[Faequine]

As an adult i found Karate to work awesomely while i was taking it. I would sometimes bring my then 5 year old, she’s shy and it brought her out of her shell. The teachers are usually going judges of what your child is ready for, and their belt system is great for rewarding their focus and hard work.

REPORT ABUSE

[Faequine]

I don’t really know anyone else with ADD/HD. Talking with Non ADDers is always hard, and stressful. Wondering what i’ll miss or miss say. The family suspect my step dad in law may have it, not sure if it’s really easier to talk to him yet. But talking is easier on here or via email etc.

REPORT ABUSE

[Faequine]

Hahahaha, the shinny things are awesome. I do tend to find a lot of coins, though the Loonies and Twoonies are rare.

REPORT ABUSE

[Faequine]

Yah, if only i can find the Canadian equivalent. And for Alberta….

REPORT ABUSE

[Faequine]

Wow, bugs…. Coolest ones i get to see are (if they are there) the ones i see at the ERAS show and sale, sometimes we get to see rare peeks at the illegal ones people have permits to keep.

It’s been rough today, had a rough evening where He kept us up till 1 or 2 am. Apparently he really really needs needs his MJ just to stand being around me or else i just piss him off constantly. Blah.

I don’t know what to do when trying to combat something. I’ve somewhat tried the one at a time approach. Gets blown up because something else happens and ruins everything, there is now patience from him. I try reading, but am unable to apply things mentioned because i want to finish the book to be able to get a picture of everything they talk about and that’s taking too long. I also severely suck in conflicting situations and can never do or respond to anything correctly.

I think the more that happens, the more i realize we have nothing in common. He pointed out it never used to be that way, that i used to do things that he liked. Like reading, that i rarely do anymore because i am a bad judge of when it is a good time to do so. Same with drawing. I still have my fish and reptiles but he hates them. I zone out too much on them, just like the other things.

I have found i thrive with structure and routine, and i brought up the idea of applying the same strategy for at home. He has totally not thrilled about it, said i’d be even more like the old lady that i act like. Apparently I’m 80 not 26 ish.

He keeps bringing up how i need to get back on the meds and go to counselling. Completely ignoring how much $ would be involved. Apparently eliminating pizza and stuff is going to come up with the hundreds we would need. I know it’s not possible, it be maybe 80 bucks. But when it comes to eliminating those kinds of expenses, i have given up so much and he gives up almost nothing. So my response to him last night was, find the money yourself, because i can’t. I get maybe 50 bucks for my Tea, and occasional munchies (cheezies or chips) and all the pet expenses, he gets 250-300 for MJ, smokes and beer, because he needs it. Oh and his pop 1-2 or more a day and 2 or more chocolate bars a day. And if he finds any cash that’s what he spends it on. Its unfair.

I apparently don’t do anything for my ADD, but i’ve given up so much because of it, and he doesn’t even realize, or just says it’s all my fault because if i was normal i could still do most things. I somewhat feel trapped by both him and my ADD.

Ugh. I think there’s something i was supposed to google, pretty sure i made sure to make a note about it. Time to get on it.

REPORT ABUSE

[Faequine]

The situation totally sucks when you can’t afford the medication. This is my situation, schools all done, lost schools health benefits, and i have been broke for soon long at having actual money is a very faint memory.

I have only recently been trying to apply various strategies to help control the ADD behaviors, which is very hit and miss/slow going. I know things would be a lot better if i was on the medication, but i can’t afford to pay 100-150 bucks a month on pills when paying for food and our roof is a lot more important.

It is a very frustrating situation to be in.

REPORT ABUSE

[Faequine]

Your lucky one of your side effects is a heightened libido. A lot better then a lowered one.

REPORT ABUSE

[Faequine]

I fail to see it as a gift, hard to see any of the strengths or positives. Maybe there’s a lot i need to learn yet, but for now i don’t understand. Blah, 3rd post tonight, a record….. i think i’m tired. Haha.

REPORT ABUSE

[Faequine]

Langstrump,

I know what you feel, some months ago i was deep in my own dark hole. I too grew up with a chaotic childhood with an animal abusing sadist speed addict ( and as far as i know still is a lying two face son of a bitch -No offense yo Grammy) and an ex speed addict, neglectful, still an alcoholic mother. Because of things i have gone threw in regards to those 2, I had been dx’d with PTSD.
Perhaps you have Post Traumatic Stress disorder too? I know that some times PTSD and ADD/ADHD they need to be combated separately so you can come to terms with the past, and move on from it before coping with ADD/ADHD can be successful.

