[Gary]

Hi all,

Ad blockers work with standard browsers such as FireFox, Chrome, Safari. I *believe* they also work with the latest version of IE (10), but for those of us on mobile devices such as iPods/pads/phones, that isn’t an option so far. Script blockers such as NoScript will also minimize the number of ads, as they block the code that places them on a web page…FYI

BUT…these are band-aids for a symptom, not the cure for the problem: “how can we keep the quality everyone wants, keep Rick, Ava, Dr. J. and company in the green (OMG…is that a pun?), and the ads at bay….while also keeping it affordable for all?

I’m a fan of the subscriber model, but realize the downsides. “Pay-to-play” restricts access to all the content to those who can, or are willing to, pay for it. “Pay-for-Premium” can create a 2-tiered community, and is more difficult and expensive to administer. My preference would be a voluntary membership/contribution model such as PBS uses, but I’m not sure that would work with this site. I still owe my PBS and NPR dues…for last year. Gotta love the ADD approach to procrastination.

I agree with the comments about the appropriateness of many of the ads, and if this is they best way to ensure viability and growth then it’s a small price to pay….for now.

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[Gary]

OK- update:

My therapist wrote to ask if I made this up (!?!?). Truth IS stranger than fiction and, while I can certainly create some interesting fiction, nothing could touch this. Every word is true.

Rick, Pat, Dr. J-

If you guys read this, I’m available to tell this in the (hopeful) sequel to the video, complete with a testament to authenticity by my wife. She’s actually a pretty good sport about this stuff, and I’ll be surprised if it’s not already on her FaceBook page.

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[Gary]

Agreed, these are best retold over a bottle of good wine…and a few years.

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[Gary]

Short term memory has always been a problem for me as well. I liken it to having so much “noise” in my head that the memeory of actions such as Billd mentioned are lost in the clutter of the noise.

I read somewhere that ADHD people can’t really prioritize information as it comes in, it’s like listening to every station on the radio – at the same time – at the same volume, all the information has the same “weight”, therefore none of it “stands out”. I think that’s why I forget where I left my glasses, the assignment I was given at work… on and on… 30 seconds after it happened.

I look at it in a 3D analogy- “normies” can prioritize information as they get it – some things have to be done right now, those go to the front of the line – others can wait, or no action needs to be taken, those to the rear. In this fashion, there’s a 3D dimensionality to the structure.

IFor me, everything comes in at the same level – there’s no “depth” to the importance, therefore where I placed my car keys is no more important than turning off the bathroom light, or deciding what to wear, or whether I fed the cats….Uhm, what was it I was doing before???

Dang, here we go again … hide and seek.

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[Gary]

Thanks Bill,

This was not easy to post, as it’s been something I’ve only shared with very few others – my wife, psychiatrist and therapist. My attempts to discuss this with them has not resolved anything, and leaves many more questions than answers- along with generous helpings of confusion, frustration …and fear.

I agree with you about any relationship between these two being coincidental and/or masking some other issue that mimics ADHD. While separate issues, they seem to play off one another, and my earliest childhood memories involve strong elements of both.

I guess I posted this out of desperation – to find resources, and/or others with these questions. Right now I need direction.

Yes, there are support groups locally, but I’ve not contacted them – I don’t know why other then perhaps cowardliness or fear.

Thanks for the reply…

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[Gary]

Toofats’ comments around play at work totally resonate with me. I can’t dissociate my playfulness from the rest of myself, as if it were a modular “plug and play” (sorry, couldn’t resist) component.

When I walk in the office ALL of me walks in. My sense of humor is as much a part of the person my employer hired as any other attribute- be it skill, creativity, or ADHD. The playfulness bleeds into areas it sometimes shouldn’t, and I’ve crossed lines I wished I hadn’t, but to deny this part of me isn’t realistic. The playfulness between my co-workers helps us stay energized, keeping things from becoming too serious and minimizing much of the typical office drudgery.

I’ve been told repeatedly that work is just that…work, and you shouldn’t expect it to provide you a creative or expressive outlet. I reject that. I believe you can choose to make the time spent doing “that which a body is obliged to do” an opportunity to bring your spirit as well.

OK, after rereading the thread I’m hoping I’ve interpreted Toofats’ comments correctly. As my parents are fond of saying, “I tend to go off 1/2 cocked” (no wise-cracks).

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[Gary]

It’s Sunday morning. I need to:

clean gutters

clean up the shop

clean up the garage

finish putting up molding in the living room (part of a year long, so far, project. Destined to be a retirement project)

clean out the room over the garage in preperation for turning it into my wife’s -billd, you’ll love this- quilting room

What am I doing?

Spending time here…

sigh

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[Gary]

Howdy all-

I’ll raise my hand to the idea of some type of PM system on the site -and also agree with billd that spambots love emails addresses sent “in the clear”. A PM system would give the option of messaging between members, and if they choose to share email at that point, it’s safer.

