[veronica]

THANK YOU!! a friend posted it on her FB page and the thing that bothered me wasn’t the article, it was the comments made on the post itself. like “it’s just an excuse to be a flake.”… that one pissed me off most, b/c my friend is the one who wrote it.

i hope you don’t mind, but i used some of your reasonable responses to reply to her post. you see… i get over emotional when defending the fact that i have adhd to those who don’t have it. i would have gone on some sort of tangent that didn’t make sense… reading your responses made clear sense as to how to respond.

and kc5jck… i prefer to be “lazy, crazy and stupid” also, hence the reason i only take my adderal on week days when i need to be an “adult”. hee hee

*side bar* ya know… i just noticed (since i haven’t been on here in a LOOOOOONG time) that this new version of forum doesn’t show any of my previous responses to any other posts i had placed on here before it changed formats. is that a way to look that up?

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[veronica]

i work really well on deadlines and rewards. even with house cleaning. i give myself an allotted time to finish each task. dishes in 30 min… break for 15. “main laundry” in 2 hours… break for 20 min. bathroom in 30 min… break for 15. each time setting a timer on my phone. if i go over, no break. if i go under… longer break.

and it works well for my kids! i set timers for them to brush their teeth, to change their clothes. it helps them learn that they still need to do things that mommy isn’t always going to be able to help them with. they actually enjoy it and try to beat the clock when it’s allowed.

i also write a lists… i LOVE lists. of course i don’t let them get too crazy. this is a good post, btw.

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[veronica]

you are so very welcome, tiddler.

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[veronica]

i’ve sent this to so many people now… her words are so profound and very honest. it really made me think about why i feel the way i do.

it also made me feel sorry for those who tell me to not voice what i’m really thinking or feeling, b/c i might upset someone. i usually tell them, “i’m not here to make people like me… i’m here to do my job.”

i’m glad someone else enjoyed her talk as much as i did.

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[veronica]

i haven’t read through the whole post of replies, b/c quite honestly i’m being lazy.

but i just wanted to point out that some of those f-bombs should have been placed in a different spot to REALLY, truly emphasis what you feeling. hahahahaha

*hugs*

i get it. and sometimes venting does help. sometimes just having someone to listen to you, without criticism and be empathetic, is just the right kind of therapy one needs.

i tell folks all the time, just b/c you have an education doesn’t mean you know what to do with all that you learned. plus, some sh*t just doesn’t come naturally for all kinds. but it’s whatever. i’ve become more mindful of the times i get in these moods and try to stay the hell away from people. that’s my coping mechanism…. building walls. it’s not healthy, but for the most part keeps me sane. hahahahaha

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[veronica]

hahahahaha, awe… i was here once.

i have a 15, 8 and 3 1/2 year old. i notice that there are things that i’m pretty relaxed about and others that i’m very firm on (e.g. relaxed about daily bathing, firm about not eating on the couch). hahahaha

so i met this guy. and he’s a pretty chill dude. he observed that i will tell the kids something and the next minute tell them the complete opposite. he helped work out how to pick my battles and made me realize that if i want to instigate something i have to do it on MY terms… and that helped. like when i wanted the kids to put their school work in a box out of their backpacks, so i can look through it later…. i had to find a way that would remind me to remind them. so i put the box right by the door where i put my keys and such.

another thing that i’ve noticed is that i work better at reminding my kids about routines and such, if my place is tidy. ‘everything has a home’ is the mantra in my house. the kids know that they can find something in a particular place. when they ask me where something is…. i ask them where they set up that item’s ‘home’.

i work better on schedules. i utilize google calendar a lot and send the reminders to my phone.

and i give the kids chores…. with a chart to manage that. made from construction paper and markers… i designed it, they decorated it… you don’t have to be all fancy or go buy an expensive one.

and then there are those days where i just don’t care about any of it and i live in the present with the kids. we totally do not do any type of routine and i spontaneously take them somewhere to do something…. in order to satisfy my impulsive cravings.

it’s really all about finding balance.

i’m so scrambled right now writing this to you, b/c i want to help you so bad, but i’m at work… so i’m totally scattered in my giving you solutions. sorry.

maybe start by seeing if there are any support groups in your area and asking folks in that group for some advice.

good luck!

