[Curlymoe115]

Sometimes it feels like we are always being tested. Life is not easy for most of us, and we look at the other people around us that seem to just sail through life. When I read your story it reminded me that not everyone was as lucky as I was. I had two ADHD parents but they busted their carcasses to always make sure we had a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. My father came from ADHD parents and he wasn’t as lucky. He was passed around the family like a family book end. A few weeks here or there was all he could really count on. His father was always out of work, blamed it on others and was physically and emotionally abusive. His mother had only been 12 when she got pregnant the first time, and had 3 kids by the time she was 19. Married to a man that was 14 years her senior. But that is what they did back in the 40’s. When my father was 13 he found my mother, and ended up living on her porch from the age of 16 until they got married two years later. He worked and went to school. He over compensated with us, and ended up getting us jobs, and spending all of his time catering to everyone in his life. My mother died 12 years ago and he has been seeking ever since.

What I am trying to say is that ADHD is a silent disease but it does not need to be the end. Now you have found a doctor who is treating this seriously. You should be looking at this as a second chance, and a new beginning with your children and getting to know yourself. If you are a drug addict or an alcoholic then there are treatments and people bend over backwards to accommodate that. But if you are addicted to chaos and acrimony you are on your own. So you need to spend a lot of time just putting the pieces of your life back together. Stop looking for others to be your solution, and stop trying to be the solution for others. Even your children only need you for a few years. Let your children know that you are there for them. But the greatest gift you can give your children is a healthy you. So follow through with what your doctors say, educate yourself about your disease and your past. Learn as much about the law that you are being charged under, become your own advocate. Enlist positive people in your life. Make it a point to be a good father to your children. Find out what makes them happy, and nurture that part of them. Encourage them not to use alcohol or drugs, because if they have a background of addiction then it is easy to fall into that path.

Continuing education comes in many forms. The local libraries and social agencies are usually the best place to start when you are looking for a new beginning. Accept your past, because nothing you can do will change it, but that doesn’t mean it has to be your future. Times are tough right now economically. That isn’t your fault. But if you have an aptitude then use it.

Finally try to find or form a support group for other people in your area who have been in abusive relationships. Listening to and telling stories may be a first step to taking control of your life back. Al-anon or the like may help you to finally put an end to the trauma of your childhood and adulthood. You need to learn to forgive your parents and former partners for what has happened. It isn’t the same as saying that it didn’t affect you, just lets you learn to let it go, and move on with your life. You owe that to yourself, and to your children. Good luck in this turbulent time in your life. Hopefully you will be able to close this chapter and start getting your life back on track.

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[Curlymoe115]

Go to the University Hospital and ask to speak to one of their Psychiatrists. I would recommend Dr. LeMelledo because he is a University Professor and the Director of the Brain Neurobiology ‘Research Program.

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[Curlymoe115]

I would ask for Strattera and get them to put her on this. It is a cumulative affect medication and has no “high” so there is no chance she will get addicted or start abusing it. It takes a month to be at full strength in the system, and in the immediate there is fatigue and other downsides, but when you get to the 30 days it works well. I have an 18 year old that we started on medication when she was 7. The Dexedrine Spansule was always being increased because it only controlled her ADHD, it did nothing to stop her other behaviours. She was often in “sillyland” and only after a couple of years did the school mention this to me. We took her off the meds, but then to replicate the same feeling she started drinking and taking street drugs to replicate this feeling.

Also if this is a new school and these are new problems I would have her evaluated for depression. This can also cause a lot of the same problems, and is often a co-morbid with ADD and ADHD. Good luck, treating children is tricky because they often can’t articulate everything that is going on with them or they are just secretive because they don’t want to break a confidence or be a tattletale. Just let your daughter know that you love her and are proud of her. If you know she is doing the best she can then give her more items in her tool box to help her to do better. It never helps to scold her, this just leads to more anger and depression and a sense that you never listen to her anyway. Hugs.

