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So, was a bit late picking my boss up, and didn’t ‘do’ my hair this morning. But I did shower, and I managed to not hit anything as I weaved through traffic this morning! I call it a success so far!

Have learned that I need to set up the keys-by-the-door thing, and perhaps lay out my clothes the night before as well! That stuff really slows me down in the morning!

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@billd – it sounds like you got a great thorough diagnosis so you can confidently look to what your next steps will be. Glad to hear!

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@beebster – getting the diagnosis right is very important, so if you can in any way afford it, do it. Because of the hospital affiliation, my doctor team has a number of resources at their disposal. The doctor I saw talked to me, listened, asked questions to verify that an assessment was warranted, and ultimately decided that it was. I don’t actually know how long the appointment will be, or how extensive, but I feel well cared for there and I know from past experience that if the doctor I’m seeing doesn’t feel that they have the tools for the task at hand that I will be referred to another department.

I live in Toronto, but my doc is in Hamilton and I’ve been a patient there for over 30 years although I’ve moved many times. If you have a family doctor that you feel comfortable with, I would start there and ask them for recommendations.

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@no_dopamine – these timetrackers, does it give an accurate reading if you just leave a page open? I have facebook open in a tab pretty much 24/7, but I’m not on the page nearly that much. Still don’t have the courage to try any of the blockers! I’m actually working at keeping my life just as it is until my testing on the 11th. I figure I’ve got enough on the brain at the moment just processing a potential diagnosis.

And yes!! to being our screwed-up selves here! No better place for it that I’ve found!

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@beebster – I’m doing my assessment through a family practice unit at a teaching hospital. Covered by OHIP, unlike some of the private clinics.

I believe psychiatry is covered under OHIP, but there are apparently long wait times. In Toronto there is a meet-up group which I am considering attending once I’ve been formally diagnosed. From my understanding the meds are just part of the picture. They help you focus, but then we have work to do to actually use that focus! This site is a great resource of support and information as well!

I too worry about the medication costs, but found this link that outlines some info on meds & their approx costs in Canada – http://www.addadhdblog.com/biphentin-the-newest-addadhd-medication-in-canada/#77606

I will obviously wait to see what my dr recommends as a course of action, but I will definitely have to consider cost in deciding how to proceed.

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Tiny purple dinosaur! *forgets completely about upcoming test*

Thanks for the support Wolfshades! This forum blows my mind. The fact that there are so many kindred spirits out there! HUGE kick in the collander! (A women’s study prof once described how we see the world – we all have a collander on our heads with the little holes in them that represent our experiences and dictates how we look at things. And then every once in a while we get a kick in the collander that shifts our perspective and lets us see differently)

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I’m still in the self-diagnosed stage, with testing appointment coming up in…. oooooh 10 days!! If the results don’t confirm my suspicion (not nearly a strong enough word..) then I don’t know..I can’t even think about that.

I’m in the throes of discovery emotions. Suddenly much more aware of what is happening in my brain. Still can’t do anything about it, but I’m definitely having some pretty intense revelations on a continuous basis about just why things are so hard all the time, and why I behave in certain ways.

Those fun personality quirks – telling stories that have tangents upon tangents upon tangents and require the listener to steer me back, where I sometimes break mid-thought with no idea of even the subject matter I was discussing. Having a purple cell phone cover supposedly ‘just for fun!’, but really so that it stands out when I’m searching for it 20 times a day. Wearing cute hats or ponytails because I zone out in the mornings (once I finally get myself out of bed) and if I stopped to shower I’d be later than I already will be. (and 4 inch roots are sexy, right??? *ignores 2 boxes of hair dye bought weeks ago*)

Suddenly I’m aware of the fact that they are coping strategies, or symptoms, and not just quirks.

Because I’m not officially diagnosed, I’m not telling anyone that I have ADHD – but those closest to me are aware that I think I do and they are (thankfully!) very supportive of my getting tested.

And for the record – it was definitely a sister/sibling-rivalry reaction to my baby sister! But truthfully, we do share a LOT of ‘quirks’. And I was actually really proud of my dad for being open and immediately willing to see himself as I described what I understand about the disorder.

Now, how do I focus on anything else but the upcoming testing and this non-stop AHA moment??

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Argh! “eventually”

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Days of the week socks. All seven days. Sometimes I wear Saturday on Wednesday just to give myself a boost! (Saturday socks are happy socks and I work a lot of saturdays!)

One habit that I can’t explain the origins of, but that I’m so thankful for, is that I always fold or hang my clothes as I pull them out of the dryer. Perhaps it has more to do with the fact that if it needs to be ironed, it’s likely going to sit in my closet until I evenutally throw it out. 😉

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My best friend (who has supported me through various things in my life over the past 20+ years) said, “Wow, you must be a great actress as I never would have guessed.” It wasn’t a malicious comment, it was just honest.