~v

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[veronica]

i don’t know that i am qualified enough (i’m not doc or nothin), but from my experience the more unnecessary mg i was taking the more agitated, anxious and annoyed i got with those around me when the meds faded.

perhaps you may want to try a different medication. my physician had mentioned concerta to me once, but that medicine costs me $175 WITH insurance… i was like, ‘uhm, not just no, but HELL no… i can’t afford that’. so, he put me back on adderall XR with the agreement that i would document at the end of the day how i felt and he would regulate based on that.

i had started a word doc that i could just go in and type and type to my heart’s content. and looking back on it really helped. i knew to stay away from certain people and situations that weren’t healthy.

good luck, ben!

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[veronica]

i was getting agitated when i started taking it. yoga helped out a lot. reading. taking time to myself at the end of the day to decompress.

i spoke to my doc about it and he lowered my dosage. when i was still getting agrevated he put me XR… that helped out immensely. then, he stuck me on a no meds for 3 weeks diet. he said this would help me figure out what i was benefitting from with the meds and when i was getting anxious…. it worked. getting off the meds helped me be more centered and focus on the things that were my personality type (which in turn helped me realize when i was getting anxious about something i had no control over verses those things that i could do something about… like work and taking my meds).

now i’m back on the meds and when i get that feeling of anxiousness or irritation i take a time out. and allow myself to be present and fully understand why i am annoyed, or frustrated… which leads to my being anxious.

write down when you’re feeling this way…. for a week. write what you have eaten, what activities you did and how you are feeling.

read over it at the end of the week… you may find a pattern, or learn that you may not need the level of meds you’re on.

good luck!

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[veronica]

i’m a knitter/crocheter. i use it more so to keep me away from going outside and smoking cigs, rather than helping learn to focus on completing a project. in fact i have a ‘never ending scarf’ project…. it’s the scarf i knit when i’m stressed. ha!

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[veronica]

yes! you can think positive…..

i am a perfect example. for the longest time i was in a ‘woe is me’ mindset. kept thinking that things are too hard. kept keeping myself back and not wanting to try new things, b/c i was scared. i was afraid of rejection, being told i wasn’t good enough, being told that i wasn’t normal, thinking over and over that i would never fit in…. and always looking pessimistically at EVERYTHING.

8 years… 8 years married and battled through a verbally and physically abusive relationship, 8 years of bouncing from job to job trying to find one that i felt needed and free at the same time, 8 years of not being able to maintain my wee bouts of positivity…. then i started looking in the mirror every morning and talking to myself. telling myself mauntras that allowed me to love myself for who i am. learn to love you first, then once you can forgive yourself for every ‘stupid’ thing you’ve done and moving passed it… it will open your eyes and heart to a lot of posibilities.

the next step… i stopped talking to those people in my life that didn’t allow me to stay positive. starting with a few friends. they were very draining, energy wise.

then i started to show my skills at work and learning everything i could while working there, just to take advantage of it.

i got laid off in December. and i didn’t cry or get worried. i just started concentrating on finding my perfect job. and bam, 3 weeks later landed the job of my dreams (WITHOUT a college degree, thank you very much).

then… yep it gets better.

i left my husband of 8 years. and when i laid out everything that i felt about him and about our relationship, he told me….

“this whole time we were concentrating on ‘fixing’ you and i know now that you are the more ‘normal’ one of the two of us. i’ve learned a great deal about LOVE-PATIENCE-CARING-HUGS-EMOTIONAL CONTROL-PARENTING-FRIENDSHIPS-BEING CENTERED and BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF”

i was excited and on cloud nine and have been. i’m a pretty darn positive person. and pretty darn positive things happen b/c i BELIEVE they will.

i know i saw another thread about this same thing a while back when this site first popped up. considering i’m too lazy to look it up, i won’t. but it touched on books to read and ways to think positive.

good luck! don’t let the world, or yourself… get you down.

