[sdwa]

I have a B.A. in art. I used to rent a painting studio downtown, and for about four years worked every night after my job. I put together a body of work that was good enough for a gallery, but around the time I was starting to get noticed, my husband and I had our first child and gave up our studios, and then with one thing and another, the art aspirations fell by the wayside. I was in a group show at a museum – one of my paintings got noticed by a reputable art critic. That was my 15 minutes of fame. All of that work is sitting in my basement. And it’s good.

Fast forward twenty years, my oldest is 17, my youngest is almost 15, and I’m the one who has to support them and my husband. So there really isn’t time, space, or money for art supplies. I haven’t thought much about art in a long time. I’ve lost touch with that dream, that part of my life, and that sense of who I am as a person.

Instead, I’m working on a novel, trying to learn how to be a story teller. For the last two years I’ve been studying on my own and working hard. I need the creative outlet. It is the only time I feel sane, or get energy from what I’m doing. But without money to invest in training (such as being able to hire a developmental editor to tell me if I’m putting my energy in the right place), it’s hard to learn what’s necessary.

The story idea has been with me for about seven years – I just don’t know how to make it take shape the way it needs to, to be a professional quality manuscript. I finished my first draft, but I don’t know how to fix it.

Living in poverty I can honestly say there is no problem money can’t solve – anyone who thinks there is has a full bank account. LOL.

 

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[sdwa]

@blackdog

In my experience, minimum or low-wage jobs tend to have management that is draconian and somewhat insane. LOL.

@kc5jck

That sounds right to me – the part about not connecting due to distraction. There are many things other people say that I can’t listen to no matter how hard I try. They sound like the adults in the Charlie Brown cartoons. Wa wa wa wa wa. But other times, people will say things that I can key into with a high degree of focus. Probably it would be good to track those times and look for patterns.

@Scattybird

Thanks for the kind words. It is a big deal to be the breadwinner. And the people I worked for are, in fact, the worst personnel managers I have ever worked for – it just isn’t their thing. They are in their own world. Like a lot of creatives, they are not good at tracking their finances, either.

It took them years to figure out what they really needed as opposed to what they thought they needed from employees, so they used to hire people who were super well-qualified, who would then get frustrated and quit, because the truth was the partners never wanted to delegate or share creative responsibility with anyone. I eventually pointed out to them that they should hire less qualified people who would just show up and do the grunt work – and after they started doing that, they had much higher employee retention.

I have thought about retraining as a bookkeeper/accounting person. What I know, I learned on the job. I have no formal training. I also have marginal math skills – which are not needed if I have an adding machine, an Excel spreadsheet, and a computerized check ledger – but I really don’t understand the broader meaning or context of what I’m doing. If I wanted to get that training, I’d need to take remedial pre-Algebra math at the community college, and then take accounting courses over a span of years. It would be, I think, a good practical skill – and one that can travel into all kinds of industries. It’s just that it is not in my area of natural aptitude, and it might bore me so much it would take me a long time to learn and be a very painful process. Been there, done that, with skills that don’t come naturally. Once I knew how to do it, I’d probably be fine, because I like methods and routines that are repeatable and verifiable and not open to interpretation.

What would be great about it is that it is a low-key job most of the year (except during tax season) – people wouldn’t bother me, I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone, and I could just quietly trundle in, do my thing, and go away. That’s the type of job atmosphere that works best for me.

I wouldn’t want to be a public school teacher, although I do really enjoy high school  kids. What I’d like to do is be an ADHD coach, maybe go into schools and explain to their Special Ed people what kids with ADHD really need, what ADHD is and how it impacts learning. Because from dealing with my son’s school, it is obvious to me that not even the Special Ed teacher understands. But I don’t know how realistic a goal that is – it’s just something I think about and care about because I don’t want other people to suffer needlessly. In reality, I’d probably be at my best coaching one-on-one.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to be a writer.

But everything I want to do costs money, instead of being a source of  income.

Also, I’ve done retraining a couple of times and not been able to find employment. I’m not good at self-promotion – I could probably learn to be if I had confidence in the skills I was offering. I’m not  a schmoozer or a big personality. I’m easily overstimulated and prefer a low-key environment.

People are getting out of college and not finding jobs. There was a story about an older guy who went back to school and got a computer science degree – and then no one would hire him because he was old.

So, I’m wondering what jobs might fit my temperament. I’m also wondering what jobs are good for older people, where age is perceived as an asset instead of as a liability. A counselor can be old because age is supposed to include wisdom and maturity, LOL. Where does age lend credibility to a role? Professional wizard? I don’t know.

😉

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[sdwa]

@Scattybird

Yeah. Thanks. I like that. The “that’s okay” part.

Often I worry about failing to complete those “bucket list” items, because I was too tired or overwhelmed to get to them, but I can’t be “on” all the time, either.

@blackdog

What makes Katamino better than Tetris is it’s pretty – a coffee table sculpture, sort of, made of smooth, painted, colored wood puzzle pieces. It doesn’t beep. It’s kind of like playing with blocks. Totally not electronic.

