Forum Replies Created
First, I am 67years old and live in the US. I don’t know your country or its rules.
I would tell you that if you Don’t have add, be happy. It’s not something you really Want to have , if you don’t.
Instead of an essay; just note what your parents do in handling their own lives.
Add tends to be hereditary. You get it from one or both parents. Look at what they do, and ask yourself: does my mom or dad have things that might be caused by add?
Use the information that totallyadd has on the site about things that give it away, and see if your parents fall under the umbrella of it. Then try using humor to get them to look at themselves.
If your mom says that your dad “ always does this.” Or the other way around, you might have something. Remember, it hasn’t been too long that the condition has been recognized at all, and most folks over forty have very little chance that they were diagnosed when young, because nobody knew what it was , and to a large extent, most people still don’t.
If you are able to really talk with your parents, ask them , point blank, if they are concerned about you, or more about their status in the community. It will emotionally hurt to do that, but it might be necessary to get help, if you need it. Tell your mom you were dishonest with the councilor, and tell her why. Tell her you want a different councilor, and tell her exactly why. She might understand…
Again, not knowing your country or customs, some of this might be easy, and some might be very hard for a young person at home to do.
Again, it is not something you want if you don’t have it, and should not be an excuse for the mistakes we all make while young, or for laziness. It is about learning yourself, and the personal growth you want. And it can be a crutch to lean on, or a tool you can use to hammer out a better life.
Best wishes for your success.
I keep being drawn back to the name we are called by as a group: Attention Deficit Disorder.
It is DEMEANING !
I live in the western US. ( and I apologize to the whole world for that right now.)
None the less, my point is that terms used here, and the “politically correct” rubbish that goes with whatever country you happen to be from that affects the terms you use, has a lot to do with what I might say versus what you might hear.
That being said: Yes, to me being called a “deficit”, or a “disorder” carries the same kind of instant put-down that happens if a white American male refers to a black person as that infamous “N” word. It is an insult.
I’ve seen Attention Different Direction suggested, but even that doesn’t fit quite right.
Thinking about it, since the main rub seems to be that, as a group that is smaller than the group of “normal” people, we just don’t think with the same patterns.
We are NOT less valid, only different from the perceived norm. Like the black man in a white world.
So; if it’s going to be ADD, how about calling us Attention Domesticly Disinclined.
It covers the points that I am not easily domesticated to the “normal” thinking patterns that are the ideal of the behavioral authority out there that wants to tell the worlds population “Think this way only”, and that I don’t really care if you think I’m odd or not, because I am happy with myself, whether you are or not. Same as that black man.
When the authority stops telling me that I’m an abomination by birth, I will be a little more willing to listen to what they have to say.
In shorter words, do not insult me upon greeting, and I will have less disdain for what you have to say.
Compliment me, and I will enthusiastically try to help you understand my world.
The second half of your first paragraph is intriguing.
The point that someone who has not experienced certain things Cannot know the feeling of that experience is something I’ve tried to explain to people for forty five years.
Even a soldier who has -trained- for years, and understands all the physics and forces involved cannot know the FEELING that come when you put your sights on another human being and know you are about to end a human life, not just shoot at a target.
What you say pretty well explains why I may appear to have a certain disdain for the “professionals” out there.
It’s not something personal, it’s just that I KNOW that there are those things you can’t learn by studying, no matter how hard you try.
Thank you for forcing the questions. Those who are convinced that they are an “authority” are usually, in my opinion, not much more than an ego with a piece of paper on the wall.
In the army, it was called a “Good Conduct Medal”.
Perhaps those few whom you addressed will spread the word, (though doubtful), that their profession, their studies, and their books do not have a crystal ball that sees into the heart of another, but only a magnifying glass with which one can only see the surface.
It is the foot soldier in the trench that sees the reality that the civilian cannot comprehend, and that is why the folks who post on these sites are the real authority that I look to for help.
You folks are the BEST !!!
One other thought, Joe.
