[Ginniebean]

Having raised two boys I pretty much noticed the delay in maturity most as the usual time for independence approached.  She is not pulling the wool over your eyes. You do need to have a sit down and talk about how she manages her time. Negotiate expectations, and her input of what she feels she can accomplish must be part of that equation if you are going to be successful.

 

She needs external structure, routine etc.. My kids seemed to reach maturity around 24-26 yrs old and reached a level of independence most of their peers reached several years later.

She still needs your help, it may suck but.. I guess the way I looked at is was, the birdies need to know how to fly and survive. Before they leave the nest.  It certainly isn’t new that our birdies are slower.

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[Ginniebean]

In general conversation people talk for about 30 seconds and then the other person responds.  I’ve come to realise that the tips for this problem pretty much suck.  Count to ten and I’ve distracted myself to the point of drawing a blank, slow down.. Same deal.

 

If the discussion is emotionally charged then it’s a matter of “lose all hope ye who enter” kinda deal because I can’t restrain myself.

 

What I think is important is to self advocate. If it’s an issue in your personal life then you can put forth that you are willing to work within reason to not interrupt. 30 second rule.  If someone is ranting on for minutes and switching from this subject to that, it’s not acceptable to berate for interruptions. It’s okay to set boundaries like this. It’s okay to have expectations of accommodations. Far too often we here how we need to follow arbitrary rules even when we’ve proven over and over that we can’t.

 

 

Find your baseline length of being able to listen without interruption and then it’s time for some boundary settings.  After nearly 50 years of having people feel they have a right to be morally indignant because I’ve interrupted I’m just done with it. I set my boundaries, I let people know my capabilities and how far they extend.  It works. When people feel they have a right to be hostile and angry that will be their response if you point out that you are not willing to be set up for failure anymore they will move over and you get to sit at the big people table with dignity intact.

 

With colleagues, “If I may interject….” Is a good prefix for an I can’t stop myself mokent”. If someone takes you aside to discuss this as a problem don’t disclose that usually leads to hell,  but you can say. You know, it’s part. Of my personality, I have struggled with this a long time with little success, do you have any suggestions? People will usually rise to the occasion.

 

That’s my two cents.

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[Ginniebean]

Scattybird,

 

Thanks for responding.  I enjoy reading poetry and meditating, and it does help with stress to a degree.  What’s been more helpful is finally having insight and a lot of kindness and forgiveness of self.

 

Eventually, I’ll find the courage to go to see a psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD.  I just want to get to a place where I feel a bit more confident and have my legs under me.  I don’t worry about not being believed that I have adhd, I’m pretty much classic combined type with all the debris that brings to a life. I’m not afraid of stimulants like I used to be either but I am afraid of other psych meds.  I know my mistrust is a symptom of my PTSD and to some degree my experience but I know me well enough, I find courage somehow even if I am slow to get going.

 

 

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[Ginniebean]

Well, I have an update.  It took me several months to screw up the courage to go see someone and still, I couldn’t bring myself to go see a psychiatrist. I felt it was a foregone conclusion that I would be diagnosed with psychosis and treated with anti-psychotic.  What limited experience I have with them, turns me into a non-functioning zombie. Not good for a single woman who must support herself. I need to be able to work.

I decided I needed help because living as I was made me long for life to be over, not that I would contemplate suicide, I have children that would psychologically scar, but just not wanting to live the next 30-40 yrs feeling these sensations.

I went to see a private therapist, I felt ok, if I’m not able to trust my mind anymore I need someone who can help me navigate and potentially advocate for me.  It was the best thing I could have ever done.  It turns out those sensations were anxiety.  When I would get anxious, I wouldn’t notice I was anxious, I’d just feel all buggy.

