[sdwa]

@kelsbabe555

I’ve had the experience of taking Concerta or Adderall, and drinking coffee too – and having that just be way too much. Weird mood swings, bizarre emotional reactions, strange energy fluctuations – it is not a good feeling. There could be other things going on, like hormonal changes, maybe? I don’t know what the science or official line is on this type of experience, but it would probably be a good idea to check with your doctor. I can only say that yes, I’ve had things like that happen to me while taking these medications and adding caffeine or sugar into the mix.

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[sdwa]

I have tried this – it really works! I like the water sounds best (white noise) but also use the ambient music track when I am writing. I was pretty amazed by how calm it made me feel.

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[sdwa]

In my experience, the more I know about ADHD and how it manifests for me, the more power I have to manage the symptoms and make choices that support my best functioning.

Too bad about the social safety network decline in Sweden. We often look to European countries as good examples of how to be socially responsible.

In the U.S., we never had much of that to begin with. Now there is a fight to increase the minimum wage to $15/hour. For most of us, if we don’t have jobs, we don’t have health insurance, or the healthcare that is available can’t be used everywhere, which often means getting substandard care.

From what I’ve heard, there is a very strong genetic component to ADHD, so it makes sense there are others in your family who are affected by it.

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[sdwa]

Re:

HSP self-test, I can say yes to all but five of those things, which might be maybes.

But what kills me about things like this is that no one has a solution. We can hear about our symptoms all day, but if there is no relief, sometimes it’s better not to know.

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[sdwa]

@Rick

What you are saying there about worrying about whether something will fail has resonance for me…feeling on some level that I’m just not into doing that thing or being in the situation, but I’m still hung up on being accepted, so the anxiety about not getting rejected will obscure the degree to which I don’t want to actually do the thing. It’s like I’d hate working with those people, but I still really want them to like me – ? LOL. Usually I’m confident when I’m doing what I know I believe in and really want. I know when I know. So the point about matching values really makes sense. Interesting.

 

For anyone who feels like it, someone told me about a website with calming brainwave music, which I tried listening – and it actually works. I can only tolerate the “ambient” music and rain and ocean recordings…but I was amazed at how my mind quieted down and I got very calm and clear after listening to it. You need earphones. It’s a site called Focus At Will (www.focusatwill.com)

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[sdwa]

@ph0t0bug

What you describe sounds very familiar. Experiences like that can derail me for hours.

Also, I once killed a pigeon the same way, and I felt awful. Even worse, my kid was in the car at the time, so I got labeled a pigeon-murderer.

You did your best to avoid it. Things happen.

I would echo Larynxa’s suggestion about just getting out for a walk for a while. I find that a brisk walk for 30-60 minutes can really change my outlook, and burn off some of that tension. I also try to watch my diet – sugar will make my brain turn to garbage, so I try to avoid that, eat plenty of protein, and take anti-oxidants. I realize that sounds silly when you at a moment of crisis, but in general, it can help. Try doing something to shift gears – take a hot shower, go to a park, watch a comedy, talk to a friend – anything like that can alleviate some of the intensity.

I have lost whole days to obsessive rumination on negative stuff. My coach asked me to try to write down my negative beliefs, and then turn them into positives. If I were thinking “I’m a terrible person because I killed this animal” or “I’m an idiot because I can’t get going on my project” I might try writing “I’m a good person, it was an accident” or “I can get going on my project, one step at a time.”

What I’ve learned is that we can hurt ourselves with negative beliefs, but we can change those beliefs. It’s true.

Try to be kind to yourself. It’s really okay. You didn’t mean for this to happen.

The fact that you care so much proves it.