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[Curlymoe115]

That putting me on hold drives me crazy. That is why all my phones have hands free. But if I am calling on my cell phone and they do this I immediately hang up. Why would I pay this amount of money to sit and wait on the phone. Let it go to voice mail and call me back. The worst was when I called to make an appointment with the doctor. Called and was asked to wait. 15 minutes later I finally hung up and called again. When I called back they asked me if I minded waiting and I let them have it. No excuse for this. If you are a professional office and you have someone on hold, then you quickly conduct the other conversation, offer to call back with information and get to the next call. Or you put the person on hold, let the next caller know that you will be a few minutes and take a number and call back. You certainly never leave a caller on hold for 15 minutes without getting back to them. But then I guess just like inconsiderate drivers, shoppers and on and on people have forgotten courtesy and expect that everyone is willing to wait on them.

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[Curlymoe115]

It sounds more like a bi-polar situation to me. The impossible lows and the impossible highs. The first thing I would do is contact your doctor and ask for an assessment. Bi-polar does not preclude ADD or ADHD these are often co-morbid problems. The next thing I would do is find a tutor in the subjects you are having problems with, and contact your professor to make arrangements to get some extra assignments and help if you need it to pass the course. The counselor’s can also help you determine where the most of your problems are. If you need help completing assignments find a study buddy or a study group that can help you get on task and stay there. The majority of work in college and university must be completed outside of classroom time so not handing in assignments or doing the reading puts you impossibly behind.

As for your parents, once you have an official diagnosis then you can help them get educated about what is going on in your brain. Medications are available to change the negative thought patterns but often this is a case of one step forward two steps back until you find the right mixture that works for you. Often journalling or blogging can be just as beneficial because then you can feel like you are getting it out instead of bottling it in. Then try to find one person that is willing to listen and talk. This can be a friend, parent, or counselor. Things can be better in the future, but it is up to you to determine what that future looks like. Maybe the reason you are not doing well in your courses, are because these really aren’t where your interest lies. If you are having trouble making the material palatable, imagine trying to make a career using this material palatable.

LeonZepplin- You need to find your passion and with that your life will get better. When you are young life can seem overwhelming but if you find something that you feel good about then try and find a way to get paid to do it. Life is a lot more fun when you make it fun. There are lots of organizations out there that are geared to helping youth find what they like, Often a good fit for a hyper person is a physical career and there are tons of apprentice programs to teach you to do something with your hands and mind that pay a good wage. They also act as a stepping stone to the next phase. Careers don’t have to just be scholastic. If this is not your forte don’t force it. Look at the non-traditional. The world is open to you right now before you have to settle down and raise a family and pay bills. Explore this while you are relatively free to do so. By seeing how big the world really is and the plight of people that aren’t as fortunate as yourself it will probably help you feel better about yourself.

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[Curlymoe115]

I went gluten free for almost 5 years and it didn’t have any effect on my ADHD. It did help me with weight loss, because gluten in my system is like a big blob of weight gain, but my other symptoms are unaffected. This is just like every other cure that they tout. And maybe in some children restricting gluten may bring some relief of some more bothersome symptoms. I have an aunt who is celiac, I am gluten sensitive and my husband has two nieces who are celiac. Celiac is different from gluten sensitivity in now gluten becomes a serious allergen instead of just causing stomach discomfort and other stomach ailments.

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[Curlymoe115]

Well as the others said, Get counseling if you feel there is a problem Number two, why do your parents have to know if you feel any criticism coming from them. As a 20 year old you can contact a counselor and they have no reason to contact your parents, especially not without your permission.

As Resipsa said the more balls you are trying to juggle, the more likely one or more balls are going to slip. And with all the losses in your life, you are looking at an abyss that can seem overwhelming. Hopefully you are taking something in College that you enjoy and can build a life around. If not then maybe in a few years you will have to go to College again. Not the worst thing that can happen. But the more that is going on in your life, the more overwhelming life seems. This happens to everyone, for us it can just seem worse because we have so much more going on in our head. Take a deep breath and just try to picture what happens next. Without the extra support do you feel that you will be able to pull out of the vortex you are currently in. What type of support do you think would be best for you. What do you envision the final outcome would be. If you think that anything will bring perfect peace and happiness, I am here to tell you it is never going to happen. Dirt happens, and then you die. Move on. If you think that you will get a better handle on the dips and valleys that inevitably come to all of us then you are looking at things a little more realistically. A counselor is there to make sure that you have the coping mechanisms to recognize your own voice and to have the best outlook to handle life. They will never offer guarantees or happiness.

