Making A Good Thing Better

By Rick Green

What would make the most difference for you in mastering your ADHD/ADD? What do you need? What are your biggest ongoing challenges around ADHD/ADD? What stops you from moving forward? What can we create to have you succeed? (And have fun doing it!)

That’s the question, or bunch of questions that we’re asking now that we’re in our third year at Totally ADD and we’d like your help.

Ava, Dr. J., Jimi and I are proud of what we’ve created. When I spoke last Friday at the ADHD Coaching Organization’s (ACO) annual meeting, Ava and I were overwhelmed by the positive feedback. Coaches all over the world are sending their clients here. In some cases this site is literally saving lives.

The impact we’ve having is more than we imagined; we created the website to bust myths and demolish stigma with humour and reliable information.   Information is helpful… if it’s used.  But if ‘information’ made a difference then every diet and exercise plan would work, right? We’d read what the diet says and we’d follow along.  I only have to look in the mirror to know that isn’t the case. Read more

Your Roving Psychiatrist- Melbourne Australia

By Umesh Jain

CULTURAL HIGHLIGHTS: As part of my ongoing journey through the world exploring ADHD in different places, brings me to Melbourne in Australia….home of the 1956 Olympics and currently the season opener for F1 Motor Racing this weekend. Lots of excitement. Good weather. Thousands of people, if not hundreds of thousands are here for the race. Most of the F1 teams are staying at my hotel so there are lots of reporters and people here. It’s going to be LOUD. Melbourne is definitely a cultural mix and I would say it rivals Berlin. Dripping with art but also with sports, it is a very interesting place. Sydney is the financial hub (I’ll be there on Tuesday). There were a number of drunken parades like the F1 but also St. Paddy’s Day Parade. Streets are buzzing. They have a FREE tourist shuttle that takes you all over the city every 30 minutes, hop on and hop off. Like Toronto, they are big on street trams. The city is clean though it’s expensive to eat. Lots of variety. A few people have stopped me saying they couldn’t understand my Canadian accent!  I remind them that I’m not the one with the accent.

ADHD STORY: I’m here to train doctors on adult ADHD though my trip to Melbourne was also to see their new Pediatric Hospital and meet with their Mental Health teams. I spent the day doing tours with their mental health group. While they are astounded that the New Zealand prevalence rate for ADHD may be as high as 7%, they think the Australian rate is lower.  But….I don’t know. There is no question that Aussie’s live on the edge. Their fascination for extreme sports is interesting.  A very competitive country who have an intense winning spirit. Only 23 million strong but very dedicated and loyal. I’ll have a better idea of their needs when I start speaking to some of their lot. The doctors here are just coming to terms with ADHD and in 2009, there was a DRAFT set of practice parameters for ADHD that were produced by the Royal College of Australia but were pulled because of (the rumor has it) political pressure but I really must find out because they have not been adopted in the country, as far as I can tell.

Would love to hear from any Aussies about ADHD. Particularly access to services.

Some Coaching About Coaches

By Rick Green

I’m in Georgia this week so if you want me to bring you back a pecan roll, or pecan pie, place your orders now.  We’re in Atlanta for the ADHD Coaches Organization (ACO)  annual convention. Last year my wife Ava spoke there and got a standing ovation. (Not bad for her first live presentation!)

I’m delivering a talk called, “Making It Okay To Have ADHD.” It may involve nudity. I haven’t quite decided yet.

The difference a Coach makes can be life changing. The best singers and actors have vocal coaches. The most successful business people have business coaches, though they may call them contacts, mentors, silent partners or advisors. And of course, every athlete who succeeds has a coach, often a succession of coaches as they progress. And when they’re the best in the world, they still have a coach. Cause a coach sees what they can’t. A coach helps you win the game. Whatever games you play.

One game we’re all playing is ‘Life with ADHD/ADD.’

For a long time I resisted coaching. And I don’t think I’m the only ADDer who prefers to figure stuff out on my own. I bristled at people trying to help, because my brain was already struggling to keep on track, and another voice beyond the ones in my head felt frustrating. And I know a lot of ADDers feel this way.

Which is too bad, cause the right coach can turn things around as you’ll learn in our video about coaching found here.

