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Hi Coolcat,

Well, I guess it would depend on what the doctor said he was treating. Celexa is an anti-depressant, but I’m not a doctor or a pharmacist, so I can’t say (aside from a wikipedia/google search) what else it may be prescribed for. If you are unsure AT ALL, I would suggest that you do not take it until you have had a chance to consult with your doctor.

That’s the good thing about getting meds from a pharmacy in person – they talk to you and make sure you understand what you are taking.

Good luck!

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3 hours til appointment number 3.

1-1.5 hour drive to doctor’s office.

Haven’t showered yet.

Haven’t filled in my 4 or 5 pages of questionaires for appointment.

Hmmmm, I wonder what the diagnosis will be??

ARgggghh!! What is wrong with me? (rhetorical question…)

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Haha toofat! I too am in awe of anyone who can work well with money!!

On this topic of media… I had a drink with an ex who is also a very good friend last night. He’s in the marketing/advertising field and went on and on about how ADD is in the media more and that he wanted me to be aware of the masterminds of marketing behind pharmaceutical companies who are seeding the field with talk of ADD so they can sell more drugs to folks who maybe just need to excercise and eat better… ARGH!!!

Between media making stupid remarks like the lovely Laura Di Battista (who I actually usually enjoy on CBC) to now being told that there’s a conspiracy behind the whole disorder just to sell pharmaceuticals, I think I will keep this disorder to myself from now on and not discuss it with anyone anymore. I don’t have the energy to be on the defensive all the time. Too busy trying to cope.

Btw, CBC radio is where I first learned about adult ADHD and had my epiphany moment. Perhaps Laura could listen to the tape of the program with Gian Gomeshi (I think) where it was discussed.

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Might not work for all, but the book “Beach Music” by Pat Conroy is one of my all-time favourites.

He tells stories within the story that transported me so much that I was always surprised when he returned to the main narrative!

Another thought is short story anthologies. It’s like a mini-novel! And not a very big committment!

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Hi John,

I’m fairly new around here too. In the diagnosis process myself.

I wanted to say a couple of things – first, you are extremely well-spoken in writing (I love good grammar, spelling and sentence structure!) It was a pleasure to read your post and a number of things resonated with me.

When I first put two and two together about 6 weeks ago (!) I did have a huge Aha! moment and a sense of relief. Since that moment I have had many ups and downs. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been given a new start, and other times I have small (and not-so-small) freakouts over how much mess there is to clean up, literally and figuratively. When we’ve had 40 undiagnosed years, there is a lot to fix.

My doctor has asked a number of times, in a number of different ways, about depression. My answer has always been that I’m not depressed (have been through it though), but rather that I actually have a pretty positive outlook. I think that’s how I’ve survived this far without diagnosis, meds, therapy, support, awareness, etc. Sometimes I call it my “ostrich” (stick head in sand, and poof! all better), but generally I think every step I take is a new beginning.

This week has been tough. Mid-diagnosis, so no meds, and I feel like I’m in a holding pattern. My mother suggests that now that I “know” I shouldn’t wait but begin to implement new strategies. Thanks mom. I have been trying to do that my whole life. Look at my bookshelf of resources. Every day begins with the best of intentions. Every night ends with me struggling to go to sleep because I feel like I’ve failed at another day.

Hmm, I started to post with the intent of saying something encouraging to you because I could hear the hopelessness, but I can see something more. I guess that’s the struggle we are all facing here. I’m not going to give you any helpful tips, because you know them already. What I will say is that you have a lovely “voice” and I hope that you find a community here of kindred spirits that will help you in ways you might not even be aware of yet. I know I have.

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Just to keep the balance – I’m a righty! And none of that ambidextrous stuff either. Oh, and atrocious hand writing even with my dominant hand. Grade 5 teacher told me I “wrote like a boy”. Nice thing to say to a 10-yr-old tomboy!

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@Nellie – Spellbound? Love it!

