[AbbyNormal]

My 14yo switched from 48 mg Concerta to 60 mg Vyvanse over a year ago and loves it! Concerta zombified him and gave him an extremely low appetite and flat affect. He gets good grades with Vyvanse (= it works!) and says it makes him want to talk and eat more.

In-between the 2 drugs above, he tried Adderall and it gave him HORRIFIC cycling-off rages- really off the charts.

So, we’re happy with Vyvanse!

Hope this helps!

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[AbbyNormal]

Thanks for the Wow, Scatty! I think this time I impressed myself, too!

Ya, notice it didn’t occur to me to exercise either, not until a few hours later!! “Couch”- now that is much more appealing to the mind than “exert”, isn’t it?

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[AbbyNormal]

Thanks, Scatty!

I did just that- added chocolate to my blanket-covered book reading session on the couch! It was a nice break.

Then I remembered what also works: exercise! After several hours of nesting, I got up, put my cute new yoga capris on, strapped the No Pull Harness on one of the dogs, and power-walked 2.3 miles in 30 minutes. Endorphins were released, I do believe. Feeling much better this evening!

Thanks for the sympathy, as always, Scatty!

Love,

Abby

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[AbbyNormal]

:::popping head up from behind the newspaper:::

Hi again and thanks to all for your kind but firm advice. I do see the value in communicating on a deeper level with her in order to see if something can be salvaged. It’s tough to think about hearing the downsides to being friends with me, things that I might need to change. It’s been easier to avoid all that and keep her at arm’s length, right?

As always, I appreciate the honesty and tough love.

I’m thinking that although 90+% of what we communicate is conveyed through everything OTHER than the words, I might take the above advice to write something out vs. try to say it without falling apart or saying it wrong, as we are wont to do. At least as an opener, so she has a chance to recover from the shock of sudden revelation and re-opening of the wounds we both have.

Peace, and thanks to all again!

Abby

P.S. Sheesh, Robbo- that buffed-up squirrel avatar of yours is going to star in my next recurrent “the rodents are after me” nightmare!! :^)

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[AbbyNormal]

I’m going to add another post here in the hopes that it’ll get noticed at the top of the forum list because I could use some perspective on my last comment, just above this one.

Maybe I’m beating a dead horse and don’t need any more advice/perspective. I have been known for overthinking things, imagine an ADHD’er doing THAT!!!!

Abby

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[AbbyNormal]

Thanks to all for the valuable perspective (e.g., they’re just feelings) and commiseration (all who have said that my experiences reminded them of their own lives). It’s really nice to know I’m not alone.

I am still struggling with what to do with this friend, beyond the holding pattern of Not Talking About IT and Thus Not Talking Very Often At All phase we’re in. Can’t decide If/How to get it out in the open or what to say if I did choose that path.

Another development last week though, and it put another tick in the Maybe This Is For the Best column:

I was on a FREE trip with my family for spring break- a family member takes us skiing once a year on her tab. We’d never afford any vacation if it weren’t for her.

I, along with other Facebook friends of aforementioned friend posted a COUPLE pics and updates about our trips as they happened. I for one got many “Likes” clicked on my pics and nice comments.

She posted a status on Monday that says, “I can’t deal with my jealous feelings about everyone’s spring break travels. Although I’m glad to be home on a budget and getting stuff done, I think I’m going to stop checking in to Facebook for the week.” This from someone who took an all-out family vacay to Disney World over the holidays a few years ago.

Haven’t bothered to communicate with her in other ways lest I talk about where I was or what I was doing and make things worse.

I know, I know- I can choose not to take this personally, because it’s probable that she had many other people who were taking trips at the same time.

But her post struck me as really whiney and immature, and made me think, “Wow, there’s another example of hardness and negativity I see coming from her.” And then I thought, “How much do I really want to invest in trying to re-establish closeness?” Kind of a “Is it worth it anymore?” feeling.

Ok, come on, don’t be shy- tell me I’m being knee-jerk judgemental, I can take it!

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[AbbyNormal]

Totally had the same trouble with generic Concerta!!!!! Was so excited about the cheaper generic. Met a woman at the doc’s office that told me her son had to change back to regular from generic because it didn’t work as well and a LIGHT BULB clicked on over my head! I looked back at the previous month and realized why I’d been in a fog!! Had NO idea the quality and effects could be subpar, but they were, for me!!

Am now back on “no substitution” Concerta and SO glad for random strangers!

Hope you find a way to get your supply changed. That’s a long time to wait, so sorry!!

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[AbbyNormal]

::::checking my house for hidden cameras to make sure this isn’t a transcript of surveillance footage of ME:::::: 😯

Really, this could be any one of my evenings! I’m big on lists, they keep me more focused than I would be without them- even for such things as what I want to do in an evening.