That’s why we’re working on a couple of initiatives around coaching for Totally ADD. More details about that in the next few weeks.

Finding the right coach can take time. Many will do a preliminary session to see if you’re a fit. And many specialize in specific areas—teens, entrepreneurs, women.

Finding the perfect fit is up to you. But as I’ve mentioned before, there are warning signs that  the coach you’re talking to might not be trained and certified.

Here’s my list of Warnings Signs That You Aren’t Dealing With a Real Coach.  If you go to a coach and they say:

1)         What’s your major malfunction, loser?

2)         Martial Arts offer two advantages. They can help you focus and also deal with jerks who piss you off.

3)         What if you just try harder and knuckle under?

4)         Yeah, I kept losing jobs and getting fired too.  So I became an ADHD Coach. Think about it. It’s a breeze! I just listen to people like you and say stuff.

5)         Hey, if it’s any consolation I think success is over-rated.

6)         Cut back on harmful stuff. Do more good stuff.

7)         Let’s try a trust exercise. What’s your PIN number?

8)         You did what?  Wow, you are a total whack job!

9)         To really understand your life situation I’ll need pictures of you naked.

10)      Do you mind if I make an omelet while we talk?

11)      Y’know what, the best advice I can give you is something Judge Judy said to this woman whose dog …

12)      Uh, okay… So… Work on improving, okay?

13)      You’ve got to work on your self-esteem, you moron. I can barely stand talking with you.

14)      I can’t wait to hear how your week has gone.  I swear, my friends and family kill themselves laughing when I tell them how you mess up.

15)      Sorry, I coach so many people I forget who I’m talking to.  Are you the angry slob or the pompous jerk?

16)      Have you tried trying harder? That might help.

17)      I don’t do Skype video because then I’d have to wear clothes and clean up the trash everywhere in my house.

18)      Interesting. What do you think is your real problem, and the underlying cause, and the solution, and the action plan, and the best tools and strategies, and the first steps you should take this week?

19)      Sorry for laughing at you. Usually I manage to mute my phone in time.

20)      You think you’ve got it bad, listen to how my crappy life has gone so far…

21)      Hey, at least you’re not as bad as the lady I was just on the phone with.  Wanna hear about her? Don’t tell anyone, it’s confidential…

22)      Hang on, I’m going to have to put you on hold, they’re just announcing the winning lottery numbers.

23)      I’ve done a lot of work with people who have AHDDAH.

24)      Maybe you really are just lazy? Have you considered that?

25)      It’s Genetic? Really? I didn’t know that. You should sue your parents. My husband’s a lawyer.

26)      My goal is to make you as successful and happy as a Hollywood mega-star.  Like say, Lindsay Lohan.

Favorite/Mantra Words Part 3 – OBEY

By Umesh Jain

ADDers have a natural survival reflex that their mother spotted when they were just 18 months old: strong will. Whether it came across as passive resistance or outward defiance, mother knew- this child is different. Ever since they were 18 months old, they wanted to do what they wanted to do. You could argue with them forever, all they knew was that the longer we argued, there might be a chance of changing your mind. Even if they lost, they couldn’t get that thought out of their mind. They couldn’t let go of it.

But the word doesn’t just reflect wants, it is directly tied to the word TRUST. To obey an authority figure is to relinquish power over to them and let them be in control. This is very difficult for ADDers who presume that they must be in control of their own destiny. While they look like they give in to others, it is not something they do willingly.

I’m sure that is why so many ADDers want to be self employed and in charge of their own destiny. In fact, work ethic is not always a problem because they are doing something they want to do and they are in charge. They can actually work harder than anyone else. But put them into a subservient position- sloths could do a better job.

But in life, we have to TRUST. We must trust our parents, our teachers and even our bosses. We have to believe that they have are our interests in mind. From a developmental perspective, trust in parents is the child equivalent to a trust in God and country. It is referred to as self-transcendence. We have a relationship to the higher order.

Many ADDers already feel this when they are with Mother Nature and Father Sun. They feel calm when they are with the trees. They recognize their position as being small against the mighty Earth and they let go of their need to be in control. They feel safe amongst the stars. This is why homeless people prefer to sleep outside because it creates a safer place for them than in the confines of a world created by people they don’t trust.