For me, I have trust issues in regards to letting my kids be with their Grandma, and I barely tolerate being around my mom some days. My Dad will never get to know the kids. Some things are not forgivable. Mainly I don’t care much for the past, it’s the past and will one day be forgotten.

Hmmm, ok there’s still a lot of issues.

Focus on yourself. Your ADD, read as much on it as you can. Someday things will make sense and combating it will work. (I’m still waiting on that though….) Perhaps going back to a psychiatric will help as well. I know, for me, anti depressants are key for staying out of those dark wholes. They would also be able to tell if you have any other underlying or co-disorders and get you the medications to help with them.

I’m going to take a break, typing this is frustrating the hell out of me for some reason, but hopefully something from the above is helpful.

REPORT ABUSE

[Faequine]

Hey MM, you’ve lost me. Lol. That one’s a bit too long, swear I’ve read it 5 times and only got out bits and pieces. Good ones though, I recognize the need for repetition. I’ll have to come back to this one again to pull out some more info. Haha.

REPORT ABUSE

[Faequine]

In school there was a Anatphysopathology course (not sure i combined that right). It had anatomy, pathology, physiology, all together. For me other then using flash cards ( or other peoples flash cards) rewriting notes 2 or 3 times helped drill in the info. Also making a flow chart helped make seeing how it all connected easier. Drawing helped too. Mostly with bones and muscles to learn their names and locations. A study group can help, heck i even found just listening to others study (one girl made flash card questions, and in a group they’d go through them) helped. Reviewing old information is key, especially before midterms or tests that cover multiple sections at a time. Make a schedule, something i should of done to help stay on track and keep focused. I had a tendency to cram a day or 2 before a test, not a good idea. Take for time, and find time to study.

REPORT ABUSE

[Faequine]

I’m still Kicking, and floundering.

A lot has happened in the last few months. I can’t even remember how long ago that 1st post was. My lack of a memory is a major issue, and i have no idea how to improve it, and memory games don’t work.

Makes trying to manager everything ADD a pain in the arse. Even right now, i can’t remember things discussed about yesterday, at least not all of them.

I haven’t been able to afford my medication since i lost coverage from school. So things have been even harder. I did manage some progress with it, passed some tests that i failed last semester and had to retake. But still haven’t been able to do my practicum, I’ve been on leave from school since end Nov/begin Dec because I nearly died from internal hemorrhaging and under went emergency surgery to stop it.

I’ve been going slightly out of my mind with boredom, I’ve been stuck at home all day. Work is part time (12/hr a week), or was. Our contracts ended and I’m in limbo as they draw up the next one for the end of the month. I want full time work in a clinic, but since my ADD failure on the previous practicum I’m scared of having another lapse with my ADD and making a fool of myself. And getting fired. My field of work is like a small community, and I’m terrified I’ve already built a bad name for myself. To the point where i don’t know if i should even try to continue what i am doing.

I have come to realize i am in denial about about my ADD. I don’t want it, i don’t really want any part of it, i want it to go away and leave me alone. Al i want is to be normal, and go back to what i remember as the happy times of my life, pre Dx. I don’t really know how to get past it, i know denial is not a healthy thing, but i can’t accept for some reason. Blah.

I still feel lost, more so now I’m not on meds. And well ….. I really should clean that fish tank.

REPORT ABUSE

[Faequine]

I am currently reading “Your Life Can Be Better: Using Stategies for Adult ADD/ADHD” By Douglas A Puryear MD.

He’s a Doc with ADD/ADHD himself. It was less then $3 on Kobo. Its got a lot of eye opening info.

REPORT ABUSE

[Faequine]

It has been pointed out to me that my point of veiw does not put things in the correct light. So I’ll back track a bit here and try to put in the things I’ve missed.

Trying to find time for the preschool appointments was a bit of an issue because i had forgotten about it, and had been on my way to another appointment when the reminder call came. (Them things are life savers, Drs should use them more) When everything was sorted out it was easy enough to get ready for, Kids are at school/daycare, while their Dad works, and when I work (i get some contract work, but totally not enough) i can, and when I’m not i can look for more of it.

What i consider important, is different from what my Hubby does. First we both agree is getting work, next is contributing to the family by cleaning. Which isn’t that bad untill be dissagree about the end result, and makes he think his standards are from the 50’s. My clean and his clean have never been the same, and i am trying to do it more his way, as it is more proper. Yet when there’s day(s) that i bust my butt washing walls, whiping off counters and inside cupboards, sweeping and scrubing the floor. And in the act of cleaning from top to bottom i had seporated the ‘junk’ into piles to be gone threw more thourghly later, and left them on the clean counters. So how that means that i didn’t do anything because it didn’t look like I did anything. The house wasn’t presentable. I have gotten better since this incident at understanding the presentable aspect, but how can he ignore the fact the i spent hours washing the fricking walls and saying it doesn’t matter?!