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[veronica]

yay! someone on this board is an admin like me and is GOOD at it!!

ok, i’ve been medicated with adderall XR for one complete year now. i too am an admin asst. and also felt that the overwhelming feeling i would have seeing the load of work i had to complete, diminished the moment i started taking the medication. so yeah, the meds help me feel less anxious and less vulnerable to emotional breakdowns at work…. but then came the part of learning how to manage my time, prioritize tasks, remembering things i have to do and give myself a pat on the back when a job was completed.

first things first…. the tools you’ll need to get yourself on track:

*an appointment book calendar tool. i have one that has each week laid out over two pages with the days broken down into times. like this one (http://www.ataglance.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product3_10052_10002_130423_-1_false_10052). when it is communicated to me to do something at a certain time on a certain day…. i immediately write in that book first. it is small enough to carry with me at all times, and have at my desk. i draw a thick dark line after 5:00pm (b/c that’s what time i leave work) and under that line for each day i go along and write the things that are asked of me to do throughout the day that are not appointment based (general admin duties). once the item is complete i scratch it out.

doing this will help you look over the list and prioritize what it is you have going on throughout the day.

e.g.- Bob comes in asks you to make 500 copies of a memo that needs to go out by 12:00 the next day, and Sue comes in with a letter that needs to be drafted by 2:00pm that same day… this two tasks upon a mountain of over work, you simply…..

look at what you are doing right now. can those tasks wait, or do they need to be done at a certain time like Bob’s and Sue’s request? if they can be put on hold- write them down under your daily requested tasks (the thick dark line)…. and complete Sue’s request first. Turn it in. Do Bob’s request. Turn it in to him…. then go about the other tasks.

another thing is to always get a definite time people need things by. this allows you the opportunity to under promise and over deliver. and will help you prioritize what needs to be completed first.

one of my biggest problems was that i would not ask people when they needed something by and i would work on filing stuff or writing letters, when something else was more pressing and i’d no idea it was. ALWAYS ask. and if they don’t have a time… set one. they need a letter typed up…. one hour. and do it in 30 minutes. under promise, over deliver.

and if i may be so bold as to tell you to use the google calendar for home, or separate one for work, i think would be best… only b/c then you are way too into making sure everything is entered in to the calendar, rather than being focused on WHAT is on it and what needs to get done.

*egg timer: or a stopwatch or whatever can give you a signal that certain time has passed. this will help you keep on point with your deadlines. but you have to be mindful not to get aggravated or annoyed if you are interrupted by someone while you’re timing yourself doing something. allow your self room for flexibility and interruptions, b/c as an admin… i don’t believe there is ever down time.

*a mental sharpener: is there a hobby that you like to do that can be done in the break room or your desk for less than 15 minutes?

eg. i like knitting, so i knit at my desk while i’m on break. i also like puzzles so i take a small to do in the break room or on my desk. reading a book, reading magazines…. anything that will take you away from your computer or other electronic devices.

we adders need rewards and those breaks (which i recommend taking about every 2 hours) helps us veer from our wondering ways and space cadetness. when you start to find yourself unfocused on a task you are trying to complete, that is the best time for you to get up and go for a walk, or go read, or knit, or whatever…. then come back to what you were doing.

secondly, read up on the actual skill of managing your time better. this really isn’t something that is an official class in grade school (wish it was). here is a great breakdown of the many time management tools and such that are out there. it describes on of my most favorite ways to prioritize things…. The Eisenhower Method (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_management#Techniques_for_setting_priorities), plus it briefly discusses time management and ADD.

don’t get too preoccupied with tasks lists. try not to ‘leave things for tomorrow’. doing those two things is like setting excuses as to why you didn’t get those tasks done… and honestly it’s lame. hahahahaha

lastly, remember that one of the most valuable tools you have is being present. practice recognizing when you’re becoming bored with a task you are doing and either tell yourself you’ll take a break once a certain aspect is completed, or just go take one immediately and return to the item.

and this is something you can do in your personal life as well. if you have any other Q’s i’m on FB. send me a msg.

facebook.com/vroninatx

good luck!

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[veronica]

wow! dude, that’s great. you should feel fabulous that you are able to do these tasks and put people in “check”. sometimes reality hits some not so hard as others and a simple ‘slap on the hand’ won’t cut it. glad to see that you followed your gut with this one.

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[veronica]

just curious, but is there a way to anonymously submit the information to a higher up, without it coming back to you? like printing things up while wearing gloves, packing it all up in a nice neat envelope and mailing it to them?

i am the opposite of you, totally confrontational, impulsive, extroverted, and very restless… but i still know that i need my job and i know what it feels like to think you are doing the right thing (especially at work) and get bitten in the a55 for it. believe me i’ve gathered a lot of enemies doing this.

who was it that told you to look this information up? it sounds to me like there were suspicions of someone breaking that rule and they needed proof to do that, so they asked you.

it also sucks to be put in that position. does your boss’ boss know that this was being done?

in the future if this is requested of you, get it in writing and make sure you copy any needed individuals that you see would benefit from knowing that this was requested of you. that way you cover yourself.

i don’t know if any of that makes sense….