Maybe what would help is to rearrange those to do’s and put the finite (read “not likely to encourage hyperfocus”) and the most important first. Put your laundry in earlier, when your meds are still working. Read to the kids, make sure the others are off of screens even if it’s not bedtime. Spend time with the husband, and THEN read your book (btw, I own that book and love it!) to your heart’s content.

I know what you’re thinking, though because I’m thinking the same thing: “I get so TIRED of having to arrange my life ‘just so’! Sometimes I just like to go with the flow like a normal person!” 🙄 Yeah, sometimes I hate that the real world and its responsibilities takes all the fun out of having ADHD, I really do! 😡

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[AbbyNormal]

dreamer, we meet again! I just responded on your embarrassment thread.

Social dynamics continue to be a mystery to me, as well. My trouble with 3’s or 4’s is if 2 of them are good friends of mine, but closer to each other than they are to me. When they know each other better than I do, it feels awkward and I have a hard time not taking it personally that they aren’t just as close with me!! I know, makes no sense, but what else is new, right?

UPDATE on my original post:

I’ve been thinking a lot about the kind responses here and the possibility that I need to have a talk with my friend that hurt me, because I backed off without telling her why.

Trouble is:

1) I have NO idea how to go about it (Even proposing a heart-to-heart in person talk: do I set it up by email, FB message, or phone?).

2) I have NO idea what to say or how to say it.

3) I’m still on the fence as to whether or not this will help. I guess it’ll help, or it’ll make things more awkward and we’ll stop talking altogether, or it’ll keep things as is. Any 1 of those 3 possibilities is better, I guess, than not trying and letting things go unsaid.

4) I’m just afraid of hearing more about how awfully hard I am to take. She can be very difficult to disagree with- she gets cold and defensive, and lashes out, like she did the last time.

5) Because of #4, I almost want to take the easy way out and write her a letter. But they say that what we communicate is 1% the words and 99% the way we say it, so when you write vs. talk, it’s easily misconstrued.

::::sigh:::::

A rainy Monday morning after having fried my cellphone by dropping it in a sinkful of water is probably NOT the day to contemplate all this. Someone talk me down from the ledge!

Abby

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[AbbyNormal]

Ohhhh, I feel for you, dreamer!!

First, I’d like to completely validate your sense of mortification at this embarrassing accident! I would feel awful and know that feeling well. First the “When did THAT get there?!” surprise at something clearly present and your brain skipping right over it.

Then the guilt feelings over damaging someone’s artwork, and in such a public way.

Now…..

Feel the emotions, let yourself regret. You’re allowed to feel bad about the whole thing.

But it’s not going to be healthy for you to direct your ADHD hyperfocus laser beam on it, rewind it in your mind and feel mortified all over again. And again. And again.

So in a day or so……

Make it a point to balance the emotions with logic, so you can forgive yourself.

Picture a balance scale, like the scale of justice.

Every time you see the incident in your head and feel the embarrassment and self-criticism on one side of the scale, add 1 or all of these thoughts to the other side of the scale, to even out your perception of the matter: *They didn’t put a ribbon around the exhibit. *Your friend who was leading you there set in your mind 1 goal- to meet someone, not to look at what was in the room or on the floor (nor did he warn you about the exhibit, since it sounds like he’d already been in the room once before). *You weren’t the only one who stepped on the exhibit, your teacher also did the same thing, and *They STILL didn’t put a barrier around their work to protect it or have someone standing guard to help those who entered the room to be aware of the exhibit on the floor! They should be just as embarrassed as you.

In your mind, stand up for yourself and ANYONE’s right, not just your right, to make such an easy mistake. Turn your perspective around and be that girl who came up to you, told you to take it easy because someone else had done the same thing. This is NOT one of those social situations that you need to learn a lesson from like, “Next time I need to stop talking and give the other person a chance to speak.” No need to work on “Next time I am led into a room, I HAVE to be sure to look at the floor so I don’t step on artwork!” 🙄

I’m sure you, like all of us here, have bigger fish to fry than that! DISCLAIMER: The above advice is easy to give, not so easy to follow. I myself confess that I have trouble balancing emotion with logic a lot of the time. I struggle often with giving myself permission to make mistakes without replaying them over and over again in my mind, cringing every time.

But maybe writing you this post will help me do that better in the future, I can only hope!

Take care, and….

BALANCE!!!!!!

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[AbbyNormal]

I resisted giving my son medication for his increasingly obvious ADHD until he was in the 4th grade. His 2nd grade teacher tried to tell me how much he needed it. I was in denial about it being ADHD, but also afraid of medication, so I know how you feel.

But once he got into 4th grade where he just fell apart faced with the increasing level of responsibility and organization needed I finally looked into it. These medications have been around for decades, they are safe. Yes, they should be monitored closely by a doctor. The first one doesn’t always work, and the doses need to find that balance between “ineffective” and “zombie”. But I felt so much better about it when I read a quote from a behavioral psychologist that went like this:

“ADHD medications have a proven track record of safe use over many, many years. In my opinion, not giving your child medication to alleviate their ADHD symptoms is akin to not wearing glasses if you have other than 20/20 vision, it’s that simple.”