I am not trying to discourage you from seeking help, just letting you know that even with help nothing will be perfect. Perfect doesn’t exist. But you can be happier then you are now, and you can start to view yourself as a success instead of the second class child your parents had. We all have strengths, sometimes we just have to look a little harder to find them. Good luck finding your passion in life.

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[Curlymoe115]

I’m from Alberta, Canada. For all you people in the US start in Montana and head North, way North. Then you come to Alberta. The land of the 9 month winter and the 3 month pre (or post) winter. Here in Alberta we have plenty of jobs, just not a lot of common sense when it comes to things people need. As for Torontonians, they are always their own Province. They think the world was made for them. They can’t help it, their city is nicknamed Hogtown, because of their stockmarket, not their pigmarket.

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[Curlymoe115]

I only follow the recipe the first time. After that I do a bit of this and a bit of that. Some of my best meals have been from deviating from the recipe. I love to cook, but hubby thinks it is too much effort. He is of the open a can, put it in a pot and heat it up school. I love to mix and match things. So what if everything doesn’t come out every time. If you enjoy it, do it. If you don’t find another way.

As for leaving things on, I am the worst. Came home, put supper on, went down to find out what Hubby was doing. Suddenly after about 40 minutes I hear what sounds like water hissing. I had left the stuff cooking on high while I was just whipping downstairs. I leave tea towels on still on burners, forget the oven on for hours. And Pigpen and Pigheaded do the same so hubby has to check on everyone later. Pigheaded also loves to experiment when she is cooking and baking. Sometimes things are good, sometimes not so much. But she is also bad for forgetting until things are a little overdone. Just the nature of the beast. Par for the course and all that stuff.

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[Curlymoe115]

I have tried the dragon naturally speaking professional, as some of the others said it has a problem recognizing speech and I do not have any speech impediments, I simply speak too fast and my words tend to blend together. It is funny to hear what it thinks I said but it does nothing to get it down on paper. By the time I trained it to recognize what I said on page one I was already on page 6 by typing it. There are a number of programs that do the same thing but whether they can recognize your speech pattern any better remains to be seen.

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[Curlymoe115]

Well I can read just about anything. I have found that the best way around the blah blah blah is just to skip over it. If it isn’t germaine to the story or an important detail that is needed later you can just skip paragraphs or pages ahead. If you find that you missed something really important, go back re-skim it and move on. A lot of the literary details aren’t really needed if you are imagining the story as it is unfolding.

My hubby has a hard time sustaining reading. He really loves his book on tape. He has now “read” the whole Harry Potter series when he couldn’t have got through it in print. He listens to them to and from work and the story goes on so he doesn’t have to spend a lot of time trying to pick up where he left off, the cd does that for him. Also a lot of these books on tape are abridged so the blah blah blah is skimmed off and the story is boiled down to its essence.

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[Curlymoe115]

I didn’t drive from the time I was 17 until I was 22 because of fear. One day my Father in Law had run so many lights and was going down the wrong way that he just pulled over and handed me the keys. I shook all the way home. Gradually I got more confident (some would say over confident) and for the most part I handle driving very well. But I hate traffic. I am always fearful that I will be hit and I hate merging with other cars. Some parts of the month it is much harder to drive because I just know I am going to be in an automobile accident. I went back to work in July so now I have to drive every morning. The traffic is horrendous and there are just so many vehicles. I know the odds of my being in an accident multiply every day because of changes in weather and light conditions. This winter I have decided if I am still working that I will take the bus. Yes, there is less convenience but there is more reassurance that someone else is handling traffic and road conditions and I can just sit back and read my book until we get there. My last two jobs, the first I left at 3 in the morning and left for home at 3 in the afternoon and the other I took the LRT to work downtown. No where near the traffic conditions of rush hour there and back.

As for organization, I have never been terribly organized but I am fast. At work people ask me to do something and I can have it done much faster then they think. But the bigger the desk the more clutter and papers can pile up. But at the end of each day I sort through all the junk and organize it. So you would never know that that very afternoon I couldn’t find my pen under all the paper and had to search 3 or 4 times for it. Even with medication now, my organizational ability doesn’t seem to get any better. But I am able to remember more tasks and complete them. But I also lose track of time and work through lunch or breaks if I am in the middle of something, (or start something else on my to do list). The person that I was sent there to replace is back. So my job is theoretically ended but I am still there. I think she has ADHD because she has no system. What I can do in an hour it can take her all day. She is a nice person but her skill set seems to be lacking. She is very anal in recording everything but this does not make her job easier, it just makes it slower. She has been trying to organize something for the last two weeks that I could get done in an afternoon. I will be helping her with this this week. I thought one of my co-workers was joking or being harsh when she said that what I had done in an hour had taken her a day to do. But, alas, I see she was being generous.

I am 42, I was diagnosed at 6 but other then the knowledge of my condition no other reference was ever made. I have always carried with me every implement to do every job I may encounter. We, women, carry purses. They become our life line. Inside that cluttered space is paper, pen, pencil, calculator, tissues, medication ect. for any thing that may come up. The more I may have to do the bigger my purse gets. Now it is the size of a carry on and weighs as much. But I may have everything but I continually search for it.

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[Curlymoe115]

Welcome Steve

ADD is often part of a spectrum disorder that is mitigated or aggravated by other disorders. First off you should talk to your doctor about something with a time release so that in 4 hours the medication has not worn off and you are left floundering. Second I think you need a anti depressant or other mood elevator to help balance your negative thinking cycle. Personally I have a fantastic memory, just not for mundane things like keys, remembering to take the all important things with you. But I can remember everything else. I also tend to be organized when it comes to doing a task. But the residual clutter can be a little daunting for the “normals” out there. But at the end of the day my desk looks neat and tidy. Just don’t ask me in the middle of the day to find something not related to the task at hand. Hubby on the other hand is extremely organized but forgets everything two minutes after it is discussed. A week later he accuses me of keeping secrets from him until I remind him verbatim the conversation. Then he will just brush it off.

Because we are both ADHD we tend to be alike in some ways but different in others. We relate to one another in a different way then you would with a normal. For the relationship with anyone to work you should be honest about your feelings and offer your partner a chance to be honest about hers. Don’t take it all as criticism but do look at it as a snapshot of where she is at this point. You say that you have a 6 year old exhibiting the same symptoms make sure that you take the time to attend those appointments so that you are able to weigh in with your own symptoms. This will make his road much easier. Good luck

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[Curlymoe115]

My husband and I are also both ADHD so we understand each other. OUr conversations are full of tangents and we can cover a whole day of conversations in hours. Both of our kids are also ADHD and they are able to follow our conversation. Our in-laws on both sides are also ADHD so they are usually on the same page. Although my husband is more of a lecturer then a speaker to our kids most of the time because this is the style his mother used with him. But he is getting better at pausing to hear what the kids have to say.

A conversation with a “normal” is so much work. They hear a foreign concept and they want you to break it down for them. Then they question how it will work, then they want to analyze the merits of it. So how do you slow your brain enough to tease out all the details to give them. Most of the time in my job I would rather ask for forgiveness if it doesn’t work then explain and ask for permission. I work so much faster then the rest of the ones at work and therefore before they even know there is a problem I have either solved it or made it worse.

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[Curlymoe115]

I printed out a new organizer for work and I forget to use the thing. I have a million stickys on the walls of my desk but spend a ton of time looking for the one I am looking for. But I guess it is better to be fast then good because once I find it I can whip through the activity. I usually only get half a break because I lose track of time. Started new meds but half the time I forget to take them. Birth control patch I forget to change it. I don’t know what good the meds for ADHD are doing because nothing has really changed except I sleep through the night most of the time now. Last week I was half way to my car when I realized that I made arrangements to pay everyone else in the office but I forgot to fill out my time sheet and get it signed. This working thing is for the birds, but right now I need the money so I have to keep at it.

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