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[sdwa]

@blackdog

It helps just that you care enough to comment. You have the experience and the knowledge to do that, and that’s one of the things that’s cool about you.

I’m sort of over the job loss. It is what it is, right? The emotional part, anyway.

The practical stuff – I still need money. Not sure what’s next for me.

But the emotional stuff, I’m not taking it personally. I felt better about that today.

Your comments reminded me of that stupid yet funny movie about a guy who decides he hates his job, starts going in wearing flip-flops, plots to rob the company, and eventually burns the place down…”Office Space”?

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[sdwa]

I can’t remember my passwords, so I keep cookies in place. If I have to reset my password every time I try to log in somewhere, I’ll never use the internet again. Bo-ring! Like I have time to reset my damn passwords? I’ve got surfing to do, here. Places to go.

But an alternative would be to write them all down in a little password book and hope the book doesn’t get stolen – keep in desk drawer of computer, never take it out except to use.

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[sdwa]

Also (do I talk too much?)…I had a coach once who asked me, when I was stressed out about all the stuff I had written not being a novel as I conceptualized it…what would it look like if I just took all the stuff I had already written, spread it out on the floor, rearranged it, and then decided what it was?

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[sdwa]

What an amazing story – that is so cool. I’m envious. I wish I could ditch everything and just travel around and write about it.

I don’t think the problem is a lack of good material.

Where are you when you are sitting down to write?

Are you sitting?

Standing?

Do you change locations, or always try to do it at a desk, or in one place?

Have you tried picking a word at random from a book and free associating on that word?

Or pick a color out of a hat and see what place that color reminds you, and then write about that?

What if you had a theme, and wrote a list of theme topics, and threw them in a hat, and picked them out at random, so it wasn’t a front-to-back list?

What if you started writing at the end, and worked your way to the beginning?

What do you think you’re getting stuck on, that you get to the middle, and you stall out because…? You’re worried about something?

And then you put pressure on yourself, because…?

And then you feel paralyzed?

Is that sort of what’s happening?

 

For what it’s worth, everyone says the middle of a novel is the hardest part.

I wrote the first draft of a novel…twice. Still not done.

I studied story structure for two years. I learned how to outline. At first it scared me, because I couldn’t wrap my mind around the dramatic elements – I had to read about twenty five books on the subject before it started to click. It was extremely difficult for me to see the big picture because few people talk about it – I had to piece it together by myself.

But I’ve tried to make the process analogous to other things I know how to do, like painting. Select a topic. Gather source materials. Select an image. Map out a grid. Draw the outlines of shapes. Start to build up layers of color and texture.

I got to a point where having an outline wasn’t a terrifying concept – it’s fine, because if the outline doesn’t work as I’m writing, I don’t let the outline control me – I change the outline. But I still keep all the parts of the story in a big list, so I can see the whole more easily than I could if I tried to re-read it.

When I try to write a chapter based on an outline, it doesn’t come out the way the outline says it should, because I run into logistics problems I didn’t anticipate (like: How would Bob get his motorcycle down the chimney, and why is he trying to do that, anyway? Or: Can a smallpox virus be destroyed by blowing up a building? How can I find out?)

Usually I get hung up on:

1) lack of information

2) things don’t work the way I imagined they would

3) lack of clarity about how to organize or sequence the story

4) trying to have too rigid an idea of how it should go and getting stuck

So, I guess I would say, try to figure out why you are stalling – in a non-judgmental way, without getting down on yourself about it. What’s going through your mind? Are you trying to force a bunch of rules on yourself that don’t fit for you?

Anyway, I think what you’re doing sounds totally awesome and amazing and awesome.

Will definitely check out your blog stuff.

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[sdwa]

Wow – I love this question. I don’t play games. In fact, I am a completely miserable human being who never has any fun, never plays, never kids around, and never enjoys life at all.

But there was a time, long long ago, when I learned how to play Go, and I really enjoyed it a lot – particularly as compared to chess. I could not play chess to save my life. I can’t remember the last nine moves, let alone predict the next nine moves, you know? But with Go, it’s all visual, and it’s great.

Before that, I enjoyed Scrabble.

Katamino is cool – fitting shapes together.

I have a hard time doing anything frivolous that might be entertaining – I just feel guilty about it, like it’s a waste of time that can’t be justified. But then I’ll waste my day sitting around feeling terrible, so really, if I was going to waste it anyway….

😉

 

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[sdwa]

I have a theory about this. I think it’s related to cookies. Not the good kind.

If you’ve clicked on something or looked at a website or a class or visited anything, and you have cookies active on your browser, I think that’s what makes ads follow you around. I looked at some online classes – and now everywhere I go, their ads pop up.

In other words, it is not TADD – it’s your browser settings. You might be able to clear the memory or just turn off cookies entirely, although I don’t know how this is done.

I keep mine on because the browser remembers my passwords for stuff I access only at home.

For privacy, it’s probably best to turn it off.

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[sdwa]

For what it’s worth, a psychiatrist told me it’s hard to get SSI the first time you apply. She did not say it’s impossible to get with ADHD.

Why would the ADA include ADHD, but Social Security deny its existence? Or deny it’s a real problem? Anyway, I’d go with depression if that’s what it takes.