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[sdwa]

@scattybird

Thanks for asking. Not sure how things are. I mean, I guess they’re good? I got a call for an interview. Went to it. Seemed to go well, because they started talking about benefits which they usually don’t do if they don’t like you. I’d like the job. It’s kind of ironic because I had no desire at all to go to the interview. If I don’t get it, I want to devote myself full time to writing and hopefully start coach training. If I do get it, I’ll have to put off the training until summer due to scheduling, but I’ll be better able to afford it. I’m trying to stay optimistic, regardless, working hard to replace negative thoughts with positive ones because hey, who wants to have depressing thoughts all day? If there’s a choice. Seems like it actually is possible to learn to think better thoughts. It takes work and practice, but the worst thing that can happen is feeling good – a risk I’m willing to take. 😉

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[sdwa]

@shutterbug55

That all sounds like great advice, although first I have to get an income. Cutting expenses while unemployed would also be a good idea.

It’s funny how beliefs shape what seems to be possible. I’ve never learned a thing about money in my life. I didn’t think it was something I could do or have. I’ve never thought of myself as a person who could understand or manage it. Could be time to change that opinion.

Thanks for the info.

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[sdwa]

@Blue Yugo

I probably saw 20 therapists over a period of 20 years before I got my diagnosis. Twenty percent were marginally helpful. Most were a waste of time. About ten percent were harmful and made things worse.

If they don’t have training in working with people who have ADHD, they are not worth talking to.

I second what Larynxa is saying about talking to an ADHD coach. I started working with a coach about a month and a half ago – ? A coach in training, actually, from ADDCA, who is cheaper than a fully certified coach (which is fine, because I had worked with a certified coach before and felt like I knew what to expect). It just makes me feel better. I feel like I’m not alone, and it’s good to be able to talk to someone who gets it and can provide new ways to think about what I’m going through.

I didn’t realize there is such a thing as “ADHD-specific CBT.” My experience with therapists has totally soured me on the entire concept of therapy, although I did attend a support group at one point run by an M.A. in Psych who has ADHD and only works with ADHD patients, and that helped. It was one of my first experiences in seeing and really understanding ADHD is “real” – because of how similar everyone’s challenges were. I learned a little about the ADHD brain, and more about the behavioral issues.

It’s funny, because I’ve been at this for five years and I think I know stuff, but I keep reaching levels of new information or new perspectives that show me, once again, how deeply my self-esteem has been affected and how prone I am to blaming myself. I listened to David Giwerc’s introductory talk about becoming an ADHD coach and cried during the entire call.

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[sdwa]

@blackdog

I have literally sat at my desk writing a list like: Step 1, put photo on photocopier. Step 2, make copy. Step 3, put photo away in file drawer….

😉

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[sdwa]

@shutterbug

Great story about saving and investing. I remember way back around the time Starbucks was about to go public – in the early ’90s – I was working as an administrative assistant in an insurance company – and I knew, I just knew, that the company would take off. I thought about buying stock, but I couldn’t afford it….Real estate would be great – to own a duplex, rent out one of the units – ? We missed the boat on Microsoft as well. Who knows what the future will bring? Anyway, I am glad for you that you were able to do that – must alleviate a lot of stress just knowing you have that as a resource.

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[sdwa]

@blackdog

Hmm. For me, ADHD is very much about not knowing how to do things, on the level of logistics. I might know what to do, but not how to make it happen.

ADHD advice that doesn’t say HOW to do something tends not to be very helpful. I need the steps laid out for me and the resources identified in specific terms.  I need a sequential guide to how to implement a course of action. I might know what needs to get done, but have no clue where to start or how to organize the process.

Probably none of us wants to regard ourselves as “disabled” – what’s fun about that? But it is an impairment, and a source of frustration when I see other people easily doing things I struggle with. The big hurdle there is not falling into the self-blame trap.

What you are saying about not using ADHD as an excuse is important. As I was not diagnosed until I was 45, I never used it as an excuse – didn’t know why I had problems, just knew I couldn’t function like other people – concluded I was a bad person. I don’t  use it as an excuse now. It is more a case of understanding, and having self-compassion about the challenges, being able to separate my core sense of self from my ADHD impairments.

I am in favor of more understanding and less guilt.