That said, I’d like to bring up another topic – membership dues.

When I found this site several months ago I was awed at the quantity and quality of the information here. From Rick and Dr. J’s vid’s, to the Virtual Dr., to the tools- everything was well researched, presented in a direct manner and, as importantly, along with a healthy dose of humor. I was amazed that a site of this quality was free ( I actually scoured the site looking for a way to contribute and/or support it).

Rick, Ava, and family, Dr. J. and his family seem to be not just hosting the site (in a social, not IT sense), as well as supporting it. Patrick, Janice, and all the experts may donate their time and expertise, but support staff, hosting service (this is the IT version), bandwidth, moderating, maintenance, and a thousand other things -like forum support- take time…and $$$’s (Canadian, US, etc…pick your monetary preference). Maybe it’s time for a discussion about contributing to something we all use (God, I sound like my PBS/NPR station fund-drive!).

Who knows- this could go viral! We could be so successful that the site could fund a sequel to ADD & Loving It! Maybe Patrick also has a co-morbidity he’s dying to share, once he discovers it- in the course of making the film. This could be huge!

We could all be invited to the premier!

Uhm…stepping away from the keyboard now…

Gary -who’s happy to hear from others at gn_holt at that loud place (sounds like ya – who?) dot com. Warning – I send all spam-bots straight to Sarah Palins website…

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[Gary]

Celtic harp & dulcimer music (Joemy Wilson, Turlugh O’Caralan, John McCutcheon) as it calms my head, allowing me to focus, yet tickles the senses enough to stay engaged.

Celtic drinking music, as it goes as fast as my head wants to go (Gaelic Storm rocks!)

A Capella choral music (Chanticleer) for those times I need trance-like hyperfocus

Anime- because it’s fun

The folk songs of John Denver (with no apologies), John McCutcheon, Pete Seeger and Fed Small to remind me of those things I feel are timelessly important.

World music (African & Afro-celt, Chinese, Japanese, native American, Andean, Latin, among others) to appreciate that music is one of the true global languages.

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[Gary]

Yep, she was our first Newf. We adopted her when she was 3, and lost her about a year and a half ago to heart failure at 12. We’re now the proud parents of another rescue newfie, who was also 3 when we got him.

And I agree it’s very hard to compose a brief reply when a tome will suffice.

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[Gary]

Wow, I don’t even know where to start…

(OK, deep breath here)

First: Brentitude, you’re incredibly perceptive as well as being right. One of the biggy reasons we moved up here, apart from the gorgeous scenery and endless outdoor opportunities, was just that- getting away from the ever critical judgments. It’s amazing how effective distance can be in dampening that…for a while. Eventually though, I found myself falling back into the very role I’d moved across the country to escape. Frequent struggles in jobs & finances, self esteem that cycles between hopefully optimistic and rock bottom, a feeling of inevitable dissatisfaction at anything I attempted, a sense my life was stalled-stagnate-on hold…whatever. This was fun in my earlier years, but by 54 I felt I should have a few of these issues worked out.

You’re also spot on about the role of religion during that time ( and I think still today, especially in parts of the south). This was seen as a character flaw – a moral failing. I too was raised Southern Baptist (no offense intended to anyone, it’s just the way I see it). If I prayed hard and long enough, went to church enough, went to enough revivals, responded to enough “alter calls” (for those who haven’t experienced one, I liken it to confessing your sins…in front of the entire church) I could throw the devil out of my life, overcome this weakness and God would show me the path to good grades, popularity in school, a sense of purpose and belonging….and approval.

Maybe if I’d put more in the collection plate??

Sorry if I sound overly sarcastic. Upon reflection this is a bit simplistic, but essentially my experience.

Trashman, you speak truth from your perspective and experience. You’ve paid your dues, and no one gets to judge you. I agree with Brentitude- everyone needs a place to vent, and this forum is a safe zone.

Bobbie, I have the same problem as you with office politics. Within the technical aspects of my job I can hold my on with pretty much anyone, but I have a difficult time staying “in my box”. If I see an answer -a solution to a problem, a better, more efficient way of doing something- I’m not shy about pointing it out, no matter who’s toes I step on. Worse is when I see a process that is flawed- that’s when I really jump out of my box and bless them with my wisdom. Whether I’m right or not aside – these tend to be career limiting behaviors.

Arrgghh…I promised myself I wasn’t going to write a novel in response, however I just want to conclude by agreeing with Jenetically.

It would be so much easier to bury my head in the sand, or work, or whatever, and continue to cause myself -and my wife- to suffer.. This has been/still is a messy-messy road for me, but one I’m convinced will allow me the freedom to find out who I am and how to balance whoever I end up being with the larger “normy” world…

But, that’s another story.