 

It also came to light that I have come-morbid PTSD, probably began in childhood.  I was diagnosed in the late sixties with adhd, or as they called it then, hyperactivity. I’ve always known, I was just never given treatment or any accommodations. What strikes me now, is so many of the things I experience with my PTSD I had put down to being character flaws. I know people feel this way when they get a late diagnosis of ADHD, but I just couldn’t relate.  Now, I feel like I don’t have to apologize for being me anymore, well it’s still there but there’s also self acceptance.

 

The bugs feelings started two years after being successfully on medication, but they also started because I caught a case of headlines from working with children.  When I went to my doctor telling him I have headlice, my sister, an RN said she looked and I didn’t have any, the doctor never checked.  My father had suffered delusions and my sister outright told the doc she thought I was hallucinating. I was told to go home, there’s nothing there and it’s all in my head.  I surely did try to tell myself this but no way could I keep this up.  I went back to several docs and thanks to electronic records none of them checked my hair!

 

Finally, 3.5 months later, I walked into my docs office with one of these critters on a hair of mine and he said “that’s a louse!”. He checked my hair and said yep! You have lice!

 

By the time this happened I was experiencing all sorts of bugginess, I was barely sleeping and pretty sure I had sleep deprivation, but not being believed, having nowhere to turn set off a full on PTSD episode.  The bugs were one part of it, my paranoia about trusting doctors another and just so many more symptoms.  I had had full blown PTSD before, and it went undiagnosed in spite of my going for help on several occasions.

 

I’m working on getting my stress down, it’s such a slow process. I no longer feel bugs, I do experience panic and anxiety. I never thought I’d feel relief to have an anxiety attack but it’s infinitely better than those sensations.

 

I’m still in therapy, and still afraid to go see a psychiatrist, I’d want one who specialized in ADHD because if I go to one who doesn’t know what he’s doing that’s going on my electronic record for non-compliance. I’m still afraid to take meds because they do exacerbate anxiety.

 

Anyway, just thought I’d update and maybe someone has good advice on my next steps to getting well.

 

Thanks for listening.

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[Ginniebean]

I am pretty confused, are they testing out 200 people? For how long? Am I one of those 200? Can we sign up as premium members or is it still in beta? I have the dumb because I read bits and pieces here and there but I can’t seem to figure it out. Just let me know when I can sign up for the premium. I’m wondering if it’s been a moving target and that’s why I’m confused or if it’s that damn skimming I do that made scrambled eggs out of the information.

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[Ginniebean]

I was very hyperactive as a child, and always in trouble over something. Yes, kids with adhd do learn to repress their hyperactivity as much as we can. It draws a lot of negative attention and this is mentioned in the literature often enough.

I am still visibly hyper a lot of the time, but I am no longer jumping on the furniture.

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[Ginniebean]

I would say meds are something of a revolutionary help for adhd. It sure beats the old way of shame, blame, and the boot.

Parents are under a lot of pressure, via social pressure to not medicate their child unless as a last resort. Adhd is still seen as a trivial disorder by most people.

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[Ginniebean]

Like others here I long ago decided that adhd tax on library books was too high, now, I buy them, second hand is cheaper for sure.

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[Ginniebean]

I’ve made it a non negotiable rule, if I am cooking I can’t leave the kitchen. Liberal use of timers might help as well.

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[Ginniebean]

Yeesh, I want real data not a bunch of stereotypical woo testimonials. Dr. Hallowell is indeed an expert and well recognized, and he is not above question for his willingness to make money by participating in the promotion of “treatments” that lack evidence.

Appeals to authority aren’t that impressive if there is no solid evidence. I’m with larnyxa on this, ADHD is a lightening rod for anyone with snake oil to sell.

Parents are looking for miracles which makes for a highly exploitable group of people.

Forums like this attract marketers who aren’t always above board and use ethically questionable means to promote their product. Consumer beware.

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[Ginniebean]

When I was a kid it was constant trouble and yep, I sure did get a lot of, “If you’d just set your mind to it” and probably every lastone of the things kids with adhd hear. “what we’re you that thinking?” was pretty popular as I recall. I used to always take that literally and try and remember but I could never remember so always had a blank stare.