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[sdwa]

@mcp

ADHD absolutely does affect behavior. Any claim to the contrary is (how can I put this politely?)  incorrect.

It absolutely affects behavior…

from emotionality and impulsivity

to difficulty processing a conversation

to poor time management

losing things

general disorganization

low frustration tolerance

heightened environmental sensitivity

poor quality sleep

trouble focusing on boring mundane tasks

difficulty with transitions from one activity to another….

just to name a few.

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[sdwa]

In the U.S., the doctors usually have other people who know you well answer questionnaires about your behavior, including your personal history. My mother, who knew me as a child and lived with me at the time, filled one out about me. Maybe you know another adult who was close to you as a child who could provide a third-party account. It seems like it shouldn’t matter how they explained your behavior then – what should matter is getting an accurate description of the behavior itself.

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[sdwa]

I would suggest letting him start by looking at a checklist of ADHD symptoms  if you have not done this with the Hallowell books. My preference is for the list provided by Russell Barkley in his book Taking Charge of Adult ADHD. There is also an assessment questionnaire here on Totally ADD. There is something called the Brown Scale, which identifies different areas of impairment – you can probably Google it.

Let him approach this as an exercise in simply gathering information. There is no need to draw any conclusion right away – just check it out, see how it feels, see if it makes sense.

Often we have trouble trusting our own perceptions, and that can make us feel vulnerable to the opinions of others.

If your son decides to be seen for a professional assessment, it is important to find a professional who has specialized training in ADHD. These people are somewhat difficult to find, but they do exist. Whether it’s a psychiatrist or therapist or medical doctor or any other type of treatment provider, it is absolutely imperative that this person have ADHD expertise.

I say this because I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 45 – I probably saw 20 therapists in 20 years, few of whom helped, many of whom made things worse because they didn’t understand the problem. (If I had that money back now, I could retire – I wish).

I can completely identify with your struggle to get help for your son, and feeling like you were being blamed, like it was your problem – this is what comes of the ignorance out there in the world about ADHD. My guess is no one caught the problem before because it is not well understood, and seemingly is only now entering the public awareness.

I understand your anger and frustration. On the bright side, if your son gets diagnosed now, when he’s still young, he will then be in a position to learn about what will help him going forward – rather than endure decades of his adult life with no clue what’s going on and tons of self-recrimination, which many of us diagnosed later in life have experienced.

As for people getting into his head –  it seems to me that the people who don’t understand ADHD are more likely to get into your head – because they will try to make a neurological problem an emotional problem.

He doesn’t have to take medication or do anything he doesn’t want to do.

What I’ve found most helpful is listening to the stories of people with this diagnosis and recognizing the patterns – they are, as you say, like hearing about your own life history. It might help him a lot to hear what other people are going through. Maybe there is a CHADD support group in your area, or a support group sponsored by another ADHD organization like ADDA. There are also a number of online message boards, like this one.

It’s hard to get help with this issue for a variety of reasons – the main one being there are too few qualified professionals, another the financial barrier to obtaining services, and another the mega-hassle of trying to get medication (if desired) due to restrictions on the classification of drug used to treat it.

In my experience, ADHD coaching has been the most helpful form of support.

He might benefit from listening to free online webinars or radio shows like Attention Talk Radio. David Giwerc’s book Permission to Proceed is among the best. Rick Green’s ADD Stole My Car Keys is great for help in recognizing patterns. I also highly recommend Alan Brown’s ADD Crusher videos (you can find them free on YouTube). Checking this stuff out would all be simple ways of finding out if he identifies with common ADHD challenges – without having to make a commitment to any particular action.

My guess is that if you both educate yourselves about ADHD, it will become apparent to you if this is the problem he’s having – because the patterns are pretty unmistakable. ADHD manifests a bit differently for each of us (some do fine in school, for example, while others really struggle with it), but the big picture is pretty much the same. I would imagine that the more you learn about it, the clearer it will become what’s going on. Then you’ll have information you can take to a doctor to explain why you think he might have ADHD.

 

 

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