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[Gary]

Howdy,

The possibility of my having ADHD surfaced during treatment for moderate to severe depression about 9 years ago (it turns out ADHD is rarely a solo act. It more often plays in an ensemble – the other members usually being depression-both mono and bi polar, learning difficulties, or other co-morbidities – I never liked that term…sounds like multiple plots to do me in, but I digress) . As part of the diagnosis, he gave me a questionnaire for my mother complete. When I gave it to her, one of the first comments she made was “don’t mention this to your father. His approach to any challenge is ‘pull yourself up by your own bootstraps'”. Once she completed the form I had her place it in a sealed envelope which I gave to my therapist. Upon review of the form he stated that, according to her response to the questions, I was more or less a normal kid. She did mention occasional lapses in my studies and my less-than-stellar grades, but overall I was a normal kid…

!!!…

???…

Really?

Who are you, and what have you done with my mother? The same mother that read on every report card some variation of “Gary is very smart, and could be an excellent student if he would only apply himself”. Obviously, aliens had sucked out her memories of my childhood and replaced them with my younger brother’s.

Despite this somewhat white-washed version, I was indeed tentatively diagnosed as having ADHD. Confirmation had to wait another 8 years, owing to a sudden lack of employment and the health insurance it provided. This same insurance was covering my depression (remember depression, the other member of the duet?). I therefore was enabled to come off my anti-depression medication “cold-turkey”, which would’ve made my father very proud as now I could find those bootstraps and start pulling. But, that’s another story.

Since then, there have been two incidents that illustrate for me the likelihood of my parents ever understanding, or perhaps even caring to.

The first came several months after being layed off in 2003. My mother and wife were talking one day when my mother asked “so, is Gary still taking anything for his depression?” to which my wife truthfully answered “no”. My mothers’ response was “oh, so he’s all better now.”…

Oh, yeah…

We still refer to that time as “the dark ages”

The second occurred about a year and a half ago. My parents were up for a visit (we live in Wa. state, they in Texas). As luck would have it, I not only had my weekly session with my therapist, but the monthly meeting of the local ADHD group. In the course of telling them I would be busy two nights that week, they began asking questions. I thought “what the hell, what have I got to loose?” So, I pretty much opened up about both the depression and ADHD.

2 hours later…

We had relived certain parts of my childhood, including school, grades, job history and life in general- and how depression and ADHD had affected them. By this time my niece had been diagnosed with ADHD. She was diagnosed while still in middle school, thanks in part to her mother (my sister, the doctor…You know, the successful one.) Because they had an opportunity to see it from another perspective – that of grandparents, as well as the credibility given it by my sister, they acknowledged the possibility/probability I had suffered it as well. For my part, I acknowledged “I had ADHD before it was cool”, and that no one’s to blame. It was/is what it was/is. They asked if the counseling and medications I’m currently on are helping, and I said “yes”.

They then commented “no one knew about these things at the time I grew up, and that you do the best you can at the time, but you can’t go back and do it over”.

I took that as recognition, but I think what I really was looking for was an admission…and an apology.

An apology for the hell I suffered for thinking I was not doing my best. Why? Because, if I were doing my best then my report cards would show it.

An apology for years of spending EVERY evening in my room after dinner “studying”. No TV or other privileges, no friends over, no diversions. When my grades improved was when I could enjoy those. My grades remained abysmal, however I read most of the entire set of both Comptons’ Encyclopedia & Encyclopedia Americana.

An apology for the ritual of “report card night” every 9 weeks. This included “the talk” from Dad, more of an inquisition actually, followed by the obligatory session with the chair and belt.

An apology for feeling completely different from how everyone else was, and not having A CLUE about why or how to change.

An apology for the years of knots in my stomach every time I was given a task or responsibility, as I was certain to muck it up, waste time, go wandering off “fiddle-farting around” (I’d forgotten that phrase until just now. Got’ta remember that for use later, as it’s a winner!), or get it half done.

An apology for being 54, and still feeling like “what should I be doing with my life, and why can’t I get/keep it together”. “Why does everything seem to eventually fall apart?)

An apology for feeling this way at all…

It turns out that’s not coming, at least not from them. I have to accept this, and give myself permission and authority to forgive myself…and understand they did the best for me they could/knew how.

Do I still want that fantastical apology?…Yes.

Will I get it…probably not.

Do I need it to move on and be who “I” am?…I’ll get back with you.

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[Gary]

Today it’s 5- on one computer, 5 on the other.

Oh, iPod too? add 1 more…(duh)

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[Gary]

Hi,

The answer depends on which computer and browser. My work computer currently has IE and FF, each with 3 tabs ( remarkably few for me ).

My personal computer has 3 different browsers, each have 2-3…

Oh, did I mention the iPod?

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[Author]

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