Once that analogy hit home, we went ahead and tried Concerta. I still remember the first dose. After he took it, he was sitting at the computer watching something on YouTube and I asked him to feed the dogs.

He said “Ok,” like usual.

Then…..

He got up from the computer and FED THE DOGS.

What a shock! Typically, that “Ok” would be followed by 2 or 3 increasingly frustrated reminders, due to the ADHD brain’s hyperfocus and the inability to sense the passage of time.

Medication helps him focus and gives him a fighting chance to learn helpful habits and self-control to make his life easier to live.

He would be a mess without it. The short term effect that day with feeding the dogs was the Big Bang moment. Since then, the long-term effects of not only the medication but the tougher job of finding the right organizational tools and habits have given us a lot of hope for a successful adulthood for him. Yes, sometimes I still fear he’ll burn his apartment down by forgetting a pan on the stove, but maybe one of those “life tools” could be a decision to always use the microwave!

It took some tooling around with doses and med types (he’s now on 60 mg Vyvanse, says it helps him feel hungrier and makes his affect less flat than Concerta), but 4 years later, he is on the B-Honor roll in 8th grade. He is learning to use organizational tools to help him survive school and life (he recently started writing himself his own Post-It notes to help remember things!), sees a counselor for behavioral coaching, and goes off his meds on the weekends and much of the summer “so he can feel hungry” and gain some weight.

I wish I had gotten him some medication sooner, so he could have had more years to build skills and avoid the social stigmatization that his behavior brought on and that still persists. He still has trouble with socialization, and middle school has been very, very tough for him in this area. He’s learning some social skills and the medication helps with self control, but unfortunately his reputation precedes him, and we all know how mean middle schoolers can be. Now in 8th grade, the teasing has stopped and he has some kids at lunch he can talk to, but doesn’t hang out with anyone after school or on weekends. I’m hoping the wider world of high school will cut him a break and give him some friends.

So, it’s not a magic pill by any stretch. Life is still not easy and takes a lot of effort to practice positive behaviors and skills. But I shudder to think of the misery he’d be in without it.

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[AbbyNormal]

LOL, Sheldon, er- Robbo! We love “The Big Bang Theory” around here!!

Today I managed to not say anything that makes me look back and cringe. Any day full of that, I’ll take!

Bazinga!

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[AbbyNormal]

Thanks for your kind reply, Robbo.

Lurrrve the “Desiderata”, Saffron- such beautiful language! Reading it makes me breathe deeper and feel more centered.

Glad we all can agree that being weird is not a crime. I often wish our society in general and our public schools in particular were more respectful of the spectrum of differences present across the population. Too many suffer from trying to operate within the same shape/size/color/type box as “everyone” else. I understand there has to be some code of basic civility, but…still!

One of my mottoes is, “Why Be Normal?”, hence my username.

I really need to find some…no, one… ADHD friend so I can see what it’s like to let my freak flag fly and not worry about repercussions!

Glad you got some sleep, Robbo, no matter what time it was. ;^)

Abby

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[AbbyNormal]

Thanks, Bella & Saffron!! As always, it’s a comfort to know that others experience the same issues, means I’m not adrift on my own little chunk of ice, like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer or something! :0)

Bella, I do tend to blame myself as you do; maybe that’s a habit we develop from feeling “out of the loop” on a lot of the Rules, huh? I sometimes trip all over myself apologizing, which can add to the general picture of social incompetence I portray so well sometimes!

Saffron, thanks for your kind post and compliments. I love your idea of putting keeping-in-touch tasks on your To Do list! I’m going to try something like that, as well as the “put it out there” statements you made to your friends. Who knows? They might not totally identify with that sort of thing not coming naturally, but it’s very possible it hasn’t occurred to them that the reasons behind our erratic contact might be a skill deficit we WANT to correct, but continue to struggle with. Maybe it would help to ask them for their as to what they’d like to see from us and prompts that we need to step up our game? That’s pretty empowering, to be asked what you want right up front, so it might endear them to us, thus lead to a bigger margin of error forgiveness!!

:::sigh:::: Once again, it feels like a damn lot of work. :^) Oh, why can’t everybody value equally the things that come easy to us ADHD’ers?! #perfectworldwish

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[AbbyNormal]

Thanks, Bella- I can definitely identify with your struggle to keep up an appropriate level of contact. I’m good at the extremes- all the time or none of the time- but can’t wrap my brain around intermittent!!

As for my post above: I can only say “Note to self: when posting on an ADHD board for much-needed sympathy and advice, DON’T make it SO LONG that your fellow ADHD’ers get DISTRACTED by paint drying while reading it!!”

Sorry for that. Guess I type like I talk- without a clue as to how long I go on!

“Abby someone.”

“Abby who?”

“Abby….Normal.”

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