Well, I have had 2 appointments so far. First one was an initial discussion where I explained why I thought I needed an assessment and my doc asked questions to clarify and make sure that we were in the ballpark.

Appointment 2 – short questionnaire in office, and an hour long discussion (including some more questionnaires adminisitered verbally) to clarify further and to continue ruling out other things (such as are there voices in my head etc – first time I’ve been asked that one!) I was given two more extensive questionnaires to take home, one of which I actually had my dad give his own input on as it was specific to my childhood.

Appointment 3 (Oct 24) will be to go over my responses and for a physical to rule out any organic issues.

Appointment 4 (Nov 7) will I assume be to have an overview and hopefully diagnosis and discuss treatment options.

I know that some have had more extensive testing, and I feel confident that if my doc feels that is necessary that we’ll go that route. The teaching hospital affliliated with my family practice unit has a mood disorder clinic, so the resources are there and in the past I have always felt that they are very thorough, although this is my first time visiting for something that wasn’t “it hurts when I do this”.

I started to go through boxes last night in search of report cards, but it’s a daunting task! I have a stack of boxes in a closet that I’ll explore later this week.

@Nellie & KrazyKat – I had the same issue with marks – very bright and the places that I didn’t do well were ‘unimportant’ subjects so as long as I did well in other things, I suppose it didn’t seem that vital. Looking back, it’s a huge clue though. The classes where I actually had to DO something, I failed. The classes where I could just KNOW the answers, I excelled at. Until I no longer KNEW the answers, then I started to do poorly there too.

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@billd – thank you. I didn’t actually get to the list making (big surprise…), and I know I forgot some things, and I did zone out a bit here and there, but I’ve been doing so much thinking about this stuff lately, that I was able to remember some key things, and actually her questions even triggered some new things.

After my appointment I went for lunch with my dad and we had an amazing discussion! I had him go through a childhood checklist on me, and it was amazing how he remembered things vs how I did, and how we reminded each other of situations that belied our first instincts when answering. And it made him think about his own life a lot. He nodded and said “Me too!” a bunch of times. I don’t know that he’ll go for full testing, but the awareness that he’s not the only one, and that there are other people who struggle the same way has given him a new perspective. He’s made a couple of positive changes in the last few years, and instead of feeling defeated, he’s inspired to continue making little changes to keep improving. I hadn’t expected to find such a kindred spirit in my dad as we’ve never talked about the aspects of our lives that have given us such trouble before. But it was truly awesome to talk to someone who totally understood!

@MonkeyBarb – My dad and I both talked a lot today about guilt and shame, and we have both chosen to experience it, but not to dwell on it. It ebbs and flows for me, but I have always seen the glass half full, and this time I think it’s really important to keep a positive outlook. We can’t change the past, but we have full control of the future.

My dad is 71 and he and I both are wondering just what we might accomplish now that we have a better understanding of both our limitations and our strengths. I feel like I have a lot of learning to do, but I have a new core strategy of working with my strengths instead of trying to overcome my limitations. It’s a huge shift in thinking, but it’s giving me a lot of positive feelings about what’s to come!

Please do keep us posted – you might be surprised by your doctor, and if you’re not, keep trying. It is worth it to find someone who is willing to work with you on this journey.

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Tomorrow is the big appointment!

I’m currently trying to make myself make some notes. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to, but there have been so many thoughts swirling this last little bit, so many memories of things I had completely forgotten (like failing Home Economics and Art in Grade 8, mostly due to incomplete projects), and I am afraid I won’t remember any of them when it counts!

I’m feeling surprisingly zen about tomorrow. Honestly, I’m more worried about making it to the 10am appt on time!

I think it’s because I am finally taking charge of something in my life, and it’s a really big deal! A bit proud of myself really. Oh! And I finally did laundry last night! Now I don’t have to buy more socks….

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Oh memzak! I too have a little scar right between the eyes from opening a car door into my head! My health card picture was classic – bandaid on forehead!