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[Ginniebean]

I went looking for the article and it’s a NYT piece, unfortunately it’s uninformed and ignorant and this happens all too often. I think it’s important to realize that there is a great deal of resistance to adhd as a legitimate condition and there are groups out there who have a well organized misinformation campaign about adhd. These campaigns have undermined confidence in the medical professional and smear the ethics of professionals who diagnosed the condition.

There is no state that allows teachers to diagnose any child with any psychiatric condition. That would be a legitimate lawsuit in the making for practicing without a license.

However, teachers are on the front line for adhd screening and it is their duty to assist in the identification of students who are struggling and suggest an assessment needs to be made. What this translates into is a parent reporting “my child’s teacher diagnosed my child with adhd and there’s nothing wrong with him/her they just want my kid medicated. It’s a game of Chinese whispers run amok.

As for a two year old being diagnosed, that would be very rare and in extreme circumstances. It’s most certainly not the norm but it sure would make for a good fear mongering headline.

In, the NYT opinion piece facts are somewhat less than evident. What the editorials is saying is that parents of adhd children can’t afford behaviour therapy and therefore have no recourse but to medicate because the child is too disruptive. Studies have clearly shown that behaviour therapy works but it doesn’t sustain, therapy in conjunction with medication has a high level of success. As I see it this opinion piece is like so many others that trivializes the neurological underpinnings of adhd and continues to misinformation that this is a maladaptive form of behaviour that can be treated with discipline and modification techniques. They are doing the children no favour and tend to instill unnecessary fear in parents. Which is the end game of many adhd detractors. Media picks up their talking points and parrots them without any due diligence in getting their facts straight.

Sorry if that was too long winded.

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[Ginniebean]

I’m one of those foot in the mouth boy did that come out blunt people. I do try really really hard to word things in an inoffensive manner but I don’t always hit the mark. If I ever offend people I do hope you’ll give me a second chance and maybe even a third. Even tho I do walk around in lead boots I’m a softie and it would pain me to know I’d hurt anyone.

P.S. Even tho I haven’t posted tons, I think you’re all awesome.

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[Ginniebean]

I’m so grateful I hate shopping, it saves me a whole lot of struggle. I do have a mom who’s a shop-aholic so she tends to help me find clutter. I find it very difficult to organize just about anything but got a key piece of advice from my sister, she said think in small squares, so I started organizing my home in 30cm square increments. I found the holy grail, my linen closet could be in a magazine.

I still struggle with my ability to pull a cat in the hat thing one and things two tornado which keeps me a couple of steps behind but it’s become more and more manageable. I need to keep at it. I decided to hire someone to help me with getting organized as I just moved and couldn’t see my way thru the boxes, it just became a source of anxiety as I tried to figure out where things go in a new place. So, I found an ad for house cleaners and had them come in, it took about ten hours but things began to start to take shape. I told them one of my greatest difficulties is organizing and finding “the” place for everything. I was assured they would be great with that.

Even tho my house looked much higher better the organization just wasn’t functional correct me. Turns out my housekeepers both have ADHD. I asked them about it and they both knew, but, now, I need to find someone who can help me who can be more detail oriented, they got the whole adhd big picture down and things look good but I just can’t feel good about the way things are organized. I would love a problem adhd organizer but, so far I can’t find one.

Hope it works out amazing for you, and that you get a lot of peace from having a functional home environment.

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[Ginniebean]

I think there’s a trap for people who have adhd in following any spiritual path, be it religion or some ad hoc “Ithrewittogethermyselfandcallitspiritual” and the trap is, that religion/spirituality deal specifically with what are called virtues. Adhd is often seen as moral failure, and thru our lives we’re shamed for this moral failure, and we grow up with adhd guilt. Religion/spirituality can reinforce these ideas, and we cut ourselves no slack, make no adjustment in our expectations of ourselves.

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