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[veronica]

my husband and i have been battling this issue for YEARS!

communicating effectively is difficult enough for all, but throw in ADD and it’s a whirlwind of confusion and frustration. this last conversation that my husband and i had was the kicker. i had to aim to make myself be a more effective communicator and be able to feel understood and too understand him. he has been dealing with my ADHD for 7 years and even though i’ve only been medicated for since this January he was still feeling lost, angry, frustrated and at wits end with our inability to move past things. so, i took it upon myself to research the hell out of ways to be fearless and expressive in my communication with him.

i found a site- communication magic. for 29 bucks i received a book and some audio to a teleconference discussing the book (the book and audio is downloadable). i HIGHLY recommend it (not only for those with ADD(HD), but even those without it. they discuss 10 big communication mistakes and they break each one down so that you can recognize cycles, patterns and the root cause of the miscommunication in all areas of your life- not just in a relationship.

1-allowing your mind to wander while someone is trying is talking to you

2-being afraid to say what you are truly feeling for fear of causing problems, or b/c you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings

3-thinking that everyone else wants what you want and thinks the way you do

4-being defensive and having your own agenda when you listen to another person

5-being unclear in your communication and not clearly asking for what you want

6-taking too much, or not enough of the responsibility for a situation

7-allowing problems/misunderstandings to simmer until you explode

8-running away either physically, or emotionally when things get rough

9-assuming you know what someone is thinking or feeling

10-judging and blaming the other person as they are speaking and you are talking

i was unclear of a lot things regarding certain aspects of my reactions. a lot of the time i was battling in my head what was a ‘normal’ reaction verses my personality type verses my ADHD. the teleconference recordings were great for me, b/c i was able to listen to them on my commute to work (alone) and have my own ‘ah-ha’ moments without feeling judged or fearful of what another person(s) reactions or opinions may be of what was being discussed. the recording helped me recognize where the ball was being dropped and gave me insight on how to change that behavior. and that is what it is truly about. YOU wanting to make that change. YOU ultimately being ready to discover how to stop the cycle.

since then i have been able to effectively get my point across to my husband in a way that was a compromise and not about always ‘being right’. i’ve really opened up to him and in turn his patience with me has BLOSSOMED!

it’s not for everyone, but maybe just taking that time to listen to it will help one, or maybe both of you feel as though you are not alone.

good luck! (((hugs)))

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[veronica]

hi everyone! been gone a while. lots of busy busy stuff to do. *sigh*

hello gracious, i have not yet gone through all the responses, but i just wanted to mention that you’ve described me as a kid (heck even as an adult).

the HUGE thing that really helped was schedules. maintaining a very consistent schedule will assist him in knowing that certain things need to happen at certain times. an egg timer helps. set the timer for 5 minutes and say “when this timer goes off, it’s time for bath.”… or whatever task is coming up next. set a consistent routine for bed time. bath, teeth, hair, read a book, and time for sleep.

along with that, you can set up a system like we have with our kids, “toy jail” (high up in our hall closet). they have 3 chances to straighten behavior and then it’s movies, books, toys… whatever they LOVE and keeps them up, is put into toy jail for an allotted amount of time. if they ask for the item we revisit the reason it is in there. if they ask us about it again, we tack on a day. when we take the item out, we revisit why it was in there and we always discuss a better way to handle the situation that got them there in the first place. this works for any age. it even works for my oldest girl who has down syndrome. woohoo! hahahaha and yes, i have stuffed the entire closet with all of their toys and movies and they were miserable for a the 3 days that mommy did that. but they have yet to repeat that behavior again!

there is always incentives as well. placing a reward system is AWESOME. it even works for me to this day and i’m 32.

my girl gets ice cream friday if she gets smiley faces all week at school in her planner. she can also opt to do a “friday night sleep in mommy and daddy’s bed”, in lieu of the ice cream.

so that’s all i have for the brief moment i’m on here. schedules, bedtime routine, rewards and consequences. it’s a small start. and you HAVE to be consistent with all of them. good luck!

oh! and don’t beat yourself up over anything. none of us were born with manuals. so our folks, like us, have to learn as we go. fun, huh?!

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[Author]

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