I want you to go find your mother and father (or go to their grave site), and I want you to say to them, “I trust you because no one loved me more than you.” If you still can’t find this within yourselves (and maybe you can’t with your parents because they really did hurt you but that’s because they had their own psychotic issues), then find the grandparent or teacher or coach that you know made a difference in your life.

Most of all, learn to obey your body’s signals and learn to trust yourself. I’d like to hear from those of you who have found trust but also those of you who are self employed or in situations where you have had challenges with relinquishing control to others and why.

The Detail Everyone Conveniently Overlooks – Part 2

By Rick Green

I’ve been writing about all those helpful lists that seem to be everywhere right now.  Lists like “5 Things Your Dog Should Know”.  To Do lists with no directions, no list of practical steps, no immediate actions, no ideas or practices to get back on track when you get stuck or derailed. You might as well take the 10 Commandments, update the language and claim you’ve discovered the secret to personal happiness. Or list the 7 deadly sins and title it, “Seven things that happy people know to avoid.” Knowing isn’t doing.

Even articles that actually have a suggestion, for example on de-cluttering—“set up four boxes-one for stuff to keep, one for quick stuff to give to charity, one for stuff to think about later, and one for stuff to store away”– suffer from a fatal flaw, at least for us ADDers. It’s that what works for most people is often useless for ADHD folks. It can even be the opposite of what works for us.

I’m painfully aware of all this because I’m currently taking ADHD coach Linda Walker’s course, The Maximum Productivity Makeover, which is designed specifically for ADHD people like us. Or as Linda calls us, ‘Creative Geniuses’. Flattering, I know, and occasionally true. We can be very clever. But if I was as clever as I like to think I am, I would’ve figured out how to be far more productive in far less time. And I haven’t. The course is helping me transform that. Finally!

Here is a simple example from the course that illustrates this dilemma, of using strategies designed for most people, the Non-ADDers, or what Linda calls the ‘Neuro-Typicals’. [I love that term!]

Most books will tell you that when you’re working, the best way to increase your productivity and stamina is to take frequent breaks. And yet ADHD/ADD folks are most productive when they are hyper–focused. Call it what you will, “in the zone”, “locked in”, “laser focused”, “finally able to pay attention”. Once we are locked in, once we are in the zone, many of us can go for hours without interruption. In fact any interruptions are almost physically painful. Like being at your own wedding as the minister asks, “Do you promise to love, cherish, respect…” And 4 people at the back of the church start shouting out questions about last night’s hockey game. And you hate hockey.

Linda is helping us map out our energy levels and figure out when our focus time is. I was surprised to find out when I’m most focused. And then she is encouraging us to avoid taking breaks unless we need them. Rather than set a timer to go off every 45 minutes, as I was advised to do in several books on productivity and time management, when I start going I now go. It’s what I used to do instinctively, before I started reading magazines, books, and online articles on productivity written for, and by, ‘Neuro–typicals’.

The bottom line? Experiment, try new strategies, keep what works and let go of stuff that doesn’t work, after you’ve given it a fair shake. And if something you try seems particularly useless, or difficult, try doing the exact opposite. You’ve probably felt kind of opposite for much of your life, so why not run with it.

Because you are anything but neuro-typical.

The Detail Everyone Conveniently Overlooks – Part 1

By Rick Green

They all begin with a number. “12 Things You Should Know…”; “8 Ways Your House May Be Killing You…”; “15 Things That Turn Guys Off…”; “845 Ways To Make Sure…”[That last one was written by an ADDer.]

Magazines, the internet, and newspapers are full of lists. Lists of tips. Bullet points that promise miraculous change, ease, safety, help or relief.

With catchy headlines about how to transform your life in 5, 9, 10, 12, 34 easy ways. With Cosmo magazine it’s, “29 Ways To Drive Women Wild.” I know one way to drive her wild–leave the seat up on the toilet. That drives her wild. Not in a good way.

Sorry, I’m wandering.

What sparked this blog was another article online today about 12 ways to make your life fabulous. And to be fair they’re all good ideas: Don’t be negative, Avoid people who are negative, Be honest, Don’t work at a job you hate.

Good stuff… but… kinda obvious, right? Read more