yeah, ADD/ADHD is referred to as a “disorder”. So what? I see it as a name, nothing more. And, in actual fact, I think it’s quite accurate, especially when you look at the state of my living room at times…

We with ADHD think differently. For me, my thoughts jump around all over the place, making connections between things that other people miss. In essence, my thought process is “out of” or “dis” -ordered.

I get the point – you see the final “D” in ADHD as a word with a negative connotation. It makes it sound like an error, or flaw, or a psychological malfunction. In a way it is, I suppose, but, then again, it is what it is, and makes me who I am.

And I’m okay with that.

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[BabafredDenandenanda]

As for changing “Adhd” to something different, perhaps we should call it, “spontaneous, multidisciplinary exceptional giftedness”, or, maybe “Wide Angle Neurological Kynematic Exceptional Responsiveness”?

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[BabafredDenandenanda]

Instead of “neurotypical” why don’t we just refer to non-adhd people as “Muggles”? A lot easier to type and a lot more fun too.

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[BabafredDenandenanda]

People I’ve told have been, for the most part, very positive about it. Especially when I explain how ADHD works – and liken it to the kids who get hyper when they’re tired. Once they make that connection (and get a couple of laughs out of my “SQUIRREL” reference and my jokes about the Little Pills my Doctor Prescribed so I’m “much … better … now” – complete with the nutty eyeball glare) they’re much more open and receptive to the idea.

That is not to say I tell everyone and anyone. I use a pseudonym on this site precisely because I don’t want the world to know I have ADHD.

I tell people I know I can trust, and, 9 times out of 10, the response has been positive. And the tenth? Well, it was more a case of the person saying, “I think it’s vastly, vastly over-diagnosed” (a statement I tend to agree with, in actual fact.)

I’m not ashamed I have ADHD. I’ve learned to use it to my advantage in what I do for a living. It’s simply part of who I am, and it makes my personality the way it is. Frankly, some of my closest friends find me hilarious, or quirky, which I can live with, especially now that I’ve “came out” to them:

I’m a geek. And I’m okay with it.

But I don’t tell everyone. And the reason for that is very simple – it’s none of their business. When I disclose it to someone, it’s always in person, and always in a fairly private setting, where I can control the situation and decide how far into the discussion I want to go.

And, as I said, the vast majority of people have reacted very positively. Some have even said, “wow, really? How did you discover it?”

I explain that something happened (which I never – ever – go into, because THAT event is very private and personal) which put me on the path to the diagnosis. When I discuss some of the symptoms, with a lot of the people, you sometimes see a light go on over their head: “wow! I’m experiencing some of that as well!”

To which, I reply, “well, there’s no shame in getting checked out. You never know until you know. I can’t diagnose you, of course, and understand it’s a spectrum rather than a hard-and-fast condition, but if you’re curious, talk to your doctor.”

So, who to tell? Tell those your gut tells you to tell. You’ll be surprised at the response. In a good way. (SQUIRREL!!!!)

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[BabafredDenandenanda]

I think there is more going on here than just your ADHD.

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[BabafredDenandenanda]

I went undiagnosed for years. I had begun to suspect, but I wasn’t sure.

Then I did something really, really impulsive and stupid. It doesn’t matter what I did, but it put me on the path to a diagnosis. Now I’m on meds and I’m doing much (SQUIRREL!) better.

My boss at the time was very understanding. But what did happen in that particular job was two things – the meds got me more focused and attentive, which was good, but the flipside to that was the job itself was no longer the job for me. In short, I grew, very quickly, to hate it.

So, I ended up seeing a career path counsellor and, two years later, quit. I struck out on my own as my own boss.

Some of you may be thinking, “an ADHDer being his own boss? How does he manage to get anything done?”

I find it quite easy, actually – I use my ADHD to my advantage. I hyperfocus. And when I hyperfocus on something I absolutely love doing (programming and messing around with computers) then it channels my ADHD energy into something positive and rewarding.

I’m very glad to see the positive posts here in terms of what has happened when people have disclosed their ADHD to their boss. Everything I’ve read up to now has said, “don’t” which, frankly, I disagree with. It’s a serious workplace issue, and I think managers are, finally, starting to get it.

In my role, I met with a customer a few weeks back. They had three TV sets in their offices, one of which had CNN on. I said, very politely, “I tend to get distracted very easily, so could we…?” Immediately the TV got muted and we had a very positive meeting and set some direction for me.

In that situation, I felt that it was better to simply indicate how easily I get distracted and leave it at that.

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[BabafredDenandenanda]

If Einstein had been diagnosed and medicated, he would have probably developed the theory of relativity a lot sooner. If Edison had been diagnosed and medicated, he’d have probably invented the lightbulb a lot sooner. Churchill? We’d have won the war in 1942.

Okay, I’m exaggerating on Churchill. 1943.

I’m on meds. My creativity hadn’t changed, in fact, it’s improved – the ideas are still coming fast and furious, and I’m now able to get them accomplished.

The meds saved my marriage, saved my finances, and, to be blunt, saved my life.

Do what works, not what others tell you to do.

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[BabafredDenandenanda]

I was unable to stay in the same job for more than 4 years, it seemed. My last job was the one I held the longest – 4 years. I found myself dreading waking up in the morning, though.

Much of my career has been in sales and/or service roles, but as happens with undiagnosed ADHD, lack of focus, interrupting, and all the usual triggers meant it was very difficult to actually do the job. Clashes with managers, customers, and the like usually aren’t conducive to career advancement.

I think it’s an ADHD trait as well to “hang on” to things. I catch myself ruminating on past experiences – negative ones, to be exact. Just this year, well after my diagnosis, I had an extremely bad experience with a group for whom I volunteered. I did nothing wrong, and I will maintain that I did nothing wrong for the rest of my life, but they saw it differently and, unceremoniously dumped me. It was a very rewarding and enjoyable role. I catch myself, almost daily, going over the details, re-hashing the conversations and planning new conversations in my head. (One day, I may decide to tell the full story on my own personal blog, but not today.)

In any event, rumination over negative experiences, or with rude or angry prospects and/or customers is also not very conducive to a sales career.

In any event, I took a leap of faith back in 2012 and quit that job. I took on a part-time job which I still hold to help pay the bills, and I joined a freelancing website and I now write software for people anywhere in the world, from the comfort and freedom of my own home office.

This, I need to stress, is not necessarily the solution for everyone. When things are slow, self-employment can be extremely grinding. Getting started can also be extremely grinding. But I saw it through and I’m building momentum.

The key, and this principle really applies to anyone, with or without ADHD:

Find your hobby. (To find your hobby, what do you hyperfocus on? Watching TV doesn’t count.)

Figure out how to get paid to do it.

Never “work” again.

Now, the risk that you run — and this is what I hit up against — is that whole pesky hyperfocus thing. I get on a role. Code is flowing, my mind is engaged, and everything else is tuned out.

And then I get called to help bring in groceries. Or set the table. Or talk to my child.

GRRRRRRRRR (Does this sound familiar to anyone?)

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[BabafredDenandenanda]

I think this is actually an awesome idea which can be applied to ADHDers and non-ADHDers alike. I have a white board already, and all I need now are some new markers; and I’ll suggest it to my wife as a way to keep track of the family menu. She may even go for it too!

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