When you think of “ professionals “, remember that they are human people too, and so, also make innocent mistakes that can seem devastating to others.
When I was little, I put up with the word “ stupid “ until I have a real problem with that word today.
You can call me asshole, sh..head, and any number of other things, and we can both laugh at it.
Call me “ stupid “, and we are going to fist city right now.
I think the single greatest PROFFESSIONAL F..K-up, is the name they give us.
“Excuse me, you say I’m a deficit ? You dare say that from birth, by existing, I’m a disorder?”
Would you like to hear what I have to say to you, Mr. Proffessional ?
This is the same kind of professor that tells us not to call people by the color of their skin, but we can call a quarter of the population a double negative, and That’s alright.
I’ve seen somewhere else on the site here a line that says “call us Attention Different Direction. That certainly seems fitting, and it’s not calling us a person who is “ Bad, Wrong, and Invalid As a Human Being.”
You are a “Credit”. Not a Deficit.
I’m 67 this year. I live in Oregon, western US. We’re all over the world. And:we’re all over the world!
My son was diagnosed at the age of six in 1990. The doctor said “It’s usually hereditary. Everybody looked at me!
And I missed it like it was never said.
My SON has this problem. He takes meds. It causes him ache. Me ? I’m just great ! Ask me. I’ll tell you.
Last winter, when my life slowed down enough to be able to pay attention, I was looking for humor t-shirts, when I stumbled on this site, and saw just enough to want to learn more.
Yep; ladies and gentlemen; that’s me.
I have learned recently why my life has done hand-springs through what other people perceive as reality.
Joe, I haven’t been “ diagnosed” , personally, but I don’t need to see LouiseVille on it to know I got hit with a bat, either. You’ve had this many years to get to here. You’re already ahead of me by 15 years!
If I had paid attention in 1990, which I didn’t, I might have had a much better life. And life isn’t always judged by your net worth.
I have been fortunate enough to discover that attitude has more to do with what I call success than anything else.
You can call it recognition of yourself, or whatever, but it comes to being tough enough to deal with ones self.
You have made it for this long without even knowing. Give yourself a hand!!
Use this site, and others you learn of. Read all the old posts. They are all still relevant to you, to me, to us all.
Take care of yourself, and let your friends know if you feel depressed. The lady is right. If they don’t care, replace them.
BUT, sir: when they offer the help, shut up and accept it.
We who deal with this condition tend to tend to our own wounds last. That’s just one of the “things”. Don’t do that.
Hang in there, and just put one foot in front of the other. You are stronger than you feel.
The only other big coping skill I know is LAUGH ! Watch the great comics. Learn to be sarcastic, if you have to. Then: laugh at yourself. It’s a great tonic.
Hang in there, Joe.
You may feel down right now, but, you are certainly not alone, and folks here do understand.
Hey, Richard: if you’re still there…
I saw an item from National Geographic the other night, and it might explain the last piece of where we came from.
If the hunter-gatherer was the first ADD/ADHD person, and the farmer was the first “normal” person, then the farmer, who can stay in one place and have children every year will produce many more offspring than the hunter-gatherer, who has to move all the time, and can’t be dealing with an infant and a toddler at the same time. (One child every fifth year)
Way different census totals, and the farmers wind up with enough numbers to vote themselves the “normal” title.
ADDers lose by default, simply for lack of votes.
Thanks for getting back to me.
The circumstances we find ourselves in change every day. Sometimes we can do something with them, sometimes not. But you can ALWAYS laugh at it. Or with it. Or in spite of it.
Never realized how much spite I had in me…
Would you know what the basis of your dads new diet is? I have managed to get through with only small skin problems for the most part, but I’d be very interestedted in hearing about diet.
I do like to stay with natural changes rather than medications, because, for starters, my mother tended to be a hypochondriac, and ate aspirin and such by the handful. Ick.
As a veteran, I’ll share a story, and keep it short.
When in Nam, my battalion (infantry) went from Phu Bai to Danang to hold security when the Marines were standing down.