Also once politely moved my car back out of a crosswalk so that a pedestrian could go by – of course the driver of the car that had pulled up behind me wasn’t as appreciative! Thankfully no damage, except to my pride.

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Family relationships are such a deep and complex thing.

It’s funny, when I first read bouf68’s post, I heard it very clearly from my own perspective, from my own familial experiences.

At various times in my life, different family members have been toxic for me. Sometimes it was a genuine malevolent spirit, and sometimes it was simply my own inability to cope that made these relationships unhealthy for me.

Our responsibility in this life is to look after ourselves and in doing so become better able to support, inspire, care for, love, teach, aid, etc, everyone we connect to.

We cannot change other people. We can educate, we can love, we can be an example, but it is up to each individual to make their own choices as to how to walk through this world.

Because of my empathetic nature, I have to be very careful to keep control of my boundaries, and sometimes this means physical separation. I like the empathetic part of my personality, but it means I have to be self-protective sometimes. I need to do what is best for me regardless of social norms, perceived obligations, etc. Family can be the most challenging, because we have the longest relationships with them. Our patterns of interaction have a lifetime of history, and that is often very difficult to alter. Particularly when we are going through a major change, sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves, is to keep a distance. For many families, this isn’t necessary, and I’m happy to report that as I go through the diagnostic process, my family has been very supportive. However, even in a supportive environment, sometimes I need to take a step back to process and to re-jig the way I frame my relationships. I have a responsibility to myself to get clear about who I really am, and how I want to proceed with my future.

In families, sometimes the roles we have been assigned or adopted over time are difficult to change. I guess the message I originally wanted to convey was that it is ok to be self-protective and to make choices that may not please everyone else, but that you know in your heart are right for you, at least for right now.

It’s been nice to read different perspectives on this one and to see how our varied experiences direct our feelings. I love Memzak’s Norman Rockwell holiday! I suspect that my frustrations with small talk and sitting in one place for many hours may have tainted some of my potential picture perfect holidays. This is just one more aspect of my life that I am now looking at through a new set of lenses! Thanks for the opportunity to let me explore it here!

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A Steve Jobs quote seems timely here:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Good luck. It sounds like you have a great little family unit of your own – look after them first.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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This is the stuff that drives me crazy and frustrates me so much! I have driven past, and actually even walked past, a million places that I needed to stop at for one reason or another. It sounds so ridiculous when you say it out loud. “I was on empty, and I drove right past 4 gas stations, but stopping was just too hard.” No wonder people have a hard time accepting the reality of ADHD.

Small victory – I actually stopped at the grocery store on the way home last night. I came so close to not stopping, but I actually repeated out loud “stop and get groceries, stop and get groceries” as I cut across a lane of traffic in a last second decision. But at least I have a bit of food in my fridge & freezer now. (we won’t go into the lack of nutrition in the foodstuffs I managed to purchase….I tend to buy based on least number of steps to get to my mouth)

@scattybird – good luck with the ID badge! It might turn up in the freezer, but I’m sure you’ll find it!

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Hi Lucky77!

Glad to hear the meds are helping you out. I must say, I’m hoping for the same! For now I’m on my own though.

Thankfully I’m in an environment where I already know everyone, both personally and professionally, so there are no surprises. One thing I’m already aware of after one day, is my propensity to say, “I can do that!” So far I haven’t over-committed myself, but it’s definitely something to watch out for.

What kind of organizational tactics are you using? Any suggestions are welcome! (and congrats on keeping them up for 2 days! I totally get the accomplishment that that is!)

Good luck with your new gig!

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Thanks billd!

It feels like a good environment for me – small (3 employees including me!) which means there is room to try all kinds of different things and really create the job as it moves forward.

Our first task is to start putting some systems in place to keep us all on track. So it will actually be a bit of therapy at the same time I think! Working out ways to keep schedules organized and to keep us all accountable to each other and to the plan of growing the business.

I bought a package of new socks tonight to avoid doing laundry…. Never have enough black socks!

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