What I’m realizing is how much I have hidden, even from those closest to me. It also is an indicator of the need for education as exactly what ADHD is. I’ve given her the list of symptoms (good & bad) from doing the quiz on this site, as well as suggested she read through the forums a bit.

The revelation about the solitude I’ve created is eye-opening. No one comes to my home, I frequently ‘hibernate’ instead of facing situations where I’ll have to sit through boring conversation, I’d rather be alone and let my brain run on its own than work so hard at harnessing my thoughts.

My mom is trying to encourage me to make lists….sigh.

My dad said, “wow, that sounds a lot like me! Keep me posted!”

My sister and her husband are both looking at themselves and wondering if…

(is it weird that I had a pang of – hey it’s my disorder! get your own!)

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@wolfshades – I’m sorry – but I laughed out loud at that image! Mostly because I know I have a hole in at least one pair of pants from a similar feat!

So, I’m finding that now that I’m aware of it, I’m more scattered than ever! And recognizing feelings of frustration that I chalked up to other causes in past, but am seeing that they are as a result of things not being in order. For instance, I had to make breakfast for some folks this morning unexpectedly, and everything I reached for was either running out, dirty, out of place, not the right product, etc, etc. Nevermind that the whole act of making breakfast was not in my plans. I got increasingly frustrated, almost cried at one point, am pretty sure I was kind of rude to a couple of people, and now that it’s all over, I’m angry that I was thrown in this situation and angry that I couldn’t cope with it better.

Wow. So thankful for this outlet…. I don’t know that anyone else in my world would actually understand that last paragraph…

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@orgo – the initial consult was $200, the total 3-4 week thorough assessment was an additional $1000, then if you go into treatment with them, it is covered under our health coverage. Thankfully I have a family experience of going to the family practice unit at a teaching hospital which is very progressive, and is covered by OHIP. I’m glad that at least we have some options.

@krazykat – Glad that things are looking more positive for you! I can’t imagine where’d I’d turn if the first appointment hadn’t gone well. I had a quiz with me, that never left my bag. Had I met resistance to moving forward with testing, I think I would have used that as proof that it is necessary, but I think I’d rather have a properly administered test.

And yes, I too fell to pieces after the appt. I was to meet my sister, but of course neglected to print out the map of where to meet her, drove around (I had time to kill between dr and meeting her) and still didnt find spot, then hit construction, so parked and walked around aimlessly. Got so frustrated I almost got back in my car and left town without seeing her. That’s when I realized just how hard my daily life can be, and of course that made me more upset. (We did end up connecting after I finally asked a stranger for help)

@wolf – glad you laughed! It is funny! And I’m so glad I’m not the only one! I was very embarassed, but the only real damage was to the front wheel of my bike. I spent of lot of my childhood in the emergency room with injuries of one sort or another. Currently have multiple cuts & scrapes and bruises from a variety of clumsy incidents!

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Thanks wolfshades! ..”easy part”.. funny! But honestly, I think it will be easier than sitting and stewing on my own. At least there is progress happening!

I cried off and on through most of my appt. I was admitting things that I’ve never admitted to myself before. And have been reviewing the last 40 years and I’m overflowing with examples. It’s like I’m looking at my entire life through a new lens. Then, of course, there’s the fact that I don’t remember lots of stuff. But things like riding my bike into a parked car when I was kid – that stuff tends to stick out!

So while I felt like I was all over the map, I feel like the next appointment, where I’ll be answering questions instead of searching my brain, will be a less overwhelming experience. A little structure around me can do wonders.

…..ok, have 2 weeks passed yet?? 😉

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Well, I just finished my first doctor’s appointment broaching the subject of ADHD. Managed to get there on time too! (after losing car keys and cell phone when trying to leave, almost being out of gas, speeding on the QEW and freaking out that it cost $5 to park, but managing to scrape it together out of the bottom of my purse.)

Female dr, which was a nice surprise (more comfortable for me), and she was very open to listening. Next appt in 2 weeks to do some questionnaires. She acknowledged that she’s new to adult adhd too, so will be doing her own research in the next couple weeks. Teaching hospital family practice, so there’s a team of support behind her (and me!)

Overall I feel just relieved to have put someone else in charge. Just the kind of handholding I require to move forward!

Thankful for the support of this forum. Made me feel less alone as I waited (paced) in the waiting room!

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Haha! It fell around midnight on Friday, harmlessly into the ocean. You’re all good!!

And bravo for making use of that tool! I hope it continues to work for you.

On another note, my initial appointment with my family doctor is tomorrow morning. Bit of a knot in the stomach thinking about it. I’m imagining myself saying – “So, I took these online tests… and I’ve been surfing this web forum… and I think I have ADHD…”

Ugh. Hopefully the doc will be open and not dismissive.

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