There may be law firms around that can help with disability applications. Google your State bar association – they may have a law firm search feature that would help you find a disability lawyer. The State might also have a volunteer legal service for low income people dealing with civil matters, if paying for a lawyer is a big issue. It would be for me.

I’m about to be unemployed, looking at the job market and discovering that my skills are way out of date. Employers want degrees that are very different from mine. It used to be that just having a B.A. was enough for an office support job, but now they want a marketing or business degree. I can’t compete with 25 year olds. I have no idea what I’m going to do.

If I blow through my unemployment, if I can’t get training that will lead to a job (sadly, nothing I’m actually interested in – such as journalism or editing – is a viable field, and I’m not a math or science person – the paying jobs are in computers or biotech or accounting)…if I can’t get work, and can’t get training that matters (I’m not going through training and paying all that money if it won’t lead to a job)…I might want to go on Disability. If that’s what it takes to survive.

Anyway, I know the feeling. Let us know how it works out for you.

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[sdwa]

I guess it’s my prejudice but it looks to me like people have to be comfortably middle class before they’re considered worthy of help. All forms of professional help – including coaching, therapy, education, and medication – cost money. Assessments for school, legal advice, training to deal with school systems, private tutoring, professional organizing support – and pretty much any other service we might need – are all super expensive. People who live below the poverty line can’t pay for services – and are used to the fact that they can’t get everything they want or need – but there is still an assumption that if you’re sincere enough you can magically make money appear in your bank account that doesn’t exist.

Also, I question whether incarcerated/homeless/addicts ever DO get help, even if they would be considered to have “real” problems at that level of challenge.

How “real” the problem appears for each person can be influenced by social status and apparent “success” – if someone is a white collar professional and has ADHD, but is still able to afford a decent place to live and hold down a well-paying job and be respected in their profession, they don’t look like they need as much help, because they seem to be doing OK.  If I were doing well like that, I would still want support for my ADHD – and I’d finally be able to get it without being terrified of what it was costing me.

We here all KNOW that ADHD is REAL.

Personally, I don’t care how many people say it isn’t. They all have an agenda. My only agenda is to make my life work, and to help my son thrive. I’m not selling anything, and I don’t brag about having ADHD, nor do I use it as an excuse. And I can’t take ADHD meds all the time, so I’m not an addict.

I’ve listened to you guys long enough that I see the patterns much more clearly in the struggles we all seem to share. It’s not a random coincidence.

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[sdwa]

@kc5jck

I like that idea a lot. I saw some great circus caravan photos while researching the Tiny House. I’ve always wanted to be a fortune teller.

🙂

I wonder if you actually could deduct the whole thing as a home office – you think?

A story like that would be great to blog about – fortune teller crosses the country while getting to know all kinds of people in national parks – with photos documenting the whole trip!

Sure, you laugh now, but just wait and see when I make national news.

Not sure about horses, though, composting aside. The last time I was on a horse, I fell off and severely sprained my ankle. Trusting your safety to a 1500 pound animal doesn’t seem like a good idea to me at all.

 

 

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[sdwa]

@blackdog

You’ve melted plastic bags, cutting boards, spatulas, bowls, shattered a glass lid, and set your oven mitts on fire? Me, too! We have so much in common!

😉

I’ll never forget the day I was making candles in the kitchen and the paraffin went up in flames. My children were terrified as fire shot to the ceiling, sort of like the mushroom cloud of smoke used by the Wizard of Oz to intimidate Dorothy and her friends. There are still smoke stains on the ceiling. My younger child said, “Mom, please don’t make candles again.”

Part of my problem is that I get bored cooking. I hate waiting for a pot to boil. I hate standing there to stir things. I have a tendency to wander off and forget I was cooking.

@Tadd Moderator

Was it the bowl that shattered or the electric curly element thing? The elements are probably metal, right? I have fused aluminum foil to the element inside the oven – burning aluminum emits toxic fumes. Not good. Hope your mom was okay and didn’t get hit by flying glass – that’s pretty scary.

My husband, for reasons best known to himself, likes to “sterilize” toothbrushes and kitchen sponges by boiling them in a pot of water on the stove. I can’t tell you how many times he’s forgotten and melted them, poisoning the atmosphere in the house, so that we needed to put fans in the windows for hours to clear it out. I wish he’d quit doing that. It never ends well.

😉

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[sdwa]

It sounds like it can’t hurt to see a doctor and discuss it. My impression is that people who have ADHD in childhood don’t outgrow it, but it manifests differently as we get older. We might be more subdued externally, but still hyperactive mentally, and struggling with other symptoms like overwhelm, or trouble staying organized, focused, on-task, or on time.

You might find Sari Solden’s books Women with Attention Deficit Disorder, or Journeys Through ADDulthood helpful and relatable.

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[sdwa]

@jancave

In my opinion, few people try harder than those with ADHD. We’re already operating at maximum capacity just to get through the day.

I get crap like that from people, too – that I should change and be someone else. At this point in my life, I don’t see it happening, so I’d rather be around people who are fine with me as I am.

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