It happened I had a crud growing on my lower leg, but “Hey, they got medics, right?”
I wind up with this Navy Doctor, and I said I think it’s junglerot, but it looks funny.
Now, you need to know that at Danang, there’s a clinic for “Hanson’s disease”.
This doc takes a scraping, and say, be right back.
I’m sitting on the table in the medics when he comes back, and says, I kid you not:
“I don’t know how to tell you this, but you have leaprosy.”
I’m 20 years old, in the best physical condition of my life, leaned back on my hands on this table….
My field of view turned powder gray all around the edges, and shrank to where I could only see his face, and then started to come back.
This jerk laughs, and says, really you have jungle rot and ringworm in the same place on your leg.
And I’m sitting here just looking at him.
And the Captain moved away from the Army guy on the table. I think he was frightened.
I didn’t know if I should kiss this guy or kick his ass hard enough to get him aboard ship.
I’ve had heart murmurs, high blood pressure, what’s known as esophageal spasms, which feel like a heart attack, kidney stones, and so far, am cancer-free.
I have told my doctor that I’d like him to have me dissected after I die, just for curiosity’s sake, and see if there really is something weird in there.
I would tell you that I have survived things that should have killed me on more than just a couple occasions, and I’m DIEING to know why. No pun intended.
I don’t deal with the VA well. A couple bad experiences that had more to do with office/billing/admin than medical.
Though , when I went for an agent orange screening at the age of 30, I dealt with a very young lady doctor who said my skin symptoms didn’t match what the book said.
I asked how long the book had been out, and was it finished yet, and she seemed a little miffed that a peon like myself could question the god’s authority.
Wait a minute. I think that would be where I insert ADD !
Thank you, andreah, for your kind words, and you take care of you, also.
Laugh every day on each of your mental channels. It should keep you busy for what? At least four or five hours?
If you’re still out there, I have a question about drug sensitivity and agent orange, if you happen to hear anything from the va
I have had a sensitivity to various solvents, gasses, chemicals, etc. ever since I came back from overseas.
I was told once it was an effect of agent orange, and I wonder if it might affect how my system reacts to various meds.
Happen to hear anything?
I’m remembering a school situation…
In 1964, I was in the seventh grade. I was 13. I went to a new school that year, and wound up leaving before the year was over when we moved yet again.
We had a vice principle whom I never saw smile.
Not once. He had this stern frown every time I saw him.
There was a row between a couple of boys one day, and a crowd was gathered, and here comes mr Brown, paddle in hand, to “ straighten out” these boys.
He chewed on everyone, and finished his remarks with :”You boys have to realize you’re becoming adults before long.”
Aanndd…my add seventh grade mouth opened all by itself and wiggled.
What fell out as I looked him in the eye, was “If I have to frown like you do all the time, I hope I never get there.”
And I walked away. But, as I did, my seventh grade eyes saw something on his face that I had never seen before. He looked like he had been what I think they call these days; bitch-slapped.
He never said anything about it, and we moved away soon after.
I’ve wondered at times, what he thought about what he heard from a kid.
Yes’m. The insurance field just felt wrong, so weekends in my little pigsty was actually nice.
Not knowing your location, and therefor your government model, I’ll ask how hard is it to get a teaching certificate where you live? Sounds a lot like you might like to give teaching a whirl. Your experience HAS to be worth something!
The idea of a school geared to the add/adhd would be a dream come true for a whole lotta people. Get your certs and then put a motion in front of the legislature.
Even if they don’t pass it, it would get a few of them thinking about it.
“Systems that suit us.” Could get everything from spooky to heretical, to “Hal” in 2001.
Seems to me, the best candidate for a brain/computer interface would be add or adhd.
But that would open a can of serious butt-kicking worms.
About every religion in the world, and a whole bunch of ethical groups would be highly offended.
I’m also sure that with the proliferation of tech in the world today, there’s already somebody working on it.
Not that I’m any kind of cynical suspicious bastard once in a while…