Achem. I’m starting to get a bit emotionally carried away, had to not when his veiw makes me feel worthless, and made him mad when i said ‘like it’s the 50’s’. This whole thing just pisses me off, even had it come up again recently to find out i’m still pissed about it. Bah, whatever….

He does/used to help out. Since i had kept my school stuff ( I thought) in a corner in the livingroom, (out of the way) uglifing our house, he stopped picking up/cleaning things till i cleaned it up about 3-4 weeks ago, it did take ~ 5 months even if most of that was during school. I’ve been waiting for him to pitch back in, but he hasn’t yet, and since I have been doing so much of everything on that front, i think it’s making me a bit anal with some things. Certain thing that i didn’t mind before (eg, ash from smokes, peices of paper lying around from the kids) are driving me up the wall now. I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

Back to the not important, important stuff. My projects. Regular stuff I do is to take care of my animals. My lizard and the fish. I have a totaly of 63 gallons of water to maintain for the health of those living in the 3 tanks. The quickest are the smaller 2 making up the first 13 gallons of freshwater. They can be more time consuming when I am trying to elimanate Algae and/or redo the aquascaping of the live plants. The largest and most time consuming is the 50g tank, it aveages almost 2 hours to just do a waterchange. I don’t dump the bucket of water in, i work a bit more slowing so i don’t need to spend time trying to re root the smaller plants I am having issues with getting established and I want to minamize the distubances to the fish as I have been trying to get some of them to breed. Any and all work is…… I don’t even know what to call it. He does care much for/about them, and hasn’t helped much in the entire time I;ve known him with anything. Best help i got was when I was pregnant and he’d carry the bucket, i was/am a bit stubron about it.

I also have spent alot of time trying to finish the landscaping for the lizards new cage. Something started almost over 2 years ago, and has been an issue before because for the length of time. I have recently made a lot of progress, and discovered a few set backs that i have yet to solve, but it still doesn’t matter. I don’t understand why he doesn’t seem to care about it now when it was such a huge issue before. Other then feeling a wee bit guilty for the lizard having to wait so long to move, I have also been trying to aviod future fights about it and getting it done more quickly. Also so he will stop seeing the enclosure as an eye sore, and hopefully see how great it can/will be.

I also help/work on my moms yard. I’ll cut grass, trim bushes/trees, do things in the garden, etc. I do the laundry at her house and i work off the debt i owe her, and get payed to do it. Physical work is calming to me, and even if I am only there for a couple hours attacking dandilions or something i walk away feeling great. Having grown up on an acerage it helps feel closer to what i consider are my roots. And I like getting an all most spirtiual feeling of working closely with the earth. He doesn’t understand many of my beliefs, and I don’t talk about them much either, i’m good for now enjoying them myself.

It also is an extension of my indoor attempts at having a green thumb…. not so succesfully. Even if the plant i keep end up dieing i still enjoy taking care of them, and trying new ideas to help them grow better.

These are the things i busy myself with. I use them to cheer myself up, and feel better about many things. Yet these are all things I have put on myself, they are things that i don’t have to do, and therefore in his opinion, or of what i understand of it, are not important. I don’t get why he doesn’t understand that if i didn’t do the things i do that creatures will perish for it. He doesn’t understand the need for some tasks to be regularitly sceduled. And i have tried explaining it to him before, i guess it’s his lack of giving a damn that made it so hard. He also doesn’t understand that i need to do somethings because of their importance to me. Something i still have trouble getting him to understand.

…. …. …. I think i have offically lost where i was going with this, but i hope in some way it clears somethings up. When he reads this later i hope it’s more ‘correct to the reality’ as i seem to missinterptrate so much of everything. I was going to get him to look over this, to find out how accurate it was. But since both of us are suffering from a lack of sleep (He’s out like a light right now) i will let him sleep, and paint some more of the landscape as it a nice quiet thing to do.

How much of ADD make me/us come across as careless??

REPORT ABUSE

[Faequine]

I used to be a nail bitten, but they are extremly, almost inhumanly tough. So i had to stop since it would hurt my teeth. I do pinch zits, mine everyonce in a while i’ll go nuts, and if i spot one on my hubbys shoulders or back it extremely hard to leave it alone. Thanks to school i have found another much smellier task that has the same saticfying feeling, emptying a dogs anal glands. Also with lawn maintainence pulling out dandilions with a ‘weed hound’ puller thing when the root comes out and it kind of has a wet popping sound that has the same good feeling too. You know?

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts